Reversal (10)
It was dawn. My throat was parched, so I briefly woke from sleep. Grabbing my groggy head and forcing myself alert, I felt the soft, warm body lying right beside me. ...Come to think of it, we had fallen asleep together after sex. The sensation was stimulating enough to chase every trace of drowsiness away. Not counting the round with Haeun that morning, I had gone three times with her. It probably felt fresh because I had not been with Hinami for a while. The sudden thought that I might have seriously fucked her right then and there if she were not wearing panties made me realize once again how powerful a man's sex drive truly was.
"Ugh, it's cold…."
Careful not to wake Hinami, who was sleeping soundly beside me, I quietly picked up only my phone and slipped out of the blanket. I walked softly, lighting the way with my phone's flashlight, and quenched my thirst with cold water. Wearing nothing but underwear, the air-conditioner breeze felt sharply chilly, so I found myself rubbing my forearms without thinking.
While I was at it, I opened Instagram, which I had not checked all day, and saw DMs piled up. Most were advertisements. A few were stalker-like messages asking if I was Seo Haeun's boyfriend. And then the usual flirty messages from strange women that always arrived after I resumed using the app. Just looking at their heavily edited profile pictures told me there was no need to take any of them seriously. The last time I had used Instagram to meet women was before my injury. These days it was strictly for promoting the gym. My body was not limitless enough to meet up through DMs for casual fun like before. Even if I wanted to live that way again, I could not. Just as I was now enjoying things I could not have back then, the pleasures I once enjoyed were no longer mine.
The cheers, despair, and admiration from countless spectators. All the praise and curses aimed at me. People who rushed toward me not for my body or face, but simply because they had fallen for my left hand alone. Seniors who praised or comforted me after I stepped down from the mound. Juniors who occasionally came up from the second team and looked up to me with respect. That one year—neither too long nor too short—would never return. Just as this present time could not be lived twice.
...Thinking about the root cause of all that was a truly unproductive thing to do. Yet I had repeated those unproductive actions countless times, and as a result I had pounced on the woman whose fight with me became the reason I was marked by the team.
I had completely stained that pure woman with my scent, and in the end I had even shattered her sense of decency to make her mine. I had also stolen the friend of the woman who directly helped drive me out, turning her into someone who loved me just the same. Thanks to that, I had dug deep into the weaknesses of the furious woman and used her exactly as I pleased, enough to unleash my revenge at the perfect moment.
...So there was nothing left to hold me back. Enough that seeing this kind of DM—which I had dismissed as another ad—did not stir any particular thoughts.
“...”
This man had been my high school coach. I had glimpsed on the news that he had joined a pro team as a coach, but honestly I had forgotten. I held no fond memories of him anyway. After all, he was the one who had ground me into dust because I was the ace. Seeing a message from someone like that asking if I wanted to try out, I could not help but be surprised. Surprised that anyone was still looking for me when my shoulder was completely fucked and I had even received a military exemption because of it.
...And surprised at myself for feeling absolutely no lingering attachment even after seeing it. No thoughts of wanting to try again, no hopeful wondering if maybe my shoulder had healed. None of that. Even if they asked me to, I felt no need to do it at all. I simply stood there blankly in front of the refrigerator—the complete severance between last year's me and the current me.
“...Ha.”
I had always thought of myself as a stubborn man with fierce competitive drive. That was why, even when I had no choice but to retire, I had carried those lingering feelings the whole time. Even when I approached Haeun and committed all those ugly acts, I still carried them. The same when Hinami occasionally asked about my past. Even when Seo Jia tried to screw me over, I obviously still had regrets, which was why I had toyed with her.
...But why was it that, from some time ago, I no longer felt any particular ill will toward Seo Jia?
Thinking about it now, the answer was painfully obvious. It was not because I liked Haeun or liked Hinami and wanted to protect this life. It was simply that I had changed. The Kang Juhyuk who had felt so unbearably wronged and sad about quitting baseball was dead. I simply no longer had any thoughts about the woman who had reduced the old me to that state.
If it had been me from last year—or even two weeks ago—I would not have thought of Seo Jia as merely an annoying woman.
“...”
That annoying woman had not sent it to my Instagram but to a Twitter account no one could possibly know about. I no longer cared what her purpose was, what she was offering or trying to gain.
I roughly skimmed the DM she had sent right before I woke up, then walked up to the second floor without thinking and flung the bedroom door open.
Seo Jia, now changed back into the clothes she had arrived in, sat on the bed quietly waiting for me.
"Um, knocking would have been…."
"Come out. ...I'll drive you."
"...Dressed like that?"
"There are clothes in the trunk. Doesn't matter."
She had greeted me with her legs trembling uneasily, but now she bit her lip and cautiously walked out, brushing past my side. As if afraid I might grab her. Since she had offered to do one thing I wanted, surely I was not planning something perverted? Her worries were so obvious, exactly like any girl her age, that an involuntary hollow laugh slipped out of me.
...So the me from up until last year had let his life be ruined over nothing more than a girl like this. The absurdity of it made me unable to hold back my chuckle.
“...?”
I followed her down the stairs while she shot me a sidelong glance, a question mark hovering over her head at my madman-like grinning. Thud, thud. I carefully lit the dark pension with my phone light as I walked out, picked up only the car keys I had left on the table in front of the sofa, and stepped outside.
I passed Seo Jia, who was awkwardly heading toward the car while breathing in the freezing dawn air, unlocked the door first, started the engine, then roughly pulled on the spare clothes from the trunk.
"Get in. Don't just stand there outside."
“...”
After changing into my gym clothes, I put Seo Jia in the passenger seat and settled into the driver's seat. Watching her fidget beside me, terrified of what demand I might make, I stepped on the accelerator without a word.
Startled by the car moving at an unexpected moment, she hurriedly turned toward me and opened her mouth.
"Hey. Don't just stay silent. If you want something, say it out loud…."
"Put your seatbelt on first."
"...Huh?"
"I said put on your seatbelt."
Seeing the twenty-year-old freeze rigidly at my answer, I let out a deep sigh and buckled the belt for her. Then I fastened my own, carefully drove out onto the road.
A forest where human presence was barely detectable. But it was not long before colorful lights began to brighten the view. I stepped on the accelerator following those lights and spoke to Seo Jia, who was still sitting there stiff and dazed.
"...I'm so fucking sleepy I could die, so if I cause an accident while driving, don't blame me."
"What...? Ah, wait...!"
"Just kidding. ...If I get sleepy, I'll pull over and sleep. But what were you thinking, asking for a ride at this hour?"
“...”
That stupid face that looked as if she had never even considered the question. Well, that made sense. The stalker manager I had deep ties with was the same, as were the previous and current managers. This woman had always been the one being driven, never the one giving rides. She might think of herself as an adult with plenty of social experience, but honestly, to my eyes she was nothing but a rich kid. Even I was a novice just stepping into society after retiring as a player—what could a newly adult idol possibly say? If she had been a more skilled and experienced woman, she would not have turned me into this. She would not be this scared of me, and ...she never would have become entangled with me at all.
"Anyway, I'm dead tired, so if you don't want me to sleep, talk about anything to keep me awake. If I fall asleep, you'll have to sleep here with me."
"...U-understood."
I glanced at her nodding with a reluctant expression and pressed the accelerator harder. On the quiet road where cars and trucks passed only occasionally, I slapped my own cheek once and carefully checked the navigation.
...The rest area was right ahead. Teasing this little brat a bit more would not be bad, but I had no desire to die together with her.
“...”
Fortunately, even after I asked her to say something, she kept her mouth tightly shut and only rolled her eyes busily. I pulled the car into the rest area with her in tow.
Only after I slowed down did she startle and stare at me, trying to speak. But I covered her mouth with one hand, stopped the car, reclined the seat, and lay down right there.
"I'm about to pass out from sleepiness, so I'm taking a nap. That's all. An accident would be a headache for you too."
"Mmph... pwah. ...So this was your plan from the start?"
"It just happened because I got sleepy on the way. I woke up from sleep and came out, remember?"
"...How exactly are you planning to wake up?"
"Even if you do a strip show outside, I have no intention of waking up, so give up and sleep. I'll rest an hour or two and then leave again."
When I closed my eyes completely and answered her half-heartedly, she criticized me in a restless tone. No matter how you looked at it, waking the driver at this hour had been a mistake, but Seo Jia was too young to realize that. Above all, I had not stopped the car specifically to mess with her. I had become too busy a person to waste time on unproductive acts like revenge.
"...Even if I said you could touch my thigh...?"
“...”
No matter what she said.
"Don't you want revenge on me too...? That's why I said if you kept the promise, you could do one thing you wanted…."
"...Then shut up and sleep."
“...”
...It was only enough to shake me for the briefest moment. I was not so consumed by lust that a twenty-year-old brat could sway me. As she said, ...unless it was a strip show on a dark highway.