The First Recording
So this is how it ends.
Truthfully, I’d had a vague sense this would happen ever since he got his hands on my weakness.
Everything I did—obeying his humiliating demands out of fear, rebelling when I couldn’t take it anymore—had been meaningless from the start.
I never should have given him the chance to lay a hand on me in the first place.
If the manager hadn’t been loitering near my place that day, none of this would have happened.
Why had I been so afraid of that pathetic guy when I ended up crushed by someone far uglier and more terrifying—Kang Juhyuk?
I should have just reported it and stayed quietly at home.
Why did I do that back then…?
“…”
No, I don’t even need to go that far back.
I should have just ignored everything from the beginning.
My sister, Hinami, Kang Juhyuk—whatever disgusting things the three of them were doing, I should have pretended not to notice.
…It wasn’t even my problem to begin with.
I stuck my nose in for no reason.
“Ugh…”
Fingers slip between my spread legs.
Thick, rough, and hard.
His hand crawls up my thigh and touches my most intimate place, slowly parting the folds and wetting the dry skin bit by bit.
While he was spreading me wider, he picked up my phone from the bedside, unlocked it with my face, and snapped a photo of my exposed sex.
I only flinched at the unexpected shutter sound; I couldn’t even resist. Once he finished taking the picture and got off the bed, all I could do was curse.
“What the hell are you trying to do, you piece of trash…?”
“Upload it.”
“…What?”
“Upload it. Post it where you posted the last one. Make a new account. Throw it on your Instagram. …Do whatever you want.”
After being cursed at, he met my eyes with a cold stare and tossed the phone back to me.
On the screen was a clear shot of my vagina under the bright flash, the grotesque hymen visible along with the mole on my thigh that my fans loved so much.
“…If I don’t upload it, what will you do?”
“I won’t have time to go get condoms. Ah, if you happen to have some at home, I’ll let it slide.”
“…”
With his back to me, he spoke in a flat tone, gathered his clothes, and left the room without even glancing at me.
As if my answer didn’t matter at all.
…His tone made it painfully clear what would happen if I refused.
The long-forgotten fear of pregnancy suddenly crawled across my skin.
When can you get pregnant after your period ends? When is it safe?
I was sure I’d learned this once, but I couldn’t remember.
I’d never even imagined what would happen after being raped by him.
I’d simply thought everything was game over the moment it happened.
Once the game ends, there’s no reason to imagine anything beyond that.
“Haa…”
While he went downstairs and came back, I frantically searched about pregnancy with trembling hands.
Menstruation, ovulation cycles, eggs—anything I could think of.
Even that had typos, so I searched again, clinging to whatever articles came up and trying to make sense of them.
My period was last week, so right now…
…It might be dangerous.
The possibility that a single rape could lead to more than just that moment became terrifyingly clear.
The moment I imagined carrying the child of the man I despised most in the world, my breathing grew shallow and my body sent out warning signals.
Run away right now.
Make the right choice, even now.
But contrary to my burning skin, my hands moved on their own, opening the phone and uploading the photo he’d just taken to Twitter.
Not to a newly created account this time.
To the secret account that followed only him.
“Haa…”
Once I pressed upload with shaking hands, all the tension drained from my body.
…This should be enough.
If he just uses protection, I can bury this as a horrible nightmare.
While I felt disgusted at myself for submitting to his command again, I also felt a strange sense of relief. I waited, and before long I heard the front door open.
Curled up on the bed hugging my knees, I watched him walk in, turn on the dim light, and toss a cardboard box and some small ketchup packets from a fast-food place onto the bed in front of me.
“Give me the phone.”
“I already uploaded it where you could see…”
“I know. Give it anyway. Or should I film it with mine?”
“…”
He snatched my phone, stripped off his clothes, climbed onto the bed, and tore open the box.
After peeling off what looked like vitamin packaging, a damp, rubbery thing with a strange smell appeared.
Instead of putting it on himself, he held it out to me while aiming the phone at my face with his other hand.
“…If you don’t want to put it on, we can do it raw. I prefer that anyway.”
“…”
The condom felt more damp than sticky, unpleasantly slick.
Trying to touch it as little as possible, I grabbed the bulging tip and placed it over his swollen glans.
He smirked, patted my head, and let out a dry laugh as he watched me roll the condom down his shaft, then caressed my cheek.
…It’s disgusting.
The strange smell and texture of the condom.
Kang Juhyuk laughing while watching me.
Myself feeling a tiny bit relieved that the hole where his semen would come out was blocked.
All of it.
“Never done this before? You’re pretty good at it.”
“…Of course I haven’t.”
“Right. Makes sense. You get the hang of it when you’re trying not to get it on your hands.”
In a better mood, Kang Juhyuk chuckled, stripped off my half-hanging bra, and lay spread-eagle on the bed.
Then he nudged me with his left shoulder until I was pinned under his arm like a pillow and spoke in a low voice.
“You look so pathetic shaking like that, so I’ll give you one choice. …Want me to fuck you from above, or do you want to get on top?”
“…”
“No answer and I’ll decide. Twenty seconds should be plenty, right? 20, 19, 18…”
…Me on top.
Or him on top.
Which one would leave a more horrifying nightmare?
Panicked by the countdown, I moved my trembling legs and climbed on top of him.
At least it would be better than being crushed under that body.
Straddling his thighs, his condom-covered cock pressed unpleasantly against my stomach.
When I tried to push it away, he set the phone down, grabbed his own shaft, and slapped it against my belly.
Then, gripping my hips with his other hand, he lifted me up.
“I’m not going to bother with foreplay, so put the lube on yourself.”
He tossed me one of the ketchup-like packets scattered on the bed, pointed at his glans, and let go.
When I picked it up and tore it open, an extremely sticky, slippery liquid poured out.
Guessing its purpose just from the texture, I squeezed it all over his glans as he indicated and watched it drip down.
…Could something that size really fit inside me?
I still couldn’t believe it.
“Stop just staring and do something. 14. 13. 12…”
“I-I got it… Just wait a second.”
Startled by his countdown, I supported myself on my knees, grabbed his cock, and brought it to my entrance.
…No matter how I looked at it, the thickness seemed impossible to take.
Even after rubbing it against my folds, it still felt impossible, so I sank back down onto his thighs.
Swallowing hard, I looked forward—only to see he had picked up the phone again and was filming me with an amused smile.
“What? …Scared now?”
“…”
“Hinami’s fifteen centimeters shorter than you and she handled it just fine. What are you so scared of that you’re shaking?”
“…Shut up.”
Infuriated by his provocation, I clenched my teeth, rose on my knees again, and pressed his cock against my entrance.
…Hinami, who was much smaller than me, didn’t seem to be in pain, so it should be fine.
It had to be.
I’d already slathered on plenty of lube.
Half out of spite, I pushed the glans inside and covered my mouth with my hand.
Without any mental preparation, I dropped down onto him.
…I learned exactly what the pain of losing my virginity felt like.
What it truly meant to lose my purity.
“Ugh, ah…?”
I realized for the first time in my life that when pain exceeds a certain limit, you can’t even scream.
His cock tore through my hymen and filled my insides with an unpleasant sensation that spread through my entire body.
But the pain at my entrance was nothing compared to the tearing sensation deep in my waist and stomach.
The agony radiated from much deeper than I’d expected, traveling up my abdomen and tightening around my throat, silencing even my screams.
Bound by the horrific pain that made me feel like I might vomit, my pierced body stiffened.
“Breathe out.”
“Ha, haah…”
“…Lift your hips.”
“Ugh…, ughk……”
Placing his hands on my pelvis, he slowly lifted me up.
He carefully filmed the sight of his cock being pulled out of me as I let out shameful moans.
Unable to slap his cheek or run away, I could only cover my face with my arms in weak resistance.
“Ugh…, oh…, hngh…”
The moment his arms holding me lost their strength.
…I collapsed helplessly onto him, forced to feel that same pain all over again.
“Ha, haah…, ha…”
My first experience was several times more horrifying, painful, and disgusting than I had imagined.
What the hell was so good about this?
Why was everyone so obsessed with it…?
“Hey.”
“Hngh…”
“…Say your name and I’ll pull out.”
“…Seo, …Jia…”
Everything was incomprehensible.
Even my will to resist, my strength—
Everything had been broken.
“Age?”
“Twenty…, haah. Ugh……”
“…How many times have you had sex?”
“Never… done it, shit, ngh……”
I was being perfectly controlled by his words.
“…Nothing to say to your fans?”
“I don’t… know, that kind of thing, ugh…! Ugh… hngh……”
…Abandoned once again.
Now even my T-shirt, which had slipped down, was half off.
“Ugh, ugh…, you, bastard, fuck…, save… me… please… ugh……”
My first experience—one I never wanted to remember again—had been recorded so clearly that it could never be erased.
He didn’t even need to lift a finger anymore.
He was simply moving his hips.