Heartbeat (1)
The morning of a circus girl begins early. Of course, anyone who travels in and out of the city would say the same, but for a circus troupe that wanders the world, they had to rise at dawn and finish preparing to depart before the sun even climbed into the sky. For a girl accustomed to that kind of life, sleeping in at an unfamiliar place was simply unthinkable. Even in the inns they stayed at during their travels, the sense that she was “working” would force her eyes open in the dead hours before dawn when there was nothing to do. That routine had continued for over ten years.
Morning was the start of a day, and the chain of those days was a person’s entire life. Therefore, the girl had accepted early on that her life moved at a slightly faster rhythm than everyone else’s. Waking faster than anyone in the quiet bedroom at dawn, preparing for the day while breathing in the cold air—anyone who experienced that would understand. She had found work faster than anyone her age, and she had gained the skill to represent someone in that work even quicker. Though she never imagined her retirement would come faster than everyone else’s, too.
Anyway, the days when boys and girls older than her would hold their parents’ hands and come watch her performances had already stretched on for a full ten years this year. In the life the girl had lived, almost no one treated her like a child. Circus girl Larilura was, wherever and whenever, either the high-value ace of the Plangunkul Circus Troupe or simply its most outstanding member.
That was why she… had never even imagined, until half a year ago, that the word “kid” could make her blood boil so much.
“You awake?”
Those were the first words she heard when she opened her eyes that morning.
Larilura tried to lift her still half-asleep head after oversleeping, only to realize her lower body had no strength. Her face stiffened for a brief moment.
“……Ah.”
The surprise and embarrassment that had flickered through her mind for a split second melted away like snow the moment she remembered last night’s passionate affair. Because not even the slightest trace remained of the stinging pain or the overwhelming pleasure she had felt, Larilura felt a little dazed.
The man who was getting dressed spoke with his back turned.
“I bought a potion and applied it for you.”
“……Ahaha♡? You give me the sickness and then the medicine?”
“Sickness? You were the one who was dying from how good it felt, yet you talk so well.”
When the man turned around with a smirk, her heart gave a heavy thump, but she was quite confident in her poker face. Without showing any reaction, Larilura slyly covered her fully exposed breasts.
“If that was dying from how good it felt, then Senior, were you trying to kill me? Hmph. How mean.”
“If you’re going to pretend to cry, at least wipe that smile off your face first.”
Thinking it was an unreasonable demand, Larilura ended up laughing anyway. Telling her not to smile when he was smiling at her—there had to be a limit to how harsh someone could be.
“Hmm. So what should we do? It feels like the older sisters have probably all woken up by now.”
“Yeah. Actually, someone knocked on the door earlier. Dana was asking whose brilliant plan this was.”
“……Hic.”
Larilura let out a hiccup at his answer. It was true that she had essentially cut in line. But hadn’t the older sisters also secretly taken him for themselves in all sorts of ways up until now? She had simply copied them. Still, would saying that actually work? What if they ended up hating her?
The man read her inner thoughts faster than she could process them herself and lightly flicked her forehead.
─Thwack!
The short, sharp pain instantly blew away the last of her sleepiness.
“Ow…! Why, why did you hit me?!”
She clutched her forehead and protested with teary eyes, but the man only shrugged as if he couldn’t care less.
“What are you so scared of? I’m the one who fell for the seduction. Even if they chew someone out, it’ll be me, not you.”
“……Would the older sisters really scold you over something like that?”
“Probably not, right? So they won’t scold you either.”
It was the same twisted logic as always, and as always, strangely persuasive. Larilura stuck her tongue out and rubbed her forehead. He never gave this kind of forehead flick to the other older sisters. It made sense. Something like this was the sort of thing you only did to someone you still treated like a child. Even though she had already turned twenty and done everything adults do, it seemed she was still just a girl in his eyes.
No matter how she thought about it, that felt both disappointing and unfair. She was certainly grateful that he found her cute, but the thought that he might still see her as a child kept winning out. She had only ever been treated like a child by the troupe leader besides him, which made it sting even more.
Her natural talents were simply too outstanding to be seen as some clueless little kid. Orphans had no choice but to grow up fast. Her exceptional talent and sharp instincts had turned a girl with no family name into a star in less than five years. Only the circus troupe leader who had taught her maintained the attitude of an adult scolding a reckless child toward her, but even he treated her as a full professional once a performance began.
She probably never felt lonely. Her life was far too dense to waste time thinking about such things. The sense of disappointment or resentment a child might feel when treated like an adult was something distant from a girl who had learned the ways of the world far too quickly.
The only thing she couldn’t claim, even if her mouth were torn open, was that she had never wondered what it felt like to walk while holding a parent’s hand.
Of course, that was all in the past now. There was no way she could make any progress with him if she kept letting herself be treated like a kid.
“Hmph.”
Larilura let out a small snort and roughly pulled on the clothes she had tossed aside. Both the clothes and her body were already perfectly clean and dry. He must have used a Purification spell or something while she slept. The way such a small act of consideration revealed his personality made her heart flutter again. It was a little pathetic, sure, but what could she do? It was her first love, after all.
“……Ugh.”
Still, Larilura had already grown somewhat used to the bittersweet taste of a first love that refused to go the way she wanted. She took a deep breath to calm her whining heart, then linked her arm with the man’s.
“Then let’s go, Senior! Even if we die, we should die together♡?”
“Together? The way you’re gripping my arm, it looks like you’d throw me as bait and run if things got dangerous.”
The words “That’s because I’m nervous about linking arms with you, Senior” were something she absolutely could not say out loud. Larilura deliberately put on a pouty expression and pressed her previously bothersome breasts firmly against his arm.
─Twitch.
He reacted. He reacted. His expression grew slightly awkward. Good. So he wasn’t completely ignoring it after all. Well, given his personality, he probably couldn’t keep treating her purely like a child anymore. That was enough. If he was conscious of her, then from now on it would be nothing but offense after offense.
Larilura secretly clenched her fist tight. If only she could feel this comfortable and happy sleeping in late beside him, how unfair would that be? It was only right that he worry about her as much as she suffered over him.
“……Ahem.”
Even while making excuses like that, Larilura couldn’t stop her face from turning red. The man noticed it but deliberately didn’t mention it.
─Glance.
Larilura’s eyes stole a look at the man’s face as he cleared his throat.
─The moment you fear failure is when you fail the hardest. The troupe leader’s words came to mind and filled her with courage. If she knew, she would probably nag that it was something said during acrobatics practice, or that she shouldn’t quote her in a place like this. But a girl impatient in love couldn’t think that far. Anyway, even if she had, it probably wouldn’t have changed anything.
Walking arm-in-arm with the man she loved, Larilura—Priscilla—thought to herself.
Did love need a reason? Did there need to be some clear, articulable reason or trigger so distinct that one could definitively say, “This is love”?
Priscilla didn’t think so. Love didn’t need any reason. The pounding of this heart and the affection she felt from him were enough. She was confident that if she loved and seduced him with all her might, she could seize his heart and receive his love without needing to put everything into words or hear confirmation from his own mouth.
Her competitors who weren’t really competitors were all high-class beauties and charming older sisters—but she had no intention of simply rolling over and accepting defeat.
Waiting around didn’t suit her personality. She was the type who couldn’t stand only receiving. Whether the matter was good or bad, if she received something from someone, she had to give back just as much to feel satisfied. In love, and in life.
“……Ahaha♡”
Priscilla thought that and smiled brightly.
She knew, of course. That when she linked arms with him, the sound of her heartbeat would reach him too. He was so quick-witted. There was no way he hadn’t noticed her nervousness.
─Thump. Thump.
But did he know? The reason Priscilla clung to him like this was because then she could also hear the sound of his heartbeat. When she linked arms with him, his heart was pounding just as hard as hers. For the current Priscilla, that was enough. Because she was sharing that heartbeat with the person she loved.