Orichalcum (10)
The moment I heard the commotion, I kicked Dana’s door open without hesitation.
“We’re heading out too. Larilura! Get up!”
We had no idea how strong or how many enemies had struck first. There was no way I could sit around playing cards in the cabin. Since we were all on the same ship, we were basically a community of shared fate, weren’t we?
If the ship sinks, we’re fucked.
This was the open sea, three full days by ship from any land. What kind of suicidal confidence would make someone think they could swim back to shore from here?
Using Gerthyr, I could probably swim for three days. But maintaining body temperature while swimming all the way to land? Even brain-damaged idiots wouldn’t entertain that kind of delusion. Since it took the ship three days, who knew how many days it would take doing the doggy paddle.
Thud. Thud. Thud!
When I came out onto the deck fully armed, the enemy’s location became obvious. This wasn’t a spot where fishing boats would normally come, and it was far out at sea. A medium-sized vessel charging straight at us from that direction looked suspicious no matter how you sliced it.
Ursula: “Is that a pirate ship?”
Ursula: “Yes. And an unlicensed illegal plunder vessel at that.”
Ursula was staring sharply to starboard from the bow when she spoke. My head spun for a second at the concept of state-sanctioned pirates. Maybe it was easier to think of them like poachers. Like boar hunters versus African poachers.
“Is it dangerous?”
“Hard to say. The fact that they’re openly flying pirate colors means they’re confident in their skills. The ship looks brand new, so they’re probably rookies… but it’s been a while since someone targeted me specifically.”
She lent me the telescope, so I took a look at the pirate ship. It really did feel like it had just rolled off the production line. If the Golden Ship was a meticulously maintained antique, theirs looked like someone had enlarged a ship model and set it afloat.
That was when the pirates changed their flag. The sails stayed the same, but they hoisted a black skull banner on the mast. Why the hell would they do something so deliberately aggro-inducing? Was their ego that inflated?
“If we don’t retreat, we’ll collide in ten minutes.”
Maybe because we were at sea, even if we were being ambushed it somehow felt like we had time to spare. Ursula asked me directly.
“Norde. What do you want to do? We could use the ship’s magic to outpace them with sheer speed. Those idiots couldn’t even hide properly behind the reefs. Even if we fight, our odds of winning are high.”
“What are the pros and cons of avoiding the fight?”
I answered her question with another question. When you have a naval combat expert right next to you, it’s only right to ask for their opinion. Why the hell would I rack my own brain when there’s a living fossil nicknamed the Witch of the North Sea right here?
“The advantage is that we can continue our voyage safely. The downside is that since I’ve never run from pirates before, rumors about this voyage might spread among them. If they start chasing us, it’ll be annoying.”
“There’s also the possibility they’ll band together and swarm us. Just a moment.”
I conferred with my party members for about a minute before speaking up.
“Let’s clean them up here. If they form a fleet and come after us, it’ll be a pain in the ass.”
If a tiger runs away, the foxes will assume it’s sick or hiding some weakness. It would be annoying if those pirates went home and snitched to their big brothers.
“Even if they swarm us, the Golden Ship could still escape, but you make a fair point. If we’re going to stay in these waters, we need to shake off the annoying little fry.”
“How good are our odds?”
Thud!
The moment I asked, Ursula slammed the sheathed sword in her hand onto the deck.
“Just watch.”
With those confident words, Ursula leapt onto the helm like a swallow skimming water.
Splash—!
When she spun the wheel, the Golden Ship turned ninety degrees like a 21st-century Earth vessel. It had to be magic enchanted into the keel. A magical tool designed to assist with navigation. The technology used stored mana batteries like an engine to power the ship! Even in this world, machines were usually better than people. The magical MRI I’d undergone for my sperm test had been the same.
Though some superhumans are the exception.
If you drew it as an inequality, it would be: normal person < magic tool < superhuman. The magic of this other world was enough to make even an Earthling drool. Wasn’t the Clean spell I could use proof of that? If I had to nitpick, it was precisely because of these convenient spells and the two separate instances of civilization getting utterly fucked that technological progress in this world had stagnated.
Splash—!
The Golden Ship cut through the waves as it closed in. The pirates on deck looked visibly panicked before they launched something that resembled a long wooden boat. The sealed wooden vessel spewed flames from its stern and began flying toward us at incredible speed.
What the fuck is that? A torpedo?
“S-something dangerous is coming!!”
“Stay put! If you want to fight, do it later!”
When Larilura panicked and tried to fire off a Magic Missile, Ursula roared at her. Even though they couldn’t understand each other’s words, they seemed to get the general idea through sheer instinct.
“Turning to starboard! Deploy starboard shield!!”
“Starboard shield deployed!!”
The Net Shield she had used when fighting me activated. A shield spell that covered the ship’s starboard side like a soap bubble! The torpedo boat slammed into it and was stopped dead. It had iron plating on the front like an icebreaker, but it wasn’t enough to break the shield.
Bang!
The lid of the boat that had been blocked by the shield flew open. Two or three pirates were crammed inside each one!
I shouted in shock.
“They put people in the torpedoes!!”
What kind of disregard for human life was this?! As expected, those pirate bastards had neither brains nor conscience. They say reality is sometimes more ridiculous than fiction, but who the hell would actually load people into torpedoes? That was as insane as the tactic of crashing fighter jets into ships. Even thinking of the analogy made me feel stupid. There was no way such idiots existed in the world.
“Hook on!! Before we all die, hurry!!”
The pirate bastards, who had apparently learned their upbringing from pickpocketing tourists’ wallets, threw grappling hooks to latch onto the ship. But the crew of the Golden Ship weren’t just going to sit there.
Whoosh—!
Flame breath erupted from the ship’s side like a cannon, sweeping across the torpedo boats.
“Kyyyyaaaaaaaagh!!”
The pirate friends were instantly roasted. Since the net-shaped shield didn’t block the flames, the boat people threw themselves into the sea like the tragic maidens of the Three Thousand Palace Ladies legend.
The pirate ship seemed to realize that dodging due to the difference in ship class was pointless. Trusting in their closing distance, they activated their own shield and charged.
Are they planning to board our deck by getting in close?
Strategically, it wasn’t a bad idea. I’d assumed they were new because the ship looked fresh, but they were probably veteran pirates from another sea who had come here to study abroad.
Spinning the wheel, Ursula shouted.
“Collision imminent!! Prepare for boarding combat while bracing for impact!!”
“Prepare for boarding combat!!”
The Golden Ship rocked violently on the rough waves. We hadn’t actually rammed them thanks to the shield, but the sudden stop had created a surge.
“Uwaaaaaaaaaaa!!”
“Kill the ugly bitches!! If the pretty ones are too strong or resist too much, just beat them into submission!!”
The pirate horde threw planks between the ships and charged across them! Look at the way these motherfuckers talk.
…So the shield can’t cover the deck?
There were probably reasons I didn’t know—fuel efficiency, technical limitations, defensive power, and so on. In any case, the curtain had risen on a melee battle. But there was one sad piece of news for the pirate bastards.
“Uninvited guests on stage are not welcome~♡!”
“ᚺ (Hagalaz)!”
The Golden Ship already had a party of living fossils, and today we even had an adventurer party riding along. A barrage of wide-area Magic Missiles and a hail of falling rocks smashed the pirates’ skulls.
“Fuuuuuuck!!!! Helmsman!!!! Raise the shiiiiiiield!!!!!”
A pirate who had lost his mind screamed, and the helmsman on the pirate ship expanded the shield’s range. Ursula had been waiting for exactly that moment and fired the Golden Ship’s offensive magic.
Kwaaaaang!!
An irreparable hole appeared in the bottom of the pirate ship’s hull. It was big enough for a person to pass through. If left alone, it would sink on its own.
Aaah. So that’s why they only put the shield under the ship.
If the deck gets attacked, there are ways to respond, but once a hole is punched in the hull, it’s basically game over. That must be why the shield only covered the hull. Expanding the range weakened its strength.
“Ugek.”
Franc’s knife buried itself in the stunned helmsman’s head. Maybe because the distance was less than ten meters. A critical headshot instantly killed the pirate ship’s helmsman.
Watching him head off to heaven, I stabbed a pirate charging at me with my spear.
“Kugh!! Grrrrk!!”
“Hey. You know what a giant swing is?”
“Ugh, ughhh!! Kuaaaaaaaaagh!!”
Thwack!!
I swung the pirate I’d skewered like a hammer, smashing him into his friends. The buddies went snorkeling into the sea together. They seemed to have forgotten their oxygen tanks, but since pirates could technically be classified as sea creatures, they’d probably be fine.
“Uuuu……”
Once corpses started piling up on our deck, the pirates didn’t dare approach. There were a few who would have been Silver Class if they were adventurers, but since every single one who came over died, what could they do? They were both outmatched in skill and getting mobbed. Their lives were melting away!
But if they just stand there, they’ll die anyway.
The shield was gone and their ship was doomed to sink. Since they weren’t even firing offensive magic, they probably didn’t have a mage. The archers had been Franc’s top priority for elimination, so they were left trembling with swords drawn.
“Damn wenches!! So the Witch of the North Sea isn’t just a rumor after all!!”
When the battle momentarily stalled, the man who looked like the captain screamed. He was a man carrying an axe as thick and wide as a refrigerator door.
From the helm, Ursula crushed her cigarette under her boot.
“If you have any last words, I’ll listen. If it’s nothing special, I’ll remember them until today is over.”
“Kahahaha! If you want to hear my voice that badly, I’ll let you hear it as much as you want in bed! A brazen bitch pretending to be haughty while shaking her hips—how fucking arousing!”
“Fuck off. I’m still in mourning. I swore I wouldn’t remarry until I’ve properly honored my husband’s soul.”
“Heh heh. Remarry! You want to become the wife of this Molto, whose name rang across the Mittelmeer? What a big dream. At best, you and your subordinates will become sex slaves!!”
Mid-sentence, the pirate captain—Molto or Nolto or whatever—threw his axe. The massive axe, big enough to scrap a car, spun as it flew toward Ursula. Sex slave my ass—if that thing hit her, she’d die.
I leapt before the axe could reach the deck.
Shwaaaaa—!
Crackle—!
Even with full buffs, it still only took me three seconds. I clenched my fist, then swung my spear to smash the axe away. A technique for deflecting heavy projectiles or magic! It was the third form of Gerthyr’s counterattack technique.
“Mood changer—!!”
Thud—Kwaaaaang!!
The ridiculously heavy axe was sent flying by my counterattack, which carried my extreme unlimited power.
Splash!!
Like a shuttlecock hit by an amateur’s racket, the axe plunged into the sea between the two ships. A pillar of water shot up as if a cannon had been fired into the surface.
Ursula whistled.
“Not bad. But there’s a shield on the helm too, so take care of your comrades first.”
That’s what she says after I saved her? When Molto reached out, chains of mana extended from the axe. So that axe was a magic item too. Molto yanked the chain to retrieve his weapon and glared with his caterpillar-straight eyebrows.
“Land-walking bastard! Don’t interfere with a pirate’s hunt!!”
“Retard, control your bullshit.”
“Hmph!! I’ll turn you into fish food!!”
The enraged pirate bastard threw his axe again. I deflected it once more and tried to finish him off with a thrown spear, but the bastard had only pretended to be angry at me—his real target was still Ursula!
“Motherfucker!! You cowardly widow-killing bastard!!”
“There’s no such thing as cowardice in a fight!!”
He’d been running his mouth about how hot she was, but all that bastard wanted was to kill the helmsman and steal the ship! He looked so stupid that I never imagined he’d make such an obvious judgment!
Rise as a god (Dd.f xa m nTr).
Instead of me, who had failed to react in time, Franc charged forward. She gripped a knife crafted from a golem core and chanted. In her hand appeared an earth golem hand as thick as her own torso.
Clang!!
Franc caught the axe with a hand that must have weighed over thirty kilograms. The earth golem hand cracked a little, but Franc’s real hand was only around the wrist area anyway. Molto pulled on the chain, but Franc didn’t budge an inch.
“What the hell are you? A half-dwarf? It’s a shame you’re so short, but your tits and face are acceptable.”
“……Can’t you see the ring on my ring finger?”
“What does that matter when you’ll never set foot on your homeland again? Heh heh. Up close, there are plenty of better women besides you. Hmm? And what about that bitch over there whose tits might as well not exist?”
“…………Huh?”
…Twitch.
I heard the sound of Dana’s blood vessels popping at Molto’s nonsense. But honestly, I’d been doing Lamaze breathing at full concentration the whole time and didn’t have the mental bandwidth for other thoughts.
Wow! That fucking primitive pirate bastard is sexually harassing our wives?
Should I kill him, Buk-ho?
No. Hold it in. My inner fake-Odin. I suppressed my rage with breathing and converted it into ancient god mana. Even True-Odin would have to acknowledge this. After all, I had endured a wife-sexual-harassment comment that was practically on the level of a mother-insult.
But Franc didn’t hold back.
Creak—
The magic chain caught in the golem’s hand groaned.
“Heh heh. Don’t worry. Our pirate crew has a pervert who likes women with poor figures. Anyway, if there’s any dick left over, we’ll give some to yoooooooou?!!!”
Shrrrrrrrk—!!
Molto, who couldn’t read the room and kept spewing filth, was yanked into the sky like a piranha caught on a fishing rod. Franc had pulled the chain with all her strength.
“──Don’t have disgusting fantasies about my friend.”
Her voice was so cold it chilled you to the bone. She was genuinely pissed.
Watching the idiot who was about to experience the law of universal gravitation firsthand, I said,
“Dana. He’s trash, so keep him alive. We can beat him up whenever we’re bored.”
“As expected, my husband really knows what’s up.”
Dana laughed in a way that gave me goosebumps, then sprinted and kicked off the mast.
“Uwaaaaaaaaaaagh!!!”
“You filthy bastard!! What the hell did you say about my body?!”
Dana leapt toward the pirate captain who was flailing in mid-air like he was doing a triangle jump. Her gauntlet flashed like a camera flash as it emitted mana.
“What the hell does a criminal bastard like you know about judging others!!!!!”
Flash!
Crack!!
Her fist smashed straight into his ugly face. White corn kernels that looked like premature snowflakes poured into the sea, and the bastard who had been knocked half-unconscious in one hit crashed onto the deck.
Boom!!
I landed right on top of him, crushing his spine.
“T-the captain’s down!!”
“That horny sack-of-balls bastard!! I told you we should’ve just raided merchant ships!!”
When their final bastion, the captain, went down, the remaining pirates scattered like baby spiders fleeing from a crushed mother spider. Ursula seemed to think it was over and stepped down from the helm.
“If there are any hostages or treasure, bring them. Anyone who brings something gets to ride on my ship. I’ll even feed you until you reach prison.”
“──G-goods!! Bring the goods we looted last time!!”
“Who the hell are you ordering around?! I’m taking them!!”
There wasn’t a single idiot who didn’t understand it was an ultimatum. The pirates brought out every piece of treasure they had hidden on the ship. It seemed there were no hostages. There was no point talking about what happened to people captured by these bastards—it would only make my mouth tired. Ursula seemed to share the same thought.
“Good work. If you’re hungry for women, go find a mermaid or something.”
Kwaaaang!!
The magic Ursula fired herself widened the hole in the pirate ship even further.
“Kuaaaaaaaaaagh!! You son of a bitch!! You said you’d spare us!!”
“You actually believed that? Idiots.”
The pirate bastards realized they had been backstabbed, but the ship had already sailed. We took everything worth taking and continued on our way. Five minutes later, the pirate ship had completely sunk.
Anyway, the world is such a shitty place that it’s impossible to go on vacation with peace of mind.