Reversal in the Practice Room
I had been coming only to this place and the gym ever since last weekend. I couldn’t even count exactly how many drops of sweat I’d shed here, nor could I guess how much more I’d have to pour out. One thing was certain: back then, being here used to make me feel refreshed. But not anymore. Even after sweating for a long time, I felt no refreshment at all. No sense of accomplishment, no satisfaction of Yeah, I worked hard today. Nothing.
“Good work, everyone~”
“Ugh, I’m wiped. Let’s shower, quick.”
“Thank you for your hard work!”
Even as Hinami and my unnies wrapped up practice and started gathering their things, I had zero desire to move. I just lay sprawled out, letting the sweat keep dripping. The natural urges I used to have—wanting to stand on stage as soon as possible, wanting to meet fans and sing—had completely vanished. Once I realized every ounce of my effort and passion would only become entertainment for that man, everything started to feel utterly stupid.
“Jia, what are you doing? We’re leaving. Aren’t you coming?”
“…Just a second.”
I supposed I should count myself lucky that things with Hinami had at least returned to normal. Actually, calling it “normal” felt strange. Whenever we talked, I treated Kang Juhyuk like he didn’t exist and never mentioned him, so Hinami simply played along. To an outsider, it probably looked like we’d gone back to the relationship we had before he appeared. What she was really thinking deep down, I had no idea. Even if she secretly thought I was an idiot, just like my sister and Kang Juhyuk did, it wouldn’t be surprising at all. Still, no matter how suspicious I felt, I couldn’t push Hinami away too. If I did, there really wouldn’t be anyone left around me.
“Get up. Let’s shower and go home.”
“Okay.”
I grabbed Hinami’s hand as she tried to pull me to my feet and let myself be dragged into the men’s shower room. We each stepped into separate booths inside the obsessively clean shower stalls. While I washed away the sweat, I could hear the other group members humming from the stalls they’d entered first. Normally that humming would have marked the satisfying end of a productive day. But to me now, it only brought fear.
The thought that I would eventually have to stand on stage again. That I would have to face the public’s attention. The more that happened, the more Kang Juhyuk would see me as delicious prey. All of it terrified me.
**
Thankfully, I made it home quickly in the new manager’s car. Hinami had also gone back to her own place without any fuss on the surface, and I was able to enter my apartment safely. Unlike the previous manager, the new one was a bit taller and bulkier. He still seemed a little clumsy since he was still in his probation period, but he didn’t give off that same creepy vibe. He didn’t exactly strike me as kind, either. If I had to describe it, he felt somewhat similar to Kang Juhyuk. But unlike that man, he wasn’t shameless, his body wasn’t grotesque, and he didn’t show any malice toward me, so he didn’t scare me. In some ways, the fact that he didn’t treat me specially actually put me more at ease.
There was just one thing. If the new manager hadn’t shown up, I would have been forced to commute with Kang Juhyuk for a while. The fact that had become impossible was something I was genuinely grateful for.
“Huu…”
The original manager seemed to be staying quiet, fortunately. There were no reports of him causing trouble, and I couldn’t find any trace of him spreading stories about me. It was eerily quiet—no footprints at all. Even the team leader only told me that things had been handled well and didn’t say anything more. I was the victim and the main party involved. The only witnesses besides the team leader who arrived later were Hinami and Kang Juhyuk. I even had dangerous thoughts wondering if he’d chosen an extreme option, but if that were the case, someone would have shown some reaction. Maybe he had simply disappeared from the country. After all, the maximum sentence would only be two years in prison, and he might even get a suspended sentence. Perhaps they had taken care of him completely. Even if they didn’t dump him somewhere, maybe they’d just kicked him out of the country. I didn’t think that was impossible. The entertainment industry was the kind of place where such things could happen without anyone batting an eye.
“I’m home.”
After being lost in thought for a long time, I stepped out of the elevator and into the entrance of my apartment. The moment I entered, the muggy summer air turned into cool breeze. I changed into clean clothes after washing up and collapsed onto the sofa. When I mindlessly turned on the TV, something funny happened—my own face always appeared on the screen. The blindingly bright lights, the countless cameras, and me shining brilliantly in the middle of it all. In the past, looking back at these moments had been somewhat fun and helpful. But now I couldn’t even look at it straight. That shining idol didn’t feel like me at all. And I no longer had any confidence that I could shine like that again.
I changed the channel to erase my image from the screen and left it on some random station. Unfamiliar arrows and numbers fluctuated up and down while men in suits talked about things I couldn’t understand. It wasn’t unpleasant to listen to, so I tossed the remote aside and used the TV as white noise while grabbing my phone. Then I meticulously searched for my own name, one by one. I needed to check whether anyone had noticed me wandering around last weekend. I scoured every community like a maniac until I confirmed there wasn’t a single photo of me from that day. Only then could I breathe a sigh of relief and eat comfortably.
After slowly consuming the diet meal whose end I couldn’t even see, I slumped back in my chair in a daze.
…Another day would end just like this. Tomorrow was the weekend again. Suah unnie hadn’t been logging into the game much lately either. Hinami would probably rather spend time acting cute with that man than hang out with me. Meeting briefly at the gym and chatting as a trio was all there was to my weekend now. And even that would end once Suah unnie quit her part-time job.
…The real reason I kept going to Kang Juhyuk’s gym was actually Suah unnie. I had clearly started getting close to her on purpose just to screw with Kang Juhyuk. But now things had flipped so completely that I couldn’t even imagine doing that anymore. The version of me who once tried to use her as a long-term pawn felt like a crazy bitch.
While I leaned endlessly against the chair, savoring the emptiness and loneliness, a notification arrived on my phone.
I looked at it without unlocking the screen. A small blue bird greeted me. There was no point wondering whose DM it was. After all, that account only had one follower.
With just that one short sentence, the emptiness and loneliness that had wrapped around me so coldly vanished like a lie. In their place, fear and rage coiled hotly around my body. What the hell was he trying to pull this time? What did he want from me? How far would he have to cross the line before I could even feel like resisting?
…
The moment I saw the DM, I didn’t even sigh. I simply threw on a cardigan, slipped into my slippers, and trudged down the stairs. My sister would probably be there at this hour anyway. He was probably just planning to play some stupid prank again to chip away at my pride. Without bothering to change out of my sloppy clothes, I confidently unlocked the door with my own passcode and flung it open.
“What do you want?”
“Hey, at least ring the doorbell before you come in.”
“…Why did you call me?”
“Ah, it’s nothing much. This.”
The moment I stepped into the entrance, he walked out as if he’d been waiting and tossed something at me. For a second I didn’t understand what it was, but once I caught it, I realized. It was the loungewear I had brought down from upstairs and worn while staying here for a while last time. I thought I had collected everything and returned it all to its original place, but apparently one set had been left behind.
…What a convenient excuse. Hoarding something like this on purpose.
“I thought it was Haeun’s clothes so I folded it and put it away, but this morning she said it wasn’t hers.”
“…And?”
“What do you mean ‘and’? It’s yours, so take it.”
I was curious what kind of scheme he was trying to justify with this, but unlike my sarcastic question, he made a dumb face and looked at me strangely. His eyes seemed completely uninterested in me, and for some reason that pissed me off more than anything. I frowned deeply, kicked off my slippers, and stepped into the living room.
“Hey, what are you doing?”
“Where’s my sister? Where did she go?”
“She went to a shoot. I have to pick her up later.”
“What kind of shoot?”
“Well, it’s less of a shoot and more like a broadcast? That girl who did the cosplay with us at the last event asked if Haeun could appear on her show, so she went. I didn’t know who she was at first, but it turns out she has quite a few subscribers.”
…Ha. So this was how he called me out while my sister was gone. I had been careless. I thought my sister would never leave his side.
“…What kind of broadcast is it?”
“Looks like it’s mainly a gaming stream. Around 200,000 subscribers. Our view counts are higher, though.”
“What the hell are you trying to say in a place like that again…”
“She’ll handle it herself. Haeun isn’t in the same situation as you.”
“What the hell does that mean?”
“It means you two are different. I mean, even if she went around telling everyone she lives with me, it wouldn’t really matter that much.”
…Just listening to him talk made it sound like I had some special relationship with him, which annoyed me. But at least he wasn’t wrong about the difference in impact if it became an issue, so I couldn’t really add anything. I had already noticed that my sister would be busy with all sorts of things from now on. And I had also expected that the busier she got, the more this man would try to fill the empty space with me. I had been thinking that if he just got me drunk and groped me a bit, I could just spit on him and move on, when—
“Anyway. I gave you the clothes back. You can go now. I’m done with my business.”
“What?”
“‘What?’ What do you mean ‘what’? I said go. Do you have something to say to me?”
“…No, I don’t.”
“Then leave. You don’t want to be here either, right?”
…
Truly bewilderingly, he kicked me out of the living room again. I should have been happy that nothing happened, but for some reason I couldn’t understand, my head grew hot. After the front door slammed shut with a thud, I instinctively kicked the wall.
…Too bad I was wearing slippers. The best I could do was a pathetic little kick that barely made any sound.