The End of the New Year and Childhood (2)
Alexandra greeted us with a polite smile, then subtly scanned the room. I understood the meaning behind that glance and pointed toward the door.
“If you’re looking for Rarilura, she’s downstairs chatting with the troupe members.”
“Ah, I thought so. That explains all the noise coming from below.”
Alexandra laughed warmly and smoothly matched the Britannia I had unconsciously slipped into. She moved to sit down but seemed to notice the empty table.
“Oh dear. It looks like the member who showed you up here didn’t even offer you tea.”
“Not at all. We’re the ones who showed up unannounced.”
“Hehe. Still, it would be troublesome if the troupe gained a reputation for poor hospitality. If you’ll excuse me for a moment, I’d appreciate it if you waited.”
“Of course. Take your time.”
It would have been rude to keep refusing after she had insisted so many times. Alexandra heated the kettle using a magic item from the reception room and spoke to me casually, just as I had suggested.
“The fact that you came all the way up here without Rarilura… does that mean you’re here to scold me for neglecting my duty as her guardian?”
“Come on, of course not.”
What right did I have to do that? Maybe if Rarilura had actually been a ten-year-old kid, but that wasn’t the case. She doesn’t seem particularly bothered by it either.
Rarilura had never once said she felt disappointed or upset, so it would have been ridiculous for me to get worked up alone.
“I’m late with the introductions. You already know Franc, but the other two are probably new to you.”
Remembering my manners, I introduced my family first.
“These are my wives, Dana Berbeia and Veronica Eclipse. Somehow, I’ve been blessed to be loved by all three of them.”
Confessing that I had three wives was a bit embarrassing to say so boldly in front of someone I already knew. But if I hesitated, my sharp-eyed wives would never let it slide. I didn’t want them thinking their husband was too ashamed to speak because of them. That kind of macho nonsense wasn’t my style.
“My goodness. Three wives?”
Thankfully, Alexandra accepted the potentially awkward revelation with a graceful smile, whether she was surprised or not.
“Hehe. I’m jealous. I’ve remained unmarried at this age.”
She returned Dana and Veronica’s bows with excellent social grace. By sharing a similar personal story, she smoothed over any potential discomfort. I should learn how to do that.
“It must be because you’ve devoted yourself so completely to your work that the Chrysos Circus Troupe has reached its current level. I genuinely admire you.”
“That part is something I can proudly claim. But perhaps I’m getting older now? Thoughts I never cared about before keep coming to mind. What if I had gotten married and had children?”
Alexandra counted out tea leaves with practiced precision, one for each person. The tea knife scraped at the compressed leaves that resembled solid curry blocks.
“Maybe it’s because I’ve spent more than ten years raising that five-year-old troublemaker who never quite fit in at the orphanage. Perhaps I felt like I was raising my own child.”
It was a smooth topic shift, as if she had been waiting to say exactly that.
“That’s why I wanted Rarilura to experience something different. If there’s only one path in life, the only choices are to keep running or to stop. There are no crossroads.”
True to the reputation of a successful circus troupe, the expensive magic item quickly brought the water to a boil. As a pleasant aroma filled the room, Alexandra brewed the tea without missing a beat.
“At this point, I can’t go looking for another path, can I? I already carry dozens of lives on my back. I didn’t want Rarilura to end up the same way.”
“Uh… I’m the one who ended up making you carry even more burden. I’m not sure what to say.”
“Ah, you mean the friends you rescued? Hehe. If you have time, please stop by and see them. They’re working hard to adjust to their new environment.”
Thinking back to the performers—or rather, victims—of the freak show, I once again found myself on the receiving end of her consideration and felt a bit awkward. What was this feeling? Talking to her felt like speaking to an elder. Well, she was an elder, but maybe it was because of Rarilura. It somehow made me feel like I had done something wrong. Like I was the bad guy who had taken someone else’s precious daughter.
“Actually, I’ve suggested it to her many times before. But that child… how should I put it? She’s quite obsessive. Her attachments run deep. She found it difficult to even imagine life outside the circus.”
“I see.”
The way she gradually modified her puppets instead of making new ones, calling them Number Three, Number Four. The way she cherished that old lantern she bought long ago. The way she would scheme her way into staying at our place because she hated sleeping alone at inns. From all those little things, I had seen how deeply affectionate and attached Rarilura truly was.
And while she was getting along well with the troupe members, the director had suggested she try something new. She probably thought, Did I do something wrong? Am I being kicked out?
“Because she has trouble forming and breaking connections with people, when she was younger she would pester me every time we visited a city to recruit talented orphans into the troupe.”
“She has a lot of love to give. Isn’t that one of your daughter’s strengths?”
“Oh my. Calling her my daughter? That’s very kind of you to say.”
Alexandra brought over a tray with the tea and placed cups in front of us. I thanked her and picked up my cup. She sat on the sofa, lifted her own cup, and gave a light wink.
“So, after circling around the topic like this, what I wanted to say is that I was happy the child finally showed interest in the ‘outside world.’”
“I feel rather guilty. I didn’t do anything particularly special for her.”
“The trigger is always something small. If I truly am that child’s mother, as you said, then isn’t it only natural that I would notice when my daughter begins to change?”
After taking a sip to moisten her throat, Alexandra gave a bitter smile.
“You may have heard, but I actually raised her quite strictly. Even so, I couldn’t change her naturally mischievous nature.”
“I understand. The circus is full of dangerous situations.”
“Goodness. You keep saying such nice things. No wonder Rarilura praises you so much.”
“…Praises me?”
Was this about what happened back in Heisvent? When I tilted my head, Alexandra blinked in surprise.
“Didn’t she tell you? Even after we parted ways, she occasionally sent letters to places like the adventurers’ guild and the mages’ guild.”
“…Ah.”
I had no idea, but her words suddenly reminded me of something. It was from quite a while ago—when I had taken Rarilura with me to the adventurers’ guild. Since visiting the mages’ guild for a minor errand felt troublesome, I had sent a letter to Tirsi through the guild counter. Rarilura had seen me do it, of course. Later, she even joined the mages’ guild herself. Since she had met Tirsi, she would have had plenty of places to send letters. But I never imagined she had been doing something so thoughtful.
Rarilura wasn’t always by my side, so it seemed she had been sending updates in her spare time.
…Rarilura is better than me.
The guy who hadn’t sent a single message to the professor who was probably feeling lonely after her one-sided crush suddenly disappeared had no excuse, even if he had a hundred mouths.
“That child really isn’t honest, is she? No matter how much we left her behind, whenever I scolded her strictly and she came crying to apologize, I always forgave her.”
Alexandra chuckled softly before continuing.
“But strangely enough, this time she didn’t even try to follow us. If she really wanted to, how hard would it be for us to notice? It’s not like she didn’t know our performance schedule. What do you think?”
“…Ahem. Isn’t it cuter when kids aren’t completely honest?”
Whoa! I knew exactly why she was saying that. When I cleared my throat, even Franc looked awkward, her pupils shaking. Sorry. It seems this pathetic adult from another country ended up seducing an innocent young lady.
A kid who knew the troupe’s itinerary well enough to send letters while they were traveling, but didn’t actually follow them?
Yeah. This was undeniable. If that counted as being abandoned, then releasing Teresa the house cat into the front yard would also be animal abandonment. What was so difficult about following a large circus troupe that even had elephants? Besides, even if we had left her behind, the distance between us had only been a single day. The more people there were, the longer long-distance travel took. Was there really any reason a lone Rarilura couldn’t have caught up with the Chrysos Circus Troupe?
Plus, didn’t she fall asleep right in front of the inn we were staying at?
When her mom said she was leaving, Rarilura had declared she would live here instead! And then she actually did it with full enthusiasm. The courage, the decisiveness, and finally, the thoroughness of securing a place to return to and an escape route no matter what happened.
Hmm. This felt strangely familiar. It had a strong pink flavor to it.
This little shit. I should flick her on the forehead later.
They say the area under the lamp is the darkest. It seemed about eighty percent of the reason Alexandra had left Rarilura behind was because of us. The daughter’s first dream of independence and the mother’s concern for her daughter’s future had coincidentally aligned. And the reason they aligned was, fuck, because of me and Franc.
Yeah. Damn it. No wonder I felt like I had committed a crime. I really was the culprit.
“Hehe. Don’t feel too awkward. Or should we change the subject?”
Alexandra offered us some sweets as she spoke. But in this atmosphere, even Veronica couldn’t bring herself to reach for the basket.
“I happen to raise a very clever parrot. It follows me around the world, learning the languages of many countries. It’s quite intelligent.”
Alexandra spoke gently, her expression softening as if reminiscing about old times. Phew. Was this finally time for some casual conversation? Good. People need to breathe to live. Even a national soccer player would collapse from exhaustion if they ran at full speed the entire game. I relaxed my shoulders and took a big gulp of the hot tea.
“That parrot had visited more countries than most sailors. Yet it seemed it couldn’t fly properly.”
“…Pardon?”
“Because it spent every day inside its cage. Even when I opened the door, it wouldn’t leave. I’m not sure whether it was afraid of the outside or simply content inside the cage.”
Alexandra laughed as if telling a light joke.
“Whether there was a blizzard or the sun was blazing… no matter which city or country we were in, it only went back and forth between the circus tent and its lodging inside that cage. So when would it have ever had the chance to fly freely across the sky? Looking back now, I think that was all due to my own shortcomings.”
Excuse me, boss? This doesn’t sound like casual conversation at all? The topic just did a full 360-degree turn and came right back to the starting point. And by the way, that parrot doesn’t happen to draw hearts and stars on its face and go “Ahaha♡!” does it?
“Because of my greed to make the circus successful, I feel a bit sorry that I never helped it find a mate. There was a time when I got angry if troupe members paired up and said they were retiring… but people do change.”
As I broke out in a cold sweat down my back, the director set down her cup.
“I am forty-two years old. The day after tomorrow, Rarilura will become an adult. Even if she comes back to me at the age I am now, she would be sixty-five.”
"Even if she gets along well with her new owner,"
"I hope she will still visit from time to time."
The sound of the expensive glass cups clinking together somehow felt heavy.
“Sixty-five. It might be an age to consider retirement, but if she doesn’t die an unnatural death somewhere, it would still be a bit early to have lived a full life, wouldn’t it? Fortunately, there is still plenty of time.”
I ignored Dana’s glare that clearly said, Why the hell did you drag me and Veronica here, you bastard? and swallowed hard. No matter what, the director’s smile never wavered.
…Ah, I see how it is.
I had been wondering why I felt so nervous earlier. This lady hadn’t been smiling with her eyes this whole time.
“Even if she settles down with her new owner, it would be nice if she showed her face once in a while.”
Yes, ma’am.