Heads and Hearts
“As expected, Ms. Saran is… truly amazing.”
“…amazing?”
“Yes.”
When Charlotte said that, Saran felt a flicker of surprise.
She had never once believed herself to be an amazing person, let alone a good one. That was why it was so hard to wrap her head around Charlotte’s words.
She could understand why Charlotte always stayed bright and cheerful, always spoke kindly to her, but this praise still felt strangely out of place.
“If I were the one being praised, I probably couldn’t have kept at it for all these years.”
“Kept at it…”
“I’ve only been working in the Welfare Bureau for two years. That’s nothing compared to how long it’s been for you, Ms. Saran.”
“That’s true. I don’t think the praise is quite right.”
“Is that so?”
Charlotte had given the praise, but to Saran it was just her job.
She was twenty-six and had simply been doing it for a long time.
At first there had been passion and purpose, but those things had dulled over the years.
That was why even the praise now felt oddly difficult to accept.
Of course Charlotte had once told her the story of her childhood dreams and why she wanted to become a hero, but…
“It’s not exactly what you think.”
“In what way?”
“Helping people and making sure no one like me ever has to suffer… even though there are men, it’s never been on that scale.”
“Hmm… I see.”
When her parents had died and she had become a hero, she had never truly kept that first pure feeling inside.
Her heart no longer held those old thoughts or goals, but it wasn’t the same as before.
Saran decided the words she was being praised for were not true.
Even to herself, she felt like someone who had worn down long past her limit. Hearing such bright praise only made her feel it was wrong.
“I don’t think that’s true. People are like that.”
“…?”
Yet Charlotte kept speaking, voice steady and unwavering.
The way she held to those words was almost impressive to Saran, though right now they still felt difficult to accept.
Why was she continuing like this? It was hard to understand.
“I still think Ms. Saran is amazing.”
“……”
“Life is full of changes in goals. It’s normal. It’s even more normal for the important things in life to shift as you go along.”
Nothing like the image of her parents being killed and her hiding in a closet.
Charlotte was making her own case.
Her emerald eyes looked so honest to Saran.
Strong, solid, full of spirit.
When Charlotte had first brought her here, Saran had been ready to hear bad things, but after listening, all she kept hearing were good things about herself.
Saran was thoroughly confused.
“For example, when I was very young, I just thought I needed to live well on my own. I never said the details, but I had been living with quite a few people.”
“…Really?”
Charlotte’s story was new to Saran.
Even though it wasn’t detailed, when she had met her, Saran had been unable to stop her own curiosity from being pulled in by the first past Charlotte had shared.
“There were many reasons, but I had decided that as long as I lived well on my own it would be enough. Even in school, just living alone was enough for me.”
“…That’s how it was?”
“Then I met the heroes and started working to help people. At first it was for quite light reasons, but… Ms. Saran, Batori, Eun-hwa. And many other heroes too.”
“That makes sense.”
Two years in the Welfare Bureau meant she had met countless heroes.
But Saran wanted to know how the feelings from her childhood had changed.
“The heroes are wonderful people who save and help others, but the people who need help the most are the ones who never receive it.”
“…Is that true?”
“Yes. Look at you, for example. Before you met me, every day was spent at home with nothing to do. But after we met… it’s gotten better, hasn’t it?”
“……I suppose so.”
It was hard to deny the obvious truth.
After all, to her own thinking, she had improved quite a bit since before.
Six months ago she had stayed inside her house, doing nothing.
Now, thanks to Charlotte’s words, she was going out—even to the convenience store just down the street—and had started eating dinner together.
Even though it was supposed to be a favor, Saran had chosen the place herself and they had gone somewhere together.
It was already too late to deny anything.
“So, while I’m working with heroes, I’ve started thinking and having the goal of helping them too.”
“……”
“Look at me. My first thoughts changed, and I have new goals now. Someone who’s lived five years longer than I have should still be the same… isn’t that strange?”
“That’s…”
“It’s been over five years since I became a hero. That’s nothing unusual. It’s perfectly normal. Normal and amazing.”
No matter how much she heard, Saran found herself gradually accepting the words.
At first they had been hard to understand, but watching Charlotte’s emerald eyes—honest and steady—made her unconsciously believe and accept them.
She already knew Charlotte wasn’t using hypnosis, yet the words felt like they were binding her anyway.
Bit by bit, Saran found herself nodding along to Charlotte’s speech.
“If you ever feel like you’re not enough, like you’re an unworthy person, then think of me who believes you are amazing.”
“…Huh?”
Of course she tilted her head at the next words, but she could answer.
“What kind of person do you think I am, Ms. Saran?”
“…a bright person?”
“Hmm… really? You gave such a good answer that I’m happy. Hehe.”
“……”
Then and now, Saran had always thought Charlotte was amazing.
Even hearing the counselor call her amazing made her feel flustered.
That was why she had answered that way.
It was a thought she had always had.
To Saran, Charlotte had always been the bright, sun-like person, so the answer had been easy.
“Hmm… I’m happy you think I’m bright. There must be many reasons for that, right?”
“Yeah.”
“Personality, cheerful way of speaking, never shrinking back…?”
“That kind of feeling.”
When Saran answered, Charlotte nodded slightly and continued explaining.
She made short hums and hums in between, like she was thinking, but it wasn’t long.
“If I think you’re amazing, Ms. Saran, there must be some good reason for it.”
“……?”
“If you thought I was bright, and someone who didn’t know you well called you mean, worthless, or bad… of course you’d feel bad, right?”
“Who would say that?”
“Hehe, not that anyone did. If something like that happened, of course you’d feel bad, right?”
“……Yeah.”
The question had come suddenly, but Saran’s answer was naturally positive.
After all, if she heard someone speaking ill of the woman who helped her, always showed her bright face, and had such a kind heart, she would feel terrible.
It wasn’t a difficult answer.
Of course it was hard to fully understand the reason, but…
“That’s right. I feel like you’re amazing, Ms. Saran, and I truly believe it. But you keep thinking you’re unworthy… that makes my heart ache too.”
“……Why?”
“Because you’re precious to me.”
“……”
Charlotte’s next words kept making things difficult for her.
She had never really met many people from the Welfare Bureau, but she knew this wasn’t ordinary.
“All I want is for the people I cherish not to tear themselves down.”
“……I see.”
Even now it was still too hard to understand.
It left her confused.
But in the end, Saran had no choice but to nod in agreement with Charlotte’s words.
“I don’t want a person as beautiful and wonderful as you, Ms. Saran, to suffer.”
“……”
“Hehe, that’s all it means. I guess my words got a little unnecessary, but I just wanted you to be happy. That’s all you need to know.”
Her head and heart kept growing more confused because of the counselor who kept making things difficult for her.
She could only nod along with Charlotte’s words.
There was nothing else she could do.