Chapter 572: The Hole(3)
Chapter 572: The Hole(3)
In my memory, my parents passed away not long after I entered university.
I don't know the exact details of the accident. It was the most despairing memory of my past life, one I didn't even want to recall.
My parents showered me, their only son, with infinite love, and I returned that love in kind.
However, I hadn't known exactly how I had returned it. I only had a vague idea.
And now, the result of the first act of love I ever showed my parents—my "filial piety"—unfolded right before my eyes.
"Do they have any relatives?"
"I heard neither of them did. They have a child, but..."
"Oh dear. How could such a thing happen..."
"That ship accident in Paris. They were victims of that."
My father and mother had no siblings, and their own parents had already passed. Thus, only those they were close with came to visit.
Usually, a funeral is bustling on the first day. My parents had been social people, so their funeral was no different from any other.
But I was different. I sat dazed in front of the photo of my parents, who were smiling brightly.
My beard was dark and unkempt from days of neglect, and my hair was matted.
I wore my mourning clothes haphazardly, a hemp armband signifying my blood relation wrapped around my sleeve.
"Yoo-hwan."
"..."
"Yoo-hwan. You remember me, right? I'm your mom's friend."
Acquaintances I had known for years. Friends I had been inseparable from since childhood.
They called out to me, but I remained motionless. I simply stared blankly at the photos of my smiling parents.
Realizing my state was severe, the neighbors eventually stepped away. My friends also left after casting worried glances my way.
I didn't even perform the traditional bows that were part of the funeral rites. I didn't care whether the condolence money piled up or not. Even when someone touched me, I didn't so much as turn my head.
Everything... just felt surreal. My parents, who had been smiling so brightly before they left, were no longer by my side.
I didn't accept it. No, I couldn't accept it. After all, the trip I had sent them on out of filial devotion had driven them to their deaths.
"..."
Time passed, and evening came after everyone had left. Exhausted to the point of collapse, I lay down to close my eyes.
A loneliness born of having no relatives or kin. My parents' laughter kept echoing in my head.
[Thank you, son.]
[We get to enjoy such luxury thanks to having a good son.]
I remembered how they looked just before they left for the trip. They had given me their unconditional love, wearing smiles happier than anyone else's.
And me? Instead of filial piety, I had committed the worst possible sin against my parents. That guilt slowly gnawed away at my sanity.
If only we had all gone together, I wouldn't have to feel like this. If only I had looked into a different destination, this wouldn't have happened.
I didn't even have the energy to curse the government or God. I just felt an empty void, as if a hole had been punched through my chest.
"Mom... Dad..."
Who was it that said even adults are ultimately someone's children?
I was no different. My problem was that I realized the preciousness of my parents far too early.
A young man who had been the happiest in the world because he was so ordinary. Someone who had enjoyed life, satisfied with the present in a world full of discontent.
My parents, who were the center of that world, returned as cold corpses in a single day. And it was from a trip I had practically pushed them into for the sake of being a "good son."
Was this a mental shock an ordinary person could handle? I could say with certainty that it wasn't.
"...I want to go home."
A murmur laden with many meanings. Those few words were enough to guess my state of mind.
Perhaps it was because I had stared at my parents' photos all day. My eyes slowly began to close.
I probably thought that if I closed my eyes and opened them again, everything would return to normal.
Even though I knew such a thing would never happen.
"......aac."
"..."
"Isaac."
"Uh, huh?"
While I was staring blankly at the unexpected truth, a familiar voice pierced my ears.
Turning my head, I saw my mother looking at me with worried eyes. Her violet-glowing eyes were brimming with tears.
Ssh—
"It's okay. My son."
"......Mother?"
As she spoke, she wiped the area under my eyes with her thumb. I could only blink.
Tears were streaming down my face, though I hadn't even realized when they had started.
It was useless even when I tried to wipe them away with the back of my hand. It was as if my tear ducts were broken; they flowed without end.
I felt a hollow sensation in my chest, like a gaping hole. Facing the unexpected truth had left my mind in a state of chaos.
"You never once called us 'Mom' or 'Dad.' So this was the reason."
"Mo— No, Mother..."
I couldn't find the words. Come to think of it, I had never once called them Mom or Dad since being reincarnated.
Even if it was considered natural since I was born as a noble, it was still strange. Both of them had originally been commoners and were far from being authoritative.
My siblings called them that occasionally out of affection, even if they usually used formal titles. But I never did.
I hadn't even felt a sense of incongruity about it, so I had just let it pass, but seeing the hidden truth changed my perspective.
Deep down in my heart, I still recognized my parents from my previous life as my "real" parents.
"I'm sure you have much to say... but first, let's look over there."
"..."
I listened to my mother while wiping away the tears that refused to stop. Turning my head, I saw myself in a dark room, tapping away at a keyboard.
My appearance after my parents' death was nothing short of a "wreck." My body was skeletal because I wasn't eating properly.
Even so, I clung to the keyboard until the end, serializing my novel. I believe I was doing triple-chapter updates every single day.
Thud!
But that act was nothing more than destroying my body. It was evident from how I collapsed the moment I tried to get up from my chair.
Forget running; I hadn't even been walking properly, so all my muscle mass must have withered away. Nothing about me was healthy.
I subsisted on instant ramen or delivery food. Yet, I didn't gain weight; I only lost it.
Ding!
"..."
While I was writing in that repetitive pattern, a text message arrived on my phone. It was the monthly settlement.
Because I had been writing like a madman, the earnings had piled up significantly. But I literally only let them pile up; I almost never spent any of it.
"......Gah!"
Just as I glanced at the settlement and prepared to write again, I suddenly clutched my chest. Specifically, the area over my heart.
That must have been when the summoning ritual was performed here. My soul had naturally crossed over to this world.
A lonely death with no one around. The image of me collapsed over the desk lingered for a moment before shattering into pieces.
"..."
"..."
We returned to the White Room, but no one spoke first. It was a death more miserable and shocking than expected.
To be honest, the death itself didn't matter much to me. But the death of my parents was more shocking than anything.
At the same time, a question arose. I wiped away my lingering tears and looked up.
"......Why?"
Why did Mora show me the truth about my parents' death?
I couldn't understand it at all. If this was the case, she could have at least stopped me.
It was similar yet different from the Ascetic Incident. While the Ascetic Training made me suffer over nothing, this was about revealing the truth.
The truth that a massive hole had been punched into my heart. She could have let me keep that truth buried for the rest of my life.
[Because you chose the future.]
Mora gave a cryptic answer. Her voice echoed throughout the White Room so that everyone could hear.
[You chose to directly confront the demon worshippers. I showed you this to prevent the worst-case scenario that could arise during that process.]
"How is this any different from the last Ascetic Incident?"
[It is an act to fill the hole you possess.]
"But if you do something like this..."
I was about to ask if the gods of Earth would just stand by and watch.
[The gods of Earth also agreed on this part. If you had crossed over while keeping those memories perfectly intact, you would have died suddenly before you were even a year old.]
"That's..."
"..."
Mora spoke calmly, but the impact of her words was undeniable. My mother covered her mouth with both hands, and my father's expression hardened.
I felt the same. Looking back, there were indeed several strange things.
But there had to be a reason why Mora was saying this.
[Child who was happy because you were ordinary.]
"..."
[You may curse me or resent me; I do not mind. However, I hope you understand that this was one of the gates you absolutely had to pass through.]
I could fully understand Mora's sentiment.
It was to prepare for the time when a demon worshipper might try to wedge themselves into this hole.
Furthermore, she was the Goddess of Rest and Peace. Perhaps she had taken the initiative herself for this very purpose.
If Luminous had tried to do it, he would have sent the message through Kate. But Luminous was not an expert in matters of the mind.
"......You should have at least given me a hint."
It was more of a grumble than resentment.
In this case, a hint wouldn't have mattered. It was nothing more than clearing a blocked blood vessel.
Moreover, even if there was a hole in my heart, it was currently filled with other loves.
As soon as that thought occurred to me, I looked around. The people I loved were all looking at me with various expressions.
'Was my womanizing streak also because of this?'
I had a brief, silly thought but quickly pushed it away. For now, my conversation with Mora took priority.
"Then, is my mind fully recovered?"
[Not quite. Just as a scar remains if a wound is treated poorly, the same goes for your mind.]
It was inevitable. A broken mind is the same as a broken soul.
I had crossed over to this place in a completely broken state. And I had done so while preserving most of the memories of my past life.
Perhaps the future Mora mentioned during the Ascetic Training—the one where I cut my own wrists—was also because a trauma had been triggered.
Whatever the case, I had people I loved. I managed a small smile.
"That's a relief. Knowing that I can live normally."
[You're already far from ordinary, though...]
"Mora?"
[I didn't say anything.]
Still, I felt a sense of relief. Just the fact that I had shown my past to the people I loved made me feel that way.
How should I put it? It felt as if an unbreakable bond had been formed without me even realizing it.
I was satisfied. There was nothing more I wanted to hide.
"The demon worshippers are a concern, but... I'll work hard."
[Please do. You can come to me whenever things get difficult.]
"Thank you. This is the first time you've actually been helpful, Mora."
[Yes. Wait, what? What did you say?]
"I didn't say anything."
I felt like Mora was narrowing her eyes and glaring at me. I feigned ignorance and looked away.
At that, Mora let out a sigh and asked in her characteristically cheerful tone.
[Is there anything else you'd like to ask? I can swear upon my divinity that I have shown you all of your past.]
"Hmm..."
I fell into thought at her question. There was one thing I wanted to ask.
I had heard once that if I hadn't crossed over to this world, I would have lived a long life until the age of 90.
I had been baffled, wondering how someone who could have died at any moment could live that long. But there had to be a reason.
"I'm curious about what kind of life I would have lived if I hadn't come here."
[Hmm... that's a bit difficult. It's a matter of the other world, and it's a future that has already vanished.]
It seemed that even for a god, some things were impossible. It was a bit disappointing, but it didn't matter much.
[I can give you an explanation instead. About the world where you didn't cross over.]
"Can you tell me?"
[Of course. As I mentioned before, you were originally a being with a lifespan of over 90 years. In that time, you met various people and even started a new family.]
It was a strange story. I had clearly been living like a wreck, yet I would have started a new family.
As if reading my mind, Mora provided further explanation.
[It was all thanks to your friends. They dragged you out by force.]
"......Is it okay to just drag out someone with mental issues like that?"
What were those crazy bastards planning to do to me? I was more flabbergasted than surprised.
At the same time, I felt proud. I felt like I had chosen my friends well.
In fact, my friends had lived ordinary lives without ever straying from the path.
Unlike me, who was terrible at studying, both of them had been quite good at it.
[They couldn't just stand by and watch their friend fall apart, could they? Anyway, as time passed, you met someone, started a family, and even had three children. And...]
The words Mora spoke next were:
[By a margin of only two votes, the leader of the country you lived in was changed.]
It was a butterfly effect far greater than I had imagined.