Excuses (3)
I pushed myself up, leaning heavily against Kang Juhyuk as I gasped for air. My heart hammered wildly, and an electric thrill coursed through every inch of my body. It wasn’t all that different from the masturbation I did once in a while, yet I couldn’t control my limbs or even breathe properly.
“Ha, ah… huu…”
“I told you to soak that pussy. Who said you could cum on your own?”
He had no intention of showing mercy to me as I trembled violently. Of course he didn’t. He never had. Even without looking, I knew the wicked smile that would be on his face the moment I cracked my eyes open. This man had only ever planned to rape me from the start—this perverted bastard.
“Still… fuck, you’re drenched. Guess I don’t need to eat you out anymore. Right, Haeun?”
“…”
The occasional consideration he showed in that oily-smooth voice was all deception. He only did it to render me helpless so he could fuck me however he pleased. Knowing that, the fact that I still had no choice but to submit filled me with miserable defeat.
“Haeun. I asked you a question. Can’t you hear me?”
I didn’t want to stay with Kang Juhyuk even a second longer. But if I ran now, he would undoubtedly chase me tomorrow and the day after. Could I really escape if I ran and reported him right this instant?
“…I, I got it…”
…If deleting a single recording was enough to end this, I would have done it long ago. What he wanted was to hold my weakness in his grasp and violate my body without ever crossing the line that would get him reported. It was a horrific wish for me, but at least there was a thin fence—he wouldn’t do anything that would leave lasting marks on my body.
Yet if I didn’t act obedient, I had no idea how far this man’s brutality would go. Would he shove that monstrous cock all the way to the root and keep raping me until I broke, whether I screamed or begged him to stop? Even if I pleaded “please stop” and “I’m sorry,” he wouldn’t pull out. Would he keep raping me until dawn, then take real photos of my cum-soaked naked body and use them to blackmail me?
…If he did that, would I still be able to push this man away?
“Good. Just stay like that and lean on me. I’ll put it in for you.”
I wrapped my arms around his neck and buried my face in his broad shoulder, the one marked with surgical scars. If only this ragged scar wasn’t so repulsive, maybe I wouldn’t have felt any guilt toward him. It wasn’t even my fault to begin with—why had I ever felt pity for a bastard like this?
Letting him into the house had been unavoidable, but I should have kicked him out the moment he barged into the bathroom. No matter how drunk I was, I hadn’t been sympathetic enough to fall for that pathetic act and give him my body.
“Wait, Haeun. I don’t have a free hand right now. Grab my cock and put it in yourself. Or stand up if you want.”
I wanted to escape this slick, disgusting pleasure as quickly as possible. I wanted to get away from this ugly, filthy man as fast as I could. Letting a man like this have my body again was revolting enough to die over, but letting him hold my weakness and toy with me for the rest of my life would be worse than death.
“Haeun. I want to finish quickly and sleep too. …Hurry up.”
…So let’s just end this quickly. Pretend today was nothing but a bad dream and forget it ever happened. Haa…
“…Ah, fuck, it, it won’t go in…!”
I reached my right hand down and grasped his cock, but I realized it immediately. There was no way something like this would fit inside me. Just pressing it against me told me it was impossible.
“Condoms are usually a little tight. It’d be fine with lube, but we don’t have any.”
“This thing won’t fit at all!”
The size was wrong, the texture was wrong. This stiff rubber would hurt even if I just rubbed it on bare skin, let alone tried to push it into my walls.
“It went in fine earlier. You’re soaked, so it’ll go in this time too.”
But Kang Juhyuk showed no consideration. Driven by lust, he forced his cock forward, slowly lowering my hips. Zubut, zubut. The tight rubber scraped against my inner walls.
“Ow… it hurts! It hurts, it hurts…!”
“Hurts?”
“It huuurts! Ugh…”
“Hey, hey, it hurts. It hurts me too.”
I bit down hard on his shoulder in genuine pain. Only then did he grab my ass and lift me up. I could still endure it for now, but if he went any deeper I would definitely break. I would be ruined. I would be reshaped by this man.
“Haa… haa… I told you it hurts…”
“If it hurts that much, should I take the condom off?”
“…What?”
“You seemed to hurt less when I was just rubbing the head earlier. Want me to take it off? It’ll be really sticky, though.”
To me, frozen in pain and terror, he offered a choice I absolutely could not accept. …Say something that makes sense. Anyone with half a brain knows what happens if you have sex without protection!
“…Shut up and just fuck me. Stop playing games… ugh…”
“I’m trying to be considerate, why won’t you let me? …I said I won’t cum inside.”
Still, he held my ass up with one hand and teased my entrance with his cock, coaxing me. …This bastard can hold me up with one hand…!
The humiliation made me want to reject the degrading suggestion out of sheer anger, but the growing pain was more than I could overcome on my own. Fuck, this is so annoying…
“Huu… f-for now, stop…”
“Pull it out?”
“Pull it ouuut, it hurts so much…!”
“Alright, I’ll take it out.”
I hated him so much—this man who had experience and loved toying with people. I’d even listened to his pathetic complaints out of pity, yet he repaid kindness with malice. What a fucking dog…
“I took it off, so it shouldn’t hurt as much now. Try to relax a little.”
“Wait… I told you to stop! Ah, don’t, don’t do it!”
The disgust and irritation that had built up to the top of my head finally exploded. Why did I have to be toyed with by someone like him? He was only a little stronger than me—nothing else about him was better. Yet here I was, letting Kang Juhyuk violate my entire body and obeying his every word…
“…You’re the one who told me to pull out, you bitch. What more do you want me to do?”
“…”
Why? Why did my heart feel like it would stop and my whole body tremble every time this man lowered his voice and whispered in my ear? It felt more terrifying than walking alone on a mountain path at night.
“Why aren’t you answering? What else should I do? Or should I just not fuck you at all?”
“…N-no, that’s not what I…”
“I asked if I could do it and you didn’t refuse. You were touching a sleeping man’s cock and seducing him—what the hell are you complaining about?”
Even when my mind grew hazy and my head spun, it had been frightening and terrifying. But that fear had been like groping through a cloud with no visibility. Feeling Kang Juhyuk’s reason slip away through my body painted such horrific futures in my mind that I couldn’t even open or close my eyes.
…If this man completely lost control, I would die. For real.
“Wait, wait. Kang Juhyuk… Stop. I’m sorry, okay? Just calm down…”
“When someone tells you to pull out during sex, men don’t calm down. That’s just how it is.”
“I’m sorry, I said I’m sorry…! Don’t put any more in. Just wait…”
I tried desperately to calm him with my terrified voice. Anything was fine. If he pushed his glans inside me now and let go with his arms, I would be destroyed.
“I don’t care if you’re sorry or not. Just say whether you want me to fuck you or not.”
“D-don’t fuck me, just wait…”
“If you didn’t want sex, why were you touching a sleeping man’s cock?”
“…I-I’ll do something else instead of s-sex, so please calm down…”
“Something else?”
“Something else. Anything else…”
No matter how shameful, embarrassing, vulgar, or dirty the demand, anything was better than being broken. A handjob like he mentioned earlier, anything at all. Just not penetration. Please, not that…
“What exactly are you going to do? Are you going to suck my cock with your mouth?”
“…Th-that smells…”
“Then what? With your tits? I’ve been wanting to try fucking them.”
“Y-yes…! I’ll do that…! With my breasts, right…?”
“Ah, but that needs lube or it won’t work. Too bad. Let’s do it later. Something else.”
“…”
…But the moment this trash noticed I was terrified, he instantly regained his senses and started playing with me again. What a piece of garbage. Seriously…
“If you can’t think of anything, there’s something I want to make you do. Can I ask?”
“Wh-what is it…?”
“Sit down first. I’ll relax my arms.”
I swallowed the disgust that had risen to the top of my head, staring at him with trembling eyes. I prayed the next words would be at least a little less humiliating, but the moment I sat down, his hands wrapped my legs around his waist and my last shred of hope shattered.
“…In this exact position, kiss me.”
“…Kiss? Kiss?”
“But every time we kiss, you have to answer every single question I ask. No dodging. If you lie, I won’t listen to anything you say from now on.”
“What do you…”
I tried to rebuild my collapsed expectations somehow, but—
“You took my phone out of my pocket earlier, didn’t you? What did you do? Answer me.”
“…”
“…Answer. Before I fuck you like a dog, you bitch.”
…It had been a vain hope. A dream. This man had known everything from the beginning. He had simply wanted to toy with me.