Vice Military Officer of the Heavenly Demon Divine Cult
Take me. Aren't I a descendant of the kidney? From his position, this had to be the funniest comedy imaginable.
"Hoo... fine. Fuck it, let's do this. Father-in-law."
No point pretending to be some upright righteous sect guy anymore. I strode out bold as brass. If I was going to join the Divine Cult, might as well aim to become the world's greatest Demon Lord. Any man worth his salt had to carve his name into history. Where had that goody-two-shoes kid gone? Before I knew it, I was slouching with legs spread wide, spitting vulgarities like it was nothing.
Cheonma burst into even heartier laughter at my crude display, as if he found it all the more amusing.
"Kuhahaha!!! Perfect! No wonder my disciple takes after me! Kuhahaha!!!"
"Heh heh. Truth be told, I prefer the unorthodox paths myself. Uhahaha!!!"
For a good while, the grand hall echoed with my laughter and Cheonma's booming guffaws. The elders looked around in bewilderment, clearly unsure if they should join in. Tsk tsk. No wonder they suck at social life...
We must have laughed like maniacs for ages before Cheonma and I finally caught our breath, wheezing.
"Kuhuhu, hoo... it's been ages since I laughed like this."
From Cheonma's position, he'd probably endured every hardship imaginable just to heal his internal injuries and break through his walls. As a laughter evangelist, I was deeply satisfied.
Once he'd regulated his breathing, Cheonma turned to the military strategist.
"Strategist, you've heard everything by now. Give our son-in-law a suitable position. He's at the Peak realm, after all. Bound to be more useful than the young punks in the Divine Cult."
The military strategist bowed his head at Cheonma's command.
"As you command, Your Supremacy. However, this man was once from the righteous sects. To entrust him with internal Divine Cult matters, we'll need some... precautions."
Fucking bastard?
The strategist's words were obvious. Son-in-law to the Vice Leader? Fine. Entrusting him with a key Divine Cult role? Fine. But I was from the righteous sects. No doubt he was suggesting implanting Godeok in my head to control me like a puppet.
It pissed me off, but damn it, he wasn't wrong. I'd have done the same in his shoes. Was that why I'd always found the guy shady? No, more than that—Godeok for the Vice Leader's son-in-law? The entire hall's occupants nodded along serenely, without a single objection. Typical Demon Cult.
Stick around like this, and I'd be rooming with a head-wriggling parasite before long.
No fucking way. The Kang San Godeok Edition is a hard pass from me.
Even Cheonma watched on with keen interest, saying nothing. In my panic, I scanned the hall wildly and spotted Dokgo Hwaryeon still gazing at me with those sticky, obsessive eyes.
"Hey... Hwaryeon sis."
The sudden pet name made her eyes widen. She looked thoroughly flustered, her cherry lips flapping open and shut. I wanted to shove my dick in there, but right now, escaping the strategist's schemes was priority one.
"Looks like that goat-faced old fart over there wants to plant some Godeok in my head. You cool with that, sis?"
The abrupt personal attack made the strategist tremble with rage, while Cheonma and the elders watched on with intrigued stares. Who the hell does this guy think he is?
Dokgo Hwaryeon tilted her head, as if urging me to go on. Small tits, but kinda cute.
"Think about it. You and I are about to swear eternal vows before heaven and earth. Does the Vice Leader of the Heavenly Demon Divine Cult prefer her man as used goods?"
Her head tilted even more at the sudden "used goods" declaration, looking utterly baffled.
"What that goat-faced old fart is saying boils down to implanting Godeok in my head, fiddling with their shiny new toy however they like, then dumping me on you as used goods. What do you think about that?"
It was a ridiculous, outrageous leap in logic, but somehow I figured it'd land with her. If anyone could eat it up, it was her. Hell, don't all guys prefer virgins if they can get 'em? Being a woman's first is like a badge of honor for any stud. Even as a woman, Dokgo Hwaryeon was obsessed with me—she'd buy it.
Come on, Hwaryeon. Take the bait.
She pondered my words carefully before speaking.
"I already know what happened the day you arrived at the Divine Cult—you got it on with my maids. Even if you're controlled by Godeok, doesn't that make you used goods already?"
Fuck my mom.
Of course she'd know. Everyone here knew, which was probably why I still seemed fresh to them. A Taoist from the Mudang Sect gets kidnapped and his big crime is a foursome. Even I think that's insane.
Cold sweat dripped down my back from the tension. But quitting wasn't an option. They say even a tiger's den is survivable if you keep your wits. Our ancestors' sayings weren't bullshit for nothing.
"So what, does that make me some married dude with kids?!"
When in doubt, the loudest voice wins. I started whining about kids out of nowhere, and sure enough, her mouth snapped shut.
"No! A man born into this world can tumble with this woman or that one. No woman owns my heart, no family's been built—why the hell am I used goods?! Right, elders?!"
I tossed the hot potato straight to the elders. This was a primitive era. In this male-dominant shitshow, they'd eat it up. Hell, men had a duty to back each other up. Bail here? That guy's a total womanizer.
I swept my gleaming eyes over the crotches of the men in the hall. You guys got dicks or what?
One of the elders who'd been mulling my logic in silence—a burly fighter called the Fighting Demon—finally spoke up.
"Can't argue with that. A man born into the world can chase skirts and bed women. Hard to fault him for it."
That's right! Good man!
Dokgo Hwaryeon, realizing her logic didn't hold, turned to Cheonma. He was the Heavenly Demon, sure, but still her dad. He'd been grinning ear to ear, but now he furrowed his brow thoughtfully before speaking.
"Can't say he's wrong. By that logic, this seat would be the world's biggest playboy too. Kekeke."
Cheonma's official stamp of approval on my "new goods" status. Now I could stand tall. Fuck you, goat whiskers.
Dokgo Hwaryeon nodded at Cheonma's endorsement, then glared at the strategist.
"He's mine. Strategist."
I couldn't see her face as she turned, but the strategist's turned ashen, veins bulging with fury. Pure ecstasy washed over me. Is this orgasm?
But a true gentleman's revenge was just beginning.
"If you can't trust me that much, there's one solution."
Cheonma nodded for me to speak, bold as ever.
"Appoint me as Vice Military Officer. Can't trust me? Watch me yourself. Gives me a perfect excuse to stick by the Vice Leader too. What do you say?"
Take me, you goat-whiskered fuck.
Cheonma pondered briefly—no real reason to refuse—and nodded.
"Not bad. Lets the strategist do what he wants, and since he's from the righteous sects, he knows their insides better than us. Strategist, install the Vice Leader's son-in-law as Vice Military Officer."
A Manifest Realm master coolly accepting a mere Peak warrior as his subordinate? Whatever I did, he could handle it.
"As you command."
The strategist gnashed his teeth, having shot himself in the foot, and bowed.
Fucking dog, you're done.
Cheonma scanned the hall and declared the meeting over.
"The Vice Leader's wedding will serve as a declaration before our total assault on the Central Plains martial world. Strategist, prepare accordingly."
"""As you command!!!"""
Cheonma barked once and sauntered out. I smirked at his playful transmission in my ear, then approached the strategist.
"Gramps, nice doing the handover."
His goat whiskers quivered. This is sex.
+++
"What is he doing right now?"
Dokgo Hwaryeon spoke as her maids stripped off her jewelry and clothes.
"The Vice Military Officer retired to the annex for the night."
A masked woman dropped silently from the rafters, kneeling before Dokgo Hwaryeon. Even as she surrendered to the maids' hands, now fully nude, she stepped into the prepared bath.
Whoosh.
Steam rose thickly from the scalding water. Dokgo Hwaryeon sank in with a faint sigh as a maid slathered her body with scented oil, caressing every inch.
For her, in whom all was tedium, this bath time was the one daily ritual she anticipated.
The maids swarmed her arms, shoulders, nape, and scalp with diligent service—yet the masked woman remained bowed motionless.
"Is that all...?"
Dokgo Hwaryeon's voice drifted low as she felt the maids' touches impassively.
The masked woman shuddered, grasping the implication.
"Th-the V-Vice Military Officer... slept with the maids again tonight...!"
Crack!
Before she finished, a sharp rupture echoed. Dokgo Hwaryeon had ripped the jade tub's rim clean off with her bare hands. Dust scattered from her grip like powder. The masked woman trembled and blurted desperately,
"I'll... handle it."
Dokgo Hwaryeon stared blankly before nodding and dismissing her. Watching the woman flee like a shot, the maids' paused hands finally resumed.
Irritating.