Failed Excuse (2)
I bolted for the bathroom attached to the bedroom and spat out the filthy liquid still coating my mouth. Mixed with saliva and thinned out, the slightly viscous fluid swirled down the drain. …Disgusting. Dirty, dirty, dirty!
“Ptoo, ptoo, ugh…”
Should I be relieved there wasn’t as much as I’d feared? If he’d come the same amount he had last night when I came to my senses and found the used condom while cleaning the room, it would have easily filled my mouth and then some. It wasn’t as sticky as I’d expected, and after quickly rinsing with water, the slippery sensation vanished almost immediately. But that fishy, concentrated scent of male musk refused to fade.
…I never want to do that again. It’s disgusting.
“…I want to die.”
It was crude to do it with my mouth, but waking up while his cock was between my lips had made me want to die. The pleasure that had crawled through my veins and tormented me earlier had now settled into a faint, whining ache in my stomach that quickly subsided. It hadn’t hurt as much as I’d thought it would. So why had I been so terrified that I obeyed everything that man told me to do?
Why had I let that cock that had brutally pounded my insides finish in my mouth? No matter how scared I was, I should have chosen something else. My breasts, my hands—anything. Even if I had to swallow my pride and act cute, it would have been a thousand times better than getting a thick load shot down my throat.
“Aah…! Fuck, this is so goddamn annoying, you son of a bitch…”
The persistent discomfort made me shout once, but I quickly lowered my voice into curses when I remembered he was right outside the door.
…Seriously, what a fucking bastard. How far does he plan to toy with me? Why is he so obsessed with me that he does shit like this? No matter how I think about it, I’m not the one at fault…
“Haeun? Is something wrong?”
“Hic…!”
The moment I was grumbling to myself, he walked in with his hands clasped behind his back. I flinched, wondering if he’d overheard me cursing, but one look at that shameless face told me he hadn’t.
…After coming in my mouth without a word with that merciless expression earlier.
Seeing him pretend to be worried now made murderous rage surge through me. I wasn’t joking. I really wanted to kill him.
“Why are you so startled?”
“You—what the hell do you think you’re doing, barging in like that…!”
“You came in here to spit out my cum. If it was anything else, you would’ve locked the door.”
“…”
I hated how he stayed so brazen even though he knew exactly how I felt. I wasn’t hoping for tenderness. I just wanted him to leave me the hell alone. He’d already enjoyed himself plenty. How much more did he plan to play with me…?
“Want some mouthwash? I grabbed it from my bag just in case.”
“…Give it here.”
He kept up the gentle act until the very end, then handed me the mouthwash he’d been hiding behind his back. I snatched it, filled my mouth, and tried to erase the lingering fishy stench. My heart felt anything but refreshed, but a sharp, minty burst exploded across my tongue. Yet even that clean scent vanished the moment I caught another whiff of him.
The dirty, filthy smell of a man. It wasn’t exactly unpleasant to inhale, but it was an indescribable scent that made my head spin.
“We both worked up a sweat, so let’s wash up and sleep. It’d feel gross to go to bed like this.”
“I was going to anyway…”
“Then I’ll run the water. Oh, there’s a bathtub here too.”
“Hey, wait…!”
I’d wanted to wash his scent off my body and fall asleep as fast as possible, but watching Kang Juhyuk casually fill someone else’s tub made it painfully obvious what was coming next.
…He’s suggesting we bathe together. It’s so obvious.
I could already picture how much he’d grope and tease me in the water.
“What?”
“…”
But the moment I saw his dead-serious face, the protest died in my throat. I knew that every time this man turned threatening, I tucked my tail and let him drag me along. I hated how my body instinctively shrank back. Still, what could I do? I was genuinely terrified.
His eyes were scary. His sharp, angular body was scary. The surgical scar on his shoulder made him ten times more intimidating.
…He really did rape me.
Asking me not to feel fear was too much.
“If you soak for about thirty minutes, you’ll sleep better. Let’s fill it with warm water, okay?”
“…Okay.”
In the end, I couldn’t utter a single word of refusal and simply nodded.
…All because I stole and looked through his phone once. How the hell did it come to this?
I could call what happened when I was drunk a mistake, but letting Kang Juhyuk control me like this in the early morning was no accident. This man had played me. Deliberately. Slyly.
“I’ll sit down, so climb on. Wow, this house has a huge tub. At our place I have to hunch over to fit.”
“…”
But watching Kang Juhyuk innocently stretch his legs out in the tub and look genuinely happy made me wonder if this was even the same twisted man. What the hell was wrong with him that he’d turned into such garbage? Was quitting baseball after someone left a knife scar on his shoulder really enough to fester into this?
If I had to quit singing right after barely managing to debut for a similar reason…
…I both get it and don’t get it. I’ve never debuted.
“Don’t just stand there. Sit. You’ll get cold.”
“…I said I would.”
Staring at his slightly softened cock with anxious eyes, I stepped into the tub. The water hadn’t risen much yet, so his thighs felt rough beneath me. But the moment my ass touched him, his cock hardened again—slick and smooth. The sensation was completely different from when he’d rubbed against me with a condom on. I finally understood why, when he’d taken me earlier, it had felt overwhelming more than painful.
“Haeun, you’re supposed to sit the other way. Facing me. The tub’s wide enough.”
“Huh?”
“You just used mouthwash. Aren’t you going to kiss me anymore?”
“…Stop joking. I’m not in the mood…”
“Alright, alright. …It’s bedtime, so let’s just wash up. Yeah.”
At least not having to look at his face reduced my fear, so I managed to squeeze out one complaint. Whether it was lucky or unlucky, he wrapped his hands around my breasts and answered in a pleased voice. Being touched in the tub definitely wasn’t a good thing for me, so why did my mood improve just because he granted such a small request? Was it the warm water rising around us? I hoped that was the reason.
“…This place is nice. Back when I was a player, seeing houses like this gave me a lot of motivation.”
“…”
“I wanted to live somewhere like this for at least half a year. …It’d be even better if I lived with a woman.”
“Don’t say scary things. …I’m seriously scared.”
“Why? Afraid I’ll move in?”
“If you even think about it, I’ll report you. For real.”
“And if you say things like that, I really will move in.”
It was childish wordplay, but the substance was anything but childish. A dark, filthy conversation between rapist and victim.
…I’m clearly the victim, so why do I have to play along with what he says? He deserves to be reported—why is he so confident? How does he know so well that I won’t be able to say anything? It’s like he can read my mind.
“Well, half of it was a joke, so don’t take it too seriously. Just a wish. A wish.”
“Don’t make jokes like that. I’m really scared…”
“…You’re scared, yet you openly went through my phone like that? Did you think I wouldn’t have made a backup?”
At this point, even hearing him say things like that didn’t surprise me anymore. Ah, of course you would. Since he was a man who played on top of my head, he must have known exactly what I would do. I felt utterly defeated. Endless defeat wrapped around me until all I could do was hope he would show mercy. I wouldn’t complain if all he did was grope me while we soaked in this warm tub, so please, just don’t do anything worse.
“That recording was pretty erotic, so I know what you’re thinking… but it’s just for self-protection, so don’t worry about it too much. You know that, right? I’m not crazy enough to mess with something like that the wrong way.”
“…How am I supposed to trust you…?”
“I don’t trust you either, that’s why I recorded it. If I hadn’t, you would’ve reported me right away, wouldn’t you?”
“If you hadn’t done those weird things behind my back…!”
“I was hanging around because I wanted to do weird things. You can’t complain about that.”
“…You’re really trash…”
“I actually really like it when you curse at me. …When you cursed while kissing me earlier, it turned me on so much it was dangerous. I almost came inside you.”
“…”
“Just kidding, kidding. I didn’t almost come—I wanted to. …I was curious what face you’d make if I shoved it in raw and filled you up.”
His voice raping my ear and brain with filthy words was humiliating, but I could endure it. No matter how much he violated me with words or touched me with his hands, it was still better than the disgusting pleasure and fishy smell I’d tasted earlier. All I could do now was hope the day would pass and this man would lose interest in me.
“Still, I didn’t do it because I thought of you, so cut me some slack. I cut you some slack too, Haeun.”
“…If I cut you some slack, can’t you please just leave me alone?”
“Promise me.”
“I’ll promise anything, just please leave me alone…”
In complete resignation, I promised him forgiveness. I could never truly forgive him, but empty verbal forgiveness I could give a thousand times over. If it meant escaping this sticky, unpleasant feeling, I could make that promise.
“…You really mean it?”
“I do, so just…”
“Okay. Got it. A promise is a promise, so I won’t touch you. …Let’s just warm up.”
“…”
He promised not to touch me but didn’t take his hands off my breasts, so I had no expectations. Still, the fact that he stopped talking was enough to ease my mind. I leaned against him, exhausted, and began to doze off. Both body and mind submerged in the water.