The Father-in-Law Has Arrived

Selena clutched the completed contract and dashed off, ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠shouting, “We need to move on this right away! There’s no time ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠to rest just because you’re injured!”

She looked incredibly busy. As for me, I just had to wait for my regular pension checks to roll in while sucking on Dana’s—well, never mind. With all my work finished, I hummed a cheerful tune and headed back to the harem room—no, the guest room.

“I’m back. Where’s Priscilla?”

“She cried herself to sleep.”

“Whoa, really?”

Sure enough, she was fast asleep on Veronica’s lap, hugging my pillow like it was a teddy bear.

Seeing her like this actually makes me feel pretty guilty.

But Priscilla was still just a child… I had to raise her strong.

“Hmm?”

Once I steeled my resolve, I noticed a visitor who had come to our room. It was Catherine, lounging around and mooching off the mansion’s food in full information-broker mode.

“Yes? Ah, of course.”

When I beckoned, she followed without complaint. I closed the door to our room and pulled out the gift I’d received from Minerva.

“Do you happen to know how to use this? I read the manual and figured out the effects, but that’s about it.”

“Ah… Is this a sap-type amber series treasure?”

True to her profession as a phantom thief turned information broker, Catherine immediately recognized the item’s value.

“You melt it down and absorb it when crafting magic items. Of course, it requires considerable skill. If you attempt it recklessly, you might end up worse off than if you’d never tried. So please be careful.”

“Really? Thanks.”

I tucked the Twin Star Amber away. I had already decided what to use it for. In fact, I was probably already late. Since I had obtained it, I might as well put it to good use.

“Also, I’ll be meeting your sister soon. Is that okay with you?”

“Ah, I did hear you’d be leaving soon. Wouldn’t a single letter suffice?”

Catherine answered with a slight earthquake in her pupils. My veteran lie detector immediately pinged with a sharp beep.

“Hey, you two… don’t tell me…”

“N-no, nothing like what you’re imagining happened!”

Catherine shrieked in denial.

“It’s just… the city turned into total chaos, so we figured we’d take advantage of the uproar and… you know… just a tiny bit…”

“Oh boy.”

My head started to throb. It was only natural that thieves would run rampant when public order collapsed, but these girls still didn’t seem to understand their own situation.

“Listen here, little sister phantom thief. Do you not remember robbing the auction house with me last time?”

“Huh? Of course I remember. It was the most thrilling day of our entire career.”

Thrilling, she says. This idiot is seriously beyond saving.

After confirming no one was around, I spoke plainly.

“Then tell me, you moron. If you two get caught next time as the Phantom Thief Sisters, how much prison time do you think you’ll get?”

“……Huh?”

The excitement drained from Catherine’s face as if someone had dumped ice water on her head.

“B-but the stolen goods were all properly returned to their owners, weren’t they?”

“Returned is returned, but did you turn yourselves in and give them back? Those stolen items were discovered inside Diabolo’s occupied mansion. That means you’ll be treated as accomplices to a black mage who’s wanted for attempted murder of nobility and assault on a territory.”

“Huuuuuuuuh──?!”

Catherine looked utterly thunderstruck, the very picture of someone struck by lightning from a clear sky. It was a shame Audrey wasn’t here. Her reactions were always so juicy. I was genuinely curious how she would have reacted.

Her legs trembled as she grabbed onto me and burst into tears.

“W-what are you saying?! You never mentioned anything like that beforehand!”

“Of course I didn’t. That way you’d follow me, and after it was over, you’d never steal again.”

Catherine’s tear-filled eyes widened. The emotion swimming in them wasn’t gratitude or surprise—it was pure betrayal.

“Y-you planned this from the very beginning?!”

“Bingo! That’s correct~!”

I spread my arms wide and laughed like a great villain.

“Old habits die hard, but if getting caught means starring in a documentary about the mysteries of the human body, who the hell would keep stealing? Use this experience as a stepping stone and live an honest life from now on!!”

“Hiiiieeeuuuuaaaee……”

—Thud.

Catherine collapsed as if all strength had left her body once reality set in. I knelt down, placed a hand on her shoulder, and spoke in a gentlemanly voice.

“Don’t even think about using my name out there. I’m the one who cleaned up the incident, so no one would believe you anyway.”

“We… we already knew that much……”

“Don’t worry. You can work as information brokers, right? Or you could use your skills to find another line of work.”

“What else can we even do besides being phantom thieves……”

Yeah, that’s fair.

I thought of some comforting words for the sobbing Catherine.

First of all, combat is out of the question, so being an adventurer is impossible.

Exploration work would face similar difficulties. As for black mages who could legally steal… hmm.

Just finding one is already a chore, and most of them are broke anyway. No point robbing them.

After running through the options, I smiled kindly.

“Isn’t searching for that very thing… what life is all about?”

“Bullshit. You’re just saying that because you have nothing better to say……”

Hey now, bullshit? If I say something correct, then I really would have nothing to say.

When I shrugged, Catherine simply flopped face-down and began ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠cursing the world.

“I’ll write Audrey a letter like you said. Come pick it up later.”

I patted her back a few times and stood up.

“Oh, right. If I tell her about the phantom thief retirement first, she’ll probably rip the letter without reading it. So make sure you tell her after she’s read it, okay?”

“Huuu… I got it……”

Even while crying, Catherine nodded.

In the end, the life of a phantom thief came down to two paths: quitting on your own, or getting caught and being ‘quit’ by force. Sooner or later, this was bound to happen if you kept at it. They must have known that too.

In fact, this was probably the most peaceful retirement the Heswald sisters could have hoped for.

Look at that. Two more minor offenders stepping onto the path of righteousness.

I watched her back with a satisfied smile.

This world was cold toward criminals. I myself could be as ruthless as any macho man when dealing with murderers. But these girls were still minor offenders who hadn’t taken anyone’s life. They still had the chance to atone and correct their mistakes. In that case, shouldn’t they receive both punishment and rehabilitation?

For a 21st-century Korean named Kang Bukho who would soon return to Earth, occasionally reviving old habits from back home was necessary.

Besides, isn’t it fine to fleece those damn perverted noble bastards just a little?

Having dealt with Romanian nobles for the past few days, I figured they had it coming. In an absolute monarchy like Romania, nobles would have a hard time raising taxes or exploiting their people just to cover stolen money. So the damage caused by the Heswald sisters probably wasn’t that severe.

Ah, whatever. I’ve done everything I can on my end.

Debating what kind of crime deserved what punishment was far too sensitive a topic in criminal theory for someone like me. As long as no one died or got seriously hurt, it was fine. I’d just pray they found decent, legal jobs in the sun.

The day after the Heswald sisters stepped onto the right path, I was dragged all over Renapolis by Selena for several long days.

Why the hell do I have to follow her around like a damn creature while she prepares for the Elixir business?

When I asked why, Selena burst into laughter and answered.

“Ahahaha—!! We’re borrowing the value of Nord’s name!!”

The value of my name?

I had been puzzled when I first heard it, but after being dragged around for a few more days, I finally caught on.

People on the street recognized me quite frequently now. A giant descending from the sky? It was the kind of scandal that would spread not just across Renapolis, but the entire nation of Romania. Naturally, the existence of the mysterious dual-nationality yellow monkey who had resolved the crisis had also become widely known.

It made sense. How many people had personally witnessed me fighting? I had served as the main tank when we crushed Diabolo. I had solo-cleared the Tirsi raid exactly according to strategy. In the end, I had even gone out to hunt the remaining Yotun stragglers out of greed for their hides. Both the citizens and soldiers had seen me one-shot those leather monsters.

Once things reached that point, rumors spread like wildfire. On top of the time I had stabbed a unicorn in the chest, the tale of the yellow-skinned, perverted spear-wielding monkey had practically become an urban legend in Renapolis.

What a crazy turn of events.

“But does my brand name actually help?”

“We’re listing you as a co-founder! Anyone who wants to oppose us would need tremendous courage to go against someone like you!!!”

Apparently that was the logic. They were probably trying to buy time to secretly prepare the business until the workshop was completed and the recipe restored.

The fear that ‘if you mess with us, that crazy monkey might show up.’ Even if that fear only lasted a few months, it would be pure honey for Selena.

If I’m being honest, I’m basically the bear that gets to eat honey from beekeeper Selena.

Then this tour around the city… uh… was basically the bear marking his territory?

I really wasn’t a beekeeper—I was a goddamn Pokémon Master. Of course, the actual beekeeping work would be handled by workers Selena hired. I had helped create jobs for all the YOU whose workplaces had been destroyed. You’re welcome. Four major insurances? Ask the Hermeion Guild about that.

And so, the shabby adventurer Nord had, overnight, gone from Professor Slayer to Stylish Black Mage Slayer.

Was this a promotion? No matter how I thought about it, it felt more like a demotion.

Of course it does. Accomplishments that don’t make money have no value, right?

This wasn’t the kind of achievement that would help with promotions in the archaeological community or the adventurers’ guild. I just hoped this worthless fame wouldn’t turn me into a public enemy for every black mage out there. I already felt uneasy about letting one escape. From now on, the ‘Talk’ command would probably be locked whenever I encountered a black mage.

Not that I had ever actually solved anything by talking to a black mage before.

“Fuck. The requests are finally drying up, and now I actually have to work……”

I had plenty of reasons to work hard, but going out to ‘work’ or ‘attend school’ after so long still felt like shit. Besides, I couldn’t just work nonstop even if I was busy, so I made sure to spend proper time communicating with my wives. After all, they say that even high-earning professions like doctors often have poor marital relationships because the couple barely sees each other.

I can’t let there be distance between me and my wives.

Making money was nice, but the truly important thing wasn’t money. Living happily with a harem in a semi-basement versus jerking off alone in luxury in a penthouse. Obviously the former won by a landslide.

So while I followed Selena around as a creature that gave her a ‘+30% deal success rate’ buff during business preparations, I also made time to spend with my wives whenever I could.

I soaked in the bathtub with Larilura until our fingers shriveled like drowned corpses. I planned dates after Veronica said, “Now that I think about it, I’ve never gone on a date alone with you, have I?” I watched Franc sketch clothing designs while touching the delivered giant hide and gave her shoulder massages. I helped Dana write a proper academic paper comparing those giants with the Yotun from history.

We spent our days in peaceful daily life like that.

──And then.

On the day I received a ‘lucky letter’ from the mysterious phantom thief Audrey Heswald that began with “This letter originated in Romania……” as her way of saying goodbye.

A person arrived from the Armaals family.

No, that’s not quite right. The wording is a bit off.

“Is Primor here?”

It wasn’t a person. It was ‘people.’

A butler, maids, knights, slaves, and more. Escorted by what looked to be over fifty people, a white-haired old gentleman spoke in a cold voice.

“Inform her that her father-in-law has arrived.”

The current senior senator of the Senate. The greatest power in Romania, second only to the emperor himself. The head of the Armaals family. A great noble who had cherry-picked only the most brilliant titles to decorate his name. Primor’s father-in-law—Cornelius von Armaals.

I could almost hear Selena tearing her hair out.