Someone Who Can Believe in Love
I ended the broadcast in a hurry. It wasn’t that I absolutely couldn’t be found out, but I simply hadn’t wanted to be caught doing something I preferred to keep hidden.
“Next door?”
“Wow… the younger sister and older brother living next door…”
The two of them looked stunned. But an even more shocking revelation was still to come.
“You cleaned for him?”
“At this point… isn’t this basically a common-law marriage…?”
“Common-law marriage…?”
The fact that I had even cleaned the place had come to light. This was definitely fatal. At the time, I had only thought of it as tidying up the meeting spot for our group project, but I now understood how it must look to others—like we were practically living together.
“I found it hard to believe when I heard my son was keeping the house so clean…”
“…”
“So that’s what was going on? Son.”
Maru was being interrogated by his mother. I felt quite guilty. This was my mistake again, after all.
“By the way, then…”
Maru’s mother suddenly fell into thought. It seemed something had caught her attention.
“Um, should we have dinner?! Have you eaten yet? What about you, Nuri?”
It was an obvious attempt to change the subject, but I jumped on it. We hadn’t eaten dinner yet, after all. It was already getting a bit late.
“Right. We should eat. Is there anything you’d like? I’ll cook for you.”
“It’s fine. We’ll handle it.”
“Son. You’re going to cook?”
“Ah. I’ll do the cooking. Maru, could you help me a little?”
“…You’ve been eating his cooking too?”
“…Ah.”
That had slipped out as well.
“Sigh. I’d hoped living alone would build up some life skills, but it looks like you’ve only gotten better at mooching.”
“…I’m sorry.”
“No, it’s not your fault. If anything, I’m grateful you’ve been looking after my son.”
With that, we hurried into the kitchen. Maru and I.
“Sorry…”
“It’s okay. I’m the one who’s been receiving help from the start.”
It felt like I was always dragging Maru into my mistakes.
“What are we making today?”
“Anything that takes too long won’t work… so braising or steaming is out.”
What came to mind were grilled or stir-fried dishes. I had bought plenty of ingredients on the way from Busan Station. A lot of different things. We couldn’t just raid their fridge while visiting.
“Does this house have aged kimchi?”
“Yeah. It’s always over here.”
“Then let’s make kimchi pork stir-fry. Sound good?”
“I’m all for it.”
I tied on an apron, picked up a kitchen knife, and began preparing the meal. Since it had been a while, I decided to make it properly.
***
“Wow~. So Maru oppa gets to eat stuff like this every day?”
“Not every day. She only makes it for me sometimes.”
“You really are a good cook. Everything was delicious.”
“Thank you.”
I quickly finished three dishes: kimchi pork stir-fry, stir-fried potato strips, and stir-fried oyster mushrooms. It was a shame they were all stir-fries, but there wasn’t time to start braising at this hour. Maru’s mother, tasting my cooking for the first time, watched me with a look of wonder.
“Did you learn from someone? Your skills are no joke.”
“I started cooking often for my little sister, and it just came naturally.”
“Some people even cook for their little sisters.”
“Cook for her?”
Nuri flipped Maru the middle finger. But when his mother noticed, she quickly lowered it.
“You two must get along well. As you can see, our family is like this.”
“It looks harmonious. Everyone has their own way of living.”
“Sigh. I wish the kids would take after you even a little. Ah, wait just a moment.”
Maru’s mother went into the kitchen briefly and returned with six cups. Steam rose from them, and they looked like the kind I’d seen in Japanese anime. It was probably tea.
“Have a cup. It’s caffeine-free, so it’s good to drink at night.”
“Oh! Thank you.”
“Thank you.”
It was a tea I had never tried before. The only teas I’d ever drunk were common ones like green tea or barley tea, so this unusual brew was a first.
It would be hot, so I should drink it slowly… Oh?
“Wow…”
Even before drinking, the faint grassy aroma was pleasant, but once it touched my tongue, the refined, nutty flavor was captivating. The subtle sweetness that lingered at the end was delightful too.
“…What kind of tea is this?”
I couldn’t hold back and asked. It didn’t seem like something casually brewed from a teabag.
“It’s lotus leaf tea. I picked it up at a Buddhist expo a while back. Do you like it?”
“Yes. I’ve never had anything like it.”
“I’m glad. Young people these days don’t seem to like tea much. They’re always looking for coffee or cola.”
“Ahem…”
It seemed our dear son wasn’t particularly fond of his mother’s tea.
“By the way, you can sit comfortably. Isn’t that position uncomfortable?”
“Yeah. Sit however you like, unni.”
The two of them told me, who was sitting on my knees, to make myself comfortable. But this was the comfortable position for me.
“It’s fine. Surprisingly, this is more comfortable for me. I’ve had this habit since I was young.”
“She’s a natural-born woman.”
“What does being a woman have to do with how you sit?”
Chaeeun started saying strange things. Was being modest the same as being a natural-born woman? That was a dangerous mindset in this day and age.
We continued with light conversation until it grew late, then each went to our rooms to sleep. Maru’s family slept in their own rooms, but Nuri slept with us.
“I’ve always wanted to try something like this.”
“Didn’t you go on school trips?”
“No. There were earthquakes, accidents, and epidemics, so I never got to go even once.”
“I see. This is my first time too.”
“Huh? Why, unni?”
“It’s a secret.”
“Ah…”
Since Nuri knew who I was, she seemed to understand. I had only fulfilled the minimum attendance for mandatory middle school, so I didn’t really have what you could call friends. No real memories to speak of.
“Still, I don’t mind. I’m having plenty of fun right now.”
“Arang~!! How can you say such pretty words?!”
“Wait—hey! Don’t touch my chest!”
This girl has terrible hands?!
***
1 a.m. I should have been sound asleep for tomorrow, but.
“…”
I just couldn’t fall asleep. A certain thought kept circling in my head.
Since falling asleep right away was out of the question, I stepped outside for a moment. I stood on the veranda and gazed out the window.
“Isn’t it beautiful?”
“Yes, it is.”
There was already someone there. Maru’s mother had come out first and was looking out the window.
“What did you like about the lotus leaf tea? Young people these days don’t know much about tea.”
“I don’t know much about it either. I don’t really like flavors or scents that are too strong, but the subtle, gentle taste suited me perfectly.”
I should buy some when I get home. Maybe I should get a teapot too.
“Did Nuri tell you? About what happened in Haeundae before.”
“…Yes. She told me.”
“…I see.”
Being alone with my friend’s mother, I had no idea what to talk about. I wasn’t Chaeeun; I couldn’t suddenly act all friendly with someone I had just met.
“After going through that, I thought about a lot of things. My daughter was being held by a monster, and I couldn’t do anything.”
“That wasn’t your fault. A non-awakened person couldn’t possibly—”
“The world doesn’t care about those circumstances.”
The conversation suddenly grew heavy. Her eyes grew a little calmer.
“That’s when I realized it. How truly weak I am. That I don’t even have the strength to protect my own child.”
“…”
“So at the time, I was genuinely envious. Of the strong hunters. Of people who could protect others. And I felt a bit of jealousy too. At least those people wouldn’t have to experience losing something precious and crying over it.”
“…I suppose so.”
“But it’s not necessarily like that.”
Her gaze turned toward me. I couldn’t tell what kind of person she saw reflected in her eyes.
“I saw someone stronger than anyone else crying. A strong person who could cut monsters down with a single stroke, crouching in the corner and trying to swallow her tears.”
“…How did you know?”
“Nuri doesn’t tell that story to just anyone. She only tells her real close friends.”
Was it my mistake? Even so, her perceptiveness was impressive. It seemed Maru and Nuri’s sharp senses really were genetic.
“You seemed to have a lot on your mind today. I’m not forcing you, but you can talk comfortably if you want.”
“I…”
I didn’t know what to say. I didn’t know how much I could reveal. Even so, I spoke. Not an answer, but the words I wanted to say. I poured out the feelings I had kept bottled up inside.
“I’m not a strong person. I’ve never been strong even once.”
Baekwol is the strong one. The sharpest, keenest blade in the world that cuts down enemies without wavering, cool and composed. The me I created who is not me.
“I keep thinking about it. Maybe my selfishness is only causing my parents more pain. Maybe I should let them go now.”
“…Are your parents ill?”
“Yes. They’ve been in the hospital for ten years now.”
The empty space left by my parents had remained until now. I had moved forward believing that if I could just heal them, that empty space could be filled too.
“Maybe my parents don’t even want treatment. They might prefer to have their lives ended rather than live unable to do anything. But…”
That day when the treatment using Maru’s Engraving had failed—that was when I felt it. That I wouldn’t be able to endure any longer. That I was slowly growing tired and beginning to crumble.
“A weak person who can’t endure without being loved or loving others. That’s me.”
If that’s the case, maybe I should have been a rabbit instead of a wolf. They say rabbits die when they’re lonely. That’s exactly like me.
I poured mana back into the Engraving on my choker. The disguise melted away, revealing my true form. Since I had already been found out, I wanted to stay like this, even if only for a little while.
“I’m holding on desperately because I don’t have the confidence to endure a world without my parents. My little sister will eventually leave to live her own life. If I let go of everything, there won’t be anyone left by my side.”
Today, watching Maru’s family chatting together, I had felt envious. Honestly, I had been jealous of Maru, who still had the family I had lost.
“What should I do? Should I just accept it all and live alone?”
The truth is, my relationship with my little sister isn’t that good. After our parents collapsed, I started obsessing over her. It got so bad that we had a huge fight once. She ran away overseas, and I couldn’t stop her. Even I could see that it had been getting worse. I never wanted to ruin her life.
But once my sister left for overseas too, there was no one left by my side. Every time I returned to that empty house, I felt like my heart was emptying out as well.
“I…”
At that moment, his mother suddenly hugged me. Since we were almost the same height, it was easy to be held. It felt different from Maru, but a similar warmth came through.
“You’ve been through a lot.”
“…”
“It must have been hard. You must have been very lonely.”
“No… I’m fine.”
If it had been the old me, those would have been nothing but brave words. But not now. Because through my conversation with his mother, I had come to understand something.
“Still, I realized there are people who think of me. I met people who look at me purely, even if they’re not family.”
I had only looked at family. Because it was the first happiness I had obtained, I had looked only at that.
But there was no need to do that. There were people who would think of me even if they weren’t family.
—Arang! Try this on!—
—Hehe… Try this… It’s delicious…—
—Don’t push yourself too hard. Take a break.—
Friends I had met by chance. Good people who thought of me even though we hadn’t known each other long.
There might be even more. People who thought of me that I hadn’t noticed because I was too obsessed with family.
It’s not that family isn’t precious. Thinking of friends doesn’t mean abandoning family. Why had I only realized such an obvious truth now?
“I’m going to try to look at the people around me properly from now on.”
“Well done.”
“Haha. Thank you.”
“I’m glad you found the answer yourself. Ah, and remember this one thing.”
I pulled back from her embrace for a moment. I focused on the serious words that came as we looked into each other’s eyes.
“No one calls a person who knows how to love others and who can be loved by others a weak person.”
A firm conviction dwelled in her eyes.
“They are someone stronger than anyone else—someone who can believe in love.”
