The White Mage (5)
─Glub glub glub glub glub. After holding my breath for about thirty seconds, the heat from the bathwater finally overtook the heat in my head, so I surfaced. Splash…. I poked just my eyes above the water like an assassin hiding in the shallows. Franc cupped both cheeks with her hands, looking thoroughly embarrassed, then steered the conversation back on track.
“Still, if that’s the case, you should head to the Mages’ Guild as soon as possible.”
“…Yeah. If things get bad enough, I’ll just show them my real face. Early treatment is what matters most with an illness like this.”
Franc was clearly trying to give me an out, so I climbed out of the water and answered calmly. She hesitated for a moment before speaking again.
“What if I just skip sleep and fix it myself? Dwarves can go a whole week without sleeping and they won’t die!”
“Let’s not go that far….”
Why did she always measure things by whether or not she’d die? The same person who treated her drinking limit as “right before death” made the offer sound far too serious to be a joke. When I shook my head again, Franc sat down on the bottom of the tub, kicked her feet in the water, and tilted her head—then her face suddenly lit up.
“Oh! I’ve got it! I’ll just fail today’s request and spend the whole day sewing instead!”
“What?”
Fail a request? I couldn’t believe the words coming out of her mouth. “Fail it? You’re saying you’re going to ditch the quest?”
“Yeah! Ah, but I should still let the reception desk and the others know, right?”
It sounded responsible, but those were the words of someone planning to play hooky. “Good grief.” I couldn’t hide my shock at how much Franc had changed. I’d heard stories about some women becoming completely different once they started dating, as if their previous diligence had been a lie. Was Franc one of them?
At this rate she’s going to start dyeing her hair and getting spray tans, isn’t she?
I pictured a blonde, tanned half-dwarf delinquent version of Franchesca and grimaced. If that nightmare ever came true, the innkeeper Beynya would march over here with a cooking shovel from the kitchen and turn my head into a shattered lightbulb.
“Forget it. Skipping work will hurt your promotion chances.”
“I don’t care? I’m not aiming to be a receptionist anymore anyway. And more importantly—” Franc smiled brightly. “I’m already your senior as an adventurer, so I’ll probably rank up first. What’s the point of getting my Bronze plate ahead of you? I’d rather stay at the same rank as you, even if it takes me a little longer.”
She was an angel. A literal angel was sitting right in front of me. Blinded by the halo of mercy radiating from Franc, I squeezed my eyes shut. So this wasn’t a couple’s bathhouse after all—it was a baptismal font. Trembling with emotion, I clasped my hands together in prayer.
“…Nord. Are you crying?”
“Haha. Crying? Why would I cry? In my country, men are only allowed to cry three times in their entire lives. Sniff.”
So this wasn’t tears. It was just the emotional equivalent of pre-ejaculate that leaks out when you’re moved. Like how you don’t call it crying when someone yawns and their eyes water a little.
“Sniffle….”
I let the endless flood of emotional pre-cum flow as I basked in Franc’s boundless love. This was practically maternal, unconditional affection. My voice cracked with emotion.
“Maman….”
“Maman?”
“……………”
Goddamn it, vocal cords, why did you actually say that out loud? “Ah, no, Franc? That’s not what I meant….”
The unfiltered comment that had slipped out of my mouth instantly killed the tears. This was a bit too much. No girlfriend in the world could stay indifferent when her boyfriend called her maman. That kind of mommy kink belonged strictly on the internet!!
Maman? Seriously, maman?! If a guy said that out loud in real life, the normal reaction would be somewhere between stunned silence and outright horror!!
Put yourself in her shoes and it becomes painfully obvious!!!
─Slurp. Me suck pee-pee. Gluck gluck. Imagine your girlfriend saying that while she’s got your dick in her mouth. Unless you were completely deranged, there’s no way you’d get hard from that!! A guy calling his girlfriend “mommy” and asking for milk was exactly the same thing!!
“Maman…. Maman…?”
I tried to come up with an excuse, but Franc just kept murmuring to herself as if she hadn’t heard me. Then she suddenly lifted her head.
“Hmm~?”
Her face wore a mischievous smile I’d never seen before, barely hiding her delight. She spread both arms wide and called out in a bright voice.
“I’m your maman!”
“……Huh?”
Franc sat on the step in the bath, arms open in a posture that welcomed everything I was. She looked like the Virgin Mary in an immaculate conception painting—my own personal Holy Mother filled with nothing but compassion.
“Franc maman…!!”
Something deep inside me—the inner child I’d kept locked away—let out a wail. The emotional pre-cum that had stopped started flowing again. Franc’s maternal aura was as soft as it was vast. Damn. So this is what sex is.
***
Around ten-thirty, Franc and I finally left the bathhouse.
“We’ll be waiting for your next visit.”
We fled from the receptionist, who was wearing a very knowing smile. Having it be painfully obvious that we’d spent the afternoon lost in post-sex bliss was mortifying beyond words. Once we stepped out under the clear blue sky, we exchanged glances.
“…Want to eat?”
“…Sure.”
Franc nodded at my suggestion. We’d drunk wine and eaten some fruit in between, but otherwise we’d gone the whole day without food. I was starving.
“I know a cheap and tasty place. The portions are huge though, so I can never finish mine and usually take the rest home.”
“Let’s go there. At this rate I could probably eat your leftovers plus another half-portion and still have room.”
“Okay, got it. This way.”
We followed Franc to a nearby restaurant, ordered, and ate. The food wasn’t quite as good as Dorka’s inn, but the value was better. Think ten-thousand-won galbitang versus five-thousand-won naengmyeon—everyone has their own preference.
After I set my spoon down, I spoke up. “Franc. I’ve been thinking. How about I take your request for you today?”
“You, Nord?”
“Yeah. I’m off today anyway. While you’re fixing your clothes, I can stand in for you. That way the penalty won’t be as bad as just failing it outright.”
It was basically a substitute appearance. Depending on the job, it shouldn’t matter if I went in her place for simple errands. The client probably wasn’t expecting Franc-level sewing skills or lockpicking anyway.
Franc looked at me with worried eyes. “…It’s the sewer request again today, isn’t it?”
“…………It’s fine.”
I felt my PTSD from the giant cockroaches flare up, but I endured it with sheer willpower. I finally understood why guys did stupid things trying to look cool in front of their girlfriends.
Goddamn it!! Screw the trauma. Fear is something you overcome by facing it head-on!!!
Any psychiatrist who heard that would probably try to chloroform me on the spot. But there were no psychiatrists in this world. Freud was just some perverted old man here.
─Shiver shiver shiver.
“I-I’ll be right b-back!!”
“Be… be careful, okay?”
With the frozen flag of courage fluttering behind me like a blood-red Death Knight, I returned to the inn to gear up. After grabbing my equipment from the room and stopping by the Adventurers’ Guild reception to explain the substitution, I had until noon to report for the quest. I still had some time to spare.
─Puff.
When I got back to the inn, Dorka was lounging behind the counter, reading a newspaper. Does this guy ever work? Ah, right. No customers.
“Well, look who it is. Our inn’s biggest-spending guest has returned.”
The grim-faced innkeeper smirked and folded his newspaper when he saw me.
“Why am I the biggest spender? That’s a load of crap.”
“You skipped the free breakfast and stayed out all night. No guest brings in more profit with less cost than you.”
“Ah, that’s just part of being an adventurer. Can’t be helped. I went to work yesterday too.”
“Keh keh keh. Yeah, right. And you left your armor and weapons behind?”
When I said that, Dorka pointed at my torso with the newspaper like it was the most ridiculous thing he’d ever heard.
“It wasn’t anything dangerous. So I just went as is.”
“Since when are you that kind of guy? You even go out fully armed for delivery work.”
“Hey now. How long have we known each other for you to talk like that? What kind of person do I look like to you?”
“The type who overthinks everything and misses what’s right in front of him. The kind who’s so busy worrying about monsters behind distant rocks that he trips over the one at his feet.”
“…Shit. That’s scarily accurate.”
Unable to argue, I just stood there while Dorka chuckled.
“So you’re self-aware, at least. From now on, try finding reliable companions. There’s a saying for people like you: ‘Even a giant needs a small person to stand on his shoulders.’”
“Never heard that one before.”
“It means someone like you needs a meticulous person who’ll look after you.”
Before I could reply, Dorka tapped his own shoulder.
“Someone who looks in the same direction as the giant and points out what the giant can’t see. A small person who won’t get crushed under the giant’s feet and can still whisper in his ear.”
“A giant, huh. I guess I am a pretty big guy in more ways than one.”
“It’s just a metaphor, so don’t let it go to your head.”
“Without confidence I’m basically a corpse. Are you telling me to die?”
“Well now. No wonder you sometimes look like you’ve got nothing between your ears.”
“An empty space is just room waiting to be filled. Even the world’s greatest masterpiece starts as a blank canvas.”
“With a mouth like that, at least you won’t starve to death out there. Still, if you’re planning to make it as an adventurer instead of joining a circus troupe, you’ll need someone to watch your back.”
─Swish. Dorka’s thick finger traced the large scar on his own face.
“Trying to do everything alone is arrogance. Even I hand over serving and running the shop to my wife during the busy evening hours. People might not share the same dreams, but they can still put their heads together and sleep in the same bed, can’t they?”
“Holy shit!! There’s actual intelligence between every word!! You’re not Dorka, are you? Give me back my friend!!”
“Keh keh keh. Give it up. Here, take this instead.”
Whoosh! Dorka tossed me a thick paper package. It smelled faintly of smoked jerky.
“You’re the first guest who’s ever skipped breakfast after paying three copper. My conscience got the better of me, so I set some aside. It’s just leftovers from the stew, but eat it anyway.”
“I’m heading to the sewers today, so I can’t eat it now. Still, thank you very much.”
“Hey. A real adventurer should be able to eat three meals a day even next to a fly-covered corpse.”
“Oh? So you’ve seen through my disguise as a fake adventurer. Out of respect, I’ll accept this meat.”
“Kwahaha! You’re completely insane.”
I struck a ridiculous pose while speaking, and Dorka burst out laughing. I laughed along with him before adding one more thing.
“Heh heh. Oh, and about that ‘small person’ thing you mentioned. I don’t think I need to look for one after all.”
“What? Why?”
“—I came, I saw, I obtained.”
I raised my pinky finger with a solemn expression. Dorka’s face lit up with interest as he grinned.
“You little bastard, I knew it! Hey! Come back and tell me the details later!”
“That’ll be one copper, sir.”
“Damn it. I shouldn’t have given you the jerky.”
After bantering with the tsundere innkeeper, I headed to my room, left the smoked meat behind, grabbed my armor and sword, and went to the guild to report that I’d be filling in. The receptionist didn’t look thrilled, but approved the substitution.
“Still, please let Franchesca know—if this keeps happening, it’ll affect her evaluation. The credit for today’s work will also go to you, Nord.”
“Understood.”
It was probably a measure to discourage people from constantly sending substitutes. Once that was settled, I moved to the meeting point and started the quest. Everyone was new to me, but the job went smoothly.
…Still, I’d rather not describe what I saw in the sewers that day.
“GUWAAAAAAAH!!! Holy shit, it’s a Great Big Cockroach Steak!!!!”
Whatever those adventurer bastards had done, the sewers were now filled with medium-rare roasted cockroaches. What the hell were they thinking, using flamethrowers in a place full of toxic gas? Those fucking idiots.
Anyway, I’m never coming back to these sewers again. The smell was twice as bad because it was so goddamn savory.