Westward
"My dear, I have need of your help."
"Pasuggun-ssi? Wait—when did you get here? And help?"
A welcome visitor had dropped by for the first time in a while. The cleanup from the harvest-season chaos was more or less finished, and I'd been contentedly eyeing a warehouse now overflowing with wheat taken from the wheat-muri, ready to settle back into ordinary days—when the dark elf woman Pasuggun-ssi appeared before me.
I nearly screamed. She slipped soundlessly out of a shadowed corner of the warehouse as if she'd been there the whole time. Barely managing to calm my racing heart, I asked her,
"You need my help?"
"A swarm is about to split off. Won't you lend us a hand?"
"Excuse me?"
In autumn? I knew next to nothing about beekeeping, but I'd never heard of bees trying to swarm in the fall. This was the season to dig in, stockpile honey for winter, and stay put. Where were they planning to move, and what were they supposed to eat?
"Not hornets—an actual swarm?"
"There is a hornet problem as well, of course. I had intended to mention that afterward—yet the moment the word 'swarm' left this lady's lips, you already guessed at the hornets too!"
"One mountain after another, huh."
Hornets I could accept. Any beekeeper knew they were an inseparable headache. Their breeding season ran through summer, and by fall they were frantically hunting to feed their newly hatched larvae—or so I vaguely recalled. So of course their activity would pick up once autumn arrived.
"But bees swarming still doesn't make sense to me. Isn't this exactly when they should be stockpiling honey for winter?"
"Even if you entrusted land management to me and my kin, that land is still your asset. Do you not take rather too little interest in it?"
"…I've got nothing to say to that."
The land was absurdly vast. In American terms, it had to be the size of a state or two. Even around the elf's mansion alone, all kinds of nonsense happened on a daily basis. I simply didn't have the bandwidth to know what was on every stretch of that territory, what the climate was like, or who lived there.
"Surely you at least know that the land you own is a place where winter never comes—"
"Oh, is that right? That's pretty wild for somewhere that isn't the equator."
"…"
In a world with corn that shot bullets at people and tomatoes that lunged to take a bite out of you, a patch of land without winter probably wasn't that strange.
While I hummed thoughtfully over that idle notion, Pasuggun-ssi must have taken my silence for hesitation. Her eyes trembled as she looked at me—then she suddenly threw her arms around mine.
"Is it because the road is dangerous?! Worry not. No matter what happens, I shall deliver you safely to our sanctuary. And—and so that you will not grow lonely, I shall spread my legs for you as often as—"
"No, that's not it—"
"Yes. There is no madman in this world so desperate for company that he would go trailing after dark elves."
The voice came from the doorway. Reflexively I yanked Pasuggun-ssi into my arms and dove into a pile of straw—and sure enough, two gunshots cracked through the warehouse.
I poked just my face out of the straw and checked the door. There she was, leaning casually against the frame, spinning her revolver with practiced flair and aiming it our way: the resident gun-nut of the house.
Pasuggun-ssi narrowed her eyes sharply at the elf and shouted,
"White elf Celestin!"
"And you must be the chieftain of those darkies. I have no idea why someone who supposedly vanished is standing in my warehouse, but that hardly matters. You—are you seriously trying to steal my property, you damned n—"
"Property…?"
"Were you trying to teach my pet monkey the taste of freedom? How very like you darkies—stealing and snatching other people's things as naturally as breathing!"
"…"
Hearing the elf pour out a seamless stream of racist invective after so long made my face burn scarlet.
This is neighborhood-level embarrassing!
But unlike me, the two of them were locked in a staring contest that looked one spark away from open war. I was just about to mediate when someone else must have heard the racket.
"What is all this noise? I can't take a nap like this! Is something—ah, aah?!"
"…Dark elf."
The lioness twins, drawn by the commotion, each registered surprise and hostility at the sight of Pasuggun-ssi and fell in beside the elf.
"Let go of Iceman-ssi!"
"You would be Saintess Nemea and her elder sister, Leo Hart. You are under some misunderstanding. This lady has neither seized nor threatened anyone."
"…A dark elf's word can't be trusted."
Nemea traced a holy sign and began to pray. Leo-ssi summoned something shaped like a massive lion at her back. They were a heartbeat from launching a rescue operation for me—and the shadow at Pasuggun-ssi's feet started to writhe in answer. I scrambled up and threw myself between the two camps.
"Wait!"
"You damned monkey! What do you think you're doing getting kidnapped? Get over here already!"
"She's right! I'll purify you!"
"…If you come quietly right now, I'll reduce creampies to nine-fifty, keh."
"Leo-ssi, what are you even—ahem."
Honestly, if they wanted to brawl outside, that was their business. But this was a warehouse. A warehouse packed full of wheat. A full-scale fight in here would trash everything I'd just finished organizing—and I couldn't exactly pretend not to see Pasuggun-ssi, not after all the help she'd given us.
"H-honestly, even if no one else does, I think Celestin-nim should listen to what Pasuggun-ssi has to say!"
"What is that supposed to mean, you damned monkey? Are you siding against your own master—"
"Because the honey Celestin-nim drinks every single day comes from her."
"What did you just say?!"
The elf went rigid, as if she'd taken a physical blow. Fair enough—she'd been emptying jar after jar of that honey every day without ever knowing it came from Pasuggun-ssi. I'd kept that little detail quiet.
"Th-the honey… that delicious honey…?!"
"What of it? I gave it for you to eat."
"We had way too much stock. Even using it as a sugar substitute, it just kept piling up, so I figured I'd feed it to her like fodder."
"Fodder, is it… She has certainly put on a plump, healthy layer of fat."
Pasuggun-ssi studied the elf's swaying, enormous breasts with open interest as she said it. Then, as if deciding the point was settled, she folded her arms beneath her own chest, stepped forward, and drew a familiar honey jar from the shadows.
"Yes—exactly as he says! Why hide it any longer? This honey, the one sweeping the continent by storm! The honey others cannot obtain no matter how they try—we harvested it with our own hands! To lay a hand on this lady is to never again so much as lay eyes on the honey you love so dearly!"
"Ugh, uuugh… To seize a weakness and immediately resort to threats—you wicked dark elf…!!"
Between the honey and the judgment that Pasuggun-ssi genuinely meant me no harm, the elf's momentum crumpled. Emboldened, Pasuggun-ssi strode right up to her, still arms crossed, and pressed her own massive breasts flush against the elf's. Not to be outdone, the elf shoved hers right back.
"Worry not. We are not so ungrateful as to harm the benefactor who granted our people a place to live."
"Benefactor? A place to live? Just what have you been doing with the land I gave you?!"
Squishhh—♡
A few choice words were all it took for the elf to piece together my relationship with Pasuggun-ssi. She poured even more force into the breast-wrestling match and glared daggers at me. I discreetly averted my eyes. Pasuggun-ssi giggled at that, kept the contest going with the elf, and turned her head toward Nemea and Leo-ssi.
"Well then—won't the two of you come as well? To our city."
"I-I told you, you don't go following dark elves!"
"…Dangerous. Get away from him right now. My share of his seed is shrinking."
"Leo-ssi, seriously…"
Tails stiff and upright, the two lionesses kept their guard up against Pasuggun-ssi. But she must have expected exactly that reaction. Her voice dropped to a silken murmur.
"You two—I hear that of late, Saintess Village has not only banned you from doing business, but driven you from the very home you built with your own sweat?"
"Urgh?!"
"…Stalker?"
"Hardly. Rumors of a renowned saintess and her elder sister travel far—among other races, and among us dark elves as well. No doubt any number of factions are already locked in a quiet struggle to claim you for their own. You two truly do not know your own worth."
Pasuggun-ssi whispered it to the lioness sisters in a voice thick with allure. Nemea's ears gave a little flutter—then she stopped radiating holy power and puffed up with pride.
"Well, that's true! Though right now I'm Iceman-ssi's personal pussy-saintess!"
"…Nemea. Soft ears."
"You must already know that saintesses driven out of Saintess Village by crackdowns and regulations have been migrating west in large numbers—to our lands. I will not insist you relocate your nest to our sanctuary… but why not come take a look? You could do all sorts of things with your male while you're there!"
"…All sorts of… things!"
Leo-ssi's eyes sparkled as she looked at me. The vigilance lasted all of a moment. The lioness sisters folded instantly.
The elf stared at them, appalled.
"What is this? Why is the mood naturally drifting toward following this darkie?!"
"White elf—what of you? If you saw our sanctuary with your own two eyes, you would no longer harbor such hostility toward us."
"Don't make me laugh. During the Racial War, your people—"
"Should this matter be resolved well, I can ensure you never worry about honey again for the rest of your life—enough to bathe in it, even."
"We're leaving immediately!"
And just like that, the westward journey was decided.