Chapter 133
Translator: True Detective
Chapter 133: How to Set a Goal (7)
You know, your mom was amazing.She wasn't even an Awakened, just a regular person, but she studied to death and got into Erentos's Laboratory.That place is one of the top labs in the world, you know.So, we got into the lab and started our research.What did we research…You know, even if you 'Gate Close', the probability of a Gate reappearing where one has already appeared is high, right?It's the principle of... places where Gates have opened once becoming danger zones as Gates open there more frequently.They say it's about the flow of energy or something, and the recent conclusion is that it's hard to stop.But back then, that wasn't the perception.So, the trend at the time was research on how to close Gates.Something like, securing safe zones by preventing the occurrence of danger zones by blocking Gates.But we focused more on how to defeat monsters.We thought we had to reduce the death rate of Hunters in the field to cope with the coming era of Gates.Ah… Hunters were treated terribly back then.Back then, Hunters were just meat shields to be used for a while before the Gates were completely sealed.The people who survived that are the ones they call 'Heroes' or 'Prominent Hunter Families' now.It's no wonder they're on bad terms with the researcher families.Thinking about those days.Well, anyway, so the research we were doing was far from the trend.So we weren't treated very well.We were completely swamped.Still, we tried. We communicated with Hunters in the field and found out what they needed.That's how we made the first draft of the GAH filter.And that's how we met your dad, who was a Government-Sponsored Awakened Hunter.I said Hunters were treated as meat shields, right?Awakened from the capture teams, Hunters from the Awakened Society, they were treated a little better, but Government-Sponsored Awakened were treated as completely expendable.Still, he managed to survive and lived until he had you, but….The world was changing a little, so I thought it was getting better, but it wasn't.It's dirty, but there's such a thing as 'priority' in the world. There's a priority for support, and for rescue.People who aren't widely recognized, that is, people who are considered less important, are rescued relatively later, even in dangerous situations.So they die easily.He could have lived, but he died because the rescue was late. Your dad.Ahyeon went crazy after that.She became buried in a craving for recognition.That became her everything.With the GAH filter, with this thing she'd spent her life researching with your dad and me, she would be recognized by the world.She would make them regret not treating us as important.Well, she became filled with thoughts like that.Haha, but, well, she died just when she was starting to get recognized, so it's a funny story.
“I still hate my mom. I was lonely.”
I understand.I'm not telling you this story because I want you to forgive Ahyeon.But I don't want you to think your mom didn't love you.She did it because she thought if she was recognized, if she was seen as important, you would be seen as important, too.
“That was a stupid way of thinking.”
It was.It was a stupid way of thinking….And I, too, chose the latter between you and that damn filter.Because I thought three people's, no, four people's, lives were on the line.
“I'll say it again, but I still hate it. I was lonely.”
…I'm sorry.
“Yeah. That's enough for now. …I'm going to go.”
Alright.See you tomorrow.
[A Story Fragment has been added.] [Currently collected Story Fragments: 13]
“Yeah. See you tomorrow.”
Choi Garam looked at Kang Nahyun with a strange expression as she indifferently said goodbye in polite speech, as if she hadn't just poured out her emotions with a contorted face. When did she grow up so much? The child, who had grown up while she wasn't looking, just listened to their story calmly, and then stated that she still couldn't forgive. ……. What should I have chosen back then, Ahyeon?What would you have wanted? And… ‘Hello. My name is Mihail. I'm from the Hanbit Orphanage.Thank you for your continued support of the Hanbit Orphanage. Also—’ It wasn't just gratitude for the orphanage support. ‘…Who are you?’‘I am Kang Nahyun's friend. And I am one of those who wishes to change fate.’Just what kind of fate is that child swept up in? She felt a bitter taste in her mouth.
“Damn, I'm craving a cigarette for the first time in ages.”
Now, her heart was firm. That if she could just be of help, she would drop everything and run, anytime. That she definitely would. That she wouldn't regret it anymore. Choi Garam steeled her resolve.
“…I shouldn't have listened.” On top of that, another unreadable Story Fragment was added. Is it related to the story I just heard? I replayed the story in my mind, feeling troubled. No, let's not think about it. No matter what their reasons were, they made me lonely, and I was lonely. That's a fact that doesn't change. I was in pain. But my heart sank anyway, and I clenched my fists. I was walking blankly toward my barracks, when soft fur poked my arm.
“Yoohoo~ Junior, what're you doing?”
“Hi, Nahyun.”
It was Choi Sujeong's tail. Appearing out of nowhere, Choi Sujeong slyly clung to me, wrapping her tail around my arm. Choi Sujeong, fiddling with my cheek, asked.
“Why so gloomy? Hm? What's wrong?”
“……”
Is it okay to talk about such a personal thing? I hesitated for a moment. Won't it seem too trivial?
“If you have any worries, you can always tell me.”
“Yeah~ Your sunbaes will counsel you!”
But while I was hesitating, Lee Hana and Choi Sujeong naturally linked their arms with mine, one on each side, and led me away. When I came to my senses, I was in their barracks, sandwiched between them. It was so natural that I felt as if I'd been bewitched.
“Nyahaha~ The others will be back later, so this is a secret room! Go on~”
“Un.”
I see… so this is what it means to be bewitched by a cat….Choi Sujeong spoke playfully, poking my cheek with her tail. The texture was so soft and fluffy that I somehow felt a little better.
“It's a really personal and trivial thing.”
“Uh-huh, uh-huh.”
“I like those kinds of things, too.”
“That's good, then…”
Maybe it's okay? I could feel Lee Hana carefully fiddling with my hair.
“Is it okay to talk about it?”
“Of course. Good girl.”
“That's right!”
As they babied me from both sides, I felt the thorns I had raised because of my festering wound being disarmed. Before I knew it, the story of what happened with Choi Garam today was spilling from my lips.
“...So I'm just a little upset.”
“Uh-huh, uh-huh, I see~”
“Mmm…”
The two of them listened to my story so seriously that I ended up pouring out the deep words I had kept inside.
“I understand why they did it, but I was still lonely, so I'm not going to forgive them… but still….”
“You don't have to understand, do you?”
Choi Sujeong, who had been listening quietly, suddenly cut in.
“You can resent them all you want. You don't have to try to understand. Why are you trying so hard to understand them?”
“……”
“Hey. Do you still like those people?”
“...I don't know.”
At my words, Choi Sujeong quietly patted my head and whispered.
“This might be overstepping, but… the way I see it, you still have affection for them, so you want to understand. It feels like you want to find a reason, so you can forgive them.”
“Yeah. It's like lingering attachment.”
Lee Hana added, and I sucked in a breath at her words. It felt like a realization was piercing through me. At the same time, something hot welled up inside. That was it. I…
“You're right.”
The truth is, I wanted them, Kang Ahyeon, Choi Garam, to have made that choice for me.I wanted to believe that they had put me aside for a moment, for my sake.That they hadn't abandoned me, but that there was an unavoidable reason for my sake, a reason I didn't know....Because I still like them.Because they were my parents, my guardians.
“You're right.”
That was my lingering attachment. A foolish lingering attachment. And so… so….I realize that I still want to be loved by them.
“I wish I could just sever these feelings.”
“Don't cry.”
Lee Hana's hand gently touched my eyes. Only then did I realize I was crying. My vision blurred and distorted, and I felt it clear up only after the tears fell.
“But you were truly hurt, and you truly hate those people, right?”
Choi Sujeong, who had been watching me, tossed out. I nodded silently.
“In that case, resent them all you want. They are the ones who should be begging for your forgiveness. You don't need to try so hard to forgive them.”
“Is that… so? I…”
“Yeah. Resent them all you want, and then, after that… if you still like them, if you want to forgive them. Let's forgive them then. Let's think about your wounds healing first.”
I could feel tears dropping. Choi Sujeong silently pulled me into a hug and patted me.
“I hate them.”
“Yeah. They're hateful. They were awful.”
“Why... me... I just... wanted them to be with me…!”
“I know.”
“I don't want to forgive them. Even if there were circumstances I didn't know about…!”
“You're right.”
Just like that, I poured out my sadness and resentment in Choi Sujeong's arms for a long time. I poured out my true feelings. The scream of my younger self, who had wanted to be loved, burst out, crossing the long wall of time.