Let's Go to the Living Room
I headed to the living room, where Veronica had gotten up and was feeding our house cat. “Ah, my beloved. You’ve arrived at a good time.”
With the stubbornness of a veterinary school dropout, Veronica had been feeding the cat when she scooped it up into her arms. “Our Teresa went out and came back with rather dirty paws. I tried to wipe them, but she kept running away. Could you perhaps use your magic to handle it?”
“Sure. Hold her for a sec.”
I drew up my mana. The cat didn’t seem scared at all; she just yawned and stared at me. Maybe because she roamed outside so freely. It had been a while since I’d seen her indoors.
“Clean.”
A breeze swept over the cat’s paws, cleaning them thoroughly. I often thought about it, but this Clean spell was seriously overpowered. Any dog owners who hated wiping muddy paws after walks would probably die of envy. Honestly, aside from one-hit-kill weapons of mass destruction like nukes, I was starting to believe that in everyday life, this world’s technology surpassed Earth’s.
“When I’m not around, do you clean her paws every time she comes in from the yard or outside?”
“Indeed. The moment I finish wiping them with great effort, she dashes back out—it feels like my heart is being torn apart.”
“What the hell? This little shit is bothering my wife?”
I kneaded the cat’s paw pads while pretending to scold her. For the record, Veronica had no aptitude for wind magic. Her level was even worse than mine, so learning Clean was apparently out of the question.
“Nya? Eunyanyang nyonyanyanyanyang? (Can’t you wear shoes?)”
“Nyaaashya. (Don’t wanna.)”
“Fucking cat. (Fucking bitch.)”
Look at this arrogant little shit. Just because we could talk didn’t mean we actually communicated. Of course, since our Veronica liked her, I couldn’t really say anything to the damn cat.
“I don’t know what Teresa said, but don’t scold her too much. She’s a good child, you know. She even catches prey and brings it to me.”
“Isn’t that just dumping it on you? And I heard if you throw it away in front of her, she gets upset.”
More importantly, I was suddenly worried. This little shit wasn’t out there killing birds or field mice for fun like a typical asshole cat, was she? Cats were animals that hunted as a hobby even when not hungry—like humans or orcas. It was a rare trait among carnivores. Unless the theory had been revised since I came to this world, that’s what I’d learned.
“Hey kid, keep the hunting games in moderation, okay? You can catch mice though.”
It would be a problem if she went after someone else’s pet birds or carrier pigeons, so I warned her verbally. If she took care of the mice before they infested the house, I’d praise her.
Veronica asked as if deep in serious thought. “My beloved. Then what should I do with the prey Teresa brings? I didn’t realize throwing it away in front of her was forbidden.”
“Either tell her not to, or clean it up when she’s not looking.”
The cat we had at my parents’ house would get distracted with treats, apparently. But after repeating that, the damn cat learned the formula that bringing prey meant guaranteed Churu consumption and caused all sorts of trouble. Or so I’d heard.
At my words, Veronica spoke as if relieved. “How fortunate. I was worried I might have to eat it.”
“Wait, my horse-riding wife. Cooking and eating mice or pigeons is way too wild, don’t you think?”
“Don’t think strange things. I dislike anything that isn’t proper cooking.”
While we were joking around like that, Dana came down from the second floor. She must not have slept well; she was yawning. “Haaam…… Fuck, what kind of gross conversation are you two having first thing in the morning? It’s not like one of those kelpie legends from back home.”
“Good morning, wife.”
“Good morning, Dana.”
We greeted each other. The cat Teresa glanced around before jumping down from Veronica’s arms. Unlike with me, she seemed to show consideration toward Veronica.
I headed to the equipment area and equipped an apron. “Wait here. Today I’m making an insanely delicious breakfast for Franc. Behold the cooking skills of a sweet husband.”
“Oh? Awesome. It was supposed to be my turn to cook today.”
“What kind of misunderstanding is this? Obviously I’m trading shifts with next week’s duty, right?”
“This fucking virgin-collector bastard is swapping duty and only reporting it afterward? You wanna get hit?”
“The girl whose nose is hooked on her husband should just endure it.”
“Out of all the animals in this house, you’re the one with zero conscience, you son of a bitch. The moment the stars fall from my eyes for you, you’re really dead.”
Our girl had implicitly admitted that I looked insanely cool in her eyes. Anyway, if I laid this groundwork and got up early that day to make breakfast in advance, she’d be moved. Oh my, he swapped shifts with me? How romantic! That kind of thing.
‘Ah, this is what they call buildup. Miss it and you’re fucked.’
I should secretly write it down in my notes.
—Sizzle sizzle.
—Chop chop chop.
Wearing the apron, I prepared breakfast. I chose dishes that wouldn’t feel heavy even if you went back to sleep afterward, and light enough that you’d still reach for them if hungry. My cooking skills were acknowledged by everyone. Even if people complained when I cooked at the shop, they’d still eat it without much issue.
‘But what if I secretly use the ingredients Franc has stockpiled?’
That would elevate it from bachelor pad drinking snacks to meal-kit level! Mr. Peacock, Teacher Baek……!! Lend me your strength……!!
I brought my sense of smell and touch to their maximum. If I combined the sauces and seasonings Franc had prepared according to the recipes, I could minimize mistakes. Behold the skills I’d honed for three months as a cooking assistant under the senior who’d dodged kitchen duty by getting recognized for his culinary talent and reassigned to the executive dining hall.
“Endure mode: ON.”
I put the pot on the fire and stepped out for a quick breather. Even though I didn’t drink much water normally, after producing several 1.5-liter bottles of love elixir under the morning sun, I couldn’t skip hydration. I filled a full cup, gulped it down, and went for a walk.
I stepped out onto the veranda to look at the yard. Okay. Nice weather.
“Nya~ Nya~.”
Our house cat Teresa was surrounded by a pack of stray cats.
‘What the hell is this shit.’
Had Teresa become the boss of the local cats while we were away on business? Surely they weren’t all gathered here begging for food, right? Looked like I might have to consider becoming a cat mom.
I went out to the yard still wearing my apron. “Whoa, it’s chilly.”
It was winter, so of course it was cold. But this level had no effect on me, someone born and raised in the tail-end of a country with mana reinforcement and four distinct seasons. Sargadis’s winter is fucking nothing.
The pathetic wretch who shivered from cold in the slave market no longer existed in this world. Actually, Britannia was similarly cold in both autumn and winter. It got cold earlier, but you didn’t have to suffer as much during the actual winter.
“Nyaangnyang~♡”
But fuck, among the strays there was one ridiculously large creature. Larilura waved her hand at me sleepily, as if she’d been playing with the cats and still wasn’t fully awake.
“Aha~ It’s Senior♡ Senior, hello~♡?”
“Hello, junior. Your hair is sticking up like crazy.”
“Eh, you’re lying? Really?”
At my words, Larilura snapped awake and started combing her hair frantically. She’d been homeless for a while, so I wondered why she was embarrassed about it now, but thinking about it, it made sense. At that age, you always want to look pretty.
“Aww, uwaa…… Um, how is it? Do I look a bit better now?”
“You always look good. But do you like cats too?”
Larilura blushed at my compliment and answered hesitantly. “I, I like all animals~? Probably because of my upbringing.”
That made sense. If she grew up in a circus troupe, she’d have been around animals all the time. A perfectly understandable reason.
“Ahem, ahem. Later on, I was thinking maybe Senior, me, and Sister Veronica could form a circus troupe together?”
“A circus troupe? Well, doing it full-time would be tough, but doing it occasionally sounds fun.”
“Right? Right? Senior trains the animals, Sister Veronica does transformation shows, and I perform the finale! A circus show called the Laririca Circus Troupe☆!”
“Hey. My name has zero presence in that troupe name.”
“Then how about the Lariricano Circus Troupe☆!”
“Please remove the ‘playing around’ part from Lariricano.”
Because “playing around” sounded a bit… like I was just a side character.
‘The cats are well-behaved.’
Fortunately, as I watched quietly, none of them whined at me for food. Maybe because I was so overwhelmingly strong, their wild instincts didn’t dare act up. Since mana has aspects that animals can detect, like seismic waves or electromagnetic fields.
I’d heard on Earth that animals had strong intuition. Just like how a person would piss themselves meeting a bear or tiger on the street, these cats might instinctively recognize someone they shouldn’t mess with. Truly the charisma of a druid.
So did that make me feel like a lion sharing food with them? I’d also heard that cats see humans as large, clumsy members of their own species.
Maybe that was why. Teresa seemed to be treated like a right-hand cat who had earned the boss’s approval among the pack. She’d been granted permission to freeload in our house—that is, in my territory as the boss.
I saw this as a perfect opportunity. Just in time.
I’d already been thinking we needed a central tower for the cat drones in the city. After seeing Yerna’s organization today, there were disgustingly many groups in the world that threatened our family.
‘Our identities probably haven’t been exposed yet. But it’s definitely only a matter of time.’
It was fine when we were abroad. In foreign lands, we stayed on guard 24 hours a day. Still, asking to stay vigilant against enemies even at home is too much.
We needed a communication network that could sense the presence of powerful beings with wild instinct and report back. That wasn’t something you could achieve just by scattering food. It required the command of a charismatic leader.
I could do it, but I only had one body. Setting clones aside for now, constantly monitoring and commanding them while busy was difficult. Teresa is quite loyal for a cat.
During the Heisvent incident, she’d delivered a message to me even while half-dead, and she felt gratitude toward Veronica for saving her life. I’d often heard stories on Earth about how rescuing a dying stray and raising it turned it into an affectionate house cat.
Entrusting her with the role of leader among her kind and my right hand seemed like a good move. All hail druids.
‘I need to set it up so that if she spots anyone dangerous, the information reaches my ears.’
Extending the concept of my territory I mentioned earlier, an information network sensitive to the city’s atmosphere was incredibly important. That’s why building connections and backing with the young lady of Sargadis holds considerable value.
In a feudal nation, a lord’s daughter wasn’t all that different from the meaning of a princess. Even if not omnipotent, she seemed to possess quite a bit of both power and skill.
……
While I was thinking about that, the pot began to boil. I detected it with my superhuman senses. Larilura must have noticed by the smell too; she blinked rapidly.
“Ah! Senior is cooking today♡? Wow! I’m getting my hopes up!”
“Whoa, fuck. How the hell did you notice? That’s creepy.”
“Ehh~? Of course I can recognize the smell of food Senior made~♡”
“You’ve got the nose of a dog.”
Shaking my head in amazement, I returned to the kitchen. I seasoned the dishes and set the table. Breakfast preparations were complete.
I headed straight to the master bedroom. Franc was curled up like a baby, sleeping soundly. It almost felt wrong to wake her.
“Franc. Want to get up?”
I leaned over the pillow and whispered softly into her ear. The rune magic’s sleep duration had ended. Franc would wake at even the slightest sound.
“Mmm…… Nord……?”
Just as I thought, Franc rubbed her eyes and sat up. Since the only clothes I’d brought were a wedding corset and gown, the loosened gown slipped down as she moved. Her magnificent, bountiful breasts were revealed to the world. What a feast for the eyes first thing in the morning.
“Yeah. I made breakfast. What do you want to do? If you’re still sleepy, you can sleep a bit more and eat at lunch.”
“Mm…… If Nord made it, I’ll eat.”
After saying that, Franc stared blankly for a moment before spreading her arms. It looked like she wanted to be carried. Fuck, our bride is insanely cute.
I scooped Franc up immediately. She was as light as a feather, completely belying those massive breasts. The love power of a muscle-bound macho man.
“Hehehet.”
Franc seemed happy; she wrapped her arms around my neck and rubbed her cheek against me. I smiled contentedly. They say dreams come true in reverse—maybe the butterfly dream works that way too. Considering I’d had a shitty nightmare, it had turned into a warm, cozy start to the day.