The Outing
The dizziness that had been dogging me for days showed no sign of letting up the next morning either.
It wasn't the kind of vertigo that would have me wailing on the floor, convinced I was about to die. No — it was that maddening, middle-of-the-road sort. Just dizzy enough to make my head swim, then it would ease off, then come swimming right back again. The kind of dizziness that drives a person completely insane.
I rolled around on the floor like a little kid throwing a tantrum at his mom in the supermarket.
"Give me money."
"Again?! I just gave you some yesterday!"
"I said give me money! Money! Not those worthless scraps of paper!"
"Have you completely lost your mind?!"
An adult man rolling around on the floor screaming was, apparently, a deeply unappealing sight. The blue-eyed elf looking down at me made no effort to hide the contempt in her gaze — though, to her credit, she at least didn't reach for her holster.
Seems she'd taken a liking to the honey I'd brought back from Keeper yesterday. She was clutching the pot to her chest like Winnie-the-Pooh, clearly wanting nothing more than to concentrate on whatever was written on those scraps of paper. But with me throwing this much of a fit, she finally couldn't take it anymore and stood up. I seized the moment and pressed my case again.
"I keep getting dizzy. Especially ever since we came back from the dungeon."
"What, still? Ever since the dungeon, this whole time? Fine, fine. Open up."
"Ahh—"
"No cavities. Now hold out both hands and both feet. Hmm, clean..."
I said I was dizzy, so why was she making me open my mouth?
The elf started circling me, inspecting every inch of my body. Given that she'd been checking my physical condition without fail for the past three years, I supposed she'd spot any wound or abnormality in an instant. After even checking my pupils, she finally let out a sigh.
"Your pupils are definitely trembling... Tch. Fine. I had another dungeon expedition planned soon, but if you're sick, you're sick. Can't be helped."
Looking thoroughly defeated, she shoved the honey pot she'd been clutching into the cupboard and started getting ready to go out. I stuck my lip out in a pout.
"I've been telling you I was sick for days. Why didn't you believe me then..."
"Why don't you put a hand on your heart and say that? Go on, count up every single time you've casually faked being sick in front of me over the past few years. Kyaah! Why are you putting your hand on my chest?!"
She looked like she desperately wanted to punish me, but even she couldn't draw a gun on a sick person. After fuming for a bit, she eyed me with renewed suspicion and started circling me again.
"Don't tell me you planned this whole fake illness too..."
"There's no way!"
"Then let's check. Let's settle once and for all whether this is real or not!"
"Eh..."
The elf flashed a sly grin, rummaged through her pocket, and pulled out a single coin. It was the same one she'd used to hypnotize me last time.
"Wai—!"
Ting—
Before I could stop her, the coin went flying high off her thumb. Just like last time, the strength drained from my eyes and I froze mid-motion, hand still outstretched.
"Last time I told you to tell me nothing but the truth, but no matter how I look at it, this feels like a lie... I figured I'd check, just in case. You. Are you actually sick?"
Had she assumed the hypnosis she'd put on me these past few days had worn off, or lost its effect? The elf leaned in, shoving her chest and face toward me.
"I am sick."
"Really? You're really telling me nothing but the truth?"
"I always tell Lady Celestin nothing but the truth."
"Y-you've got a way with words..."
Just how massive were those things? For a second I thought three faces had come rushing at me. My desperate effort not to look in that direction must have paid off, because the elf's face was faintly flushed as she asked another question.
"How bad does it hurt? D-don't tell me it's so bad you feel like you're dying, and you've just been acting calm this whole time..."
"It hurt badly enough that I wanted to suck on your breasts."
"...Huh?"
The unexpected answer that flew out of my mouth left the elf gaping like a goldfish, her lips opening and closing soundlessly. She'd asked how much it hurt, and I'd immediately sexually harassed her. Her brain had clearly short-circuited.
"R-right. I've heard about this. When humans are in pain, they look for a doctor, but at the same time, they, um... they look for their mother!"
"Yes. There's no medical effect, but they can ease the pain by recovering a sense of psychological security through maternal affection. Like rubbing someone's stomach when they have a stomachache, for instance."
"And you found that maternal affection... in my chest?!"
Apparently convinced I was making fun of her, the elf hung her head, clenched both fists, and started trembling.
"H-hngh... A slave talking about maternal affection. That's not even funny. Not even funny."
"?"
"But you said you're in pain. A good master has a duty to care for even the most wretched monkey with love, and to civilize them! Get ready."
Where are you going?
But the elf, her face now bright red, snapped her head up, left me standing right where I was, and vanished into her room. Of course, since I was supposedly under hypnosis, I wasn't allowed to follow her with my eyes or move my body. I just had to stand there with the strength gone from my pupils.
How much time passed like that?
I'd been burning every last ounce of my acting spirit to keep my dizzy, swaying body upright. When the elf finally returned, she'd changed into an outfit that showed off considerably more of her chest than usual. She grabbed the western hat hanging on the rack, put it on, and looked back at me.
"What are you doing? We need to catch the train. You haven't even gotten ready. Looking at the time, we need to hurry...?"
"..."
"Ah, right. I forgot I put you under...!"
That bitch.
A string of curses nearly escaped my throat as the elf came running toward me, coin in hand — but the massive breasts bouncing left and right with every step immediately launched a campaign for clean language right into my mouth.
Ting. The coin flew from her hand once more. I immediately pressed a hand to my temple like I had a headache, continuing the act of still being under hypnosis.
"Looking at this, it definitely seems like it took hold... but then looking at how you act, it doesn't... Hmm..."
"What took hold?"
"Nothing. Nothing at all. More importantly, go change already! I just booked the tickets, so we need to hurry and make it on time... You're so slow! If you're sick, why are you dragging your feet?! You still haven't changed — what have you even been doing?!"
"..."
After that whole commotion died down, we hurriedly got ready and sprinted for the station, racing against the clock. Fortunately, we made it just in time.
"We're in the very front car."
"The one with private compartments?"
What's gotten into her? She always complained about being broke and made us take the tail car. I was curious, but I figured I could ask after we got back. For now, before boarding, I opened the door to our train car like a butler or chauffeur opening a limousine for a rich young lady.
"Lady Celestin."
"Hmph. This is why you keep a slave around!"
If I don't do this kind of thing, the elf throws a fit about not being treated like a proper master. She thrust out those stupidly huge breasts as if this was all thanks to how well she'd trained me, boarded the train without so much as a glance at the conductor, and strutted aboard looking thoroughly pleased with herself.
I followed right behind her. The moment we boarded, the door slammed shut at our backs with a thud, as if it had been waiting for us.
We passed the compartments lined up along the corridor one by one until we found the one she'd reserved. After confirming she'd sat down, I started toward the seat across from her.
A long seat, like a park bench, but covered in plush cushions for the comfort of first-class passengers. A long table standing between the seats so you could enjoy tea during the journey. Unlike the sardine-tin of a tail car, first class had a definite air of leisure about it. I admired the dignity of it as I headed for the seat across from her. It was a pretty long train ride to Union, the capital of the alliance, so I figured I'd lie down and catch up on some sleep.
But just as I was about to sit, I noticed the elf was still staring at me for some reason. I spoke up.
"What are you looking at?"
"What am I looking at?! Is that any way to talk to your master?!"
"Well, you were looking at me sitting down like it was the most offensive thing you'd ever seen... Don't tell me you were about to say, 'A slave, sitting in a chair? Stand up this instant!' and make me sit on the floor the whole way..."
"Even I wouldn't give an order that unfair! Just what do you take me for?!"
Then why were you staring at me like that?
I started to sit across from her again, when suddenly the elf grabbed my hand and pulled.
"Lady Celestin?"
"J-just for today. Just today... Even a slave is a patient, so I'll specially allow you to sit next to me."
"Sit...?"
At first she grabbed my wrist and sat me down beside her. Then she immediately grabbed me by the hair. I was about to demand what the hell she thought she was doing, but before I could, my vision went dark. At the same time, I felt something plush against the back of my head, and I had no choice but to shut my mouth.
Amazingly, the place the elf had pulled my head was none other than her own thigh. She was giving me what they call a lap pillow.
"Um... Lady Celestin?"
"Stay still! I said stay still!"
I was so stunned I tried to look up at her face, both to see what expression she was making and to prepare for whatever she did next.
"It's not like I'm even the tiniest bit worried about the likes of you, but I went through a lot of trouble getting a human slave. I intend to squeeze every last drop of value out of you!"
"Come on, you could at least pretend to be worried."
"Eek! Don't talk from under my chest?!"
Her breasts are so huge I can't even see her face...!
It was like a blackout curtain had been drawn over my face alone. No matter how I turned my head, I couldn't escape the darkness of the elf's massive breasts swaying right in front of my eyes. They say animals calm down when you cover their eyes, but these breast-blindfolds were not delivering any sense of calm whatsoever.
More importantly, why does it smell this good?
Every time I breathed, a sweet fragrance filled my nose, and the warming effect of the breast-blindfold pressing down on my face made it impossible to stop my own face from getting hotter and hotter.
"Hah... And don't blow your breath between my breasts! That area is already hot and stuffy enough as it is, and if you go blowing air in there on top of that...!"
"Oh?"
Now that's good news.
"I-I said don't blow!"
The flustered elf's breasts pressed down with a squish, crushing my face under their characteristic, overwhelming weight.