The Tower Extending to the Underworld (3)
While I was running a full-blown drinking party on the first floor of the tower extending to the underworld, Larilura came back.
“Wow☆ What a scene that makes me want to pretend I don’t know any of you.”
“Why the hell are you throwing shade the second you walk in?”
How could she say something like that after seeing grown-ass adults passed out with their faces buried in their drinks in broad daylight? What a shining role model for minors. I waved at her while taking a sip of the strong liquor Franc had ordered.
“You’re back. Haven’t seen you around much lately. You been busy?”
“I went to the Mage Guild because I didn’t have a separate marionette workshop! I got help from Tirsi unnie, greeted the craftsman, and somehow a really important person showed up? So something? Sorcerer? It was a name like that!”
Does that Cromwell guy seriously have nothing better to do? Or maybe an order for a golem core came in and he came to check on it? In that case he wasn’t exactly idle—he was out hunting for work.
I pointed at the massive marionette Larilura was controlling.
“That’s Ringring No. 3, right? Why’s it covered in cloth?”
“If Ringring walks around showing her bare face she draws too much attention, you know? I thought it’d be better to have an imposing presence during fights, so I ordered it like this~ But actually carrying it around myself is such a hassle★! Back in my circus days I just loaded it in a wagon so I never noticed!”
—Thud. Thud. Larilura made the cloth-covered marionette advance. It was holding a smaller marionette in its arms. That had to be the sub-model she’d made for street performances.
Dorka, who had been doing odd jobs nearby while waiting for drink or snack orders, stood up.
“Miss. Those two going to the warehouse as well?”
“Yat-ho~☆! Hello, Mister Dorka! That’s right~ It’s time for my partners to rest in the warehouse~! Can I leave them with you?”
“Sure. Let’s go.”
—Thud thud thud. Larilura parked Ringring No. 3 and the new marionette in the warehouse like she was pulling into a parking spot, then returned to her seat.
“So so~ Who’s that beautiful lady over there~♡? I don’t think we’ve met before. Is it okay if I greet her first? It’s fine, right~?”
Larilura asked Dana in her usual high-tension voice. Dana, who had been peeling beans for the snacks, wiped her hands and answered.
“Hello. I’m archaeologist Dana Berbeia. Starting today, I’ve decided to become this guy’s wife.”
“Ah hat☆! I see! Wife, wife, wife… Ah… Yes?”
The last part was clearly aimed at me. Wait, was that even a question?
I countered Larilura’s setup with a perfect spike.
“You little shit, that was a solid gag. I hereby award you the title of Wordplay King.”
“Senior, stop talking nonsense.”
Shot down instantly. Fuck. That had been my best pun in weeks.
Me, drinking in depressed silence. Larilura, swinging her head left and right like one of those spring dolls stuck to a car dashboard.
“Huh? Eh? What? What happened? I was doing my best behind-the-scenes prep to brag about how cool my Ringring 3.5 New Model is, and what the hell went down while I was gone? Archaeologist? Wife? Is my Britannia language still that bad?”
“You understood correctly. These wives are my wings.”
Birds fly with two wings, angels fly with many pairs. I would follow the macho-mon warp evolution tree that went reptile to dragon to archangel. Wasn’t it the national rule of this world that a freshly hatched digi-egg would become a ultimate-form Robat-type Digimon?
“Ahem. So that’s how it is… An old friend, huh.”
After hearing my super-ultra-evolution-level summary, Larilura sat down and naturally poured herself a drink.
What the hell are you doing, kid?
“Hey, no. Minors can’t drink.”
—Swish! The moment I snatched the beer mug from her, Larilura bent over like it was the greatest tragedy in the world.
“Aww, I thought it would work. The sneaky sip operation was a total failure.”
“This is what success looks like. Drinking wrecks a kid’s brain.”
“What does it matter? I started drinking when I was thirteen.”
“That explains a lot.”
“A lot? I already reported you to Narmer-Nile. I’ll visit you often.”
“Lord… one soul is ascending. Please send him somewhere nice.”
After that completely pointless exchange, I poured the drink Larilura had poured into Dana’s cup instead.
Have another one, ma’am.
“Senior~ There are only a few months left. Can’t you just let it slide~?”
Larilura wiggled her feet on the chair and acted cute. I rolled the strong liquor around in my mouth and frowned.
“Sssip… If there are only a few months left, endure for those few months. There’s no point drinking something that’s basically detoxifiable poison.”
It was the most boomer thing I could have said, but I guess I really was a boomer now. Was the Confucian dragon inside me still alive? An undead Confucian dragon. A tiger leaves its pelt behind; Confucianism leaves behind a geezer. A true main dragon indeed.
“Once winter ends I’ll be a proper adult woman♡? Aren’t you curious what adorable sides this cute junior will show when she drinks?”
“Then drink with one proper adult accompanying you. Ah, anyone except Franc.”
“Yesss~☆!”
Larilura’s excited bouncing was both hilarious and painfully relatable. The first thing I did after becoming an adult and getting my ID was learn how to pour drinks from my father.
Franc, who had been face-down on the table, twitched.
“Uung? Why can’t I…?”
“I’ll tell you when you sober up.”
“Understooood…”
“Pfft. Puhuhuhu.”
Franc’s tongue was completely twisted, and I imitated her perfectly. Dana nearly spat out her drink and wiped her mouth. Larilura stared at Franc—who had turned tomato-red and was grinning like an idiot—as if she were some rare specimen.
“Why is Franc unnie like that? Is she sick?”
“She’s drunk. She ordered some hellishly strong liquor that looked like it was fished out of the abyss with the money she earned. Still, she lasted three whole glasses.”
—Clink. I swirled the glass in my hand and spoke like a proper dandy. Franc had boldly ordered an entire bottle but couldn’t even finish half. It would’ve been a waste to throw the rest away, so I was sipping it little by little. Pouring distilled liquor into a glass and drinking it made me feel like a mafia boss.
The aroma’s nice.
It was just as vicious as that Acard or Turning Mecard or whatever the hell I drank last time. Maybe the mana body reinforcement effect also boosted liver detox for both me and Franc? Strong warriors rarely got poisoned, and Dana’s monstrous tolerance seemed to prove the theory.
Then why the hell did Franc pass out?
Were dwarves recessive or something? Was that why they only married each other?
“So Franc unnie turned into a soggy steamed bun because of that liquor?”
Larilura poked Franc’s sleepwalking-mode cheeks before asking.
“Senior~ I’m curious. Can I at least smell it?”
“Here.”
I handed it over since she asked. No chance she’d actually drink it. Even if you forced a minor who had just escaped the bloody stage to drink it, they’d spray it right back out their nose. Her chest was bigger than Dana’s, though.
“Dear husband. You weren’t just thinking something fucking disgusting, were you?”
“Paranoia isn’t healthy, my wife.”
“This fucking… It feels accurate though.”
“I swear on my grandfather’s honor that it’s absolutely not.”
(I swear on the honor of the nameless grandfather currently taking a stroll somewhere near Australia.)
Dana gave me a suspicious look but didn’t press the issue. Phew. Fuck. I almost died.
By the way, how many glasses had our eye-girl had? Judging by how much Dorka was grinning while splitting the bill, Dana was going to make a massive contribution to this month’s revenue.
She really isn’t human. She’s a lab ghost.
While we were messing around, Larilura sniffed the leftover strong liquor at the bottom of the glass, then secretly licked the rim.
—Lick lick.
“Ugh…”
“Why are you ‘ugh’-ing, you deer-lura?”
“Could you please not call my lovely stage name like it’s an animal, you beastly mister…”
Larilura stuck her tongue out and dry-heaved, clutching her throat and coughing like she was choking. I took the glass back and cackled.
“No, I’ll admit your stage name is cute as hell, but the pronunciation is fucking confusing.”
It would probably be easier to just remember her real name, Priscilla. Or call her by her nickname Ruri… Ruri… Geun-geun… Ugh, my head.
“Ugh. My tongue’s all numb… Why do you drink something so early…?”
—Heek heek.
Larilura stuck her tongue out and took off her hat. She must have been heating up. When I was little I once drank water pretending it was soju, then accidentally drank my father’s real soju and looked exactly like this.
“Who told you to drink it? My life is hard, so this stuff only tastes sweet to me.”
“Bullshit. If it’s only sweet then just down it in one shot.”
“If I did that I’d die from acute sugar poisoning.”
“The more you talk like that the more tempted I get. Give me a glass.”
“I’ll give you mine. Drink from this.”
Watch carefully, newbie. Indirect kiss incoming.
I handed Dana the glass I had poured. Better to torment our livers than let Franc finish the whole thing. Family shares both joy and pain, after all.
But if you get diabetes, does semen taste sweet too?
As a veterinary student I felt genuine academic curiosity about the profound mysteries of the human body I would never understand in my lifetime. I had heard there were potions that could change the taste of semen.
—Creak.
It wasn’t in response to my idiotic imagination, but a woman opened the door and entered the inn. A magic book tucked under one arm and a shoulder bag that sliced her chest into a perfect /. The mage looked at our drinking party and gave a bitter smile.
“Do I have to go home again today?”
“Hehe. No way. I’m not drunk, so come sit. I want to learn magic.”
“You’re a student with genuine academic passion. That’s an excellent attitude.”
Tirsi dusted off the hat Larilura had dropped, placed it back on her head, and spoke.
“It worked out well, I suppose? Anyway, congratulations.”
When I told her about Dana, Tirsi let out a sigh of relief. She must have been anxious the whole way back to the guild. As proof that everything had worked out, I gently stroked Dana’s hand.
—Stroke.
Dana kept drinking her beer but intertwined her fingers with mine. She wouldn’t even look at me.
“Hehe. Eye-girl? Keep that up and your head’s going to end up inside the beer mug.”
“…Even a mouse hole has space to hide. This is plenty of room to stick a head in. Keep talking and I’ll shove your head in there.”
“Yesss~. I’ll squeeze it myself~.”
I liked putting it in, but I absolutely refused to be the one receiving. Dana wasn’t the type to blush from beer, yet she desperately hid her bright red face behind her bangs. I grinned.
“As you can see, the three of us plan to get along just fine from now on.”
“I’ll cheer for you.”
Tirsi’s words were pure, sincere support without the slightest falsehood. Seeing it made me feel embarrassed about previously wondering whether she might like me. Had my overflowing lust somehow mutated into sexual desire? That would be problematic if it started interfering with daily life.
That was what I was thinking when Tirsi placed her hand on the adventurer plate hanging from her neck.
“By the way, now that the story’s settled, what about the request?”
“Ah, right. There was that too. Dana? Explain it.”
So many things had happened that it kept getting pushed back, but Dana had placed a designated request with the Audumla Guild.
Fuck, I had almost forgotten.
“The request itself is simple. The internal investigation will only begin after the researchers and equipment for my institute arrive.”
Dana explained it to Tirsi in a clear, organized manner.
“I’ll give you the details then. The location is somewhere everyone here already knows.”
At those words, the text from the invitation Dana had sent floated through my mind.
A ruin related to black mages, wasn’t it?
If so, it was probably Sarport Forest.
Dana cleared her throat and asked me.
“By the way, kid. So this team of four is the party you formed with them?”
“Yeah. Well, this one’s a free participant. Larilura? What happened to that circus performance you mentioned?”
I passed the question to Larilura. She had been focused on eating snacks—sweetly boiled peas—like a child stuck at an adult drinking party. She licked her fingers and answered.
“The schedule hasn’t changed. Since I made a new marionette, I’m planning to start street performances from tomorrow☆!”
—Lick. Larilura licked between her fingers, then raised the corners of her mouth in an attempt to look seductive. Clown mode: fully activated.
“Ah hat♥ Well~? If senior kneels and begs me~ I might not be completely unable to grant it~♡?”
“My knees are too expensive for that.”
Of course not. At my firm refusal Larilura pouted.
“What? How much?”
“Market price.”
“Ah, that’s a rip-off. I won’t buy it, I won’t buy~☆”
The former circus ace was deploying her nomadic-life-honed crisis avoidance ability. Tirsi, who had been listening, spoke to Larilura.
“Larilura, will that be all right? According to the guild forecast, it’s supposed to rain for the next several days.”
“…Net?”
“I keep up with the weather forecast because it’s related to orders for earth-power restoration potions. They say it will rain continuously from today or tomorrow until the end of the month.”
—Clang. Larilura dropped her beans in shock. A circus show on a rainy day was impossible. She could open with the mindset of putting on a water show, but without customers it was a hard NO.
“Hiiing… It was my last chance to earn before the cold winter.”
Larilura crushed the beans with her fingers, looking miserable. Still, for ordinary people like us, weather was an unavoidable natural phenomenon. We had no choice but to accept it.
I asked Dana.
“Dana? How long until all the equipment arrives at the institute?”
“Let’s see. I came ahead after talking with the lord, so probably at least three or four days?”
“Huh? Weren’t you here because you missed me?”
“…Yes, fuck. I ran all the way here because I missed your stupid face. What, why? You got a problem with that?”
—Grind. To my mischievous question, Dana ground her teeth and bit my wrist.
“Gyaaak! Why is this eye-girl so violent even after getting a PhD!”
“Nom nom… You little shit. You’re perfectly salty. Ideal snack material.”
Dana licked my wrist with her tongue. Don’t eat me, you crazy bitch. The only things you’re allowed to lick are my lips and my dick.
“So that’s what she says. Since it’ll take a few days, there should be time to learn the magic I mentioned earlier. Will you teach me?”
While Dana was licking my wrist, I spoke to Tirsi. But the one who answered instantly wasn’t Tirsi.
“Me! Me me! Teach me magic too! I have tons of money!”
—Whoosh! Larilura shot her hand into the air, eyes sparkling as if she were filling the empty space in her canceled schedule with a brand-new plan.
"I really, really want to learn"
⟨ Summon Cloud ⟩
⟨ Friar's Lantern ⟩
the magic!”