EX-Rank Candyland

"This is a snack paradise…."

"Wow."

Unlike Noa, who was gazing around in rapture with both hands pressed to her cheeks, I could do nothing but stand there utterly dumbfounded.

The view swayed dizzily through the eyes I'd squeezed shut and cracked open again. Setting the child down, I pulled out my phone, swallowed hard, and dialed the very ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠first contact at the top of my list — Hyung.

Krrrssshhh—

Beeeeeeep.

Click.

Static, and then nothing. Only those words rose again on the dead screen. Numb, I shoved the phone back into my pocket, hesitated a moment, and slowly lifted my head.

Wow.

Just… wow.

Son of a—

One impossible sight after another began to register. Benches made of biscuit. Jelly chandeliers dripping from the ceiling with an otherworldly glow. Pillars built from transparent straws packed to the brim with candy beads. Stained glass in every color of the rainbow, as if someone had melted sugar syrup thin and spread it across the panes.

…And a crowd of bewildered people.

Warning bells went off in my head.

"What is this, honey? Didn't they say this was an outdoor theme park?"

"Right? Did they renovate the place or something?"

"Oh my goodness, look at this, everyone! Local moms, look! Is this real?"

"Oh, come on. It's just foam props, I'm sure."

"Dad! Can I eat that?"

"No, Jiji. You don't eat that. Honey, are you sure this is the right place? I've never heard of anything like this."

Sweat beaded in my quietly clenched fists. Picking my way through the crowd, hyper-aware of the fine tremor at the corners of my eyes, I surveyed our surroundings.

A sealed space, blocked on all sides.

Yes. Whatever the explanation, one thing was certain — the moment an outdoor theme park turned into an indoor space without so much as a word of warning, I should have realized.

Realized that we'd been swept into somewhere very, very wrong.

But even with a landscape so different from the brochure photos, the people were more confused than frightened. It made sense, really. The atmosphere here was too bright, too whimsical… too cute. The impossibly lifelike candy props felt surreal, yes, but only delightfully so — nothing about them inspired dread.

Still, I couldn't shake the gnawing unease in my gut.

If only I had someone to even talk this through with…

That was when.

A voice spoke up right beside me. Familiar, and just a little unhinged in its cadence.

"Ooh~ sudden change of scenery, huh?"

My head snapped around on reflex. The person, who'd been lazily surveying the area with listless eyes, finally met my gaze last of all.

"Huh?"

"…Team Leader Moon."

It was Team Leader Moon Chaeyoung. Holding an enormous green onion plush in one hand. Dressed in workout clothes, she came toward me at a brisk pace, eyes wide.

"Teacher, what on earth are you doing here?"

Relief bloomed first — dazed as I was, I'd just found someone I knew.

"Oh! I was…."

Hold on a second.

What am I supposed to say?

My mouth snapped shut on instinct. My monster friend begged and begged because he wanted to come to Neverland?

Absolutely not. I needed a different answer — I came here alone? A grown man? By himself? Wouldn't that be even weirder?

Before I could commit to an answer, Moon Chaeyoung apparently decided I'd found the question awkward, and smiled as she supplied her own.

"I come to Neverland by myself all the time. Today I heard they opened a new horror-themed pavilion, so I came to check it out. On my days off, my head gets all stuffy and I just can't stand staying in."

…So she was the one who really came here alone. The way she said it so casually made my earlier hesitation look ridiculous.

Right, I suppose adults can visit amusement parks alone. And if she'd come because of the newly renovated horror pavilion, she was clearly a devoted Neverland fan — hold on a second.

Wait. Which means she knows this place like the back of her hand, doesn't it?

The realization landed, and the question left me immediately.

"Have you been to this pavilion often, too?"

"Now and then? When I want a breather between rides."

"Was this place… always like this?"

I reached out and touched the biscuit bench nearby. Crumbs sifted down….

They installed props this realistic? Textured down to the last detail?

Fine. I could write off the biscuit chairs and the jelly lights. But that…

I tilted my gaze upward to the single most eye-straining thing in this entire place. Star candy, drifting down from the sealed ceiling. The instant a piece touched your skin, it dissolved into glittering powder and vanished — and every single moment of it was so fantastical that my head spun.

But my screaming instincts wanted exactly the opposite of what I was hoping for.

Please, please tell me it's always been like this.

Tell me I'm just exhausted and overthinking things!

If only Moon Chaeyoung would deny it…

I could squeeze my eyes shut and believe her.

At my question, Moon Chaeyoung's eyes narrowed. She tapped the watch on her wrist, checked something, then let out ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠a long, low whistle.

"Ah, boy."

Ah, boy?

"It wasn't like this before. It used to be just a flower garden with a couple of candy shops for the kids, and that was it… well. Not anymore, apparently?"

Thud. Thud.

I could have sworn I heard the sound of her kicking my hopes to the curb. Swallowing the scream crawling up my throat, I asked,

"Then what… is all this?"

"Teacher, I have great faith in your mental fortitude."

"No, my mental fortitude is garbage. Flimsy and pathetic."

"Ooh, such objective self-assessment. Impressive. Well, according to my watch, it looks like a sudden gate opened… though the classification is quite—"

Are you even listening to me?

"…."

"Have you ever heard of EX-Rank?"

EX-Rank dungeons.

In the old days, the term applied only to dungeons so catastrophically dangerous they defied all measurement. But as ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠the decades passed, its meaning had shifted. These days it was understood in two ways.

One: dungeons bearing the so-called 'Unmeasurable' designation — the old-school, extreme high-risk category.

Two: dungeons that defied standardization — places where simply killing the boss wouldn't clear anything.

After giving me this quick primer, Moon Chaeyoung added, as if it were an afterthought:

"You're following along, right? I'm famously terrible at explaining things, you know. I'm only doing this because you're a Bada Kindergarten teacher. Consider it special treatment."

I simply stood there, stiff as a lamppost.

"If the kids ever found out I could explain things this patiently, they'd genuinely faint."

May I faint in their place instead?

My nerves were fraying to threads when Noa's shout jolted me half against my will back to full awareness.

"Oh? It's my auntie! Auntie!"

"Oh? Aren't you one of the twins?"

"Yes! We met on the field trip, remember?"

"Ooh~ that was last year, wasn't it? Great memory. You're right, we had such a fun time back then."

While the two of them traded cheerful greetings, I was screaming internally. This is NOT the time for laughing and catching up! If Moon Chaeyoung was right, shouldn't we be getting out of here right this second?

"Team Leader Moon, then how do we get out of here? From what I can see, the entrances connecting to the other pavilions seem to be gone too."

She scooped Noa up in one arm and swept the surroundings with a light glance before answering.

"We can't."

WHAT?! WHY NOT?!

"That's just ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠how EX-Rank works. Very different from your standard dungeons. And as you can see, there's no gate in sight, no door-like structure anywhere — so for now, we're stuck!"

"Then… should we wait for rescue?"

"Haha, Teacher!"

"Yes?"

Oh, so there IS a way?

Is that why you're laughing?

"There is nothing stupider you can do in a situation like this than sit still and wait."

You absolute lunatic!

Lee Seohyeok, quit your job. Right now.

Your boss is not mentally well.

"But don't you worry."

Moon Chaeyoung said it with a playfully theatrical grin, and — having already prayed for her subordinate's resignation mere seconds ago — I snapped straight back onto the bait.

"Really?"

"Yes. I happen to know a method that dramatically boosts your survival odds even in a situation like this."

Then, wearing a look of genuine interest, she turned the question back on me.

"Doesn't this place remind you of somewhere specific?"

Setting aside the materials, and judging purely by function — the long benches, the chandelier, the stained glass…

"It looks like a cathedral."

Yes. One of those cathedrals — the kind where people pray and hold services.

"Exactly. And according to the exploration reports and research on EX-Rank dungeons to date, a dungeon like this falls under category two."

Category two. Of the EX-Rank dungeons Moon Chaeyoung had described — the kind that could only be cleared through non-standard means. She claimed it wasn't even a high-risk zone, and honestly, I wanted to give it a round of applause for that alone.

"And among dungeons like these, the ones that imitate places we know and love — apparently, if you simply follow the set behavior, your survival rate skyrockets. Simply put: do what the dungeon wants."

"…What the dungeon wants."

"Yes. That could be the dungeon's 'boss,' or simply the dungeon 'itself.'"

"That's complicated."

It really was. A boss, at least, was something you could theoretically lay eyes on — but how were you supposed to read the intentions of a dungeon itself? Was I supposed to assume the place had a mind of its own and act accordingly?

"Is it? Either way, as long as you and Noa do exactly as I say, you'll make it out alive."

"Nope."

"…."

I'm sorry, what did you just say?

My head whipped toward the doll hanging from my bag on pure reflex. Utterly still. Serene, even.

Did I mishear that?

The moment I turned slightly, intending to say something to Nabi—

A bell tolled through my skull, and a deep, resonant voice filled the space. At the same moment, a far heavier shower of star candy began pouring down from directly overhead.

"Pray? Pray for what?"

"Ugh! This glitter — what am I supposed to do about this?! How am I supposed to wash all of it off when I get home?!"

"Ah, crap, it's getting in my mouth. I want out. I can't stay here any longer."

Trapped in a sealed space, the crowd finally and truly began scrambling for an exit. The bells and the voice had poked at the anxiety they'd all been working so hard to ignore.

I should go look for something — anything — myself.

The moment I moved to hand Noa to Moon Chaeyoung and strike out on my own—

"…?!"

My arm was yanked downward without warning, dragging my whole body along with it.

Thump.

Moon Chaeyoung, having deposited Noa and me into the nearest chairs, pressed a gentle hand on top of Noa's head and murmured under her breath.

"Pray. Pretend you're praying."

Three tolls of the bell, three utterances of the voice.

"WAAAH!"

"Huh?"

"KYAAAH!"

"Now, if you'd just—"

Short screams flew back and forth over our bowed heads… until the voice came again.

With the final toll, everything fell silent — dead as a snuffed candle.

Watching Moon Chaeyoung lift her head without a shred of fear, I followed, as if in a trance. And I saw.

"Hmm… okay, this is genuinely beside the point, but."

"…."

People. Sealed inside an enormous glass jar, up on the altar.

A man who'd been seated nearby jabbed a finger at the jar and shouted.

"Honey! Why are you in there?!"

Those who'd been sitting, and those who hadn't. The ones who hadn't were now screaming from inside a glass jar with the lid screwed tightly shut.

"Agh! Wh-what is this?!"

"Honey, I can hear you! I can HEAR you, you absolute—!"

"Mommy~ it's so cramped in here~"

"Mister, you just farted, didn't you?"

"S-sorry… I panicked."

It was total chaos. But there was no time to be shocked, because this was only the beginning.

Something had begun seeping up from the floor of the jar, rippling, rising little by little.

Amber candy syrup.

"WAAAAH!"

"Baby, don't eat that! What if it's some weird—"

"What now? It's sticky and sweet. Some kind of grain syrup?"

"I think it's acacia honey, actually."

"It's just candy syrup."

"Is that really the point right now? It's still RISING!"

Having somehow ended up in the seats closest to the altar, we could hear every exchange, above it and below. I clutched my throbbing head.

If that syrup keeps rising, that's genuinely dangerous.

But apparently, no one else on our side shared the sentiment.

"Ooh, look at that. They even added ribbon detail on the lid of the jar. This dungeon really does love cute things, huh."

"Aaah~ I wanna go in too! Auntie! Put me in there too! It looks fuuun—"

"So fun!"

"It's just like a fairy tale!"

"I saw one of those in Hansel and Gretel."

My head was about to split open.