Trembling Hands in the Shadows
I stared blankly at my trembling hand. This shaking wasn't from any physical cause. My body was in perfect health, fully restored by the infirmary. It was purely mental fatigue. I hadn't rested properly in about two months. My mind was utterly spent, and the seedling in my chest was gasping intermittently, spurting mana in fits.
I'd long grown accustomed to this disconnect between body and mind. The hand tremor was just a minor side effect. A bitter smile escaped my lips. There's a reason they say too much is as bad as too little. What started as greed for scoring points had cornered me like this. Of course, if I just maintained the status quo, it would end eventually. Two years into the lectures, just three more to endure. Then I'd be free. Assuming I could last that long.
Maybe because it had been so long since I'd stepped outside, my steps felt remarkably light. My thoughts drifted to last week—Irian's ninth lecture. The treasure was something called the "Twisted Grasp of Obsession," remnants of a massive spirit tree that had died. Before the lecture, she'd shown me the real thing, and I was half-entranced. As I approached in a daze, eerie whispers stirred my mind into chaos. Amid the disorientation, I saw a blade stabbing at me—and it materialized for real, plunging into my chest. If Irian hadn't blocked it, I'd be dead for sure.
I stumbled back in shock, and she laughed heartily before withdrawing it. The grasp manifested the user's thoughts into reality, with limits, but killing one or two mages was child's play. Aside from its corrupted nature driving owners to ruin, it was a perfect treasure. The lecture proceeded, and as usual, no one claimed it. In fact, aside from Jun snagging the space box in the first one, nobody had taken any.
Irian's setup played a part, but the students' mutual hostility was the real culprit. Mages turned on each other; even allied groups clashed with rivals. If word spread someone neared a treasure, every faction united to drag them down. More often than not, the 24-hour limit expired with everyone ejected. Hostility only grew. After this latest lecture, it escalated to all-out war. Jun's group ambushed the sword faction during it, so they retaliated with a full assault right after. Dozens lost limbs that day alone.
The infirmary enabled their recklessness—post-second floor opening, it was always available. As long as you didn't kill, what was the harm? Fights intensified. The war ended just three days ago, sword faction blockading the infirmary and slashing all comers until Jun surrendered. A shame—he must've thought his forces strong enough, but the swordsmen exceeded expectations. I suffered cleaning up the mess, of course.
Irian grumbled watching them. She'd layered traps to guard treasures, but they never reached them amid the brawls. She never emerged from her room once. When I went up to recharge the butler doll's mana, she was always asleep—lately, even more so. How I envied that leisure. One day, I'll have that too, I vowed, glancing at my feet.
My shadow poked its head out, dipping an arm into the flowing black river beside us. It looked quite relaxed. Time to head in. I looked up at the black tower. The more I learned about my shadow, the more inscrutable the tower seemed. Sometimes it felt like something inside watched me. Tucking that thought away, I passed through the door. Darkness rippled, drawing me inside.
Plenty of shadows milled about. I wove through to the center, where a black sphere floated, scattering shadows everywhere. A few approached it, each with a shadow mimicking them—fellow students. They plunged into the sphere. I followed. Class was starting soon.
The moment my foot touched it, my shadow surged, enveloping me. In turn, I became its shadow, sinking into the ground. That was how you moved in the shadow world. Maira said a living being entering would lose their body instantly. It was an ant colony of paths—shadows writhing on walls, ceiling, floor. Dodging them, I took a familiar route. Up ahead, others led the way. Following brought a black pool, mirror-like and shimmering. My shadow dove in. Positions swapped; I stood in the classroom.
Many had arrived, seats filling. I took my usual spot in the corner. Soon, class time hit, and Maira emerged via shadow. Heisen hadn't appeared since the first lesson; she handled everything.
"Today's test is… survival. The one who lasts… longest… passes…."
Her words barely ended before darkness swallowed the room. Feeling my shadow merge with mine, I dropped back into the shadow world. Survival—from what? No need to wonder. From the other students, obviously. Every test felt like this. It revealed the strong ones quickly—those who'd passed already. Baun stood out most, topping every exam. If duplicates weren't allowed, no one else would've passed.
And that's why I remembered him.
"Hey, off you go again today. Go rest."
A shadow dropped before me, shredding mine in an instant. He was always the first to kill my shadow. I was ejected from the world. The shock brought bile up. Eyes open, back in class. I slumped over my desk, steadying my gut. Nearly blacked out—my frayed mind took a hard hit.
"Today… you came out… 30 minutes faster than last time…?"
A soft laugh from beside me. I raised both hands in surrender. Looking up, Maira smiled.
"What can I do? I'm just that weak."
I gave a wry smile. I always failed first. Not just Baun—everyone targeted me. Bonus points for each kill per test. To them, I was walking extra credit. My shadow got grabbed and torn every time. At least it wasn't my body. It reformed, oozing up into the room.
"Still… such a cute guy…."
Maira poked it. I recalled our first talk—after the third test. She'd approached out of curiosity about my shadow's quick recovery. Nothing special otherwise. She chatted occasionally since.
"So… how'd it go… this time…?"
I shook my head. Another failure. Seemed promising, but backlash hit unexpectedly. Calmly, I reported the experiment.
I'd tried fusing doll and shadow. Dolls had their own faint shadows—weak from lack of age, useless alone. Forcing another caused severe rejection, as prior tests showed. Naturalness was key. So, I restructured internals: a massive shadow enveloping the mana heart, creating a shadow heart atop it.
Promising at first—the shadow coated the doll like skin, moving as preset. But it rejected the mana, melting away. Worse with motion. Failure.
Next, reconfigured circuits to melt shadow into mana flow, like a component. Doll moved on shadow power, minimizing mana use. Seemed successful—until shadow clashed with embedded spells, tangling circuits. Mana destabilized; explosion.
Two months wasted. Shadow wouldn't fully integrate, incompatible with circuits. But insight: shadows were highly autonomous. Forcing fusion destabilized the doll. Next: harmonize with my mana, respecting autonomy.
Maira covered her mouth, chuckling softly at my recap.
"Such… cute troubles…."
My hard-won research, just "cute" to her? A touch deflating. But that's why I confided—she was the shadow expert after Heisen. Six months back, desperation drove my first consult; no real hopes. She surprised with kindness. Now, post-elimination chats every three months. Last time, I asked why help me—no reason.
She laughed: "You seem… destined for… my situation…."
Viscous joy and thrill twisted eerily, laced with damp malice. Chilling. Still, her advice proved invaluable—past year especially.
She tapped her lips, pondering, then spoke.
"The research… sounds fun. Keep going… that way…."
Direction validated. I nodded—huge relief.
"Examine the… shadow world… deeply once… It'll help…."
She melted into shadow, gone. I etched her words deep, bowed thanks to empty air. Then collapsed on the desk. All stayed till a passer; plenty of time left. Rest now to endure. I passed out instantly.