Chapter 269: I Am a Prince (3)
Translator: RaidenTL
Chapter 269: I Am a Prince (3)
There was no need for a knock.
As she walked down the hallway and approached the office, the door opened from within, and someone welcomed her warmly.
"Welcome, Lady Bern."
The visitor was Hina, and her welcomer was Alan. Hina, holding something so large it filled her arms and left only her eyes peeking out, bowed her head in greeting. The object looked quite heavy, so Alan quickly took it from her and set it on the table.
Meanwhile, Eila, who had accompanied Hina, bowed politely before closing the door from the outside. Glancing after her, Alan turned his attention to what Hina had brought and asked, "Isn't this Kavania? It must have been quite expensive."
– Yes... it is.
The red flowers gave off a sweet fragrance rather than a floral one. They vaguely resembled peonies but were much smaller, with uniquely shaped petals. As Alan looked down at the pot of mysterious blooming flowers, Hina continued.
– I thought... it was medicine... and worked hard... to get it... but Veronica said... it wasn't what... she was looking for... so I was going to... grow it in my office. But then... when I saw... the flowers bloom... I thought... the Commander... would like it... so I brought it.
The red petals were as translucent as gemstones.
Looking at them, Alan was suddenly reminded of his lovely disciple's eyes, and a pleasant expression, as sweet as the fragrance, spread across his face. He hadn't seen Calian in quite a while, and the boy had been lingering in his thoughts.
"Thank you for your thoughtfulness. I will do my best to raise it well."
Hina nodded with a smile and stood up. Since she had only come to deliver the flower pot and had no other business, she was preparing to leave. But Alan, realizing his oversight, quickly got up to prepare some tea.
Sensing he had something more to say, Hina didn't object or ask for Eila to be let in; she simply waited.
Before long, two cups of refreshingly scented mint tea were placed on the table. Sitting back down opposite Hina, Alan glanced subtly toward the door and spoke.
"I heard about what happened at the Wilhelm Pavilion. I also heard that your friend standing outside has quite a fierce hand. Are you getting along with her? No rough edges?"
– My guard? Yes... we are doing well... together. We have... become very close.
"If you ever feel uncomfortable, let me know. The Prince has been nagging me to take good care of you so much that my ears are practically bleeding."
Hina nodded and took a sip of her tea. Setting the cup down, she spoke.
– It's strange... Even though it's the same leaf... the taste is different... and the scent is different too.
The mint tea Alan brewed tasted better than any Hina had ever had. The aroma was cool, yet the tea itself was warm.
"Still, I always find this one difficult to brew. Coffee just needs to be strong, and strawberry tea just needs to be weak. This one is always the troublemaker."
The coffee for Alan or Arsen always had to be strong; the strawberry tea for Franz always had to be weak. And the mint tea Calian drank always had to be delicious. That was why Calian’s tea was the hardest to make.
Understanding exactly what he meant, Hina nodded again and asked, "– But... is Lady Eila... from Secritia?"
Alan had kept Hina here precisely to ask if she was getting along with Eila, but when the question came from Hina’s own fingertips, he looked surprised.
In truth, what Hina had noticed was not some grand secret. Although she had never met Eila during Calian's journey to Roselita, she knew that Eila's place of origin was the Whitrin territory.
"She isn't now. Is there something about that bothering you?"
– No... It's my guard's surname... I know... where that place is. So... I was curious... if she really came... from there... or if... the Prince... gave her that surname.
"I believe the Prince gave it to her. Is there such a place in Secritia?"
– Yes... there is. I heard... it's a small forest.
Alan made an exasperated face.
Good grief, my lovely disciple has left another trail. He would have to contact Chase and ask him to change the name of that place, Bridget. His flower-like disciple had accidentally used a Secritian place name for one of his own people—what else could be done? The place name itself would have to be changed, of course.
While Alan was busy planning this massive chore, Hina continued.
– In the letter... my late mother... left behind... it was written there. She said... it was the place... where she and my father... first met.
Hina's mother. Had she been an elf exiled for some wrongdoing? Was that why she had lived in hiding in a forest in Secritia, rather than Kairis?
– She thought... that if my brother... was born in this country... we could all return... to the elf forest together... but it didn't work out. So... she wanted... my mother, father, brother, and I... to go back... to that forest... and live there... but she said... it didn't seem possible. My mother... was sick. If she had only... waited a little longer... I could have... healed her.
Hina stared into her teacup for a moment, then moved her hands again.
– Since I... don't remember... my mother or father... I used to... tell my brother... that all the time. That we should... go and live there... later on. I don't think... about going to that forest... anymore... but before... I met... the kind Prince... I said those words... almost every day. Even though... I didn't really know... where it was... I imagined... it must surely... be a happy place. That's why... when I heard... my guard's name... I was glad.
No need to contact Chase, then.
Vaguely understanding why Calian had used that name, Alan nodded. At this rate, even if Chase offered to change the name first, Alan would have to stop him. He changed his mind: if anyone heard Eila's name and grew suspicious, he would simply eliminate them instead.
He now understood why Kyrie, after losing Hina, had gone all the way to Secritia. It was because Kyrie had sought out Secritia that Bern had met him. Otherwise, Calian would have lived to this day without ever knowing who Kyrie was.
If Alan hadn't arbitrarily given the siblings the surname 'Bern', theirs would surely have been 'Bridget'. Why Calian had given that surname to Eila was a matter only Calian knew, but at any rate, it was a relief it hadn't been a thoughtless choice.
Having learned yet another of his "son's" inner thoughts, Alan looked at Hina and asked, "I see. Then, do you think living here is better than that place?"
Hina raised her head and looked at Alan. Then, with a face free of hesitation, she nodded and answered.
– Commander... This is... a really... strange place.
A place where two cats with long, long names on their collars got unsalted chicken from just about anyone; where a carrier pigeon boasted to its flock about the feeling of a healer's golden light; and where a vice-commander who brought that same pigeon sparkling water also tended to the duck feed. Such a strange place. A truly strange place.
Living in such a place, Hina smiled warmly and nodded.
– I think... it's because... the kind Prince... who made this place... like this... is the strangest... person of all. I like... this place... with all its strange things... much more... than the happy place... I only imagined.
"Hearing you say that, it seems you've become a strange person yourself."
Was it because this was a place where a prince, who had traveled back in time to an enemy nation, let slip every secret he should have guarded until death? Or was it because, instead of seeking the revenge he surely must take, he was trying to save everyone?
Amused by these thoughts, Alan smiled back.
*
His feet sank into the sand as the waves washed it away.
Unknowingly, they were buried little by little. The waves that had been brushing against his toes now wet the tops of his feet.
"Do you even realize what you just said?"
The waves rolled in, but only a flat, monotonous voice escaped from between his gritted teeth. Though it had been a very long time since he had seen Calian make such a face, Franz replied in a low voice that was no different from usual.
"You told me to live with greed, but it seems you aren't doing the same, little brother."
"You of all people know exactly why I am doing this."
"Unable to choose a side, you tried to wash the grass stains from my clothes instead. As if you believed that would make my faults disappear. You thought that since your own faults were already erased, making mine vanish too would finally put us on the same level. That’s why you tried to bury it."
Without paying the slightest attention to his collar, which was being gripped fiercely, Franz stared straight into Calian's eyes and continued.
"Because you thought your faults were entirely erased along with that Royal Brother, you tried to force us to the same level by turning everything back into spotless white clothes—neither forgiving nor blaming, just burying it all. You must have thought that would work."
Strength surged into the fingertips gripping the collar.
"It won't work that way."
– How many?
– What do you mean?
– The lives Your Highness secretly took. How many were there?
A fault. Irreversible.
Like tea that has already spilled. Something that burns, blisters, and leaves a scar.
– ...How did you know?
– Yesterday, I happened to see Your Highness entering the estate of Count Tion. This morning, I heard the family had vanished. Thinking back, the same thing happened every day the scent of blood was thick on Your Highness.
– Forget it.
– I believe there must have been a reason you had to kill so many people. Please do not tell me to forget. Tell me instead. I will try to understand.
– Nothing changes if I tell you. It will be the same in the future. So stop right there. It is none of your concern.
Regret. Utterly useless.
Like rainwater pouring through a broken window. Something that, no matter how hard you try to block it, eventually sweeps in and drenches your entire body in cold.
– Not long ago, His Highness called for me. When he asked if I had any thoughts of doing something other than being a knight, I said I did not want to live as a nameless bird. I said I would live in pride and die with honor. I said I would live and die as a knight like Your Highness. But...
– Eila.
– It seems I do not have to do that anymore.
Forgiveness. Unobtainable.
Like a river carrying away a multitude of words. Something that, no matter what you do, can no longer be seen or heard, leaving only silence.
– Your Highness. The Blue Warbler... has folded her wings.
– ...The body?
– I will order the birds who went to Tensil to recover it.
– Find her. Bring her here.
And so, driven into those deep, black waters, sinking alone.
The cry of a whale.
"Because you returned to the past, the people you needed to ask forgiveness from have all forgotten and are still alive. Because whether they die by someone else's hand or not, your hands won't be stained with blood. So, if a bastard whose sword is that color feels at ease just because he has no more targets for atonement... I wouldn't struggle to play the older brother to such a bastard either."
A fishy, salty smell drifted in.
Somehow, the scent of the sea felt familiar, like an illusion. An illusion of standing in that very sea.
"A bastard driven mad by the scent of blood no one else can smell should spend his life atoning. That is your burden to bear. Don't crawl out of those waters only to wither and die. Stay submerged, suffocate, and keep living."
A life as Bern.
"Don't think you have no right just because you weren't that child... the Calian of the past. Forgiving what I did to Calian is something you might not be able to do, but not forgiving is something you can do. You're allowed to. Don't force yourself to look away, thinking you're a fake when you have all the memories. If you do that, what does that make Chase? Don't turn your past brother into someone who never existed."
And a life as the Calian of the past.
"If you decided to shoulder everything, then carry all of it—the responsibilities and the rights. Don't just take what you owe. Take it all. If it feels natural, then accept it. If it feels greedy, then be greedy. You have that right."
– Brother, here... the kaleidoscope. You left it in the garden yesterday. Ah, red... I didn't know you disliked it. Then, can I have this? I'll consider it a birthday present.
– Brother, have you ever looked at what's inside this? It looks exactly like twinkling red stars.
– Brother, did you know? Do they have funerals with flowers in Secritia, like we do? ...I hope the flowers for my funeral fly away like red stars.
– Brother, no. I just brought it up. Nothing is wrong. It's because of the gems inside the kaleidoscope. It felt like stars were inside, so I had that thought. Nothing happened. No. He didn't come. Yes. Really, nothing happened. I really just said it.
– Brother...
Submerged in the rushing memories, his head drooped.
Amidst the fishy scent of salt, another metallic smell drifted in.
"You shouldn't have..."
He resented it.
He exhaled a breath he could no longer hold. He breathed.
"Just because of one word of mine... you shouldn't have done that."
The white hand gripping him, clinging to him, trembled faintly.
A new wound inevitably formed over the long scar engraved on his palm. Blood stained the pure white collar he was gripping so fiercely.
"How was I supposed to know if you didn't tell me? How could I understand? If you don't say anything, Brother, how am I supposed to understand?! You should have explained! You should have at least explained!"
Because he was the Calian of the past, he could not forgive. Yet, because he was Bern, who had failed to save a single soul and could ask forgiveness from no one, he could not bring himself to endlessly blame a brother who would never be forgiven.
"Why did you have to be so similar? Why did you, Brother, of all people, have to be so similar to me? Why on earth do you resemble me so much?"
Because, in the end, he understood.
Because that was who the current Calian was. Because he had no choice but to understand.
"Brother..."
He allowed himself to be greedy.
Upon his feet, which had sunk into the sand, the transparent emotions he could no longer hide fell one by one. They dripped into the water, carrying the same salty scent as the sea.
The waves gently rolled in, and gently rolled away.