Zero Dating Experience (1)
After finishing today’s workout, it was already lunchtime. I lay sprawled comfortably on the sofa, eyes fixed on the message glowing on the screen. The guests had fled the moment dawn broke, but running away didn’t erase yesterday’s secret little tryst.
Fucking psycho bitch. For someone who looks like that, she sure has guts.
“Uh… I-I’ll head out now…?”
“Yeah. Go on. You coming back for dinner?”
“Probably…”
“If you can, don’t eat outside. We need to finish the leftovers in the fridge.”
“…Got it. See you later.”
I watched Haeun leave for her first meet-up with friends since we started living together, then turned the message over in my mind again. If a fairly famous idol was willing to suck a stranger’s cock, just how much of a depraved pervert was she? All that big talk, yet she gave head like absolute shit. I wondered what kind of pathetic bastard had taught her so poorly.
If it had been me, I wouldn’t have taught her like that.
I actually felt like tracking down the idiot who’d only managed to teach that perverted slut such sloppy technique and beating his ass. How could anyone look at a girl whose face could rival an actress and fail to teach her how to suck cock properly? The way she used her tongue showed she’d learn fast if someone took the time. What a goddamn waste. Girls who looked pure but were natural perverts weren’t exactly common.
“Ugh, fuck.”
I muttered under my breath. Still, putting aside the question of what kind of moron had trained Hinami, one thing was certain: that woman was a bomb that could go off at any moment. After seeing Seo Jia in the flesh, I’d figured she was worth milking for at least a few more years and had dropped a few thousand into her agency. But the second their new song dropped, I’d have to dump those shares. When a top-tier idol was out here doing shit like this, it wouldn’t be surprising if she crashed and burned overnight.
Well, I’d still eaten about ten percent profit, so that was something. Not like an individual could short-sell anyway.
Now what the hell do I do with this money?
Haeun’s cosplay video had already racked up a hundred thousand views. I wasn’t going to starve anytime soon, but I still needed to build some kind of reputation. Otherwise I’d really get kicked out. Our dear landlady was sharpening her knives.
“Ah, the beans are all gone.”
I rummaged through the kitchen looking for caffeine to shove into my brain, discovered the coffee beans I’d bought last time were finished, and pulled out a coffee mix instead. It tasted muddy and I didn’t like it much, but nothing woke up the head like it. I wasn’t the brightest guy, but it was time to put my brain to work for once. I had zero intention of giving up a room in this luxury high-rise even if I died and came back to life.
Of course, with that crazy bitch whose tits were a little small but whose face was insanely pretty looking for a sex friend, I wouldn’t end up worse off than that manager I saw yesterday.
Just how many times have I suffered because of Hinami’s crazy stunts? I was tired of counting at this point. It wasn’t like she’d reflect even if I did.
“Jia, why is there only salad in your fridge? Even the dressing is sesame…”
“Just eat it. There’s chicken breast in it too.”
I knew she had secretly poured soju into my beer, but since she’d done the same thing to Kang Juhyuk, I let it slide. Still… just how much had she mixed in? After a few glasses my head was spinning, so instead of kicking out the tenant who had barged in without permission, I ended up passing out in her house. It was so annoying. My clothes felt gross because I hadn’t changed, and she’d done this to someone who was already sleep-deprived. What the hell was she thinking?
“Yesss, understood~”
If I could, I would have given Hinami—who was innocently eating a late lunch—a hard flick to the forehead. But hitting her meant she’d milk it for months, so I couldn’t even get properly angry. Last time I’d smacked her arm as a penalty on a variety show, she’d brought it up for almost a whole year. “Jia hit me, everyone~” she’d say. I’d hit her for real because she’d deserved it. She’d been smoking an e-cigarette openly when I went to her house; I couldn’t just ignore that. Not that she’d listened.
“Ugh, so annoying…”
“Hm? What is?”
“You know what.”
“Uhh… Oh. …Juhyuk oppa?”
“…Yeah.”
I glared sharply at Hinami, who was happily shoving all the blame onto her accomplice without seeming to realize she was included in the list of annoying people. Far from shrinking under my gaze, the way the corner of her mouth twitched made my chest feel tight.
Well, even my sisters can’t control Hinami. As the younger one in terms of age, what could I even do? I could only hope she wouldn’t cause any more accidents.
“But Juhyuk oppa was really good at talking. He was funny too. Now I get why Haeun unnie fell for him?”
“…And?”
“I just mean, there’s no need to kick him out… If he’s not breaking up with Haeun unnie, he probably won’t leave, right? They’re totally lovey-dovey. Like, super lovey-dovey.”
“That’s my house, you know? I don’t want some weird man living in my house, but unnie just—”
“Wow, Jia. Do you realize how bad that sounded? Your fans would freak out if they heard you.”
“…”
It was ridiculous hearing that come from Hinami’s mouth, but she wasn’t exactly wrong, so I couldn’t argue. Honestly, I wanted to kick both unnie and that man out as a set, but I had no justification right now. Even if I told them to leave, I wasn’t sure they would, and I was scared what kind of mess they’d make if I tried to force them both out. Unless unnie broke up with him, there was no way I could kick him out right now…
Wait. An idea hit me.
“Should I introduce him to Coordi unnie?”
“Huh?”
“He’s a player anyway. If a decent woman sticks to him, he’ll cheat. Then unnie will kick him out before I have to. First.”
“No way… She wouldn’t do that, would she? Haeun unnie is pretty. Way prettier than Coordi unnie.”
“Men get drawn to women they’re seeing for the first time. From what I’ve heard about that guy, he probably…”
“I don’t recommend it. I don’t think he’d go for Coordi unnie…”
“We’ll see once we try.”
Anyway, a guy who was already sneaking glances at my body would probably cheat the moment I set him up with one or two normal women. Coordi unnie was a bit lower in level than unnie, but to my eyes the difference wasn’t that big. I’d stir up trouble between them somehow and get him kicked out.
If I leave him alone, he’ll start eyeing me too. His eyes are way too lewd. He might even set his sights on Hinami, who comes over sometimes. Either way, it would be incredibly inconvenient for me.
“I told you it won’t work. It definitely won’t.”
“You won’t know until you try.”
“Ugh… It won’t…”
“Stop talking nonsense and go buy coffee. You lost rock-paper-scissors earlier, remember?”
“It’s so easy when you order me around~”
“You need to buy pads too, idiot.”
“We could just order those online too…”
“Shut up.”
“Hmph. You should’ve made the manager buy them yesterday. Jia-chan is so dumb.”
“Then get out. Hurry. And take your suitcase.”
“Ah, okay, okay. I’ll buy them~”
I couldn’t leave a man who was obviously going to cause an accident near me when my own surroundings were already full of people who caused accidents. After all, I was an idol. Until I retired, I really hoped nothing would blow up. Honestly, it wouldn’t be strange if it did at any moment.
It had been a really long time since I last saw my friends. Just like always, we ate lunch and then chatted at a café. I laughed along with their conversation—badmouthing their boyfriends one moment, subtly praising them the next. A normal meeting. A normal promise.
But for some reason, my heart wouldn’t settle.
“Haeun, you haven’t been on Instagram lately, have you?”
“Ah… I’ve been a bit busy…”
“The girl who used to post pictures of every meal is suddenly too busy? …Did you make a new account again?”
“Why would I do that?”
“You already did it once. Because weird guys kept sliding into your DMs. Or wait—did you delete it because you got a boyfriend? Is that why you’re so busy?”
“…It’s not that. Really.”
My friends teased me like always, but instead of exploding like I normally would, I gave them an oddly calm answer. Ha. Boyfriend? I almost wished it was that simple. It would have been so much easier if I could just say I was living with a tall, decent-looking guy whose face wasn’t too sharp. If I could talk about it openly, even my friends who loved to tease me would have cheered me on.
“Aw, what? So you really don’t have one. Haeun’s such a bad liar.”
“Who knows? Everyone gets bold once they have a boyfriend. It’s the national rule, right?”
“Like you?”
“Ahaha, what do you mean, like me~?”
My friends laughed and chattered happily, but I couldn’t jump into their rhythm. If this had been the old days, I would have shot back at them, cleared my head, and joined the noise. When they hit me, I’d pretend it hurt and cackle along. That natural flow of conversation felt like it was peeling off my scales today. It was overwhelming.
“But seriously, when are you getting a boyfriend? We’re already twenty-six. …Isn’t that dangerous?”
“What is?”
“Girl, someone who looks like you going until the late twenties without ever dating a guy? If you’re just busy, I won’t say anything, but… if that’s not it, shouldn’t you meet someone while you’re still pretty?”
“…If there was a good person, I would have met him.”
“How would someone who’s never dated know what a good guy even looks like? Just because a guy acts like he’d give you his liver and gallbladder when he first approaches doesn’t mean he’s a good person. A good person still treats you well even after the excitement fades.”
“I know that much. I’m not stupid, you know?”
“Wait, isn’t Haeun kind of stupid though?”
“She is. Keeping her body to herself and not dating anyone makes her a total idiot. Pfft…”
“…”
My friends’ jokes about my chest no longer felt annoying or irritating. I didn’t know why. I just didn’t feel like getting embarrassed or angry about it anymore. Since I had already given my virginity to a piece of trash who didn’t even qualify as a decent man, whatever they said felt like it was about someone else.
“Hm. Haeun, it’s weird. You’re not saying anything even when we poke at your chest.”
“I went to the gym… I don’t have the energy to get mad…”
“You always just run on the treadmill and quit.”
“…I did squats and stuff too. My legs are killing me right now.”
“Oh, are you getting PT? Wait, didn’t you complain last time that the trainer was hitting on you like crazy?”
“I’m not. I just… did it alone.”
“…Suspicious. Is this the same Haeun who used to throw tantrums saying she didn’t want to gain muscle?”
“Right? Super suspicious.”
My friends scanned me with eyes full of interest rather than suspicion, and even that didn’t feel unpleasant. Even if they found out, there was no way they’d learn about those ugly, vulgar nights. They’d probably imagine the best. Oh, our Haeun who never dated finally met a tall guy with a good body. His face is a little disappointing, but his voice is nice so we’ll approve. Unnie can finally relax now~ They’d definitely say crap like that.
Kang Juhyuk wouldn’t drop his mask in front of other people either.
“Ah, wait… I have a call.”
“Hmmm~? From your boyfriend?”
“It’s not my boyfriend. It’s a work call.”
“Girl, we all know you’re unemployed, so where are you—”
“…I’m not unemployed. My YouTube… it’s doing okay. You guys… gave me the idea.”
“Why are you only telling us now? When we asked what you were doing earlier you dodged the question!”
“Because you guys kept insisting I had a boyfriend. It’s my editor calling. I’ll be right back.”
“Is your editor a guy, by any chance?”
“So what if he is? Do I have to date every guy I meet?”
“Well, no, but… Do you know what he looks like?”
“He’s not handsome.”
“Which means he’s not ugly either. Hey, isn’t this a hundred percent?”
“I’d say eighty.”
“What are you even saying…”
I let out a deep, fed-up sigh at my friends who were making a fuss like always, and stepped away for a moment. Ha. I told him I was meeting friends. Why was he calling again?
“…Hello.”
-Hey, Haeun.
“Yeah.”
-I made plans, so I’ll eat dinner and come back late. Take your time too.
“…Huh?”
-Eat dinner before you come home. Since I’ll be late.
Why was he making plans the moment I left the house? He had never done that before. Not even once.