Ep. 12 — Your Company Is Such a Black Company (Reply: I'm the Owner)
“Good morning, Guildmaster.”
The moment the Guildmaster walked in, Susanna and I greeted him from our desks, already seated. He glanced at the empty desk of the new hire, Cedric, and his face clouded with displeasure.
“What, he's still not here?”
“Hahaha, right….”
Well, that was only because he'd shown up a whole thirty minutes early today. He was chronically late, so what had gotten into him?
“Guildmaster, you're here early today.”
I probed at him slyly, and something utterly absurd came out of his mouth.
“That's right. If I come in excessively early like this every now and then, my wife at least understands how much I suffer. I even joined in badmouthing the guild on my way here today.”
But Guildmaster, aren't you the owner of this company? And what's with badmouthing your own guild….
I swallowed those words and hid behind a stack of documents. Documents that existed solely to make me look like I was hard at work, of course.
Twenty minutes before opening time, Susanna slid a slip of paper across to me.
Indeed, whether Cedric ran or not today would decide just how good her instincts were.
The instant I fired off my reply, the door swung open with impeccable timing and Cedric appeared.
“Good morning.”
His hair was a disheveled mess, as though he'd rushed to work, though even that did nothing to dim his beauty.
Handsome, sure, but with black hair and brown eyes, he doesn't seem like anyone special in this world.
In this genre, brown hair or brown eyes simply do not qualify a person as a leading man. Tragic, really. Though honestly, anyone whose judgment was poor enough to join this guild could never have been a leading man to begin with.
As expected, the Guildmaster, who had been lying in wait, launched straight into his scolding.
“How can you come in this late?”
“I'm sorry? …I'll come in early from now on.”
Thankfully, instead of arguing that he'd actually arrived twenty minutes early, Cedric tucked his tail between his legs and answered in a meek voice.
“Kids these days have no idea how precious time is! Skip your meal breaks and show up early — that's how you make real money!”
Except, Guildmaster, you're not going to actually pay us any more, are you….
Cedric, thoroughly chewed out by the Guildmaster first thing in the morning, slumped into the seat beside mine with a face full of gloom, so I offered him a word of comfort.
“Cheer up, Employee Cedric.”
“Thank you….”
“Now then, chin up and back to work. I'll start you off with the Guildmaster's son's art homework.”
“…Yes, ma'am.”
While he worked on the art assignment with an even more despondent expression, I turned my attention to the guild's recent performance.
Hmm. I needed to seize control of this guild and grow it as fast as possible. My goal was to reduce the Guildmaster to a complete figurehead, but so far I couldn't spot a weakness to exploit.
That said, how did this guild even keep the lights on, taking in a workload this pitiful? Oh, right — by skimping on its employees' salaries….
Today, as always, the guild sat silent and empty. Aside from the occasional person coming to request an adultery investigation, this was just how things were.
“I have some fieldwork to do.”
Fieldwork my foot — he was clearly going off to play. Seriously, how was it fair that the Guildmaster of all people showed up the least? I shot him a venomous glare.
Still, his absence wasn't entirely a bad thing. When he was around, he wasn't a zero — he was a minus one.
While Cedric stared down at the art homework with the dead-eyed look of a man having an existential crisis, and Susanna wrote her essay in flagrant view of everyone, I sank into thought.
How do I develop this guild?
As I saw it, one of our biggest problems was publicity.
Objectively speaking, Susanna's skills weren't bad, and with my knowledge of the original story, I was confident I could gather information well. But our guild's name recognition was abysmal. Our only customers were people who wandered in after glimpsing the signboard on their way past.
Then let's brainstorm ways to spread the word about this guild.
While spending almost none of the budget, naturally.
It didn't seem like I'd come up with an answer alone, so I decided to sound out the person next to me.
“Employee Cedric, by any chance… what? Why are you so good at drawing?”
“I received some rather… harsh training as a child.”
“Ah, I see. You work like someone who was personally tutored by a professional painter.”
As I marveled at his art homework, an idea struck me.
We'd make posters with this jaw-dropping artistic talent!
In my old world too, detective agencies didn't plaster flyers in places like public restrooms for nothing, did they?
An ordinary poster wouldn't accomplish much, but with Cedric's absurd artistic skill behind it, I felt like anything was possible.
“Susanna, what do you think about making a poster for the guild?”
“I'm sorry? Why would you go and add more work for us….”
“Ho ho, once we have 'content' like this, we'll have more to talk about, too.”
“What a wonderful idea!”
Her attitude flipped on a coin, and Susanna rose from her seat and came over. She, too, had gone slack-jawed at the sight of Cedric's artwork.
“This is unbelievable…!”
Well, no wonder — the man had rendered light and shadow, perspective, composition, and color flawlessly on a nine-year-old's art assignment.
“Let's make the poster, then. Let's brainstorm the design together.”
I flipped a document over to its blank side and started sketching out a layout. To let the people of this world know what they'd gain from using an information guild — and to bait them into biting — what would work best….
Missing Persons Located • Anyone Found
Evidence Gathering of All Kinds
Every Worry, Solved Swiftly
Global Information Network Guild
XX-XXX-XXXX
“Clear copy is always best. What do you think?”
When I asked, Susanna tilted her head. Before long, the copy was reborn in her hands.
However well you hide, we will find you.
Whatever the evidence, we will bring it back.
Let your guard down, and you're the one who gets caught.
Before it happens to you — gather your information first.
The Continent's No. 1 Information Fixers
Global Information Network Guild
XX-XXX-XXXX
“Oh! That's incredible!”
I gaped. It was far more provocative, and somehow it made you feel like you needed to commission them right now. Strike first before you get struck!
“Writers really are built different! Even if I'm just a lowly desk clerk at an information guild, I still have the pride of my…”
“K-keep it down, please.”
“But isn't 'No. 1 on the continent' false advertising?”
Cedric raised the objection in a cautious tone, and Susanna and I shook our heads in unison.
“That's all in how you look at it~.”
“We never said number one at what, did we? By character count in the guild name, I'd say we're number one.”
“…That's truly devious.”
With the poster copy settled, the three of us turned to Cedric with expectant eyes. He looked burdened for a moment, then began lettering the copy onto the poster in a gorgeous hand.
“Wow, what calligraphy~!”
“Honestly, it's as if he trained under the finest master calligrapher alive.”
“…….”
He seemed somewhat flustered by this, but before long, beneath the weight of our expectations, he produced a flawless poster. The lettering, the composition, the palette — everything was perfect.
“Now we just take it to the print shop, have copies made, and put them up.”
“Where should we put them up~? The plaza bulletin board's nice and eye-catching.”
“No, that kind of place won't do.”
At Susanna's question, I shook my head.
“Susanna, when you walk past the plaza, do you pay close attention to the bulletin board?”
“Uh, no~….”
“Exactly. So where would be a place where people linger for a long time, with nothing to do but stare at their surroundings?”
“Oh!”