Voice File (3)
"Relax, I told you to loosen up. With the condom on, it'll feel a bit tighter than before. I'll help you ease into it."
"Ah, haang… Don't pinch my nipples, don't twist them…! My voice…"
"Haak, eung…! Deeper, it's going deeper…"
"Your chest is driving me insane. I dated Seo Jia because she had big tits too, but there's no comparison. You're way more arousing. Those thighs, fuck… Hoo…"
"Haa, stop with the dirty talk… eung…! Haaang!"
His voice praised me while mocking and violating me at the same time.
"I want to kiss you. Can I? Your eyes turn me on more than your body. They're so lewd. I want to pin you down. Haeun…"
"I get it, so just a little slower, eup… Chuup…"
What do you mean you 'get it,' you idiot? Men have wanted to pin you down since puberty. That's nothing new.
"My, my head feels weird… Let me go. I feel strange…!"
"It's fine if you feel strange. Just relax. Lean on me. You can cling to me all you want. You crazy bitch. You dumb bitch… The kind of slut who'd spread her legs for a guy like this."
"A little less than half is in. Can I put in more?"
"No, don't! I, I feel weird. It hurts—no, it's not pain, it's… Ook…! Hooouu…"
"…Half. Breathe. I won't put in any more. It's your first time. If it hurts, kick me. Or rip that filthy, huge, painful thing off! Don't just lie there getting raped like an idiot…"
"Haeun."
"Haa… ha… Stop, stop…"
"Stick out your tongue. Then I'll stop."
"Tongue…? Heek, bweh… eup… chu…"
Do something, anything, to resist, you idiot…
"Ung… eung…! Euuung! Huut, heek, euuuut…!"
A low, thick moan I'd never made in my life. The sound scraped against my vocal cords and clawed at his ears. Even Kang Juhyuk, who had been toying with me the entire time we had sex, let out a deep sigh loud enough to be caught on the recording.
…No matter how inexperienced I was, no matter how drunk I had been, I remembered exactly what had happened. It came back to me, crystal clear, without a single blemish. I had sex with this man. It was my first time, yet I had moaned like I was on drugs. Far from refusing, I had enjoyed the sticky, filthy sex. The sensation of his cock swelling thick inside me gradually returned as well.
For a brief moment, when pleasure had stolen my reason, I tried to blame everything on the alcohol and forget. But the more I listened, the clearer it became.
"Turn it off?"
"…Please turn it off…"
Once the recording of my first sexual experience ended, he finally released my tongue. I hated the way he smiled and asked in that characteristically confident tone, but I couldn't shake my head. He had probably recorded more after this. If I didn't listen to him now, I might have to hear the rest—the sound of me breaking down even more pathetically, panting and being violated.
…I don't want to remember, but I do.
"Ah, the rest is even better. You begging me to fuck you was seriously hot. Really cute."
"…Stop, really…"
"Yeah, that's exactly how it sounded. Though it was a bit more lewd earlier."
…I'm so embarrassed. I want to die. Die, you fucking idiot, you dumb bastard! I wanted to cover my face with both hands and hide in a mouse hole, but his tight embrace made escape impossible. He touched me everywhere like I was his pet, fondling my breasts, stroking my stomach, and pressing his lips messily against my neck. It felt disgusting. But I couldn't push him away. We had already done far worse, so telling him to stop wouldn't work anyway.
"You bastard…"
"What's so bad about it? I was considerate the whole time. When you told me to pull out, I did. When you asked me to go slow, I went slow. Do you know how hard it was to listen to everything you said while staring at your tits?"
"Shut up! So just let go…"
"Why? When else am I going to get the chance to touch you?"
Kang Juhyuk, who had been speaking so cruelly while violating me, had switched to a sly, teasing tone and wouldn't stop mocking me.
…You bastard.
"Ah, don't cry. Why are you crying? No woman is luckier than you."
"What the hell are you saying, you crazy bastard…"
"Women who feel good from the very first time are rare… Actually, they're almost nonexistent."
"Who asked you to make me feel good!? It's disgusting, so just shut up…"
The man who had seemed to be struggling so much earlier was now tormenting me without a care for my feelings. I had suspected it, but even his heartbreak over the breakup had been an act. Drinking and listening to my complaints had all been an act too.
…The part where he vented his frustration and blamed my dad was probably real.
"Ah, seriously. Crying just makes things weird. If anyone saw, they'd think I raped you."
"It was rape, you son of a bitch…"
"Still saying that even after hearing everything we did."
"You bastard, if you recorded it, that means you planned the whole thing! You wanted to sleep with me from the start, didn't you? Huh? You already broke up with your girlfriend! It was all because of me, because I'm the daughter of the director who fired you…"
What the hell did I do to deserve this? If anything, I was the one who got hurt by you. It's all my dad's fault, or at most my sister's. Why are you doing this to me…?
"Seo Haeun."
"…You bastard."
"…Just asking to be sure, but you really had nothing to do with me getting fired?"
"I've told you so many times I had nothing to do with it! I really didn't…"
"Ah, really? …Then why were you looking at me with that expression?"
"Wha…"
With no blame or fault on my part, he tickled my eardrums with that cruel voice again.
"Every time I showed you my shoulder, you looked at me like you were sorry. Why was that?"
"…Is it wrong to feel sorry for someone who's injured?"
"No, but when we ran into each other at the club, you treated injured and healthy people equally like shit, so I wondered."
"Back then… they were all just staring at my chest. Those bastards…"
"Then what about the way you were looking at me so desperately right before I pinned you down? I was really about to rape you then. You only let me because you gave permission."
"…"
He dug out the reason I had allowed him from the corner of my heart. Then he sliced it apart, cutting away the guilt I had briefly felt toward him.
"…Are you pretending not to know something you actually do know?"
"…So what if I do? Does that mean you can rape someone…? Huh?"
"Ah, I keep telling you I didn't rape you. Want to keep listening to the rest? I really held back while doing it."
"Held back, my ass… You were planning to pin me down and get revenge from the start! You even recorded it so you wouldn't get reported…"
"…Did you, by any chance, do something that deserved revenge?"
"…"
Something that deserved revenge. I hadn't done anything. I had never asked for it either. It wasn't my fault that I had complained to my sister out of annoyance, only for her to suddenly talk about sending someone somewhere at the dinner table the next day. I knew she was a cold person, but I never thought she would listen to her child so obediently. She never listened to a word I said. So why, when my sister spoke, did she nod and grant my wish right away?
"Hey, look at your face getting all stiff. There is something, isn't there?"
"N-no, there isn't…!"
"It was a joke, so why are you shaking so much? I'm behind you, so I can't even see your expression. Idiot."
"…"
His voice, seeing right through me and toying with me, was terrifying. I had hoped he would disappear, and even if he had vanished by chance, it wasn't my fault. In the first place, my dad had only talked about trading him to another team. No one was to blame for his injury. It wasn't my fault he retired with surgical scars on his shoulder either. It wasn't my fault, so why was I this scared? It wasn't something I deserved to be condemned for even if I got caught. Why? Why did I have to tremble in front of this muscle-bound man?
"Haeun, don't shake like that. Turn around and look at me."
"…"
"…Look me in the eyes."
His eyes came into view as he forcibly turned my body. They were just normally open, yet sharp and piercing enough to make my heart race. If I had simply fallen for him, wouldn't that have been easier? If my first time had been with a man I liked, enjoying it and talking affectionately afterward, how nice would that have been?
"Are you scared of me?"
But that kind of tender love story had never existed in my life. The more I looked into his cruel eyes, the more suspicion grew.
…Was he satisfied with just the recording? This trash of a human. Was there any guarantee he hadn't taken photos of me? He had even taken a selfie with me at the bar earlier.
"Why are you scared? I don't have any ill feelings toward you anymore."
"…Th-that…"
The words "anymore" twisted themselves in my head. It meant he had before. It meant he had approached me with a plan all along.
…It meant he already knew exactly what I would do from now on.
"You were feeling so good until just now, so I don't get why you're suddenly like this. If I did something wrong, tell me."
"…Th-that's why…"
The man who had deceived me without so much as blinking was becoming more and more frightening. How much of my heart had he read? How much did he know about me to approach so shamelessly and pull me into his arms?
"Ah, are you embarrassed because your sister might find out? Well, it is pretty shameful if your family finds out you had sex. I get it."
"Th-that's part of it…"
"But we can just go together later and clear up the misunderstanding. Ah, it's not really a misunderstanding, but anyway."
The man who knew me better than I knew myself casually said he had no intention of letting me go. I naturally accepted that this relationship was only the beginning.
"Haeun."
"…"
"…The room's a bit messy, so should we get up? Let's clean up and eat dinner. I'll order something."
"…U-ung…"
In the phone he was holding, I could naturally imagine what was stored inside.
…My lewd appearance, something I was never meant to see with my own eyes, was playing on its own inside my head.