73
Chapter 73
Do not try to run away from your sins.
Having heard those words, Lucy stares at me.
A long silence.
Lucy struggled to open her mouth.
"Are you telling me to live?"
At those words, I nod my head.
I know she feels a sense of responsibility for what she has done.
I also understand her desire to escape that guilt through death.
However, even so, it is wrong.
I could not affirm such a thing.
"I have committed an unforgivable sin."
Lucy spoke with an incredibly agonized expression.
Surely, that must be true.
No matter how much she begs for forgiveness, the dead will not return.
Because of that, the sin does not disappear either.
The girl will have to carry that sin with her forever. She would have to live bearing that terrible guilt.
"I pushed someone into Hell with my own hands. I took away the life they were supposed to enjoy."
Her voice trembles.
I can feel the guilt crushing the girl.
Responsibility for a stolen life.
The girl was suffering from it.
That is why the girl spoke.
"Don't you already know? Because you know everything."
She asked if I hadn't already seen right through her heart.
That she didn't want to live.
That living was terrifying.
That she had no confidence to keep living day by day with such a heavy sin weighing on her.
So she told me to let her go.
To let her escape from this pain, to let her atone for everything with her death.
She was asking if I didn't know better than anyone that this was what she truly wanted.
"Even so... are you telling me to live?"
The bloodied girl looks at me.
She looks at me with tears streaming down her face.
And I... nodded my head.
Even knowing the girl's heart, and knowing the answer she wanted, I nodded.
Looking at me, the girl asked.
Just why was I telling her to live.
The answer to that question was already set in stone.
"Because you'll regret it."
That was obvious just from looking at the girl right now.
I had already let go of the girl's arm.
Regardless of my will, if she truly wanted to, she could end her own life at any moment.
Yet, even so, the girl didn't move.
Even though there was nothing binding her anymore. She was hesitating, unable to make a decision.
There could only be one reason for that.
"Deep down, you already know it too. That death won't atone for your sins."
If the girl had been a selfish person, she could have lived out the rest of her life brazenly, without feeling any guilt.
If she had been the compromising type, she would have turned a blind eye to her sins and run away, regardless of what I said.
But this girl could do neither.
That was surely because she was a fundamentally upright person.
That was why I spoke.
"If you truly want to atone, don't die. Live. Save people as you live your life."
To live out the rest of her life, even if it was painful.
To save people along the way.
And to keep atoning like that until the day she could finally forgive herself.
"But even if I do that......."
"Yeah, the dead won't come back."
It went without saying.
Even if she saved more people than she had killed, it wouldn't erase her sins.
Washing away all her sins would be forever impossible.
It was uncertain whether the girl would ever be able to forgive herself.
She might never be able to forgive herself. She might have to live through days far more terrible than simply dying in agonizing guilt.
"Honestly, thinking about it rationally, there's no choice as foolish as this."
She had no reason to willingly take on such a grueling path.
If she just brazenly ignored the sins she committed and lived on, she surely wouldn't have to suffer.
So that would definitely be the much more efficient option.
Compared to that, this was an incredibly foolish method.
But....
"Even so, this is the right path."
That much was certain.
A thorny road lay ahead, and it would be a penance she brought upon herself. But even so.
This was right.
I looked at the girl once more.
There was nothing left to say now.
Now, everything depended on that child's choice.
*****
Lucy stared blankly at the white-haired boy.
Having said his piece, the boy was simply waiting for her answer. The only thing left was her choice.
Then what should she choose?
Which path was the right one?
That was... already decided, without even needing to think about it. Because deep down, she had known all along.
The thought of atoning through death was nothing more than escapism.
The sins she had committed.
The guilt of dragging children into Hell and robbing them of the lives they should have lived.
It was merely a means to escape that heavy responsibility.
The man's words were absolutely right, from beginning to end.
The reason Lucy became a Knight was to be like the person who saved her when she was young.
And if she truly wanted to be like that person, the least she could do was not run away from her own sins.
But.......
"I am afraid."
Such weak words slipped out of her mouth. She couldn't help it.
The weight of her sins was too heavy.
No matter how hard she tried to run, they would never let her go.
What if this happened again? What if someone died again because of her negligence?
She never wanted to experience something like this again. She didn't want to commit such a terrible sin ever again.
However, Lucy had been foolish.
Intoxicated by the pride of carrying out justice, she had failed to see what she truly needed to see.
If only she had acted a little more carefully.
Instead of wasting time suspecting Black Fang, if she had listened to the Leader and investigated the Holy See's suspicious behavior.......
None of it would have happened.
The children wouldn't have had to endure such horrific pain. They wouldn't have had to face death at such a young age.
And their lives wouldn't have been so vainly stolen away.
All of it stemmed from Lucy's ignorance.
That was why Lucy was terrified.
"I am afraid that I might make the exact same mistake again someday."
The thought of the same nightmare repeating itself.
The possibility that her actions might push someone else into Hell again.
It was so terrifying that she couldn't bear it.
Listening to Lucy's words, the Leader fell silent for a long time before finally opening his mouth.
"If that's the case... then let me make you an offer."
An incomprehensible statement.
Saying that, the Leader slowly approached her.
He spoke to Lucy as he approached her.
"If you ever stray from the right path again, I will stop you."
If she were to make another foolish choice someday. If she tried to repeat the same mistake.
He promised to stop her.
"Until the day you can finally forgive yourself. I will be by your side."
He would stay by her side and help her atone.
He would walk that grueling path of penance with her until she truly finished her atonement.
"If you truly want to atone, and if you are ready to walk a thorny path just to do what's right...."
Before she knew it, the Leader was standing right in front of her.
His blue eyes gazed intently at Lucy.
"Follow me."
The Leader spoke, looking directly at her.
It was strange.
There was absolutely no reason for that man to make her such an offer.
Lucy had never done anything for him.
If anything, she had only doubted and hindered the Leader time and time again. Yet, despite all that, he was trying to help her now.
Promising to help her so she wouldn't lose her way. Telling her not to worry.
He was trying to save even a murderer like her.
"Of course, I'm not forcing you. The choice is ultimately yours."
Saying that, the Leader looked at the girl.
Lucy could instinctively feel it. This choice would dictate the rest of her life.
Because of this decision, her entire life would be turned upside down.
But... she didn't hesitate.
There was no need to hesitate.
Lucy dropped to her knees right then and there.
The person standing before her was not the Emperor.
This place lacked even a shred of Divinity, and there was no ceremonial sword prepared either.
However, none of that mattered.
A dubbing ceremony was, at its core, a ritual to make an oath.
Of eternal fealty.
Of unchanging loyalty towards her Lord, one that would remain steadfast no matter how much time passed.
"I swear it. I will live as your sword, acting upon your will."
In the distance, the sun began to rise.
Its bright rays shone down upon Lucy.
An incredibly long day—one that had felt like it would never end—had finally passed.
And a new day was just beginning.
And so, the girl became a Knight.