Welcome to the Golem Commotion (1)
After finishing breakfast and gearing up, we headed for the guild. Our pathetic little shithole of a guildhouse, the Audumla Guild in Heisvent, was so tiny it probably wasn't even two hundred square feet. Good grief. Even a rural job center in a town without a subway would be bigger than this dump.
“This is the adventurer guild☆! It’s my first time coming here in person♡!” Larilura shouted, voice bright with excitement. She’d claimed she had zero interest in adventurer work, but the news of a golem swarm had apparently caught her attention enough to tag along.
“Ahaha♡! There are way too many people, so I don’t think I can get inside!”
Just as she said, the narrow little Audumla building was packed like a can of sardines. Adventurers belonging to the guild had rushed here after hearing the news. Yet even though she was the one complaining about the crowd, Larilura herself was drawing a ton of stares. It made sense—she was the ace of a famous city circus troupe, after all.
Or maybe it was because of the giant otherworldly Hulk Joker standing next to her.
Creak. Thud.
“Hey. Maybe that friend of yours should stay home and watch the house. She’s drawing way too much attention, don’t you think?”
“Aah! Sorry~? But this child is really expensive. I haven’t found an inn yet, so I can’t just leave her with someone!”
Larilura tugged sharply on her mana threads in response to my words. Even Ringring No. 3 curled up as if wounded, following her puppet strings. But the damn thing looked so terrifying that I couldn’t feel an ounce of pity.
Franc looked at the curled-up Ringring No. 3 and said, “This might sound a bit rude, but she really does look expensive.”
“Right? This Ringring No. 3 was a farewell gift from the troupe leader. They saved up for a long time to have her built specifically for crowd suppression during circus performances!”
“So she’s a combat marionette? She might be the most valuable one among us, then.”
The otherworldly Hulk Joker probably wouldn’t reach twenty Nord, but ten to fifteen Nord seemed reasonable. Still, handing over something that expensive as a casual gift? Alexandra and the rest of the circus troupe were clearly worried about Larilura’s safety, even if they pretended otherwise. It was like parents sending their daughter off on a journey of self-discovery. Of course they’d be concerned.
Larilura must have sensed their worry too, because her eyes were full of warmth whenever she looked at Ringring No. 3.
Anyway, despite all the attention we were getting, there was no space to squeeze into the tiny building. On top of that, more people kept pouring in while we stood there, so no spots were opening up.
“Looks like we picked a bad time,” Franc said.
I couldn’t agree more. It felt exactly like a stock market frenzy where ants swarmed in after hearing a hot tip. Except in this case the “ants” were golems. If you could see the swarm with your naked eye, you were supposed to stay the hell away from that stock, right?
“Ugh!! Graaah!! E-everyone!! Please make way for a moment!”
Right then, a receptionist came struggling out of the packed guild building like he was giving birth to the world’s most painful turd.
“P-pay attention!! Adventurers of the Audumla Guild!! Please pay attention!!”
He spoke with the desperate resolve of someone begging for a fight to stop. What the hell? Had our guild finally been delisted? Was today the official shutdown date for Audumla services?
“I will now provide information regarding the Sargadis golem attack that was reported two days ago!! Everyone who came today to learn more about this incident, please focus on me!!”
“Oh.”
Nice. We could get the news without having to fight through that crowd.
The gathered adventurers all turned their eyes toward him at once.
“Hey!! Just tell us what the hell is going on already!!”
“That’s right!! You said a golem swarm attacked!! What happened to Sargadis?!”
“Everyone, please calm down!! Sargadis is safe!!”
When the adventurers started shouting with bulging veins, the receptionist yelled right back at full volume. The guy must have been hired for his lung capacity alone—his voice was ridiculously loud.
“Several hundred golems appeared, but only a portion of them attacked the city!! According to the investigation by Sargadis’s guilds, they are believed to be naturally occurring or to have poured out from ancient civilization ruins!”
“Ancient civilization ruins?! Isn’t that dangerous?!” one of the adventurers shouted.
He had a point. Golems that crawled out of ancient ruins were never normal. Especially not high-grade ones that had survived all the way to this era and could still move.
But I knew better. Cases like that were actually pretty rare.
“No! These are not golems created by ancient civilizations. They are believed to be elemental golems that formed naturally over time inside buried chambers!!”
“Elemental golem?” Franc muttered, sounding confused.
Larilura, ears perked up like an eager student, explained in my place. “That’s what they call naturally occurring golems☆! They form without any human intervention!”
“When mana pools in soil but there isn’t enough pressure to turn it into rare metals, it easily becomes an elemental golem. The ones I mentioned last time—the dirt golems—are exactly this type,” I added.
Franc’s eyes lit up like something had clicked. She raised a finger. “Ah, I’ve heard of them! They said earth golems appear often in the mines of Nidavellir too! So that’s why.”
“I didn’t know the exact principles either! Ahaha♡, Senior, you really are so smart~!”
“Heh heh. Even if you gold-plate my face, there’s nothing to gain from it.”
The male adventurers around us clicked their tongues or glared after overhearing our conversation.
“Tsk!”
“Che.”
I had no idea why they were acting like that after eavesdropping on us. Did I look like some two-timing harem bastard to them? I was still a perfectly wholesome otherworld virgin with only one girlfriend. When I sent them a puzzled look, they quickly averted their eyes. Good thing I’d hidden my plate well. If they’d realized I was a former graduate student, they would’ve picked a fight one hundred percent.
“──And so, a temporary guild alliance has been established in Sargadis under the lord’s command!”
The receptionist ignored the surrounding noise and chatter, spitting out only what he needed to say.
“A total of six guilds—including three adventurer guilds, the mage guild, and the hunter guild—are cooperating with the city guard for defense and compensation!! Requests for support have also been sent to the guilds in Heisvent, so anyone interested may participate voluntarily!!”
“How exactly do we participate?!”
“The earth golems that appeared all possess cores!! If you harvest them and bring them to the guild, we will record your achievements and provide compensation!!”
The receptionist answered a female adventurer’s question. The core was the shared weakness and heart of most autonomous golems. Even naturally occurring earth golems would have them.
A core, huh.
Thinking about it, this event seemed worth participating in. I recalled the enchantment magic book I’d looted from Anasis. I hadn’t even read three pages yet, but I roughly understood the contents. It was a book about magic items with granted spells. And magic item crafting always required materials that contained mana.
For example, if you wanted to make a mask engraved with runes, the pigment used to write the runes had to be a special alchemical solution or powder that held mana.
“Because these are naturally occurring golems, their danger level is proportional to the core!! The size of an earth golem’s core corresponds to its overall size, so please use that to gauge their strength before subjugating them!!”
“You haven’t told us the most important part—the compensation!!”
“Compensation will be paid according to the weight of the cores!! Cores that can be used as magic materials sell for a high price, so we eagerly await your enthusiastic participation!!”
After listening to the shouting match, we obtained information about the golems’ main habitats and general details. Their strength was estimated from the lowest ranks all the way up to Silver. Silver-ranked golems were apparently huge and slow, so as long as you didn’t charge in recklessly, you’d be fine. Thankfully they weren’t the proactive boss-monster type, so I wouldn’t have to worry about getting ambushed and turned into a pancake while eating.
“Shall we go too?” Franc asked, gazing into the distance beyond the city walls. She seemed worried about Sargadis.
“Sargadis will be fine. Naturally occurring golems don’t move with any unity. They don’t even eat to survive.”
“Huh? But I heard they attack villages pretty often!” Larilura asked, raising her hand like a student asking a question. Don’t move Ringring No. 3, you idiot. You’re scaring the passersby.
“Golems attack inhabited areas because natural ones have a habit of covering their bodies with stones or dirt. They’re drawn to stone walls. Places like the mage guild also have mana-infused stones.”
“They gather at the walls? Then why isn’t it dangerous?”
“Golems don’t have the intelligence to cross a moat.”
If a bunch of them rushed over and fell straight into the moat, you could just hit them with magic or spears from above and everything would be fine. The only real downside was that when the golems died and turned back into dirt, they’d clog the moat. Still, that meant endless ditch-digging work for the lowest-ranked adventurers every autumn. Haha. You primitive deep-sea tier bastards. Want to taste what real moat-climbing duty feels like? (The kind where you have to carry sandbags up ladders out of the moat.)
“How about we avoid the area with hundreds of earth golems and just hunt the stragglers on the outskirts? The cores from natural golems should be more than enough to practice enchantment magic with.”
“Enchantment magic♡! You mean the book written by Crown Crown, right?!”
Larilura clasped her hands together and fired off heart symbols like crazy.
“Senior, Senior!! What was it like?! What kind of content does that book have?!”
“Haven’t read it yet.”
“Ehh?! You went through all that trouble to get it, why not?! You’re losing half your life by not reading it!!”
“I’m going to keep holding out until I lose my entire life. Don’t try to stop me.”
As I spouted nonsense, I glanced at Franc. She seemed to agree with my opinion. Ah, not about the life-grinding part—about heading out on the golem hunt.
“Larilura? We’re going golem hunting. What about you?”
“Mmm~.”
Larilura tilted her head at my question, then answered brightly.
“I’ll come too☆! It’s good to earn money when you can♥! It’s hard to stay in one city doing nothing but performances to make a living!”
“Smart choice.”
Whether you’re a bard or a circus performer, the longer you stay in one city, the less money you make. Only die-hard fans will pay to see the same show over and over. That’s why so many performance artists are wanderers.
I gripped my sword hilt and said, “Let’s go. We just need to pick up a few cores to use as materials.”
I had been planning to rest for a while, but this was a pumpkin that had rolled right up to my feet. Time to kick it open, scrape out all the good stuff, and head back.
“You really can talk with animals, huh.”
Once we were outside the city walls and I activated the bio-drone system, Larilura shook her head in amazement. I was currently sharing thoughts with a square-headed snake and answered her.
“It’s magic from my homeland. Just because we can communicate doesn’t mean we can actually hold a conversation, though.”
“Even that is amazing enough~? You really were born to be in the circus, Senior♡!”
“Are you telling me to become an animal tamer? Kk kk kk. No thanks. Not my thing.”
The memory of the hamsters we raised in elementary school eating each other alive was still crystal clear. Animals were companions that were far easier to say goodbye to than human friends. Training one to the level of an adventurer partner would be an absolute nightmare.
“Chirp!! (Sex!!)”
The sparrow that had stuffed itself full of wheat was advertising its mating season as it guided our party. A group of golems stood frozen like stones in the plains between Sargadis and Heisvent. Counting them, there were ten. Were they all gathered in one spot taking a nice nap?
I examined their texture and clicked my tongue.
“Damn it. They’re mud golems.”
The golems weren’t made of ordinary dirt but sticky mud. From experience, I knew that among golems, the ones made of regular soil were the easiest to deal with. They were brittle and easy to break. On the other hand, mud was as annoying as steel. Swords or hammers had a hard time doing damage. Even if you aimed for the core, the mud got in the way. It was basically the same difficulty as trying to harpoon a crab hiding in tidal mudflats!
“This fucking otherworld mud festival!!”
I hated the idea of getting covered in mud from my sword all the way to my body and flailing around. But the other two seemed to have different opinions.
“If it’s mud, even if we get hit we probably won’t get badly injured.”
“Their movements are slow too~. Franc sis, Senior? Just be careful not to get buried and suffocate☆!”
The women in the party got into battle stance. Hmm. That was one way to look at it. If I had to choose between getting dirty and getting hurt, I’d also pick the golem facial pack. Golem cream instead of snail cream! Would it work? If so, I’d want to apply some to Franc’s easily roughened palms too.
“Ah.”
While thinking that, I realized the difference between the hand I used to have and the one I had now.
“Khh hh hh.”
That’s right. The me from back when I was a desk-bound graduate student slave and the current me were completely different. We were as different as a master’s degree that got you a job versus a master’s degree that got you drunk!
Come forth, my ice flame dragon that was sealed away by the fiery fist.
I crossed both arms and chanted the spell.
“Freezing Hand.”
Crack!
A refreshing sound rang out as my hands turned blue. I raised both arms in a Y-shape and declared:
“Magic Kid Masuri, Nord. Descensus.”