The Cigarette After Glorious Sex Is a Macho Symbol
A cigarette lit after glorious sex is the ultimate symbol of machismo. The quintessential macho man ignores the woman who’s passed out from getting her brains fucked out, steps out onto the veranda or balcony in nothing but his underwear, and lights up. ‘Heh. This is what real machismo looks like.’
But I don’t smoke. So, out of pure desperation, I decided to substitute with alcohol instead.
─Creak. Creak.
I accepted a mug of ale and a bottle of liquor from the sailor on deck watch and climbed up to the main deck. My wives were all knocked out cold after getting railed for two straight hours each; they’d gone straight to dreamland. I planned to wake them up later and drag them back to the cabin. At first I’d thought about staying right beside them the whole time, but I gave up on that idea.
When they’re sleeping, they unconsciously reach out and hold each other’s hands. Seeing beautiful women lying there completely naked, it’s impossible not to want to crawl between them and start groping their asses. I’d once told Dana that someday I’d blow a raspberry on her pussy while she was asleep, but if I touched Veronica while she was unconscious I’d probably end up shoving it in and blowing my load inside her. So I had no choice but to hold back.
That’s how shitty life at sea could be. Even at the slightest rhythm my dick would swell up majestically and cause problems. ‘How the hell do these sailors control their sex drives?’ Even if they were single it would be rough, but these guys were married with kids and still forced into celibacy? I’d never survive that. Back on Earth there was an era when sailors couldn’t hold it in either; the moment they hit port they’d rush straight to the brothels. The marines and navy guys I knew would spam KakaoTalk messages saying they were dying from horniness. When I told one of them to fuck off, he replied that he was already jerking off. That guy was a real piece of work.
Anyway, now I finally understood why Ursula called male sailors pathetic bastards. They really are pathetic. Since they can’t get laid, they get frustrated and turn to piracy. It’s basically the same mindset as militant vegans. If the pirate captain who attacked us hadn’t come from another sea, would he have even bothered with those lame sex jokes? The thought crossed my mind for a second, but honestly it didn’t matter.
When I reached the deck, a warm night breeze washed over me. Fuck, this is ruining my mood.
“Hm?”
But I wasn’t the only one on deck. Or, to choose a more appropriate word, there was another ‘godkin’ present. My eyes met Veronica’s as she leaned against the railing, gazing out at the sea.
“What brings you out here?”
“I came out for a breather while my wives are sleeping. You?”
“Similar reasons. Sleep evades me tonight.”
“I see. With this heat, it’s no wonder. Hang in there. I’ll cast a spell to cool down the room later.”
As I spoke, I stepped up beside Veronica. For once, she actually stepped back. Why? Was it because I’d taken my shirt off?
“My lord. Do not come too close. Since you have just finished enjoying the pleasures of the flesh, I suspect you carry a certain scent.”
“I cleaned myself with magic, you know~? Want to check?”
“Hmmm. Is that so? Let me see.”
Shk─. Veronica brushed her hair aside to reveal her ear and leaned in close to my collarbone, sniffing. The crazy bitch had no sense of personal space, so for a moment I completely froze.
“Wait, what the fuck. Normally when people smell someone they go for the arm or something, right? My left arm is literally rising on its own and doesn’t know what to do. What the hell am I supposed to do with this?”
“I shall indulge you. There, there. Good boy, good boy.”
─Pat pat. Veronica lifted my left arm and began stroking the muscle. Fuck, are you drunk?
“In any case, you truly carry no foul odor. Only a pleasant fragrance.”
“I disinfected myself with magic, so why the hell would it smell good, you crazy woman?”
“Who knows? Perhaps it is simply your natural body scent? Given how delightfully unclean you usually are, even your sweat might emit an aroma that puts our kind at ease.”
“Goddamn it, I really didn’t want to know that truth.”
Don’t call me unclean, you bitch. At least say I smell like a popular guy.
I had broken into a sweat on the way up because of the heat. That’s why I wasn’t wearing a shirt. I stuck my tongue out like a dog panting in the heat and popped open the ale.
“Drinking should help a bit. Want some?”
“Human liquor? How intriguing… but there is only one cup?”
“I’ll just drink straight from the bottle.”
“…My lord. Even if we are both drinking beneath the same moon, the impression created by pouring into a cup versus chugging from the bottle differs by heaven and earth.”
She had a point. A guy quietly pouring liquor into a cup while staring at the sea already looked a little unhinged, but someone chugging straight from the bottle would make people worry he might jump overboard.
“It’s not like I’m drinking alone, so it’s fine. Besides, this is a wooden cup and cheap ale. No matter how I drink it, I’m going full barbarian course anyway.”
“Hehe. A savage warrior. The God of Thunder would surely approve. Indeed, it was foolish of me to expect refinement from our master.”
“I’ll seriously throw you overboard. If you don’t want to taste seawater, watch your mouth.”
When I poured ale into the cup for her, Veronica accepted it happily.
“I shall be careful. Swimming with the fishes while being toyed with by my master was quite enough. For the time being, I do not even wish to smell fish.”
“Then why didn’t you just stay inside? The whole deck smells like grilled fish because of those guys.”
It was because the sailors were having a drinking party down on the beach. They were grilling the fish Veronica had caught, so the smell naturally drifted upward.
─Swish.
Veronica examined the ale in her cup.
“In truth, I had considered it, but then I gave up. Since you came, I stayed.”
“If your master showed up you should’ve been more cautious and run away. What if I bully you?”
“Hehe. Would I dare flee from liquor offered by my superior?”
We chatted while drinking with the sea breeze as our snack. Veronica took a sip of ale and let out a long breath.
“Haa… How refreshing. Did you chill it with magic?”
“Yeah. I’m raising the proficiency of Freezing Hand. Why the hell is it this hot even at night? I’m worried about tomorrow’s exploration.”
“The climate of this island is far removed from natural phenomena. Perhaps because of the fire mana, it is indeed quite warm─”
Veronica, who had been muttering, suddenly changed her tone.
“No, it is cold. Mm. So cold I fear I may catch a chill.”
“You think this weather is cold? Did you get heatstroke?”
“I am perfectly fine. There has never been a time when I was not fine.”
Using that strange phrasing, Veronica held out her hand.
“Therefore, my master. If you are not going to wear that top, lend it to me. If I catch a cold, it will disrupt the exploration schedule, will it not? I shall return it once we head back to the room.”
“The shirt? Sure, I guess.”
I was already shirtless because of the heat and had no plans to put it back on. If she was going to wear it instead, there was no reason not to give it to her.
─Gulp. Gulp.
I handed her the shirt after that thought, but Veronica downed the rest of her ale in one go and suddenly buried her face in my shirt.
“Sssssssuuuup…… Haaaaaaa…….”
“Hey!!! You crazy bitch!!! What the hell are you doing!!!”
Why the sudden obsession with smelling me? I panicked and tried to yank the shirt away, but Veronica held on with surprising strength.
“What is the matter? I am merely covering my face because it feels cold. Sssuuup……”
“If you’re going to lie, at least stop making those sniffing noises!!”
She was gripping it like it was a precious treasure, so I put more strength into my arm too. As a result, Veronica staggered and was pulled toward me.
“Mmm, this is troublesome. Perhaps because I am drunk, my feet are tangled. If this continues, I will collide with my master’s chest.”
“Wait, what did you just say?”
“Forcibly pulling a drunk woman into your embrace—isn’t that half a form of seduction? I shall tell Franc and Dana. If the ladies punish me and my bed is moved to the stable, you will take responsibility, won’t you, master?”
No, seriously, why were these women all acting like this lately? Dana, Larilura, and Veronica taking turns squealing and teasing me left me with no time to enjoy any real machismo.
‘As expected, the only oasis in my heart is Franc.’
Playing around with these girls was fun, but sometimes I needed healing time too. Maybe I should just go to Franc’s room, lie on her breasts, and sleep. That would guarantee the sweetest sleep ever. But what about my poor children? If they latched onto Franc’s tits they’d probably skip meals and just sleep all day, turning into premature babies.
While worrying about the future, I let out a sigh.
“Fine. Just give it back when we head in.”
When I released the shirt, Veronica pulled her nose out and glanced at me cautiously.
“…Master, are you angry?”
“It’s fine, so just drink more. If you get completely wasted I’ll just chalk it up to you being drunk.”
When I held out the bottle I’d been drinking from, Veronica beamed and lifted her cup.
“Hehe. The price for teasing my master is merely a scolding? What a luxurious punishment.”
“Watch your tone.”
“Mm! I shall speak casually☆!”
“What’s with your voice?”
─Glug glug glug.
The wooden cup was refilled. I poured for Veronica and went back to drinking straight from the bottle.
“Hearing your tone reminded me—where’s Larilura?”
“…She said she was going to look at the ship and left. She is full of vigor.”
“Look at the ship? Didn’t she spend dozens of minutes on the ship during lunch too? She wasn’t looking at it then?”
I remembered her going to the ship alone after we’d finished applying oil and were fishing.
“She probably did not. That is why I said she is full of vigor… Well, never mind.”
Veronica tilted her cup as she spoke. What the hell did that mean? No matter how quick-witted I was, without any information I couldn’t figure it out. I decided to just forget about it. If it was important, Veronica would have told me.
Shhhhhhhhh…… The sea sent waves rolling in. Veronica watched them for a moment before speaking.
“The night sea feels eerie. Without stars, it is even darker than the sky. It feels as if something might leap out and drag you in if you stare too long.”
“Yeah. It’s so black it’s honestly hard to look at.”
I answered while drinking. Even the young Kang Bukho had once felt a vague fear of water. The bathhouse in the taekwondo studio had an ocher-colored hot spring. Even the ADHD version of me who could jump into any other bath refused to enter that one. The moment the bubbling ocher foam approached, it felt like Kaiser Seahorse would suddenly reach out and drag me down the drain. That was the kind of childish terror I’d felt. Even after growing up, after hearing the story about another customer mistaking someone’s shit for an ocher pack and rubbing it on himself, I never went near it again.
“By the way, can’t you transform into an underwater creature?”
“Hehe. That is quite the fundamental question. If there is a means to resist, does the fear disappear? That is the question.”
It sounded like a Zen riddle, but I roughly understood what she meant. Just because you wear a bulletproof vest doesn’t mean guns stop being scary.
“They say fear comes from the unknown. If you put your head together and think, you’ll probably find some answer.”
“How wonderful that sounds just to hear.”
Veronica, who had been unable to communicate with other races because of her curse, smiled as she spoke. We clinked our wooden cup and bottle together and finished off the rest of the alcohol.
And so, the next morning, we set out to explore the island.
It took two hours and ten minutes to reach the volcano because we got a little lost along the way.
“Haa~ It’s so hot~.”
Larilura moaned and clung to me. Without answering, I fired the combined spell of Freezing Hand and Summon Cloud at her face.
“Haaaa…… I’m alive……”
Larilura’s face lit up like she was basking in an air conditioner’s freezing beam. As we got closer to the volcano the temperature kept rising, so everyone was suffering from the heat.
Franc wiped away sweat and asked,
“What if there’s no entrance to the volcano? Will we have to climb the mountain?”
“We can only hope there is one. Even if it’s extinct, mountain climbing in this weather sounds awful.”
Dana also took off her gauntlets and fanned herself with her hands.
─Whoosh!!
I shot the freezing beam at my wives to cool off their sweat. While I was doing that, Veronica returned from scouting, folding her wings as she landed.
“The inside of the volcanic valley is blocked by hardened lava. We will need to search around the rim.”
“Ugh.”
Larilura’s voice, sounding like she’d stepped in shit, perfectly represented how we all felt. Fuck, did Ursula really explore a place like this with guesswork? The title of adventurer probably belonged to the sailors instead.
“Veronica unnie… give me the pillar please… I’ll carry it…”
“It would be too heavy for you. Just come closer.”
“Yay♡!”
Larilura happily pressed herself against Veronica. The pillar infused with cold water mana acted like an ice pack, becoming our lifeline. My wives were clinging to my touch even more than usual today.
“…Hmm?”
At that moment, while walking around the volcano, Veronica suddenly perked up her cat ears after sensing the mana wavelength of orichalcum—like a radar. She seemed to have found something.
“Let us head this way. The heat will grow stronger, so prepare yourselves.”
“Prepare…”
Larilura pondered for a moment before pressing even closer to Veronica. Even if she did that, the body heat would probably just make it hotter, and the three of us husbands were in pretty much the same situation.
After walking a short distance, we reached a cliff. Veronica spoke as if relieved and stepped forward.
“This is the place. I wonder how much hotter it will be inside.”
Veronica, who had been clicking her tongue, walked straight toward the cliff.
Huh?
─Thud!
“Ouch?!”
Veronica naturally slammed her face into the wall. What the hell was she doing?
“Veronica. Did you get heatstroke? Want to rest for a bit?”
“Ah, no. There seems to be some kind of invisible wall.”
“An invisible wall? There’s a very visible cliff right here.”
“A cliff…? I see. So that is what it is.”
Veronica seemed to have realized something. She didn’t look like she had heatstroke, so I was able to roughly catch on too. This cliff was an illusion.
“My lord.”
“Yeah. Step aside.”
I crushed the sun in my palm and activated Beast Regression. The power of mana added strength to my superhuman might, and on top of that I unleashed a special move I hadn’t used in a while.
“Mungae mungae─”
Stamping my foot down, I reproduced the second form of Gertrude’s striking technique—thrust—with my fist.
“─Bullet!!!”
─KWA-CHAAAAAANG!!!
The triple-reinforced punch powered up the straight punch I’d used as a taekwondo kid. It wasn’t the sound of rock crumbling, but the sound of something like a glass window shattering.
─Srrrrrk.
When the illusion covering the barrier disappeared, an entrance appeared in its place.