The Collar of a Mad Dog
It feels exactly like I'm gripping the collar of a rabid dog that's thrashing wildly. The only difference is that it's far more agonizing and exhausting to deal with. I'm such an idiot that I can't let the dog bite me by releasing the collar, nor can I keep holding on like this. I'm a pathetic fool.
"From the very beginning, your nephew called me Sungmo. Not sister. What does Sungmo mean anyway? It's the woman of one's uncle, right? So I'm saying I want to be with your uncle, why is that—"
I'm anxious about when this rampage will end. I'm also worried that my niece in the room might have overheard Min-a's words. How am I supposed to calm her down and talk some sense into her? How can I make sure my niece doesn't end up disappointed in me? Two adults struggling on this narrow sofa has me breaking out in a cold sweat.
What the hell am I supposed to do...?
"There, there... Choi Min-a. Why is a smart girl like you acting like this? Hmm? You know better than this."
I pulled Min-a tightly into my arms, patting her back soothingly as I tried to calm her. The kiss must have cut something because I could taste blood in my mouth. The scratches from her nails stung sharply whenever the air brushed against them.
"Tell me straight. Is it me, or is it your niece?"
"Where's the logic in that? You're being ridiculous, you silly girl. Both of you are precious to me."
"Then if I'm precious to you too, you should take my side. How can you just sit there quietly while your own niece keeps getting on my nerves like this? Aren't you my man? Aren't I your woman? Why do you always only protect your niece? Why do you keep shielding her every single time?"
"You're right. That's right. I'm your man. I won't take her side anymore. So let's calm down. Let's just settle down a little and talk, okay?"
I stroked Min-a's back and kissed her forehead. Then her nose. Then her cheek again. I used every possible means at my disposal to make the woman in front of me feel loved and cherished.
"I didn't steal you from anyone. She barged into our relationship all on her own. It's her fault. Your niece's fault. You're mine. You're my man."
"Yes. So... since everything you said is right... our Min-a is a good girl, isn't she? Hmm?"
Her ragged breathing as she clung to my chest was dizzying. She bit and licked at my neck, and I could feel her saliva trickling down my skin.
She can't hear this. My niece can't hear any of this.
Even in the middle of this chaos, I prayed desperately that the old door would muffle our conversation. A grown adult taking sides. Worrying about whether someone would feel hurt because of those sides. Everything about it made me feel pathetic and worthless. As her uncle. As the idiot too busy indulging Min-a's tantrums. While trying to restrain this rampaging woman, I couldn't stop worrying that I might end up hurting my niece again. Should I call this obsession? Or love? At this point, I couldn't even tell the difference anymore.
It would be nice if the two of them could get along... If that's too much to ask, then at least they wouldn't have to growl at each other. If we could just have enough breathing room to hold a normal conversation. Stuck in the middle like this, I was utterly lost and confused.
Min-a's face was a mess. I wiped away the tears streaming down her cheeks, and she finally seemed to calm down a little, leaning her body against mine.
"Then at least kiss me."
"Alright."
Chup.Smack.Smack. The sound of our lips meeting echoed between us.
"I'm sorry, honey. I... I went too far. Your mouth is covered in cuts."
"If you know that, then be a little gentler next time."
"Here too. And here. Over here as well."
Min-a's tongue swept across every corner of my mouth. This was the usual skinship and affection between lovers. Each of us to the other. Or rather, one side to the other in the usual way. Crashing, colliding, twisting. If you sift through all the people in the world, there must be this kind of love too. This painful. This wild. This wounded.
"Yeah... I don't need to get angry at all. What could my niece possibly say? What could she do? In the first place... she couldn't even touch her uncle like this."
Little by little, Min-a pushed her hands against me. If she was satisfied with simply touching without any further greed, then I had no justification left to stop her. I quietly accepted the hand slipping between the hem of my pants. The slow caress over my body.
"She can't stick to your side like this. She can't breathe in the breath you exhale. She can't touch you. So there's no need to be jealous. A good girl like me should just endure it. Instead of getting angry that someone covets what's mine... I should praise my own discerning eye for choosing such an outstanding man. Everyone, even my niece, wants my man."
"Come on. Why would my niece want me? I told you to stop framing it like that. She's just my niece."
"You wouldn't know because you're a man, but from where I'm standing, that's not it. Yerin is just as crazy about you as I am. But..."
Min-a's hand slipped inside my underwear.
"She'll just have to imagine you. What kind of person her uncle is. What kind of man he is—only in her head. Then she'll find some guy who reminds her of you... and love him or not. From there on, it's none of my business."
"That won't do. If we get married... we'd be family. She'd be your family too."
"Fine, fine. I'll listen to you. Should I give Yerin a good morning kiss tomorrow and ask if she slept well?"
She kept kneading and stroking between my legs. Groping. Grabbing. Shaking. Just as you'd expect from a clever woman. From a woman who had worked harder than what I'd taught her. She already knew exactly how to touch and handle me.
"Then... I'll just watch you cum because of me and then go to sleep."
"How, right here?"
The door was closed, but I was still anxious. After all the commotion we'd caused.
"Or I'll do it with my mouth. That way I can tell most accurately."
"No... what are you even suggesting? Let's just go to sleep. Or go into the bedroom."
"I don't want to. I want to do it here."
Min-a throwing another tantrum. True to her nature of never being satisfied until she gets exactly what she wants, she kept whining.
"You're getting this hard because doing it here excites you too, aren't you? I'm the same. Just from touching yours... I'm soaked."
Min-a took my hand and guided it inside her underwear. I could feel the moisture at my fingertips.
"Even though I'm like this, I'm holding back and letting it go. Because you told me to stop. Because you said you didn't want to."
"I understand what you're saying... but if that's how it is, let's go to the bedroom. Let's not do it in the living room."
An endless back-and-forth with no resolution. I'm the one who always goes along with whatever she wants, so couldn't she at least let me have my way for today? I'm not asking for much. Just to sleep. Let's stop thinking only about ourselves and think about my niece in the room too. Not just for your happiness. Not just for mine. Let's think first about the person who's struggling the most in this house.
In the middle of our renewed struggle—thud! This time the door flew open with force. While I turned around in surprise toward the master bedroom, Min-a didn't budge an inch and kept clinging to me.
"Oh, uh. Yerin. What is it?"
Thankfully, it was right before I'd pulled my pants down. Other than my heavy breathing, there was nothing for my niece to catch me on. As I hastily pulled myself together, Min-a finally let out a loud sigh as if she'd just noticed and turned toward Yerin.
Annoying. She muttered it just loud enough for my niece to hear.
"Ah... I just came out for some water. You two aren't sleeping yet?"
"We're about to."
"Sungmo, if you sleep like that you'll catch a cold."
Min-a had forgotten that her clothes were still disheveled.
"It doesn't matter if I sleep holding your uncle. Right, honey?"
Min-a clung to my chest as if to show off, wrapping her arms around me and flaunting her affection as if asking what Yerin could possibly do about it.
"Then Samchon will be uncomfortable. If you really don't have any clothes, I can lend you some of mine."
"Is that so? Whenever I sleep with your uncle, we always stick close together like this."
Again. Again. She deliberately kept picking words that would grate on my niece's ears.
"That's why Samchon's face looks so exhausted. Because he can't sleep. Even if you two get married, you should probably use separate rooms."
"Wow... are you already worrying about our honeymoon suite? Your uncle really raised you well, didn't he?"
"What? Well, if not me, who else would worry about Samchon?"
"From where you're standing, it seems the Sungmo right in front of you isn't even considered a person, huh?"
"Ah. I'm sorry. That's right, Sungmo is here too. And Grandma is here as well."
"You know, our Yerin really is... Never mind."
"What do you mean, never mind?"
"Just never mind."
"Why do you always stop mid-sentence?"
"Because there's nothing to say. It's literally just never mind. Don't worry about it."
"......Okay."
"By the way, aren't you supposed to be studying? You keep coming out to the living room."
"This is only the second time."
"Is that so. Honey, how was I? I learned everything about studying and men from you, after all."
"Why add unnecessary nonsense at the end?"
"Anyway."
"I don't know. It's been too long, I don't remember."
She always acted so meek and gentle in front of me that I had no idea she could be this fierce.
"Or how about this, Samchon. Why don't you sleep in the bed tonight? Your comfort is the most important thing. After all, you're the head of this household."
She only ever chose the words that would upset Sungmo the most. You're the pathetic bitch who torments her own man. And I'm the good niece who protects and cares for that uncle.
"Head of the household. Ah... head of the household... Yes, the head of the household would be the head. That's right. Right now, he's the head of this house. Yes. Because right now he's living with his niece. Right now."
Min-a put special emphasis on the words right now. I grew anxious, wondering if she was about to have another outburst. It would be easier on my mind if I just fell asleep first. Ignoring the chaos between the two of them completely.