Why Did I Do That?
Why did I do that?
Sunlight spilled in through the bars of the window.
It was a drowsy afternoon. Something momentous had already come and gone, and still her mind floated in a haze.
Where am I right now?
Helena knelt. She offered up a prayer to the Goddess, but no answer came.
That was strange.
The Goddess had always answered her with a radiant smile.
…The Goddess?
Since when had it been a goddess?
Hadn't the one she prayed to since childhood been a god?
Her head swam. Everything was blurred and tangled beyond reason.
Your eyes are blue. Pretty as a lake.
Thank you.
They say a Saintess's holy power shines through her eyes, and it seems that was true. I'm glad we chose you, Helena. Join the Hero's party.
Juin Marcus had said those words and held out his hand.
And she had taken it.
The High Priest had taken her hand as well, and pleaded with her.
Even if it costs us everything, the Demon King must die. The fate of the priesthood and every Saintess rests on you.
Not the Empire's citizens — the priesthood and the Saintesses. For their sake, the High Priest demanded she sacrifice everything she was.
I will offer it gladly.
There had been no reason to hesitate. From the moment she became a Saintess, she had devoted herself to the divine calling. The High Priest was an apostle of the gods. Of course his command was to be obeyed.
"But he was different."
The hand Juin Marcus extended had held a different warmth.
Too many lives have already been lost because of the Demon King. No more. We have to stop him.
What happens if the Demon King is gone?
The threat vanishes, and peace comes. The Magic Towers of that day will be different from what they are now. We can turn them from weapons that hunt people's lives into instruments of good.
Is that the only reason Count Marcus is leading this expedition? No personal ambition at all?
Change the function of the Magic Towers and a map will open. I need that map.
A map of the Magic Towers.
Even Juin Marcus had something he wanted.
They say the heart is stolen at first meeting. Could you believe in something like that? In a world where romance has already died?
Helena could.
The moment she met Juin, she fell in love. The one she wanted to give everything to was not her calling — it was Juin Marcus.
And yet.
The Demon King's Castle is right in front of us. You'll get to watch my Holy Sword take the Demon King's head. But first there's something I need. I got a little too worked up and, well — my thing's gone completely hard. If I don't take care of this, I can't swing the Holy Sword. So all of you—
That filthy man. How could someone called the Hero do such a thing?
Get in the tent and take your clothes off.
Even if she could go back, she would make the same choice.
Don't waste time — let's get this over with. Bella! Liris! Get in here. You planning to live on the Demon Continent?
She would have been the first to strip and lie down inside that tent. Just as she had then.
Crossing the Demon Continent had been a nightmare. The High Priest's orders rose in her mind, her lifelong calling pressed down on her, and she never wanted to live through any of it again. Satisfying William had been the only way. That was what she had believed at the time.
Helena buried her face against her knees.
Even so, she had found one last scrap of courage.
If we're going to do this anyway, why not do it together? With you… I wouldn't mind making it feel good.
He didn't answer. He only turned his head away.
It wasn't disappointment on his face. It wasn't contempt either.
Do whatever you want. It's your choice.
That was what Juin Marcus's eyes had said.
She had never felt such shame in her life. I didn't want this either. You suffered through all of this too. If we turn back now, what becomes of more than ten years of work? You said you needed the Magic Towers. You said you had to draw a map with them. I wanted to help with that. So if it had to happen anyway, then with you first—
Juin Marcus.
I wanted to share my body with you first of all.
My heart was already yours.
Everything after that was a blur. William cut off the Demon King's head, carried it back across the Demon Continent, entered the Imperial Palace, and declared himself Emperor. He dismissed the High Priest, dismantled the priesthood, and created an order of Saintesses to set above it all.
To grant the Empire's citizens their true qualification, he prepared the Adult Ceremony. He trained Saintesses and priests, dispatched them to every kingdom under the Empire, and at last put the ceremony into practice—
Ahh…
Why won't my thoughts go any further?
The Great Saintess herself will perform it?
Yes. I will personally conduct Count Juin Marcus's Adult Ceremony. No other Saintess is to touch him.
Understood. I'll issue instructions to the Marcus Territory's Saintess order.
If she could not give him her first time, she had at least wanted his.
Why is it so important to remain a virgin?
The Magi of the Demon Continent and the Demon King's Castle is on another level entirely. You have to concentrate every ounce of your vital energy into your convictions if you want to use your power. Unfortunately, the surest way to manage that is by controlling sexual desire.
But the Hero already has experience, doesn't he?
William wields the Holy Sword. The rest of us — our bodies are holy vessels. That's why it was hard, but we only built the party with inexperienced companions.
Inexperienced companions.
That meant Juin Marcus was also a virgin.
How her heart had raced when she heard those words. In an age when romance was common and the value of sex had become a joke, she had never imagined that taking someone's first time — and giving them hers — could make her tremble with such anticipation.
Tears welled at the corners of Helena's eyes.
"I'm sorry, Juin. I think I was wrong."
The absolute object of her prayers — she no longer even knew who that was supposed to be. She couldn't begin to guess when the god had suddenly become a goddess.
What had she dedicated her entire life to? Had her calling ever truly been a calling at all?
She was lost.
Hundreds of thousands of Saintesses and priests took orders from her — and she herself felt like someone wandering through the night with her eyes shut.
Help me, Juin.
What am I supposed to do now?
Tears slid down her cheeks and onto her chest. Footsteps approached, and Helena lifted her head.
Sunlight fell across her face. Hair so bright it seemed almost translucent, and eyes as blue as the sea. I had complimented those eyes once, a long time ago.
Quietly, I spoke her name.
"Helena."
Another tear rolled from the corner of her eye.
"…Juin Marcus."
"How did you end up all the way out here?"
"I had to keep my calling."
Of course. A Saintess's calling was as precious as life itself.
"And? Are you satisfied?"
She shook her head, choking back sobs.
"I did everything the High Priest ordered. I reached the end of the path I prayed for. I achieved it all — and yet something's wrong. I can't even remember what calling I was supposed to want."
"You killed the Demon King, didn't you? Wasn't that what you wanted?"
"It was. But now I don't know. After William became Emperor, I threw everything I had into claiming half the Magic Towers."
"Why?"
"No matter how hard I tried, it was useless. Liris wouldn't share so much as a fraction of them."
"The priesthood was dissolved. The Saintesses never cared about the Magic Towers. Why suddenly start coveting them?"
"Because I wanted to give them to you."
What was she talking about?
"I wanted to open the map you needed. That required the Magic Towers. I had to give the Magic Towers to you."
A few days without food and her will had gone soft? Or had she decided this was her only way out, and started spinning empty words?
"Because of you, the Empire's citizens are having their very personhood murdered. Imagine the person you love being dragged off by Saintesses and priests. How much suffering did the nobles' right of first night already cause? And now the Saintesses are the ones doing it."
"You have to understand that as well. Without the Goddess's grace, no one can earn the right to be a citizen of the Empire. Everything is for the Goddess—"
"Helena."
Her body went rigid.
"…What am I saying right now."
"Since when was it a goddess? The Empire's god was the golden god of the sun."
"…Then what am I?"
I looked steadily into those blue eyes.
"If I tell you, will you believe me?"
"I don't know. It feels like the faith I've held since I was a child has simply vanished. I can't believe in anything anymore."
"If you can't believe, then try to understand. The moment William raised his sword in the Demon King's Castle — that was when all of this began."
"William cut off the Demon King's head with the Holy Sword."
"Did you see it?"
"I remember it."
"I asked if you saw it."
"I must have seen it if I remember it."
"Seeing and remembering are not the same thing. You're trapped in a Dream right now."
"……"
Helena's pupils wavered.
"The Demon King's queen wasn't a demon. As absurd as it sounds, a Succubus — the very race demons treat as their mortal enemy — was the true master of the Demon King's Castle. The Succubus Queen was inside that castle you walked into."
"Not just any Succubus… a Queen?"
"That's right. Every breath of air was laced with particles of Dream. You couldn't have told where the dream ended and reality began. The important part is that the Dream is made of particles."
"I don't understand what you mean."
"Particles are powder. They cling, and they travel. The particles that entered your bodies followed you all the way to the Imperial Palace, then rode people's breath and spread."
"Then the Capital's Saintesses and priests we dispatched to the kingdoms — all of them…"
"They spread the Dream across the entire Empire."
"If you knew that, why didn't you stop it at the Imperial Palace?"
That was what she wanted to know?
Well. There must have been a reason.