The Relationship Remains Unchanged
The blood flowing from inside me confirmed that my hymen had been properly breached. It hurt, no question, but I adapted faster than I expected. When fighting is your everyday life, pain is hardly a stranger. It didn’t take long at all.
What I couldn’t adjust to was the pressure. The feeling of being completely filled was something I had never experienced in either of my lives.
A strange satisfaction, like an empty space had finally been occupied. The taboo thrill of being invaded in a place I had never even touched myself. The sharp pleasure that came from being stroked in my most sensitive spot. The slight bloating that came from something pushing just past my limit. The faint ache that still lingered. The burning heat inside my core.
All of it swirled together until I had no idea what to do with myself. I simply stayed wrapped in his arms.
“Are you okay?”
“Yeah… Just give me a second. You can move slowly.”
After some time passed, the discomfort truly eased. It felt too cruel to leave him like that, so I told him it was fine to move. He kept me cradled against his chest and began rocking slowly.
“Hngh! Haah…”
The alien sensation of that massive thing sliding in and out of me. The pleasure that built steadily, relentlessly, soon had my breathing turning ragged.
“A little faster… Haan!!”
I was in the middle of saying it seemed okay to speed up when an overwhelming wave crashed over me. He had grabbed my tail. Intense pleasure surged from the base of it, flooding my entire body.
I hadn’t known my own tail was that sensitive. When I was little I used to let my younger sister play with it, but of course I never felt anything like this. And on top of that—
“Haan! Hyaang! Heuk! Hiang!”
Ma-ru was no longer moving just a little faster. He had switched to his own rhythm entirely. The speed combined with the overwhelming sensation from my tail left me speechless. The only sounds escaping my lips were sweet, helpless moans.
“Hiyang! Heup! Haa… Hngh!”
I tried desperately to hold the sounds back out of embarrassment, but there was no way I could handle this gracefully on my first time. If anything, the noises that came out sounded even more obscene. Apparently Ma-ru didn’t like me trying to stay quiet.
“Huuup?!”
“You’re not allowed to hold it in.”
His finger slipped into my mouth, prying my lips open. Our tongues tangled around it.
“Haaang!! W-wait!!”
I had said kissing was off-limits, but this was something else! I tried to push his arm away, but—
“No.”
For some reason, I couldn’t summon any strength. I, who could lift a car without breaking a sweat, couldn’t even brush aside the hand of a man who was only D-rank.
“Are you going to be honest and make noise?”
“Yes! I’ll make noise honestly… Hiiik!!”
Polite speech slipped out automatically. Some deep instinct had been carved into my mind: I must not defy this man. I didn’t want to let him hear those sounds, but if he told me not to hold back, then I couldn’t. The thought settled naturally inside my head.
The first sense of defeat I had ever known. The terror of being unable to resist. The rising urge to submit. And the pleasure that kept piling higher and higher.
“I-I think I’m going to come! Please let me come!!”
I was asking him for permission to climax as if it were the most natural thing in the world. In that moment, the man before me was my master.
“You want to come?”
“Yes! Please! I can’t hold it anymore!!”
“Endure just a little longer. Let’s go together.”
Even though I was already at my limit, Ma-ru told me to wait. My mind screamed to finish quickly, but my body fought to obey, clenching with everything it had. Thankfully, it didn’t take long.
“I’m coming. You can let go now.”
“Hiiiiiiik!!!”
The warm rush of semen flooding inside me and the shameless cry that tore from my throat made the pleasure I had been holding back explode all at once. My back arched, my whole body shook. Fireworks of pure bliss burst through my brain.
“Heek… Heee… Heee…”
Afterward, I surrendered myself to the pleasant floating sensation and the warm afterglow.
“……”
“A-rang?”
I fell asleep just like that.
That is the memory that remains with me. A memory I would rather have forgotten entirely.
“…”
I didn’t even have the presence of mind to scream. My brain kept rejecting the situation outright. As a form of responsibility avoidance, I looked over at Cheon Ma-ru. The bastard was still hard. Morning wood, I guess?
‘I… with a man… and with him of all people…?’
It wasn’t forced. He hadn’t even seduced me first. I was the one who seduced him. At the start I really had only planned to sleep, but the moment I saw the box of condoms my eyes rolled back and—
I had definitely been wary of that blonde delinquent Geum Tae-yang, so how on earth had it come to this? Instead of me getting jumped, I was the one who jumped him? This was reality? I had seduced a guy and let him fuck me?
“Hold on.”
Why did the last memory include the feeling of something warm pouring into me? Why couldn’t I remember using a condom? And above all else, what was this sticky feeling?
“Ah.”
I threw the blanket aside in a panic. There was proof of what should never have happened. White fluid had dried around my entrance. The last thread of my sanity snapped.
It didn’t matter who was at fault. What mattered was that I had clearly lost my mind.
“You crazy son of a bitch—!!!!!”
Me sitting cross-legged on the bed. Cheon Ma-ru kneeling on the floor. He wore a somewhat wronged expression, but the moment he saw the condom box in my hand, his head dropped again.
“…I wondered why Mother bothered to give that as a gift only for it to be shoved in the corner of a drawer. So it was because you had no intention of using it?”
“…I’m sorry.”
“Haa…”
Honestly, my anger hadn’t completely dissipated, but I wasn’t sure this was a situation that justified me blowing up. No matter how you looked at it, I was the one who initiated the seduction, and Ma-ru had kept trying to stop me. Still, how could he forget the condom? At the very least, shouldn’t he have remembered that much?
“…For now, sit comfortably.”
“No, it’s fine—”
“Sit. Down.”
Yesterday, for some reason, I had felt like I shouldn’t defy him. That feeling was gone now. Why had I gotten that impression from this pathetic, wrinkled-looking guy? I climbed off the bed so we could be eye-level. Otherwise we wouldn’t be able to talk properly.
“Actually, today is a safe day.”
“…Really?”
“Yeah. But you know a safe day isn’t one hundred percent safe, right?”
“Of course…”
The biggest issue was obviously whether I had gotten pregnant or not. The difficulty of dealing with the aftermath would change drastically depending on the answer. If I wasn’t pregnant, great. If I was… I had no idea what to do.
“Let’s stop talking about what’s already done. It’s not like I’m completely without fault either.”
Even if Ma-ru had forgotten, if I had remembered we wouldn’t be in this mess. Sex isn’t something only the man has to prepare for and take responsibility for. I shared the blame. There was nothing we could do about pregnancy now, so we moved on. What remained was—
“Hey.”
“Yeah? Yeah.”
“Do you like me?”
“…Huh?”
It came down to our relationship. People didn’t rush into marriage after a single round of sex these days. There were relationships that were purely physical. Looking at it that way, the world really was a dizzying place.
“…What about you?”
“Huh?”
“I asked first. Do you like me?”
He turned the question back on me. I was pretty sure some serial-killer salaryman once said not to answer a question with another question.
“To be honest, I don’t dislike you. But if we’re talking about liking you romantically… I’m not really sure.”
“…Is that so?”
That was my genuine feeling. Now that all the misunderstandings and suspicions had been cleared up, I could say without hesitation that he was a good friend and a good person. But that didn’t automatically translate into romantic feelings. A good person and a good lover were two different things.
More than anything, the fact that I had lived my previous life as a man created a strong sense of rejection. Not toward Ma-ru himself, but toward the idea of dating a man. Me linking arms with a guy and acting cute? I would rather have my heart roasted and eaten.
“Actually, I feel the same. It’s not that I dislike you at all, but we haven’t known each other that long, right?”
“True.”
It had only been a little over two months. That might be enough time for some people to start dating, but both he and I tended to take that kind of thing seriously. And yet we had gone all the way anyway.
“Then we’re good.”
“Good how?”
“There’s no need to change anything about our relationship. Neither of us forced the other, and neither of us is seeing anyone, so it’s not like we did anything wrong. Let’s just keep things the way they are. As close friends.”
“Friends who’ve seen everything?”
“Yeah. Like best buddies who’ve seen each other’s balls.”
Fortunately he seemed to accept it. If he had actually liked me seriously, things would have gotten messy. I had zero intention of dating anyone right now. To seduce someone and then tell them I didn’t want a relationship would have made me absolute trash. It was a relief that neither of us had deeper feelings.
“Then we just have to hope I didn’t get pregnant…”
“Ah, about that.”
“Yeah?”
“Can’t I just take the morning-after pill?”
“…Oh.”
Right. There was that.
After the matter was settled, we cleaned up together. It was surprisingly tedious. The sheets would definitely need washing.
“Cleanup finished?”
“Just have to throw out that trash bag.”
“I’ll take care of it later on my way out.”
I started getting ready to head back to my own place. I needed to take the pill before I forgot. I was nowhere near mentally prepared to raise a child.
“Then I’ll get going. I need to change clothes.”
“Ah, wait a second.”
“What?”
“There’s… one thing I’m curious about.”
Why was he hesitating so much? We had already seen every inch of each other.
“…Did it feel good?”
“Huh?”
“I asked if it felt good… It was my first time too, you know.”
So that was what he wanted to ask. From a woman’s perspective it might be embarrassing to hear, but having lived as a man, I understood perfectly. Whether or not you satisfied your partner had a massive effect on a man’s pride.
Of course I had never done it in my previous life either. Still, I knew enough.
“Hmm…”
“…”
The way he was openly anxious was kind of cute, so I considered teasing him, but decided to be honest.
“It felt incredibly good. I was moaning out loud, wasn’t I?”
I had even announced I was about to come. What was there to be anxious about? I hadn’t been able to hide it at all.
“I honestly can’t believe it was your first time. You were really good.”
It probably had been his first time. He couldn’t even find the entrance at the beginning. But regardless, the fact that he hadn’t tried to force it in recklessly or grope me without finesse was already enough to count as doing well. I had actually come properly, after all.
He looked visibly relieved. It was much better than seeing him moping.
“Then I’m off, daddy.”
“Got it. Be safe—wait, what?!”
“Just kidding. I told you it’s fun to tease you. I’ll stop by my place and then come back, so get ready.”
“Ready for what?”
“You’re not going to the academy? The elective classes might not have exams, but there will still be things to learn.”
“Ah! That’s right!”
Watching him scramble into motion, I smiled, put on my glasses, and stepped out the door. Since I had woken up early, there was no rush. I needed to wash properly. Otherwise Kim Chae-eun would definitely notice something.