The Elf's Research
"So? Are you going to tell me already?"
"Tell you what?"
"What do you mean, 'what'? Isn't it obvious? I'm talking about the artifact you couldn't keep your sticky fingers off of and stuffed into your pocket behind my back!"
"Do you really need to come all the way out here while I'm working just to ask me about th—ah!"
Kyaaak!
I seized the head of the Tomato lunging to bite me and snipped off its stem with the scissors I'd prepared in advance. The Tomato's mouth snapped shut, and it went limp on the spot — dead, just like that.
I'd started this Tomato cultivation fully geared up, of course, so a bite here or there wouldn't have hurt me. Still, letting my attention wander while something stood right in front of me with its jaws wide open, itching to take a chunk out of my face, was an exceptionally stupid thing to do.
Keeeek!
"Gyaaaaaaah!"
"How utterly incompetent."
Having taken one bite to the arm and another to the leg, I finally extracted myself from the Tomato patch. I stripped off my crop-cultivation gear piece by piece, grumbling at the Elf who stood there clicking her tongue at me.
"You could at least pretend to ask if I'm okay."
"Is the artifact all right?! Don't tell me it broke just now."
"..."
This bitch.
I tossed aside the last piece of my kit — the so-called three-ridge Spetsnaz helmet — and walked toward the Elf, who stood with her arms folded beneath her chest as if daring me to even think about lying.
"W-what are you doing? You smell like sweat. Don't come any closer."
"A slave smelling bad isn't exactly news, my lady. Why the sudden fuss?"
"Ugh...?!"
The moment I stripped off my shirt as well, her fingers twitched — a warning that she'd shoot me if I took one more step. I ignored it completely and simply pulled out the object she'd been so curious about, the one I'd been keeping in my pocket.
"You're wondering what this thing is for?"
"Ah! So you did steal it!"
"Lady Celestin, you told me to put it aside and keep it safe."
"Hmph! I said no such thing! I'd love nothing more than to break you of that sticky-fingered habit of yours, but..."
Just the other day, when we'd been filming at the hospital, she hadn't shown the slightest interest in anything the dungeon core had spat out. A few days later, it had apparently popped back into her head. She held out her hand, demanding I hand it over already, as if she hadn't heard a word I'd said.
I didn't particularly want to keep the thing anyway, so I passed it to her on the spot. The Elf took it, tilted her head, and asked,
"So? What is this even used for? And just so you know, you physically cannot lie, so be honest..."
"It's a female masturbation device."
"...Excuse me?"
"Commonly known as an egg-type vibrator. Designed for a woman's wholesome self-pleasure, you insert it—ah!"
BANG!
I dove sideways behind cover just as a small hole punched through the air beside my head with a sharp crack. Once again, she hadn't been able to wait even a second. The Elf stood there, face flushed scarlet, panting as she kept the barrel trained on me.
"D-don't you dare lie to me!"
"I'm not lying! See that switch? You use it to adjust the vibration intensity, then apply it to your nipples or clitoris, or insert it into your puss—I mean, your vagina."
"Shut up! How dare you spew such f-filth from that hole in your face! Do you honestly think I'd believe a lie that blatant? Anyone with ears would see right through it!"
For all her protests, she didn't seem to actually think I was lying. She glanced down at the object in her hand a few times, then let out a loud, theatrical cough, turned her back on me, and headed for the house.
"I shall investigate this thoroughly myself. After all, you might simply be mistaken."
"I shall investigate this thoroughly myself. After all, you might simply be mistaken."
She's insane. She has to be insane. How can he say something like that with a straight face?! Does that damned Yellow Monkey not have a single shred of consideration in his entire body?!
The first thing Celestin did upon fleeing back to the house was seal the entrance. Then she posted herself on watch, just in case that human slave of hers had noticed her fluster and was trailing after her with some filthy idea in his head.
"He's not... following me, it seems."
A closer look confirmed it. He had already strapped himself back into that heavy protective gear and was hard at work with the shears, tending the Tomato patch once more. Celestin stared at him in silence for a long moment, then cleared her throat with exaggerated dignity.
"H-hmph. Well, his own dinner is on the line, after all. Watching him work that hard isn't entirely useless."
Come to think of it, he said he'd make tomato pasta for dinner tonight...!
Every menial chore, every unsightly bit of dirty work around the house, was a slave's duty. She, as befit a proper mistress, need only savor the evening meal her slave had sweated to present her, then deliver her usual cool, impartial verdict on the flavor.
"O-of course, if it tastes terrible I won't let him hear the end of it! If he's going to be my slave, matching my palate is simply common sense!"
Of course, no such disaster had ever actually occurred. The occasional minor complaint cropped up at mealtimes, but what of it? A person of her station was expected to show a measure of magnanimity. It was absolutely not because she was hopeless at housework. And it was absolutely not because the household would collapse without him, and so — food, at least — was one subject she could not afford to browbeat him over.
"Well then. Time to begin the research."
Having thus generously forgiven her slave's insolence, Celestin made her way not to her laboratory, but to her bedroom. One might reasonably wonder why, given that she had claimed she merely wished to verify the object's purpose. But one look at her — face flushed a suspicious red, glancing furtively about as her gaze flicked back and forth between the vibrator in her hand and her own breasts — and her true intentions were not hard to guess.
"Th-this is an experiment. A genuine experiment, to determine whether human women truly used things like this to pleasure themselves!"
There were no eyes on her. Celestin promptly tugged down her chest wrapping, and her breasts spilled free with a heavy sway. Had the human slave been standing in front of her, she would have shrieked, hurled whatever she could grab, and flown into a frenzy. But she had already confirmed several times over that he was still slaving away in the Tomato patch. There was nothing to stop her.
"W-when did my nipples get this hard... n-no, that's not the point. Ahem. He said to work the switch here, didn't he? If I do it like this... hiek?!"
A low, insistent buuuuzz filled the room. Celestin, who had been following his instructions step by step despite her lingering doubts, nearly leapt out of her skin at the sudden vibration buzzing to life in her palm.
"It actually works! Something like this should need a power source... mm. Did he pocket something else from the dungeon behind my back that day?"
Old habits die hard, apparently!
She scowled at the thought of her slave pulling some stunt she hadn't even noticed, then looked down at the buzzing egg with trembling eyes. After one last sweep of the room, she muttered as if making an excuse to someone who wasn't there.
"This is purely academic inquiry. I'm curious, that's all. And even if something like this did feel good, how good could it possibly— hiiiiiik?!"
Celestin's breasts bounced upward as her back arched as if she'd been launched into the air. She had underestimated the device — let her guard down — and the stimulation against her nipple was far stronger than she had expected. She couldn't hold it in. She clamped a hand over her mouth at once and checked the window, painfully aware that the cry she had just let out was far too loud, and far too lewd.
Even so, she did not turn the vibrator off. If anything, some unaccountable combativeness had taken hold of her. Even now, she was slowly bringing the buzzing tip back to her stiff, swollen nipple.
"This is necessary. Lately that monkey and all the rest of them have been getting far too full of themselves. If I want to put them in their place, I have to— nn, nnnngh♡"
The vibrator hummed against her, warm and relentless.
"It's strong. Stronger than I thought. It's only a faint tickle, but it keeps teasing my nipple, slowly winding the sensitivity higher and higher— hh, hhhnnn♡"
The moment she pressed the vibrator to herself again, Celestin let out another languid, honeyed moan and shuddered from head to toe.
"If I keep this up standing... my legs are going to give out and I'll collapse."
She had the distinct feeling she was doing something extremely dangerous. But she told herself this was for the sake of studying humanity — and, on another level entirely, for her own sake — and slowly made her way to the bed. Midway there, her desk came into view, a letter from someone sitting on top of it, but that hardly seemed important right now. Celestin all but collapsed onto the mattress, swallowed hard, and slowly slid her hand down toward her hips.