Chapter 68: The Storm(3)
Chapter 68: The Storm(3)
Even as I was struck anew by the weight of my own standing, Lina did not lift her head. Looking straight ahead, I saw her golden hair spilling down like a shimmering waterfall.
It seemed she had no intention of looking up until I opened my mouth. Though I couldn't see her face and thus couldn't tell what expression she wore, I imagined she must be trembling with nerves.
For now, I intended to accept her apology. If the Imperial Princess of the Empire bows her head in apology and I refuse to accept it, that would create its own set of problems.
Moreover, I felt that if I didn't accept it now, the emotion currently squirming within my heart would burst forth. I hadn't been able to identify the exact nature of this feeling until now, but Lina’s apology made it clear.
Power.
Since reincarnating into this world, the thing I had loathed most was the unjust structure of authority. Yet, ironically, the emotion currently coiling in my chest was a thirst for power.
In my past life, I was merely a writer who loved to tell stories. Now, I had become someone who could shake the very foundations of the world. To top it off, both a Princess of the Demon Clan and the Imperial Princess of the Empire were humbling themselves to treat me with the utmost deference.
Who wouldn't be swayed by such greed? I could say with absolute certainty: no one. Even those who originally despised power find it an inescapable addiction once they have had a taste.
If I took even one more step in that direction, I would be consumed by it. And power, as they say, always leads a person to ruin.
'Rather than power...'
I wanted something else. I spoke to Lina, who remained bowed, waiting for my response.
"Lift your head, Lady Lina."
"..."
When I spoke in a calm, steady voice, Lina slowly raised her head to meet my eyes. Perhaps due to the immense inner turmoil she had endured, her beautiful features seemed slightly haggard, her expression deeply shadowed.
Unsure of how to begin, I rubbed the back of my neck before speaking quietly.
"Since you are aware of your own mistakes, Lady Lina, I have nothing more to say on that front... but it does feel a bit belated."
"..."
"If you truly intended to apologize, you should have done so when you first summoned my sister and me. Had you done that, your apology might have felt a bit more sincere. Or, at the very least, you could have apologized the moment Volume 10 of Xenon Biography was released. Now that the situation has already exploded, I cannot look upon this apology favorably, even if I wanted to."
As I spoke in a low, measured tone, Lina’s expression grew even darker. She seemed anxious, fearing that I might not accept her apology after all.
I paused for a moment, clasping my hands together as I took a moment to reflect. I needed to organize the thoughts in my head.
About a minute passed in silence. I stared blankly at my own reflection in the coffee cup before speaking again.
"To be honest, I never imagined the situation would become this dire. I simply declared a hiatus to focus on my studies. And above all, as you saw in the Author's Note, I was writing Xenon Biography purely as a hobby. It wasn't driven by any specific purpose or ideology."
I had said the same thing to Mari. I stole a glance at her; she was staring intently at my face with an expression of absolute trust.
I almost reached out to touch her face, but I managed to restrain myself given the atmosphere. Even in this heavy situation, the fact that I felt the urge to touch Mari made me realize just how deep my affection for her ran.
"Of course, the fundamental reason I decided on the hiatus was the pressure from you and Lord Leort. I truly love my family. If my sister hadn't persuaded me back then, I might have put down the pen for good."
"Ah..."
Lina’s reaction to my candid confession was quite a sight. Her face, already pale, turned a ghostly white as the blood drained from it completely.
It was a stroke of luck, in a way. She realized that her own mistakes and greed had nearly caused a catastrophe far worse than the current one.
Watching her lips tremble, I suppressed a bitter smile.
It wasn't that I couldn't understand Lina’s perspective at all. She had been born into a position far above others and had lived that way her entire life; a 'Chosen People Consciousness' would have been ingrained in her naturally.
She was the daughter of the Emperor, whom everyone looked up to, and her sphere of influence was vastly wider than anyone else's. Therefore, she likely thought it was perfectly fine to pressure the author of Xenon Biography.
I was only able to live a life distanced from such authority because I possessed memories of my previous life. Lina was different. She had been raised with that education since childhood, so much of it was unavoidable.
"Well... I've rambled on a bit, but I will accept your apology for now. The fact that you are apologizing in person means the situation is that serious, and there's nothing in this for me to gain by dragging it out. Especially since public opinion is heavily criticizing the Minerva Empire. Am I right?"
"That's right. And..."
"Before that, there is something I want to say. Perhaps it's more of a request."
I cut Lina off before she could finish. It was an act that could be seen as beyond rude—bordering on arrogant—but the initiative was still in my hands.
Lina knew this as well, so she closed her mouth without a word. I didn't know what she was thinking deep down, but seeing her dark expression, she seemed to be enduring it for now.
"As I told Mari, I write Xenon Biography simply as a hobby. I listen to my father's stories and write the tale I want to tell based on those experiences. You may not know this, but the moment a hobby becomes work, you truly start to hate it. So, please, do not interfere anymore. Like the last time, when you summoned me at your whim and pressured me."
"...I apologize once again for that."
As Lina spoke in a gloomy voice and prepared to bow her head again, I quickly stopped her. There was no need for an Imperial Princess to bow twice. It made me feel uncomfortable.
"There's no need to apologize twice. Once is enough."
"...Thank you."
"And you can drop the formalities. Also, the proposal I want to make is..."
As my voice trailed off and I gauged her reaction, Lina’s expression became taut with tension. Mari, sitting beside me, looked expectant, wondering what I was about to say.
I couldn't help but hesitate for a moment, wondering if I should really make such a proposal. This world was one where social classes existed, and with them came rigid authority.
Therefore, the proposal I was about to make might damage Lina’s prestige. However, a small desire in my heart whispered to me.
If it's too hard to take a full step forward, why not just take half a step? Or, if you take the step, why not just pull back immediately?
So, I made my proposal to Lina.
"I want you to let me speak informally to you."
"...Pardon?"
Seeing Lina’s bewildered expression, as if she hadn't understood, I explained it once more.
"Instead of calling you 'Lady Lina,' let me just call you 'Lina.'"
Not power, but equality.
My personality might be a bit strange, but I find it much more comfortable to treat someone as an equal rather than looking down on them. Conversely, I absolutely loathe it when someone tries to suppress me using their authority.
Unlike Aira during the group assignment, Lina hadn't suppressed me so overtly, so it had been bearable—but the situation had flipped dramatically.
Now that the crisis had erupted, she was the one who had acknowledged her fault first and was bowing her head. I was strictly the one in the position of power.
But I dislike uncomfortable relationships. I much prefer a dynamic where we can treat each other comfortably, like I do with Mari.
Some might wonder why I would do such a thing, as the proposal I made was actually quite risky. It could undermine Lina’s authority, and she might find it offensive.
Even if the tables were turned now, if she held a grudge, it could become dangerous later. That was why I compromised by asking to speak as equals.
"..."
Perhaps because it was such an unexpected proposal, Lina looked utterly stunned. She glanced over at Mari, who was sitting next to me.
I naturally turned my gaze toward Mari as well, but she looked indifferent. For some reason, she seemed full of discontent.
Did she dislike my proposal that much? Still, seeing as she didn't complain, it was clear she respected my decision.
"...Is that all?"
After a brief silence, Lina asked me in a cautious voice. Judging by her expression, she seemed unable to believe it.
I answered by simply nodding my head. Oh, and I didn't forget to add one more thing.
"And you should stop using honorifics with me as well. It's uncomfortable."
"That... I understand. Is that really the only thing?"
"Yes."
"Why? What benefit is there for you in speaking informally with me?"
She certainly had a lot to say. I stared intently at Lina, who spoke with a nuance of total incomprehension.
Her poker face had crumbled completely, her eyes demanding an answer. I gave her a thin smile and opened my mouth.
"There are plenty of benefits. It puts my mind at ease."
"..."
"I'll say it again: I don't write Xenon Biography with any specific goal in mind. It's nothing more than a hobby. So, I don't really want anything; it's enough for me if the readers enjoy it."
Did she finally realize I was being sincere?
"...I don't understand you."
Lina muttered softly, her face looking somewhat dazed.
As if it didn't matter to me either way, I asked her again.
"So, are you going to accept or not?"
That day, I gained equal footing with the Imperial Princess.
"Hmph."
Though my cute girlfriend didn't seem too happy about it.