Chapter 210: Dammit...(5)
Chapter 210: Dammit...(5)
Kate’s confession, which had completely thrown the concept of "backing down" out the window, left me more bewildered than angry.
The others seemed to feel the same; no one could easily find their voice, and a heavy silence settled over the room.
I knew she was the type to charge ahead without context, but this was on the level of flooring the accelerator and never looking back.
I found myself genuinely wondering how her brain was wired.
Just as the oppressive silence reached its peak, Lina, who had managed to maintain some semblance of composure, spoke up quietly.
"...Cardinal Kate."
"Yes. Please, speak."
"It’s a bit awkward for me to say this, but..."
Lina trailed off for a moment, her expression clouded with deep thought, before she threw a metaphorical fastball.
"You don't have any friends, do you?"
"Pardon?"
At first, Kate tilted her head, her expression one of pure confusion. Lina clarified for her.
"I asked if you have anyone you would consider a friend."
"All those who receive the blessing of Lord Luminous are my friends and siblings."
"... ..."
Faced with the answer of a devout believer, Lina nodded and looked at her. Her blue eyes were filled with pity and sympathy.
According to Mari, Lina was exceptionally observant. Between the question about friends and the way she looked at her, it seemed she had seen right through Kate’s psyche.
Lina set down her nearly empty teacup, let out a sigh, and spoke in her characteristically gentle tone.
"That’s not what I meant. The 'friends' I’m talking about are people you can treat casually, regardless of their profession, gender, or status. People who can separate public and private life, becoming equals in private spaces where they can open their hearts. And finally, people around your age—like me, Isaac, Mari, and Cecile."
"... ..."
"I’m curious if you’ve ever had a friend like that, Cardinal."
"Hmm..."
After hearing Lina’s explanation, Kate blinked her emerald eyes and lowered her head. She seemed to ponder for a moment before looking up at me.
I felt a slight twinge of fear regarding what might come out of her mouth next, but fortunately, her next words were surprisingly normal.
"...There is someone I have shared my concerns with."
"Who is it?"
"His Holiness."
'His Holiness' was the title used to address the Pope. As expected of a Cardinal, even her confidants were extraordinary.
Lina followed up immediately.
"May I ask how old His Holiness is?"
"He has seen eighty years of life."
"And you, Cardinal Kate?"
"I have seen twenty."
With that age gap, they were more like grandfather and granddaughter; he was by no means someone who could be called a friend. Conversely, it meant the Pope was the only person she could actually talk to about her inner thoughts.
Since Luminous himself had bestowed his grace upon her, the Order must have showered her with immense attention.
Regardless of the nature of that attention, it must have been incredibly limiting. Even fellow clergy members wouldn't have been able to treat her casually, so she likely had almost no one she could be informal with—no 'friends,' so to speak.
Furthermore, she possessed enough martial prowess to rise to the position of Grand Inquisitor at a young age. She was the definition of a master of both the pen and the sword, making her even more unapproachable.
It was highly likely that her bizarre, God-centered way of thinking stemmed from this. Her education might have been impeccable, but it had left a massive void in her interpersonal skills.
"The 'friend' I’m talking about isn't the kind you’re thinking of, Cardinal. It’s hard to define strictly, but I’m speaking in a much broader sense."
"A broader sense... I don't quite understand."
"You’ll come to understand in time. Perhaps the reason you’re drawn to Isaac is that he’s the first person you’ve met who could actually be your friend. Isaac is not only favored by Lord Luminous like you are, but he’s also someone you don't need to put on a pedestal or lead."
Lina offered a very plausible explanation, befitting her status as an Imperial Princess. Kate stared at me intently, seemingly lost in thought after hearing that.
She didn't seem to have a clear grasp on it yet, but that was something time would solve. I looked straight into Kate’s emerald eyes and spoke.
"I agree with Lina. I can say with certainty that you’re just happy to have found someone you can talk to as an equal, and that it’s definitely not love."
"... ..."
"Friendship is a relationship that can't be easily explained. You can joke around with each other, but you must not be disrespectful. It’s not something that happens all at once; you gradually seep into each other's lives until you become a significant part of them."
If I had to pick the three most important things in human relationships, they would be family, lovers, and friends.
Family is precious beyond words, and a lover can fill your deficiencies and even create new life.
And a friend is someone who, though separate in body, feels like one with you. That is how vital a friend's presence is in a person's life.
But Kate had never had anyone she could call a friend. Since she’d never had one, there was a high probability she didn't even know what loneliness felt like.
"So, if it’s friendship and not love, I’ll accept it. For the record, friends don't go around talking about seeds."
"A friend... I’m not sure. Aren't all who receive Lord Luminous’s blessing friends and siblings?"
"That’s doctrine. Friendship between people is a different matter."
I think I understood now. Kate was like a frog in a well.
I could see why Luminous had scolded her while telling her to find her own happiness. Even to a god, Kate’s narrow social circle must have been pitiful.
In my past life, I had lived almost completely cut off from the world after losing my parents in an accident, but Kate’s situation was a case of the first button being misbuttoned from the very start.
A woman who followed doctrine faithfully but had failed to form a single proper personal relationship. Even her loneliness had likely been soothed and coddled by Luminous.
At that thought, I felt a pang of pity and spoke to her in a gentle, comforting voice.
"Kate. God can occupy a large part of a person's life. But He cannot occupy everything. Lord Luminous favors you, but He doesn't shield you from everything, does He? You said He gave you a stern scolding this time."
"Yes."
"So, it’s not too late. Slowly start looking elsewhere. You can still serve Lord Luminous while living your own life as Kate. Oh, come to think of it, you said you lived in the countryside? When did you receive Lord Luminous’s blessing?"
"I was five years old. The village was under attack by bandits and in a state of chaos. That was when Lord Luminous bestowed his light upon me."
"... ..."
It seemed I had stepped on a landmine. She spoke in a calm tone, but there was unmistakable sorrow buried within it.
I had planned to suggest we build a relationship like the friends she might have had in the countryside, but I never imagined such a past was hidden there.
Unsure of what to say, I fumbled for words before finally managing an apology.
"...I’m sorry. I had no idea such a thing happened."
"It’s alright. If you’re truly sorry, you can just give me your seed."
"... ..."
That’s a joke, right? It has to be. Please let it be a joke.
I forced a bitter smile as Kate gave a small grin and cracked that nonsensical joke(?).
"...Anyway, Kate. I can tell you that the feeling you have for me isn't love. It’s the joy of meeting someone who could become your friend. Since it’s a feeling you’ve never felt before, you must have been confused."
"I see. Then what about my heart racing when I look at Isaac’s face?"
"It’s an arrhyth—no, it’s anticipation."
I almost said arrhythmia. Kate nodded at my answer, then looked back and forth between Mari and Cecile, who were sitting on either side of me.
She then placed a hand on her own chest and tilted her head as if something was strange.
"Unlike with Isaac, my heart isn't racing for these two. Does that mean we aren't friends yet?"
"You’ll find out as you keep seeing them. It’s a bit weird to become friends in a single day, anyway."
It was indeed impossible to become fast friends with people who were strangers and had been hurling insults at her until moments ago. Besides, given the strong first impression she’d made, the way they looked at Kate wasn't exactly favorable.
Kate blinked a few times and then nodded. She seemed to have reached some sort of internal conclusion.
"I understand. This unfamiliar emotion I’m feeling... it’s not love, but friendship."
"It’s more like anticipation. The anticipation that you can make a friend as a human being, not just the kind of 'friend' defined by doctrine."
"I see. I will keep that in mind. Then, about the seed..."
"That’s for when you feel love in the true sense, not friendship. Not right now."
Injecting knowledge into her one by one felt a bit like brainwashing. But Kate’s head was already so full of what she’d learned from the Order that I had to do it this way.
If Luminous saw Kate’s current state, wouldn't he be lamenting? A god can show the way, but he can't provide an upbringing, and this was the result.
I wanted to go to the temple tomorrow and ask how they’d raised this child, but this was a problem with the Order itself rather than Luminous.
"Anyway, let’s end this conversation here. Is there anything else you want to say?"
"Nothing in particular."
"May I ask one thing?"
Cecile, who had been quietly listening to the conversation, asked a question. Kate’s gaze turned toward her.
Cecile looked Kate straight in the eye and voiced something she had been curious about.
"Listening to you, Cardinal Kate, I found something a bit strange. Does the Church of Luminous refer to a man's... that... as a 'seed'?"
"A man's that?"
"Yes."
"A seed is a seed. How else would you describe it?"
But her reaction was odd. Normally, she should have understood, but Kate looked like she had no idea what Cecile was talking about.
Not only Cecile but everyone else felt a sense of dissonance and wore strange expressions. Cecile followed up with a voice that suggested she was fearing the worst.
"...Cardinal Kate."
"Yes. Please, speak."
"You do know how children are born, right?"
"Of course. I was taught that when a woman receives a man's seed, a child is formed in her womb."
"No, more specifically. Please tell me in more detail."
Kate wore an expression that asked why she was even being questioned on this, then explained it exactly 'as she had been taught' by the Order.
I expected something slightly vulgar, but it wasn't that at all.
"I heard that white seeds grow in a man's body and can be artificially discharged. If a woman eats that seed, doesn't a child form?"
"...Eats it? Through where?"
"Through the mouth, obviously. Where else would you eat it?"
What on earth did I just hear? While I sat there unable to even part my lips, Mari asked in an urgent voice.
"Th-then, what about a man and a woman sleeping in the same bed? You haven't heard about that?"
"Ah. I’ve heard of that too. But I was told that doesn't create a child. The most important thing is the seed."
This was a disaster of epic proportions. Lina, sitting across from her, was so shocked her jaw had literally dropped.
If Lina was making that face, it was clear how dire Kate’s sexual education was. Usually, Lina would be the one blushing at such a conversation.
I stared at the innocent-looking Kate and recalled what had happened back at the dormitory.
"W-wait a minute, Kate. Didn't you say something like this to me before? That you were confident in your face and your body."
"Yes."
"Why did you say that?"
"I was taught in the Order that the more beautiful the face and body, the better the man's seeds will come out. Especially if one is naked, the effect increases."
"Then what about 'violation'? Do you know what that word means?"
"Of course. It is the criminal act of a man forcing a woman to eat his seeds."
"... ..."
They had taught her everything while leaving out the most crucial part. But was this even possible?
As people grow, they naturally go through puberty, and women especially deal with menstruation.
It’s only natural to become curious, so how could they have failed to teach her the most vital part?
As I buried my face in my hands and sighed, Cecile, feeling much the same, asked quietly.
"Then... do you know where the seeds come out of a man?"
"No. I was taught that I would naturally find out when a man gives me his seeds."
"... ..."
She was like a red bean bun without the filling.