The Immortal's Alchemical Potion (10)
I couldn’t find a soul in the corpse of that Robin or Robinson or whatever the hell his name was, so I headed down to the basement. The best thing about an underground vault is that everyone who steps inside instantly becomes a rat in a trap. The moment the auction house realized we’d slipped in, guards would flood every exit. And with Gold Class warriors probably sprinkled among them, we didn’t have the luxury of screwing around.
Not that I’d have a good answer if someone asked why I always slack off and take my sweet time in the middle of a job.
〈Sister, you done yet?〉
〈Ughhh…! This is tougher than it looks, Stacy!〉
As soon as I stepped inside, I found the phantom thief sisters wrestling with the lock and the barrier. Catherine spotted me first.
“I’m working on disabling the barrier. It’s layered two or three times deep. Even my sister’s going to need a bit more time.”
“That so?”
I gave a half-hearted reply, analyzed the structure with Odin’s Eye, and transformed my bracelet into a spear.
“Hey, Not-Stacy. Move.”
“It’s Gwen! Gwen! If I move, what are you—huh? Wait a second?!”
Audrey—Gwen—saw the weapon in my hands and let out a horrified shriek as she lunged forward. But I was already one step ahead.
It had been a while since I last used this one.
Clang—!!
The mithril spearhead erupted with a short, violent crunching sound as it shattered one axis of the barrier. It punched straight through all three layers and even pierced the wall behind it.
“Kyaaaaaaaack!!”
Audrey screamed like a bird with its neck caught in a snare and started ripping at her own hair.
“You insane bastard! That’s not the kind of barrier you can just smash open like some brainless thug!”
“It worked, didn’t it?”
“Worked my ass—wait, it actually did?”
Whooooosh…….
The barrier dissolved like a projector that had lost power. Audrey froze mid-hair-ripping, mouth hanging open.
The triple security consisted of illusions that confused anyone trying to dispel it, a defensive wall, and an alarm. But no matter how fancy the magic, it was useless without a mana supply. Every spell needs mana. That was the absolute law of magic in this world, and I had just smashed its core in a single strike.
The people here still hadn’t figured out how to apply the concept of backup batteries to magic.
Audrey kept opening and closing her mouth like a goldfish, then suddenly blushed bright red and latched onto my arm.
“Hey, oppa? Want to go into business with me?”
“You’re way too obvious for someone trying to recruit me. Shut up and move. They’ll notice the barrier’s down any second now.”
“Hiiing, so cold-hearted.”
Give me a break. Sure, it might look cold, but I’ve always been the type to get awkwardly macho around women I’m meeting for the first time. Occupational hazard of being a married man named Nord. I acted the same way with Larilura and Veronica. The only exceptions were Franc, Dana, and Tirsi—the ones I met back when I was single.
Vrrrrng…!
I swept every auction item into the slate tablet. The only exception was the GPS greatsword. A tracker is convenient when I’m the one using it, but it’s a massive pain in the ass when someone else is. Breaking it would cause problems, and ignoring it would cause problems. I’d carry it for a while and then ditch it somewhere so it looked like I lost it during the chase.
“Time to escape. Move.”
“Yes. Though if anyone saw us right now, they’d think you were the leader.”
“Right? Oppa, how about becoming our boss?”
“I can live honestly and still never run out of money.”
Look at them getting spoiled after I treated them nicely just once. I briefly considered smacking them around a bit, but decided against it since it would slow down our escape. And that turned out to be the correct call.
The instant we popped open the underground vault’s lid and climbed out onto the surface, a razor-sharp sword strike brushed right past my forehead.
Actually, “brushed past” sounds too gentle. If I hadn’t dodged, my skull would’ve been split clean in two.
—Swish.
A few strands of the stylish bangs Franc had cut for me fluttered down to the ground.
“Fuck. Now what?”
“……Hmm. Not bad material for a phantom thief.”
We were both just saying whatever we wanted. Maybe that’s normal when two stubborn masters with iron pride run into each other.
The reason I thought so was because the opponent who had suddenly gone straight for the kill looked extremely strong.
“Reveal your name, skilled little thief. Do so, and I shall at least spare you from summary execution.”
Swish—clack.
The woman spun her sword a few times in her hand before resting it against her arm as she addressed me. She was covered in scars. Not a huge number of them, but the few she had carried massive impact. Half her face was hidden behind an eyepatch, and both her left arm and left leg were prosthetics, as if she’d traded the real ones away for something awful as a child. Her short, practical haircut combined with that stern expression gave off the overwhelming aura of a battlefield commander.
I didn’t recognize her face, but she didn’t seem like regular auction house security. Her clothes were far more luxurious than the auction manager I’d met before. If anything, she reminded me more of the Lord of Sargadis I’d seen previously.
“Pardon me, but who are you?”
“Minerva Culapius. I am the lord entrusted by His Majesty with the governance of Lucregens.”
Ah, yes. Hello. First time meeting you in person. I heard you watched my wife’s circus performance while clapping enthusiastically?
‘……But what the fuck are you doing here?’
Never mind why she was here—the bigger question was why she looked so ridiculously strong. Was she a former general? No wonder the territory seemed like it was falling apart. She probably sucked at politics. An excellent soldier doesn’t automatically make an excellent general, and an excellent general doesn’t necessarily make a good ruler. There are exceptions, but this auntie didn’t seem to be one of them.
“You questioned a noble’s name. Now state yours.”
“Would you kindly call me Phantom Thief Blue?”
I spouted some random nonsense while checking our escape route. We could just run back the way we came. If I copied the sisters and used Beast Regression mana to create a glider and propelled it with steam bursts, escaping wouldn’t be hard. There would be plenty of pursuers, but nothing I couldn’t handle.
“So, did you have something to say to us?”
“Your sense of humor is abysmal. You’d never make it as a clown.”
The circus-loving lord who had randomly insulted my comedy skills glared at me with piercing eyes.
“Put down the stolen goods and come with me. Do that, and I promise to punish you only according to the laws of Romania.”
“Wouldn’t that mean straight to slavery?”
“Better than being torn apart by enraged nobles. Roll under my command for a few years and you might even become decent human beings.”
This woman really had a talent for flipping my trauma switch. The funny part was that, even though she was extremely by-the-book, Minerva was technically saying something several times more correct than I was. After all, I was in the middle of stealing.
But I needed to grab the stuff, scatter the flyers, and run so the auction house people fighting nearby wouldn’t suffer any more casualties.
‘It’s not like I’m going to sell the items for money, but I doubt they’d believe me even if I told them that.’
Run, then? Even if I lied and said I had nothing, they’d arrest me and search me immediately. If they saw my real face, my life would be completely over.
‘Yeah. We’re running.’
I sent a frantic hand signal to the Heswald sisters and slammed the pepper bomb I’d received earlier onto the ground. The sword strike that came flying through the smoke was blocked by my giant leather armor and Beast Regression inner armor.
“Aaaack!! Fuck, it hurts like hell even when blocked!!”
“Missing a few limbs doesn’t mean you’ll die.”
Coming from the one-armed, one-legged auntie, that didn’t sound like a joke at all, damn it.
I broke out in cold sweat while buying time for the twins’ retreat, then used a shoulder tackle to shove Minerva back.
“Kuh!”
As expected, her prosthetic leg couldn’t match the performance of a real one. She staggered backward. In close combat she might have been able to compensate with master-level swordsmanship, but chasing after fleeing targets with that magic-item prosthetic clearly put her at a disadvantage.
“Lulupang! Lulupi! Luluyap!”
“Kaheuk, kuk, cough, cough!!”
I hurled more pepper bombs while shouting ridiculous spirit cries, then wrapped Minerva in colored smoke that matched the bombs. She tried to hurriedly cover her body with mana, but if something like that could stop us, phantom thieves would’ve gone out of business long ago.
‘Dodge window’s open!’
I was a little thrown by her sudden appearance, but now we could escape. Or so I thought—until I chased after the Heswald sisters and found them standing frozen like scarecrows against the moonlit sky.
There was no point asking why they weren’t running. The white-haired masked madam was standing atop the clock tower I had occupied earlier, flanked by her guards, aiming silver arrows straight at us.
“No matter how easily discipline falls apart in winter, I cannot simply overlook theft.”
She glared down at us.
“I, too, have an item I absolutely must obtain at this auction.”
Whoa, shit. This time it was a familiar face. Guess the madams in this city consider personally jumping into the fray a virtue.