The Monster Hiding in the Building (9)
─Sasa-sak!! The creature had been watching my movements through the hole and must have realized I’d caught on, because frantic footsteps suddenly echoed from the next room!
“That little bastard!!!”
Was he trying to run?! If I let him escape downstairs, he’d just play dumb when questioned. No way I was giving him that chance.
─Thud!!
How dare he try to peep on Franc’s naked body!!!!!!! Blood rushed to my head. Still wearing only my shoes and bare from the waist up, I burst out of the room.
“Franc!! Stay here and get dressed!!”
“Nord?!”
I didn’t even wait for an answer and took off after the peeping scum. The innkeeper’s back disappeared down the stairs. My vocal cords, sounding like they’d been boiled in a locomotive boiler, roared.
“Stop right there, you bathroom-peeping bastard!!!!!!!!”
Without even tying my shoelaces, I dashed forward. When I reached the top of the stairs, the innkeeper bolted toward the living room. Fueled by rage, I didn’t bother stepping on the stairs—I leapt.
“I can fly!!!!”
─Crack!!
Maybe because I jumped from the very top to the bottom, the floor gave way the moment I landed. One of my arms smashed through the boards and sank into the hole.
“Son of a—!!”
This damn flimsy inn!! How shoddy was the construction that one landing was enough to wreck the floor?!
─Tat-tat-tat!!
Three precious seconds were lost to shock, fury, and irritation. In that gap, the innkeeper—now revealed as both a bathroom pervert and a peeping tom—fled into the kitchen.
“I’m not letting you go, you bastard!!”
I yanked my leg free and sprinted after him. My ears caught the sound of something wooden being handled.
─Sak-sak-sak!
─Chak-chak-chak!
Was the bastard grabbing a knife from the shelf? Since I’d come out empty-handed, I activated Beast Regression and kicked the kitchen door open.
─Boom!
The kitchen was empty. The peeping scum had vanished without a trace. I checked behind the door in case he was hiding for an ambush, but there was nowhere in the kitchen to conceal oneself.
“Fine, you bastard!! Let’s play hide-and-seek!!! I’m it!!!!!”
Enraged, I leapt around the kitchen, tearing the place apart. That goddamn peeping tom!! Now that I thought about it, he’d brought firewood while Franc was bathing too!! He must have drilled a hole in the bathroom as well, planning to peep while pretending to add wood—Ah!!!!
“Grrrrrrrrr──!!!”
Overcome with fury that felt like my head would explode, I became a one-man vibration beast, trembling from head to toe. I named this new technique Vibrating Touch. Anyway, the problem right now was the peeping tom. Where had he gone?
The old saying went: had he flown to the sky or sunk into the ground? He couldn’t have awakened some matter-phasing ability to peep on Franc again, so he must have gone underground. There was a door in the kitchen, but I hadn’t heard it open. The bastard hadn’t escaped outside!! And that wooden board sound I’d heard before entering! The fact that the inn floor had collapsed from my jump!! All of it pointed to the same answer.
“The truth is always one!!!!!”
To find the final, decisive clue, I pulled out my trump card.
─Tudada-dada-dada!!
“Kiyoooooooyoooooyot!!!!!”
My secret weapon was an ultra-high-speed tap dance that stomped across the entire kitchen floor. It was the same kind of madness as the second-ranked student waking up at 3 a.m. to dance and disturb the top student living below—pure frenzy.
─Tong-tong-tong-tong-tong!!
Thanks to that effort, I finally found what I was looking for. Especially the floorboards that sounded lighter than the rest—like the cheerful noise of smacking a hollow-headed idiot’s skull.
“You bastard, you were right here!!!!!”
I dropped to the floor and slid the boards aside with all my strength.
─Sak-sak-sak!!
As expected, the inn had a basement. A ladder led downward, but I had zero desire to touch anything that filthy pervert had crawled over. I gathered both arms and dove straight into the hole.
“Vector landing!!”
─Boom!!
I landed with a heroic pose. The innkeeper, who had been trembling inside, collapsed as if an earthquake had struck at the sight of my dramatic entrance.
“Huuuueeeerk!!!”
“Found you!!! Now you’re it!!!!!!”
I charged and slapped the bastard across the face with my bare hand.
─Smack!!
“Kyaaak!!”
Struck by my mana-tempered palm, the peeping tom’s molar decided it wanted to go on a self-discovery journey and flew out of his mouth. I snatched the tooth from the air.
“Hey!! You lost a tooth!!! Here, I’ll give it back!!!”
I shoved the bloodied, sturdy molar deep into the peeping tom’s nostril. Now they’d never have to part again.
“Hurk-hurk, cough! P-please, spare me, please!!”
The peeping tom begged, blood pouring from his nose and mouth. His words only made my rage burn hotter. In a situation where he should be begging to die, this bastard was asking to be spared?
“You goddamn son of a bitch!!! You peeped on our Franc’s naked body and now you’re begging for mercy?!”
“N-no! I didn’t see anything! She was covered by the blanket, so I couldn’t see a thing!!”
“And you’re bragging about that, you bastard!!!!!”
How dare he attempt sexual assault and then beg for leniency from me, the victim’s boyfriend? Was failing to commit the crime something to be proud of?
“You only stopped because I caught you!! If I hadn’t noticed, you would’ve succeeded, you peeping scum!!!”
A furious fist flew and smashed into the bastard’s collarbone.
“Aaaaaaaaagh!!!”
─Thud! Thud!
While stomping on the writhing scum, I gasped for breath. What was an “attempt”? In legal terms, it meant trying to commit a crime but failing. As a 21st-century Korean, I hated that word. Every time criminals got reduced sentences for “attempted” crimes, it made my blood boil. How unfair must it feel for the victims?!
A would-be murderer breaks into a house swinging a knife, gets countered with a golf club, and because he didn’t actually kill anyone, he only serves ten years for attempted murder. The very act of resisting to survive ends up benefiting the one who tried to kill you—what a paradox. That was the flaw in Korean “attempt” laws.
Those would-be killers clearly swung their knives with the intent to murder. Why couldn’t we charge them with the full crime? They only failed because they were incompetent. If they’d succeeded, the victims would be dead. If we were going to give leniency just because the crime wasn’t completed, then we definitely shouldn’t reduce the sentence for those who actually tried and failed.
This bastard was the same. Thanks to me noticing and covering Franc, he failed. If I hadn’t, he would’ve spent the whole day ogling her naked body, storing every inch in his brain’s hard drive to jerk off to whenever he felt like it.
“And now that kind of scum is begging me to spare him?!”
I grabbed the peeping tom’s wrist, slammed it against the wall, and punched it until the bones shattered.
─Crack!!
“Aaaaargh!!”
The bastard rolled on the floor, tongue twisting in agony. But instead of feeling relieved, my rage only grew. I couldn’t hit him with full strength for fear he’d die instantly. As a result, my punches were as restrained as two friends playfully punching each other’s balls.
“You goddamn bastard!! What do I do?! We’re gonna end up bonding at this rate!!!!”
Frustration and stress made me headbang involuntarily. This kind of scum deserved to be beaten like a boxer hitting a sandbag or a guitarist smashing his instrument—with real, full-power punches!!
‘Should I just activate Beast Regression and kill him?’
The thought crossed my mind in the heat of the moment. It was tempting, but I couldn’t. Cleaning up afterward would be a hassle, and more importantly, this peeping scum didn’t deserve a peaceful death.
While I was agonizing over it, a good idea struck me.
“Ah, right! That’ll work!”
I snapped my fingers. I’d thought of the perfect punishment for this bastard.
“Hey, come here.”
“Y-yes!!”
After I instilled some morality into him, the peeping tom moved obediently. I was quite pleased with the sight. Maybe my sincere guidance was finally turning him into a decent human being.
“Hey. This is a food storage, right?”
“Yes!! It’s a secret storeroom to prevent food theft!!”
“Bullshit. You made it to hide when guests caught you peeping on their intimate moments.”
“Yes!! You got it exactly right!!!”
“Why the hell are you answering so confidently, you bastard.”
Listening to him made my blood boil again, so I slapped him once more.
─Smack!!
“Kuhk!!”
A slap from someone who transcended human limits hurt more than a pro boxer’s hook. Also, this bastard’s skin was ridiculously tough, yet the impact felt perfect on my palm. Was he born just to get beaten?
“Anyway, this place is being used as a food storage right now, so if you’re in here, other people won’t find you, right?”
“Y-yes?”
The peeping tom’s breathing grew ragged, as if he’d realized what was coming. The world was full of idiots, but at least humans were smarter than hobgoblins when it came to catching on.
“That’s right!! I’m gonna tie up your arms and legs and leave you here!!”
Explaining it quickly filled me with excitement. No more long, annoying explanations—just the main point.
“I’m going back to Sargadis to report your actions to the guards. If they think your crimes are serious enough to arrest you and come here, you can escape and live. If not, you die!”
The bastard’s life or death now depended on how society judged his crimes. My job wasn’t to judge criminals myself. If I killed him on a whim and got arrested as a suspect, my promotion quest would go up in smoke. So what was the right move here?
The answer: leave it to the professionals!!
‘As expected, I’m a genius.’
I was very satisfied with my judgment. It was almost on the level of Solomon’s verdict. While patting myself on the back, I smashed the wooden ladder made of rope and planks.
“But that alone won’t fix your perverted tendencies, so I’ll prescribe some medicine too.”
─Crack!
The wood that could support a person’s weight was as sturdy as chair legs. I tapped the makeshift club against my palm and declared solemnly.
“──Historically, this has always been the cure.”
“Huuueeeerk!!!!”
When I shoved the physical elixir toward him, the peeping tom’s face turned ashen and he crawled on all fours, banging his head against the ground.
“P-please spare me!! Please, I’m begging you!! I already told you!! I didn’t see anything today!!”
“You’re lying again, you bastard. You saw my naked body. Now that I look at you, you’re just a gay bastard.”
Therefore, my actions could be considered the legitimate rights of a peeping victim.
“Abang── Strash!!!”
“Aaaaaaaaagh!!!!!!!!”
My disposable ladder-club mercilessly crushed the peeping tom’s balls.
─Crunch!
─Crack!
The sturdy ladder leg snapped in half, and the peeping tom foamed at the mouth from unimaginable pain before passing out. It was what you might call physical castration.
“Cut off something unnecessary again.”
I tossed the ladder aside. After tying up the unconscious peeping tom’s arms and legs with rope, I placed some water beside him.
─Plop.
This should let him last at least a few days. Even if he woke up and screamed for help, it wouldn’t matter. The storeroom was so soundproof that the other residents wouldn’t even know where the innkeeper had disappeared to.
“Kuh. Did a good deed today too.”
When I got back, I’d report that there was a criminal in Pefort Village. Since I’d bravely subdued a dangerous offender, maybe the guards would even give me a reward.