A Shy Sincerity
I headed back to the dorms, planning to sponsor The Novel I Discontinued Became a Masterpiece again. At the time, my heart had been so giddy I couldn't even calm my happiness down. So why did things turn out like this?
"..."
I wandered aimlessly outside, trying to settle my emotions. I stopped walking and looked up at the sky. The sun was just beginning to hide itself, painting the horizon in sunset hues. This was the peak of the day's scenery. I dared to guess it was the most beautiful view of the entire day. But night wouldn't be long in coming. Soon everything would be swallowed by pitch-black darkness, with not a single speck of light to be seen.
"...Sigh."
A sudden wave of self-doubt escaped as a heavy breath. What the hell did I even do...?
I hadn't wanted it to come to this. Showing such an embarrassing side in front of the upperclassmen I'd only just gotten close to made me feel incredibly ashamed. And yet... even in the middle of all that, there was the look in Kang Ajin's eyes as she worried about me. That scene had burned itself deep into my mind, forming a massive lump in my chest.
......
To be honest, I think I was scared of Kang Ajin back then. The whole false accusation that I was a creep who secretly filmed people—it had all started from the misunderstanding that I'd taken photos of her. So while I was curious about how she'd react, I couldn't hide my fear. Everyone around me was pointing fingers at me as the culprit. There was no guarantee she wouldn't do the same.
But my worries turned out to be pointless. In her eyes, there was nothing but concern and worry directed at me. As if to say there's no way it was you. As if she pitied me for being in such trouble. As if she felt guilty that I'd suffered because of her. She pitied me and blamed herself.
Honestly, I couldn't understand Kang Ajin at all. For me, ever since I'd learned that her true identity was the author of my favorite discontinued novel, I'd developed this strange sense of inner closeness. But that wasn't the case for her, was it? To Kang Ajin, I was just a passing acquaintance. At best, we were friends who only knew each other's names and faces—practically strangers who'd only known each other for less than a week.
So why had she tried so hard to stand up for me?
I couldn't figure out what she was thinking.
...And why did she reject the sponsorship money again?
This time I'd sponsored the real-life Kang Ajin, not the author. I felt grateful that she'd believed in me, so I'd sent a pretty big amount—fifty thousand won. But she returned the sponsorship right back to me. Even so, she hadn't forgotten to send a long message of thanks.
I read the message as if I were possessed. At first it was just a normal thank-you note and an apology for making me wait. But as it continued, the conversation took a completely different turn.
"...What the hell is this?"
I typed exactly what I was thinking as a reply. Less than a minute later, the response came back.
"..."
The more I got to know her, the stranger Kang Ajin seemed. As her reader, we'd been in contact for years, but we didn't know each other's real identities. Our situations were polar opposites compared to real-life Choi Seokhun. No matter how you looked at it, the distance between us couldn't be called narrow. And yet once again, she showed me an excessive amount of trust.
Do you have a lot of friends?
The anxiety I'd been carrying around slowly faded away. Even the anger that had been bursting out without me realizing disappeared. In its place came a light, relieved feeling.
Why was this happening? We'd only exchanged a few ordinary texts, yet somehow they felt like comfort. Before I knew it, I was completely absorbed in our conversation.
Those words tickled. For the person in question—me—they were endlessly ticklish. Curiosity slowly bloomed and branched out, growing larger.
What a ticklish thing to say. For the person himself, it was unbearably ticklish. The curiosity that had been slowly rising now stretched out in multiple directions, swelling in size.
My vision had grown blurry, so the last sentence looked faint. I wiped at my reddened eyes.
"...Sigh. Why am I like this today?"
Today was an unusually emotional day. Getting angry without meaning to, getting choked up without meaning to. It was completely unlike me. So I decided to act unlike myself for once too.
I stroked my chin, thinking it over. Then I conveyed my wish.
"Pffft."
My tightly closed mouth finally opened. I couldn't hold it in anymore and laughed for a long time.
With that final line, I ended the conversation. After that, I let out a long sigh and shook out all the heavy feelings that had been lodged in my chest. Finally, I felt refreshed.
I lifted my head for a moment and met the sky's gaze.
"...The sun's already set."
Time flowed on without pause, and the outside scenery had quickly grown dark. Even the faint starlight was invisible in the sky, yet for some reason, the current view felt even more impressive.
As I stared blankly up at the night sky like that—
"Oh, right."
A thought suddenly occurred to me, so I turned my phone back on. Sorry, but I just can't stand watching my sponsorships get rejected. I just sent 500 coins and it got refused, so this time it's 1000 coins.
# Maybe it was thanks to the unexpected comfort I received from Kang Ajin. I quickly pulled myself out of my depression and recovered my shattered mentality. I returned to normal daily life and spent the day that way. I ended up binge-reading web novels all day, and the hours flew by in the blink of an eye.
"That senior?"
"Yeah."
"Holy shit. That guy's a total fucking asshole! Why didn't you call me? I would've punched him right in the face, for real."
The next day came without fail. I was walking to school with Park Kangtae, chatting about this and that. The main topic of our conversation was, of course, yesterday's incident. Naturally, as the person directly involved, I didn't really want to bring it up. But Park Kangtae had seen the post on Ede and started interrogating me, so in the end I explained the whole story to him.
"Man, you really can't judge a book by its cover. I never thought that hyung was like that."
"You must've been pretty close with that senior."
"Sort of? We'd greet each other when we ran into each other? But now even if he greets me first, I'm gonna ignore him. Nah, I'm just gonna ignore that whole damn head of his."
We were the kind of friends who bickered and fought almost every single day, but at times like this, he was the one friend who always took my side. Thanks to him, I felt a lot better.
"But I can kind of understand where Yoo Hyun-hyung is coming from. Your face really does look like a criminal's."
"Fuck you."
That last comment is retracted. This son of a bitch is no help to my life whatsoever.
"Anyway, did those seniors apologize to you yet?"
"I don't know. I haven't gotten any calls so far."
"Goddamn it. Dude, seriously bring them to me. This hyung will beat the apology out of them if I have to."
"Are you insane?"
At first, I'd been angry like Park Kangtae too. It pissed me off that they'd accused me of being a creep and hadn't even offered a single word of apology. But now I'd reached the point of resignation.
Oh. Now that I think about it.
Today I had a class that overlapped with that senior. And it was a group project class, of all things. I was inevitably going to have to face him, and it already felt awkward.
"Speaking of secret filming, did you check Ede today?"
"Ede? No? I haven't touched Ede at all since yesterday."
I'd deliberately stayed away because I figured there would be at least a couple posts about the incident.
"You know that blonde girl. The one we saw eating in the cafeteria."
"Ah. Kang Ajin?"
"Her name was Kang Ajin? Anyway, turns out the creep filmed her too. What a fucking psycho."
"..."
I'd roughly guessed as much. The reason those female upperclassmen had suspected me yesterday was because Kang Ajin's photo had been uploaded to that shady site. And at that exact timing, I'd been sneakily staring at her with perverted eyes.
What did she do to deserve this?
Right now, I was more worried about Kang Ajin than myself. If this news reached her, it would probably hit her pretty hard.