Counseling
I shot up from my seat the moment the school day ended.
As I packed my things and got ready to leave the classroom, someone suddenly spoke up.
"Eileen! Got a minute?"
A cute girl with charming short black hair was looking up at me. It was Nova, a friend I'd made at the Academy. I met her gaze squarely and asked, puzzled,
"What is it?"
"We're heading into the city with the others today. Come with us! All training and no fun is exhausting—think of it as a little refresh."
"Ah… I, I'd love to come, but I think I need to stop by the infirmary first."
"The infirmary? Did you get hurt or something?"
"No, it's not that. It's counseling…"
The moment I tried to say I was going for counseling, my mouth clamped shut. An instinctive resistance surged up through me. It felt as if a lock had been fastened over my lips.
"…?"
Nova tilted her head at my sudden silence. Even I had no idea why—I just worked my lips a few times, baffled. Then, all at once, an important fact flashed through my mind.
Come to think of it, I seemed to have been told that this counseling had to be kept strictly secret. That meant I wasn't supposed to mention it even to a close friend.
…Does career counseling really need to be this secretive?
A sudden sense of wrongness flickered through me, but I decided not to dwell on it. Fretting over every little thing would only wear out my mind.
As I awkwardly rehearsed that logic to myself, Nova tilted her head again.
"Counseling? What kind of counseling?"
"Ah, no. It's nothing. Yeah, actually I tripped earlier and scraped my knee a bit. Just going to get some ointment."
"Aren't you a physical enhancement ability user? There's no way a simple fall would scrape your knee…"
"Y-yeah, right? Weird, isn't it? Being tough is pretty much my only claim to fame, so this is a first for me! Ha, ahaha."
"Uh, yeah."
Damn, that was way too awkward.
But that was the best I could manage. If I'd been a little smarter, maybe I could have come up with a better excuse.
"Mm, well, let's hit the city together next time then. Take care of yourself. See you tomorrow."
"Yeah, see you."
Fortunately, Nova seemed to buy even that awkward performance. I waved goodbye and let out a small sigh.
"Haa…"
Why on earth did I have to get so worked up over something like this? I didn't even really understand why I was putting myself through this nonsense.
That inexplicable sense of wrongness had been ringing alarm bells in my head for a while now.
Why? The feeling that something was going wrong kept nagging at me.
Why was I going to the infirmary again? Right. For counseling. And why did I need counseling in the first place…?
Had career counseling even been part of the school curriculum to begin with? Once you'd transferred into this Academy, your path was pretty much set as a "hero"…
"Ugh."
A sudden throb of pain lanced through my head.
A headache?
My body was tough enough to rank among the best, but apparently my head wasn't quite so resilient.
Maybe I really was sick. While I was at the infirmary, I might as well get some medicine prescribed.
Pressing hard on my temples, I hurried along—and before I knew it, the infirmary was right in front of me.
Knock, knock.
"Come in."
I opened the door and immediately saw the teacher. He was a man who radiated a calm, gentle presence.
"Ah, Eileen. You're here for counseling, yes? Have a seat across from me."
"Y-yes."
I stammered for no real reason, tense. Hoping to calm my racing heart, I drew in a deep breath.
Sniff.
The air rushed into my lungs.
"Hm?"
This smell… something about it…
"What's the matter? Is something wrong?"
"Huh? Oh, no. Just… there's a nice smell…"
"Ah, that. I've lit a bit of Aroma Scent in the infirmary. I blended it myself—I'm glad you like it."
"You blended it yourself…?"
"I am the school nurse, after all. I know a thing or two about herbalism. I was worried you might be too nervous, so I lit a scent specially chosen to help my clients relax."
"Ah, i-is that so? That's impressive."
Indeed, as I kept breathing in the scent, my mind seemed to settle a little. The tension gradually faded, and my pounding heart began to calm.
"Well then, shall we start with a simple self-introduction? Let's begin with your name. Can you introduce yourself?"
"Um, don't you already know my name? As a teacher, you can look up student records…"
"This is part of the counseling process. Before we get into the real session, you open up by talking about yourself. The point isn't simply to gather information about you."
"Is… that so?"
"If you understand, then let's begin. Starting with your name. What is your name?"
"Ah, um, E-Eileen."
"Relax a little more. Try taking a deep breath."
"Yeees…"
Sss—haa.
I took several deep breaths as instructed. With every flare of my nostrils, the fragrance filling the infirmary was drawn deep into my lungs.
Had the scent really been working? My shoulders, which had been hiked up tight, gradually began to drop.
"Good. Now that you're more relaxed, let's continue. After your name—hobbies and specialties."
"Um, I don't really have any hobbies, and specialties… I'm not sure. I'm pretty confident with anything physical, at least."
"Don't stop—keep going. Just introduce yourself however it comes to you."
"Yes… So, um, I live in the dorms, I'm a physical enhancement ability user, my dream is… I don't have one yet, but I'll probably become a hero like everyone else after graduation, and also…"
As I rambled on without any real structure, my head began to feel increasingly foggy.
Self-introduction. Right. Seized by a sense of obligation to keep the introduction going without stopping, I continued to talk about whatever came to mind. Where had I left off?
"…I'm a first-year, I've been enrolled for about a month now, my closest friend is a girl named Nova in my class… Lately I've been stressed because training hasn't been producing any meaningful growth. And also, also…"
Ah, the teacher was right. Talking about myself like this really did seem to meaningfully shrink the distance between us. It felt like some kind of internal intimacy was building…
I focused on coming up with new things to say. Information the teacher probably wouldn't know. Trivial little stories that wouldn't be written in my personal records. As a client, I simply did my best to be helpful to the counseling.
"Um, so, um…"
Just as I was straining, out of things to say, the teacher casually tossed out a question. As if it were the most ordinary thing in the world. In a tone so natural it seemed like nothing at all.
"How many times a week do you masturbate?"
"Ah, masturbate…? I tried it for the first time a month ago and then never… huh?"
Suddenly it felt as if ice water had been dumped over my mind. I blinked at the blaring sense of wrongness.
"…Do I really have to answer questions like that?"
"I suppose it's still too soon for you to open up about something like that."
"Pardon?"
"It's nothing. In any case, that introduction should be enough. Let's begin the real counseling now. Look here for me, would you?"
Yohan extended his hand right in front of my face, drawing my gaze. Without thinking, I looked at his hand.
Snap.
His fingers flicked with a crisp sound.
"…"
With a sound of strength leaving her body, Eileen's shoulders slumped heavily.
Vacant, unfocused eyes. Her pupils slightly dilated as she gazed at Yohan.
"Hmm."
Yohan made a small, almost pleased sound in his throat and removed the necklace hanging around his neck. A pendant like a diamond-shaped pendulum dangled from it. He wound it around his hand and held it out before Eileen.
"Yesterday things were rather rushed, so I could only plant a simple suggestion. I've been anxious it might wear off. Now, Eileen. Look at this."
"Ah…"
Eileen's eyes turned toward the necklace in Yohan's hand. Her gaze naturally fixed on the diamond-shaped pendulum.
Yohan began to swing it slowly—very slowly—from side to side. Without haste, leisurely. Slow enough that even her extremely dulled reaction speed could easily follow.
Flicking his fingers to plunge a target into a temporary state of helplessness was a technique derived from his ability. He had put her into a primary state of defenselessness, but it was still very shallow. To plant suggestions properly, he needed to drop her deeper. In short, a more thorough hypnotic induction was required.
"Focus. Don't lose sight of it. As you watch this, your mind will grow endlessly at ease."
Yohan whispered in a voice that was flat and deeply settled, without rise or fall. Stripped of emotion and color, the tone resonated in her mind like an inner voice. Listening to that soothing sound, Eileen slowly sank into the pendulum's motion.
Left to right, right to left. It swayed gently, like the soft roll of calm waves, like the drift of cirrus clouds. Her slightly dilated pupils kept following it.
Before long, a thin trail of drool was slipping from the corner of her mouth. As if she couldn't even think to wipe it away, Eileen didn't blink once—she simply kept tracking the pendulum's movement.
"Eileen. Can you hear my voice?"
"…Yes."
Eileen answered in a hazy voice, as if she were intoxicated.
"You must keep following it with your eyes. Keep listening to my voice, but pour all your focus into the movement before you. This voice is only a side branch. The voice of the unconscious, echoing in your mind."
"Ah… uuh."
"Let it wash over you. This is merely an inner sound. You will act according to this voice, but you will not register that you heard it. It is not a sound from outside. Don't listen with your ears. Sounds that come from within are not perceived through the ears. Hear them with your mind. They become your own thoughts."
"Th…oughts."
Eileen blankly echoed Yohan's words. Proof that she was following the process well. Yohan didn't allow himself any open satisfaction. The moment emotion entered his voice, a dissonance and disconnect could arise, and the subject's focus would drop sharply.
"Keep following. Chase what your eyes can see. Nothing else is visible. You must not blink. That is the only thing you can see."
"Uuh…"
Eileen's eyelids grew heavier and heavier. Her head was foggy, as if sleep were about to overwhelm her. And yet she wasn't tired. Her whole body felt cozy, as if she were sinking into a pleasant dream.
She couldn't resist sinking deeper and deeper. She didn't want to resist. The desire to rest. The desire for body and thought to stop, to slip into a deep sleep.
"It's all right to rest, Eileen. You want to rest deeply right now… Your body is growing lighter and lighter, your mind floating up and away until you can do nothing at all…"
In her dreamlike state, the calm voice brushed past her ear like a gentle breeze. Eileen accepted it as naturally as if it were her own.
Her body relaxed further and further. The dizziness in her head settled into calm, urging her toward deep sleep. She drifted further from the worries and cares that had bound her. She couldn't even feel gravity. Before she knew it, her body and mind had grown light as a feather, floating above the clouds.
"Even thinking is becoming a bother. Pleasant bubbles are rising, burbling up. Your mind is growing younger and more immature. Younger and younger, until at some point you begin to feel as comfortable as if you've returned to the amniotic fluid."
"Amniotic fluid…"
"Warm and comfortable, isn't it? Happy and pleasant."
"Feels… ah, good…"
Before long, Eileen was wearing a slack, blissful smile.
Just as he said, even thinking was becoming a bother. As her muscles loosened, a boundless comfort welled up. She wanted to cast off every useless care and worry and simply rest in comfort.
"It's all right to rest. Rest deeply. Leave the thinking to me. I'll handle the bothersome pondering for you."
"Leave… the thinking…? To whom…"
"To your inner voice."
"Ah…"
He continued to inject the necessary words, repeating them over and over. He was careful not to let the pendulum's motion falter. The swinging needed to maintain a steady, regular pace. Through the ongoing process, the light in Eileen's eyes had completely gone out.