Head Pats
"But Eun-hwa. Listening to all these stories about the other A-Class heroes, I find myself a little curious."
"Curious about what, exactly?"
"How do the other A-Class heroes end up living so comfortably? They're official heroes registered with the Hero Association too, aren't they?"
I'd been listening to Baek Eun-hwa talk, and now I began, slowly, to put my plan into motion. The opening move was a comparison — stacking her against the rest of her peers.
Among every A-Class hero, Baek Eun-hwa was the one most widely known for being diligent, sincere, a genuinely good person. The heroes registered in D City — where I lived and worked, along with most of the people around me — were ranked in a pyramid, and A-Class sat at a vanishingly small peak. That much was only natural. The problem was that the A-Class heroes, with the exception of Eun-hwa and a scarce handful of others, were... considerably, considerably free-spirited.
Most hero work outside of actual deployments was autonomous to begin with. Even allowing for that, though... the majority of high-ranking heroes rarely showed up of their own accord unless the Association sent a direct dispatch request. They spent that time living like celebrities instead.
In other words, unlike Eun-hwa — who routinely took on Association-related work and all manner of tasks for the sake of other heroes — a great many of them simply leveraged their popularity to make money. I did wish those top-tier heroes would take a little more responsibility, but...
"There are so many A-Class heroes who don't work nearly as hard or as faithfully as you do. So why is that never a problem?"
"...Excuse me?"
"Aren't you curious? Generally speaking, A-Class heroes deploy when there's a powerful villain to catch, and they're required to respond when something genuinely dangerous happens, but... even so, their number of deployments is still lower than B-Class or C-Class heroes, isn't it?"
Thoughts like that weren't important right now — not for solving Eun-hwa's actual problem. If anything, I intended to use those very facts to let her live more comfortably. To give her permission to be a little selfish.
A few words wouldn't change her overnight. But still...
"Setting aside how hard you work as Baekyeou — those people are A-Class heroes too. And there's nothing wrong with the way they live?"
"Well... they do still deploy in emergencies, even if they ignore ordinary requests. So maybe that's why it isn't a problem?"
"Is that so? They don't attend Association meetings, and only a tiny handful of A-Class heroes participate in the Association's projects... I have a little trouble understanding it."
"Heroes have their own schedules. So... so maybe that's why?"
A single drop of doubt, let fall into her heart. That alone was enough. The way a butterfly's wingbeat can stir a typhoon, a few words now could send ripples through everything she believed — and that was all I needed.
Of course, talking like this wouldn't be sufficient on its own. We would need more conversation. More questions and answers, going back and forth.
"Hmm... that just leaves me with even more to think about. Even at an ordinary company, if you do good work, a bonus follows, doesn't it? Compensation. Granted, the people who receive those bonuses tend to be the ones who actually generate that much profit for the company. But the point is, that kind of reward exists — and you don't get anything like it."
"I get paid when I shoot commercials."
"That's not the Association doing anything for you. That's just you filming an ad and getting paid for it. The Association is more like your... agent. A representative, nothing more. In the end, you're the one shooting the commercials, showing up at events, doing the actual work — and a cut of that money still goes to the Association. Shouldn't the Association be giving you proper compensation in return?"
"That's... I mean..."
"Look at me, for instance. I worked myself to the bone at the Association — so hard I thought something was going to give — and I was compensated with the position of Special Agent. You don't even have that. And Saran — she's an Under Hero. She can't disclose a single thing about her work, and yet she still receives clear, definite compensation, including her pay, and her workload is light. Meanwhile, the only money you receive through the Association is ordinary income from hero activity. For everything you've endured along the way... it doesn't feel like the compensation comes anywhere close."
"Ah, that's... no, I don't think it's that serious..."
Baek Eun-hwa had always had a few surprisingly fragile spots — and she still did. Especially when pressed with logic like this: she couldn't push back easily. The reason was obvious. Her behavior and her thinking weren't normal to begin with. All that foolish, relentless overwork. Somewhere in her, she already knew something was wrong. That was why she couldn't argue.
"...That's exactly why I wanted you to take things a little easier. I've been in the hero industry for a while now, and I've met a great many people. And you always look so exhausted. If there were proper compensation, maybe the hardship would be worth it... but what you do for the Association and what the Association gives you in return don't look remotely proportional to me."
"...Is that so?"
"Yes. That's why I wanted to become your assigned agent in the first place — so I could help you. So I could help you get better, little by little."
"...Hearing the detailed reasons you decided to help me is a little awkward. Maybe because it all feels so serious."
"Heh. I've always been sincere when it comes to you, Eun-hwa."
"...Don't play word games with me."
"Heh."
And so I spoke of the truths she had been avoiding. The things she had learned to ignore because of her mother's words.
But lecturing her about them — nagging, scolding — was not the right approach. What I was doing wasn't a lecture. It was reverse-gaslighting: the inverse of the gaslighting she had already endured. That meant stirring the anxiety already living in her, then using it not merely to persuade her, but to slowly, carefully rewrite the way she saw herself.
I really do feel like I'm doing something genuinely awful here.
But receiving fair compensation for your labor is just common sense, isn't it? If anything, isn't this actually setting things right?
Even as I turned it over, more thoughts kept crowding in. Even so, I believed this was the right thing to do. And as long as I didn't implant anything strange in the process — any warped ideology, any twisted thought or habit...
Then there's nothing wrong with it, is there?
Besides, it's not as though I'm using any of this to commit a crime against her.
"Eun-hwa. Starting now — even if it's only little by little — let's try to change. Let's really work at it."
I said it wearing a warm, good-natured smile — a bright one. I murmured to her the words no one else had ever offered, softly, again and again.
"I've said a lot of things, but... none of it means that what you've done until now was wrong. When I think of you... it may have been misguided, in a way, but for the people around you, it was something good. That's how I see it."
"...What are you trying to say?"
"Mm... I wanted to tell you that you don't have to push yourself so hard — that you're already a far better person than you think. That just working normally, without running yourself into the ground, is more than enough to make you a good person. That's what I wanted you to hear."
"......"
"It'll still be hard to take it easy out there, when you're on hero duty. But at the very least, when you're talking with me like this... I'd like you to be more comfortable."
"...Is that so."
"Yes. Because you're a good person who's always working so hard."
"......"
"If you cut back on your work — if you scaled back your activities just a little — who would even have the nerve to criticize you for it? Anyone who did would be the strange one."
"......"
The longer I kept talking, the more Baek Eun-hwa's expression grew heavy with thought. Her fox ears, which had been perked brightly upward at the start, gradually drooped — a sure sign she was turning over her own circumstances more and more carefully.
"Agent... when you look at me, am I... a good person?"
"A foolishly good person. The kind of fool who doesn't even look after her own body while she's busy helping everyone else."
"...Is that so."
"Yes. Which is exactly why, in front of me at least, I want you to be ordinary. Comfortable. I want you to rest as much as you like."
"......"
Baek Eun-hwa, sinking deeper into thought. Looking back, she hadn't changed much — not before, and not now. But if, in the process of thinking, she began to realize something... then the difference would start to show.
And so I...
"Eun-hwa. Could you lean your head this way for a moment?"
"...Why?"
"Mm... so I can pet you?"
"......?"
"Heh. I just want to tell you that you've truly done well. That it's all right to rest a little. That's all. Just relax. If you don't like it, you can hide your ears."
As an extension of everything I'd been saying, I asked her to lean her head toward me for a moment. The way an adult praises a child. The way you affirm someone for doing something good — a gentle pat on the head. To acknowledge the worth of everything Baek Eun-hwa had poured herself into, and to tell her it was all right to take it easy.
"......This is awkward."
"Heh, is it? Petting the head of someone my own age is pretty awkward, I'll admit."
"...Consider the other person's position, too."
Now, as before, Baek Eun-hwa seemed especially unused to being touched. We'd slept in the same bed for a week, and even then she'd clung to the very edge of the mattress. After every shower she insisted on changing inside the bathroom before coming out. She was surprisingly shy — which, in its own way, only made her feel all the more like a fox.
"Hehe. Still... you really have done well. Truly. So it's all right to take things a little easier from now on. And if anyone ever speaks ill of you for it, I'll be right here to tell you otherwise."
"......"
But a head pat like this seemed to fall within her acceptable range. Especially the way I was stroking her hair so gently now. Her eyes narrowed, a faint smile ghosting across her lips, and the tail hanging behind her chair swayed in soft, pleased little sweeps... she clearly liked it.
"Heh."
A laugh slipped out of me before I could stop it, and I just kept on petting Baekyeou's head.