Become Unhappy

My vision was a little hazy, but I wasn't dead.

I could still do more.

I really wished it would stop asking me that.

"Seon Yuhan-ssi, you don't look so well. Why don't you have a bit of this?"

"No. I'm fine."

Now was not the time to be taking pills.

If it were real food, maybe.

【Eat!】

Crack! Crunch, crackle!

"Hmm, Seon Yuhan-ssi? Seon Yuhan-ssi?"

"...Yes? What is it?"

"Ah. Nothing. Never mind."

'Hyunjae' shook his head.

'CJH', 'Hwang', and 'Jo' had been up in the daycare area, and by the time they made their belated way down, they'd be dead in the parking lot by now.

I didn't much care.

Not that I had ever intended to give them a chance to be happy in the first place.

【Become happy!】

Crunch, slurp! Screeeech—!

Dinner had been great fun too.

In just a little while, the parade would begin.

Why did ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠it keep asking.

You already know it.

What my name is.

I chose the correct answer.

【That's right. You are—】

The moment the sentence tried to continue—

"Ha."

I yanked the screen down all at once, and when I turned around, 'Hyunjae' sucked in a small breath, eyes going wide.

Well, of course. Humans think anything beyond the skin is disgusting.

Like my left eye, sliced away cleanly down the middle so the vitreous body showed right through it. Or my missing right cheek, baring my upper and lower teeth in plain view.

"Rest easy. Don't you worry."

Slurred words leaked out through my punctured cheek.

"I won't be passing my turn to you."

I licked my lips and walked past the emptied snack stand.

No one was selling treats anymore.

There was the Haunted House.

Right — I hadn't had a chance to go during the day.

This time, I would play with them properly.

A dark ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠corridor. A faint breathing with every step I took, and riding that breath, the fishy smell of fear brushing the tip of my nose.

【Where are you? Where are you hiding?】

In the first-floor kitchen, instead of a ghost crisp as an apple there was only a ghost gone mushy like an overripe persimmon.

It seemed to have spoiled all on its own.

The food waste really ought to be cleaned up, but I had done away with the cleaning cast, so there was nothing to be done about it.

【Are you in here?】

No one in the first-floor living room. No toys, either.

I'd been hoping there would be.

I stood still and listened, drifting slowly around the living room one unhurried step at a time, and then—

【Found you.】

I leapt.

CRACK! Crunch, splinter—!

The ghost had been on the second floor. Right above my head.

Ah. Not anymore.

I examined the ghost's toy with great care. How on earth did ghosts play with things like this? Wasn't it far too big for such short little limbs?

Click. Clack.

Ah. A familiar sound.

Oh, so that's how it's done.

As I fiddled with this and that, a delicious smell seeped through the gap in the door.

Creeeeeak...

【Hello? I've been waiting for you.】

Ratatatatatatata—! BOOM, thud!

Ugh.

This toy smelled pretty awful once you'd used it.

I'd have to throw it away.

Krk! Kwajik!

Though, ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠come to think of it, I didn't much like anyone else using it either.

I followed Pippi's guidance and walked to the plaza.

I knew the right answer now.

【I forget!】

A sprightly fanfare rang out.

"That's right. You do forget. All that sorrow—"

Three banners — red Liberation, black Freedom, and white Joy — sang the end of all suffering as they led the legion of corpses.

Every one of them looked happy.

They no longer feared the footsteps of visitors pushing open the door. No longer feared the laughter and weeping that came without reason. No longer feared the weight of bodies long since dead.

I would become like that too.

"Look up, everyone — we all rise high into the sky as stars, becoming one single song..."

Bang! Bang-bang!

The ones flung skyward burst into brilliant light and came pouring down.

Pop-pop-crack, thud—!

Red tears streamed down my cheeks.

Singing at the very center of it all, I danced.

Savoring liberation, I closed my eyes, drunk on happiness.

I became one.

I became eternity...

"Seon Yuhan!"

【Too noisy. Don't interrupt the festival.】

"Seon Yuhan!"

【Shut up. Am I not allowed to become happy?】

"Your name is—"

【It's no use. I told you.】

"Hello,"

"Seon Yuhan!"

At last, peace arrived.

There was nothing left in this world that could make me sad.

No one blamed me. No one called my name. No one made me unhappy.

The dead were the dead. Therefore, they were nothing at all.

What is dead and gone cannot make me unhappy.

It was so quiet.

So quiet I could no longer understand why I had ever suffered so much.

It was beautiful.

"And that, you see, is what happiness is!"

Pippi said.

"Aren't you happy?"

【Yes.】

I spoke to Pippi.

【I am happy. I feel nothing else at all.】

"That's right, isn't it?"

Pippi smiled, wide and blissful.

I stared blankly at Pippi.

A wistful, gentle melody drifted through the air, as though heralding the end.

"Well then, it's time to close Happyland's doors! Now, shall we confirm one last time?"

【Yes.】

I had known all along what I was going to do to myself.

"Do you remember your name?"

"▶ I remember"

"▶ I forgot"

【I remember!】

"Your name is—"

"▶ ■■■"

Beneath the signpost of six syllables ran the one and only happy path I was meant to walk —

【Seon Yuhan!】

— and the knowledge that I would gladly choose to become unhappy.

"I beg your pardon?"

Pippi's face twisted, ugly and vicious.

【Seon Yuhan!】

I murmured my name. Over and over, without end.

"Wrong! You're wrong! You are ■■■! Not that dreary little piece of garbage — a happy ■■■!"

【And why do I have to become happy?】

Pippi's round face flushed a furious crimson, as if it might burst at any moment.

"Because happiness is the ultimate purpose of all existence! You're happy right this instant, aren't you? Why are you trying to claw your way out of it? You said it yourself — you are happy—"

【Yes. And that's exactly why I don't feel like me anymore.】

The me who could recall the things that had made me miserable and feel nothing.

The me no longer crushed beneath the weight of my own name.

The me who had forgotten myself, and was happy.

"How is that me?"

That would be nothing but a monster.

"Now, it's time to close the doors."

【Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha】

Happyland's mascot laughed until its mouth split wide.

【You think you've beaten me.】

"Because I have."

I was still me.

I had not forgotten.

【This is the land of happiness, Happyland. An unhappy you has no right to exist here. The only choice remaining to you is to become happy.】

"Ah."

Pippi was telling me that only one choice had ever been given to me.

That if I would not be happy, I could not remain in Happyland.

【Or die by Pippi's hand, hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha】

"Oh, I see."

Then I simply had to not be happy.

【Ha?】

Pippi's laughter stopped.

【Die!】

And with that, Pippi began to rampage in earnest.

Shrinking to the size of an ant, swelling into something as vast as a building, over and over, trampling Happyland flat.

【You are a fool! An imbecile! Becoming happy is the only path there is!】

"No, it isn't."

A labyrinth always held countless paths.

And the way out of a labyrinth was never just a single road, either.

Even when it looked as though there was only one.

"There's one path I've never taken."

I had eaten at Happyland, and resisted. I had ridden this attraction and that attraction.

But there was exactly one thing I had never once chosen.

【Foolish you will die.】

Staring up at the gigantic hand closing around my body the way one would a bug, I thought:

If I could turn back time...

"If you could turn back time, what would you do, Seon Yuhan-ssi?"

I would become unhappy.

【Become unhappy!】

"Uh — Seon Yuhan-ssi, are you sure that's really okay?"

"I mean, I know that's what the diary says and all, but honestly, it makes me nervous."

After coming back this time, I sat down in Chaekbang Ollae, struck thick lines through the script I'd been jotting down all this while, and scrawled out a single sentence.

"Try not to worry so much. There's no telling how anything will turn out."

"No — it's going to turn out unhappy...!"

Choi Jaeha gave me that look of his — the one that said is this man actually insane.

I'd seen it so many times I could read it without him saying a word.

"Shouldn't we be trying to avoid becoming unhappy?"

"You'd think so, yeah...!"

Ignoring the accountant as he practically jumped out of his skin, I found myself recalling a conversation I'd once had with the representative of Yuwi Guild, standing right beside him.

Seon Yuhan-ssi. Is there any need to endure it?

There's no need to eat it, either.

And yet you don't want to become unhappy?

Then why on earth would I make myself unhappy on purpose?

In the end, I had been the one who was wrong.

I did have to ‍‍‌‌⁠​​⁠‌​​‍​​‍​‌​⁠‍‌‍⁠⁠‌⁠‌‍‌‍‌‌‌‍⁠​‌​‌​‌‍‌‌‌⁠‍​​‌‍⁠‌‌⁠⁠become unhappy on purpose.

Because I had finally understood that what I truly wanted was not 'happiness' at all.

"Well, there must be a reason it's written this way."

"Besides... there's no obligation to take, word for word, the 'happiness' of a labyrinth so conspicuously suspicious, is there?"

Of course, saying that was just spitting in my own face.

After all, no one knew better than I did.

【Become unhappy!】

【You are kicking away the happiness you were given. What a pathetic, pitiful, foolish creature.】

…

【Become unhappy!】

【How long do you think you can refuse happiness? You can become something even more complete.】

…

【Become unhappy!】

【That's right. You are unhappy.】

"Ha. There it is."

The breath I'd been holding finally broke free.

After repeating it again and again and again, the script had finally appeared — as though it had at last conceded to my stubbornness.

"No way. This... it actually works...?"

What?

No, hold on—

"Urgh, khh...!"

My limbs seized up like a machine drained of all power; a skin-crawling ringing drummed against my ears; a heart that was nothing but a hollow husk beat out its empty rhythm in my chest; came the familiar agony of breath that refused to come; and as though skewered again and again by red-hot iron skewers, every cell in my body screamed.

And every last bit of it happened at once, in the blink of an eye.

"Seon Yuhan-ssi!"

The world, still flickering and strobing, finally drowned in darkness.

Just before my memory cut out—

Next time, I absolutely will not die.