The Great Madness (4)
When did it start? Sometime after I got older, I began to feel sorry for the protagonist of the Transformers series. I mean, a sleek sports car transforming into a badass robot right in front of me, and I get to watch those pulse-pounding battles up close? That would be fucking awesome. Even if I ended up as nothing more than a human cheerleader totem shouting “Optimus Prime!” from the sidelines, I probably wouldn’t have any real complaints.
‘But damn it, wouldn’t it suck if that robot possessed my car?’
My ride getting gangbanged by some cyber ghost and turning into an alien robot? Every time Bumblebee took a hit, every dented bumper and fresh scratch would rip my heart to shreds like I was playing a dark duel in Yu-Gi-Oh!. The only upside I could think of was that once possessed, the car would apparently become waterproof, so I could just order it to wash itself. But if I still had to do the actual cleaning, that advantage would turn into pure bullshit too. I’d end up listening to it whine about where it itched, like some old bathhouse attendant scrubbing a grandpa’s back.
Young guide. Are you not lacking in sincerity?
What are you talking about? If you saw how hard I’m working right now, you’d shed a whole bucket of moved tears.
Anyway, that was exactly how I felt right now. At least Optimus Prime looked cool. This living Trojan horse bitch kept grumbling every time I scratched her back with the world’s most dutiful backscratcher.
Is it here? Here?
Ah~ Mmm~. Yes. Right there. Scratch a little harder there.
Fuck, that reaction reeks of old lady. It reminds me so much of my grandmother back home. She passed away right after I got into university. I doubt she ever imagined her grandson’s massage technique would one day be used to scratch the back of a horse bigger than an elephant.
Yeah, damn it. What’s the point of complaining? Screw Confucian Taliban! Respecting elders according to the proper order of age is exactly what Confucianism is! This is all part of elderly welfare. The perverted old man Nord is simply fulfilling his duty as the dutiful human backscratcher dragged to his wife’s (Veronica) relatives’ house!
“Kieeeek──!!”
I thrashed about wildly on top of Adelaide’s back. From below, the party members and the foal watched with gazes that seriously pissed me off, but as they say, effort never betrays you.
─Twitch!
The moment I released the last curse mark that had risen on her nape, Adelaide shuddered violently.
Hmm? This is…?
Flash─!!
It was the third successful purification, following Veronica and Alice. As Adelaide’s back was wrapped in light, my body plummeted like the platform beneath me had collapsed. Falling from about two meters wasn’t enough to faze someone with my skydiving experience, so I crossed my arms and prepared to land stylishly.
But a huge palm caught me mid-fall. I landed on it and looked up at Adelaide as she transformed into a giant of light.
“W-what?! The paired-horn is transforming?!”
“It’s more accurate to say the curse has been lifted, Anne.”
Adelaide flipped back her long, flowing hair like she was in an Elastine commercial. The fairy whose eyes had become as big as fists received a smile from the female giant.
“This is the first time we’ve spoken directly. My name is Adelaide. You may continue calling me paired-horn as before. Do as you please.”
Shuuuuk….
When the light faded, there stood a beautiful woman who looked easily ten meters tall.
Whoa! I thought she’d shrink when she became humanoid, but she doubled in size! A decadent, seductive young beauty. She didn’t look like an old woman at all. Maybe Bicorns retain youthful appearances even when they become wrinkly old hags. And of course, she was completely naked, as if it were the most natural thing in the world.
She utterly surpassed Franc, who had previously held the undisputed No.1 spot for biggest breasts I’d ever seen with my own eyes.
‘Even a beauty’s naked body loses all sense of lewdness once the size goes completely insane.’
The towering hills that completely filled my field of vision, and the pink… well, the rest is omitted. At that scale, it didn’t feel erotic at all. It was more like gazing upon a majestic goddess statue. No one gets horny looking at the Venus de Milo with her tits out in an art museum, right? These were breasts of truly divine solemnity.
If Adelaide had interacted with primitive humans, she would have been worshipped as a god one hundred percent.
……Adelaide. Why are you naked?
It cannot be helped. You know well that I cannot handle ᛒ (Berkanan).
Adelaide set me down in front of the spring and stretched. The majestic breasts that occupied a significant proportion of her body jiggled with the motion… the rest is omitted.
Veronica’s face turned bright red as she shouted.
“Put some clothes on!! Have you forgotten shame along with your age?!”
What is there to mind? I was naked just a moment ago. Besides, the only male here is the heir.
My title had changed again. Perhaps to Adelaide, Odin’s descendant held higher status and greater respect than the savior of her clan. Maybe seeing me personally lift the curse made her change how she addressed me.
“Ugh! Even if you showed your skin to thousands of males, why would I care?! I’m telling you not to be naked in front of the man I love!”
Haa. I understand, I understand. Goodness. How fussy.
Adelaide dipped her hand into the spring and activated rune magic.
Splash─!
The spring water spread out like fabric. Adelaide used the watery cloth to cover her front.
Is this sufficient?
“……Haa. Fine. At least wear that.”
Veronica sighed. The rune ᛒ (Berkanan) was a spell that, like polymorph in generic fantasy novels, couldn’t be cast on others. Unless it was made into a magic item, of course.
“……Whoa. What the hell is this…? Am I dreaming…?”
Heeung! Heeung! (Master! Master!)
Anne’s eyes had gone completely blank, while Elka was hopping around in delight. Both of them showed the pure, vivid reactions typical of children upon seeing Adelaide’s true form.
Hehe. Come here.
Looking at the two contrasting little ones, Adelaide lifted Elka onto her palm. Her eyes were warm, as if looking at her own daughter. But she quickly changed her expression to something strict.
Elka. Prepare yourself. We stand before a most exalted being.
Elka flinched in surprise, then looked toward me and bowed her head deeply.
“Though it is shameful to greet you in such a vulgar manner, I beg your forgiveness.”
Adelaide, who had set her down, also covered herself with a towel made of literal water and knelt, lowering her head. Her movements were so polite that despite her enormous size, her kneeling made almost no sound.
The prophet of the previous generation, Adelaide, and her disciple Elka, greet the most exalted one under these heavens.
……Do all Bicorns become extremely polite in front of gods? I couldn’t find any words to respond and simply kept my mouth shut. Does anyone know what the proper reply is when the naked Statue of Liberty covers herself with only a towel and bows? If you do, please tell me. By the way, my wives are watching from the side. Any bastard who can smoothly say something cool in this situation clearly possesses the caliber of an emperor.
“……Hoooek.”
When the majestic goddess bowed respectfully to me, Anne’s face turned as pale as a corpse. Even a middle-schooler dragged to the smoking area by older kids after screaming in a PC bang would look brighter than her right now. But I had no leisure to respond to the fairy’s gaze, which was filled with visible regret and terror. I placed a hand on my forehead and another on my waist. Let’s take a deep breath.
‘Until the East Sea and Mount Baekdu are dry and worn away─’
Twitch─.
‘Goddamn it, please!! Son, calm the hell down!!’
I consciously suppressed my overflowing vigor. When she was completely naked it hadn’t bothered me, but now that she was covering her front with just a towel, she suddenly looked strangely erotic. So this is the aesthetic of “hidden nudity,” huh?
Normally I make an effort to direct my sexual desire only toward my wives, but I’m still a man. Pretending to be calm after seeing a beauty’s naked body required some mental preparation.
Lady Adelaide. Let’s not do this. I’m just an ordinary human man with many desires.
Somehow I managed to power down the Mech Jujudra and waved my hands in denial.
There are many areas where I fall short of deserving such respect. I rely heavily on Veronica even in my daily life.
That is not so. Even after learning the truth of the prophet’s foretelling, you are worthy of receiving our clan’s loyalty.
Then I’ll ask for your help again when I need assistance later.
Elka secretly moved her head, but when our eyes met she quickly bowed again. I gave the little foal girl a small smile.
Even if I tell you to be comfortable, it probably won’t be easy, so let’s just speak comfortably with each other. That’s easier for me too.
……My late disciple’s words were not wrong at all. I thank you for your merciful heart.
Adelaide’s face was all smiles as she answered. I had no idea what had pleased this miniature Statue of Liberty, but I wanted to put an end to these pointless thanks. I nodded and brought the conversation back on track.
How much has Veronica told you?
I have heard almost everything after swearing with the rune ᚷ (Gebō) to keep silent even in death. It seems I have much to tell you, most exalted one.
Adelaide answered fluently, then rolled her eyes while still kneeling. Her target was the awkwardly frozen little fairy. Anne quickly caught on.
“……Ah! R-right! You have something important to talk about, don’t you? I’ll go play far away over there!”
Elka, go with her. Now that I have taken this form, it will be easier to treat your wounds.
“Y-yeah! That’s great!”
─Twitch!
I didn’t know where she was hurt, but Anne flapped her wings energetically before suddenly freezing when our eyes met.
“Um, h-human… sir? I was a bit excited earlier and acted rudely! I’m really sorry!”
The fairy began awkwardly rubbing her hands together. There was a pitiful innocence in her expression, like a child trying flattery for the very first time.
“If you ever visit the Seelie Court, please mention the name Anne Miriam! I’m sure there will come a day when my name will be of help!”
“I don’t know if I’ll have the chance, but I’ll remember it.”
“Thank you! We’ll keep our ears closed and stay far away! Goodbye!”
At my answer, Anne looked relieved as she grabbed Elka and flew off. Not that she could go very far inside the barrier anyway. Anne Miriam. I don’t know what kind of fairy she is, but I’ll make a note of it.
It will be a long story. Please make yourself comfortable.
Adelaide wrapped the water towel around herself in a style resembling traditional Romanian clothing. Although it was semi-transparent like a wet white shirt, it was still better than nothing.
─Slide.
The now-polite Adelaide knelt and sat down humbly. I almost told her to relax but held back. It felt like a battalion commander entering a private’s quarters and telling him to be at ease. Let’s just finish the conversation as quickly as possible.
First of all…… what was that talk about true aptitude?
Yes. I, Adelaide, have heard from Veronica about beings called Humanum Dei. Those lowly ones who dare imitate divine authority.
Adelaide spoke with half-lidded eyes.
However, if even those worthless creatures can wield the lost power of the heavens…… then what reason could there be for Nord, the rightful successor of the heavenly god, to be unable to do so?
“……It’s not impossible, but I can’t control it.”
The intense memory of running wild was still fresh. Borrowing Odin’s power while risking a rampage was not something I wanted.
But Adelaide shook her head at my words.
If I assist you, you may be able to learn the technique to control that wisdom and power. Of course, it will ultimately depend on the heir’s own hands, but I dare to suggest that it is possible.
What is the method?
It is the same method by which you viewed the memories of that elf named Yerna. Since we must also speak of the All-Wise God─Hoenir, let us begin there, step by step.
I nodded. Having only superficial knowledge of Norse mythology, this was the first time I’d heard the name Hoenir in this world. This is entirely the fault of the Marvel Cinematic Universe. If only they had made Hoenir a main character in the Thor series, how great would that have been? If they had, I wouldn’t be suffering like this trying to figure out who this obscure god is. Fuck, what the hell is Hoenir, you damn otaku? Is he Heimdall’s friend?
I am a descendant of the Aesir gods and a Bicorn who has inherited a thick portion of Jotun blood from my ancestors. As such, I have lived far longer than other Bicorns. Therefore, this is knowledge passed down through my clan.
Adelaide began to calmly unravel the bundle of stories.
The All-Wise God Hoenir is the first sworn brother of the heavenly god, with whom he created the humanity of Germania.