Terror After That Day
The first long vacation since my debut had arrived. No plans whatsoever. No schedule at all. The only thing I’d done was attend one psychological counseling session in the middle. Days where I didn’t have to see a single person if I didn’t want to. Honestly, it was so good that I started thinking I never wanted to work again.
Smiling artificially inside the TV screen wasn’t for me anymore. It was far more comfortable to stay outside the screen and simply watch other people.
“What should I eat…”
That didn’t mean I’d given up on everything. I was still restricting my calories like always. I never skipped my workouts either. Sometimes I even went to that gym to see Suah. My values had simply changed. Instead of the empty phrase “I work hard for my fans,” it had shifted into a sense of duty that I worked for myself. Maybe I’d already felt that way even before.
“Thank you for the meal.”
I gave the hollow greeting and ate lunch—brown rice with all kinds of seasoned vegetables as side dishes. It was a healthy meal, but I’d started seasoning everything more boldly than before, so I could enjoy it without any complaints. Thinking back now, I have no idea how I survived as a trainee. The me back then and the me now aren’t that different, yet how could I have endured and pushed through everything at that young, immature age?
…No. Maybe it was precisely because I was young and immature that I could do it. Unlike my childhood when I hadn’t achieved anything and wasn’t famous, the current me had accomplished a lot and knew far too many people. If I had gone through something like that back then, I probably would have handed the manager straight over to the police.
The reason I couldn’t was because I was terrified that all the effort I’d built up until then would be ruined. It was the same with Kang Juhyuk. I could have kicked him out if I really wanted to. But I couldn’t do whatever I wanted because I alone would have to take responsibility for everything that happened afterward. If my sister fell all the way to the bottom, I would be the one who suffered in the end.
Chewing my rice, I continued thinking. I wasn’t sure, but my friend who might be living downstairs right now. After seeing that video that day, I thought all my affection for her had vanished, but memories don’t disappear that easily. If in the past it had been more like camaraderie, now it felt like she was simply a friend who caused really serious accidents. At this point, even if she quit being an idol, I probably wouldn’t feel much. I’d just hope she lived well without any major incidents. What I’d hate more was seeing her keep going and then get slammed by the media when something like that video leaked.
…The same went for my sister.
“…Thank you for the meal.”
After finishing a lunch that wasn’t very large, I quietly thanked the table. Instead of washing the dishes right away like I used to, I simply soaked them in water, planning to do them all at once in the evening. With a blank mind, I lay down on the sofa, turned on the TV, and aimlessly wandered the internet.
Starting with the short articles about our group’s hiatus. Since our activities were originally supposed to end around this time anyway, it didn’t become a huge issue. There weren’t any conspiracy theories either. Other news included my father’s team preparing trades to compete for first place, a recently debuted group from another agency planning to enter Japan, and rumors that a male idol from our agency—who I’d run into a few times—had been caught in a dating scandal. They were all over the place.
…Seriously, how do these people know things even I, an insider, don’t know? Seeing all the comments saying “I knew it,” I was so dumbfounded I couldn’t even speak. I lightly downvoted the comments I normally wouldn’t have bothered looking at, then left the news and moved over to Twitter.
“…”
I followed dozens of accounts. I had exactly one follower: Kang Juhyuk. I hadn’t believed his bluff that he’d upload the video if I unfollowed him, but just in case, I left it alone. Honestly, I didn’t think Kang Juhyuk himself would ever do something that risky… but I couldn’t trust Hinami. Well, he’d probably blur out the faces anyway, and the account would stay private except for me, just like mine. Unlike what I used to imagine, that man cherished his women quite a lot.
Of course, that didn’t mean I felt any goodwill toward him. No matter how much stress I got because of Hinami, the affection I had for her as a friend still remained. In the same way, just because I received help from him once didn’t mean any nonexistent fondness would suddenly appear. This wasn’t some kind of game.
Instead, the vague fear I’d held…? Ah, more precisely, a lot of that uncertainty had disappeared. The word “understanding” didn’t sit well with me, so maybe I should say I had figured him out. That man.
Still, just to be sure, I checked Kang Juhyuk’s account again, but nothing had changed. His follows were full of cosplayers except for me, and he had exactly one follower—me. The differences were that the artists who drew pictures for him weren’t in his following list at all, and that he hadn’t posted a single tweet. It was probably an account purely for satisfying his sexual desires.
…But the funny thing was that the part-timer was also in that following list. After that huge fight with Suah through tweets, she must have gotten a good reaction because she posted a few more photos. Now she was even uploading cosplay pictures to boost her self-esteem. I wasn’t sure if Kang Juhyuk followed her knowing her real identity… but it was just purely amusing. The fact that the man who acted so mature at the gym was secretly looking at things like this.
“Pfft…”
…Of course, the same went for Suah. When I saw her in games or in real life, she seemed like the kindest person in the world. But behind the scenes she’d curse out faceless, nameless people, then take photos in slightly revealing clothes to fill her self-esteem. It was honestly ridiculous. Well… I guess I’m not one to talk, since I relieve my stress by tearing down fans. In the past I would have tried to understand and respect it somehow, but now everyone—including myself—looked ugly and laughable.
…The same went for the manager.
“…”
During counseling I’d been told to forget it as much as possible, but no matter how much time passed, I couldn’t. Since nothing truly terrible had happened to me, it wasn’t a memory so horrific that I absolutely had to erase it. Still, what had that man been aiming for when he drugged me with sleeping pills?
…Had he just wanted to touch my breasts? Or take photos after undressing me? If he had kidnapped me to his house, I could have at least understood it as “so he really is a crazy rapist” and been scared. Did he think I wouldn’t feel any discomfort even if I passed out from sleeping pills? Did he think I hadn’t noticed all the times he looked at me that way?
The fact that he’d risked his entire life loitering around someone else’s parking lot just to try something so pathetic was beyond ridiculous. Ridiculous enough that I almost wanted to see his face one more time.
…If only Hinami hadn’t been at that location, I would have thrown him straight in jail. I was seriously willing to visit him during visitation hours. It would feel incredibly satisfying to laugh in his face.
Forcing down the laughter that kept trying to burst out, I did an ego-search on my name just like when I was looking through articles. Then my eyes caught a familiar background and I stopped scrolling.
The waiting room for performers. A shot of me dozing off beside someone, looking tired. It was natural for my photos to appear since I’d searched my own name, but… the framing was far too close to me. Almost as if possessed, I clicked into the account that had posted it.
“…”
Me dozing off in the car. The back of me posing while looking at the camera. The Instagram upload photos I’d asked someone to take for me. The cheerleader outfit I wore in the music video.
“Ha…”
The goosebumps that ran all over me weren’t because I was looking at photos of myself wearing that outfit. It was because the clothes I had already returned after wearing had been perfectly recreated—down to the exact way I had worn them—with the arm warmers and socks laid out on the floor.
…Of course, they might not be the exact clothes I wore. Maybe he had simply bought similar ones. But that didn’t stop the chill I felt.
I took a deep breath and scrolled further through the account. It followed only one account—our group’s official one. It had around ten followers, not that many. Yet despite that, it posted quite frequently—about once a day. At least since two years ago.
…What gave me goosebumps was that the change in distance of the photos started exactly when the manager had changed.
I swallowed hard, my heart pounding, and made a call. The old ballad that the director liked kept ringing without end, but unfortunately the call never connected.
“Haa…”
I tapped my feet anxiously and let out a long breath.
…What the hell. The photos could have been taken secretly somehow, but why hadn’t anyone known about this account? I couldn’t shake the thought that it made no logical sense. Then suddenly I remembered my own account, and the answer came to me—that criminal bastard must have made it public after that day.
“…”
Should I report it? Wasn’t this something I couldn’t just let slide anymore? If it was an account that had existed before and we simply hadn’t found it, we could tell him to close it before we sued. But the manager had continued uploading my photos even after that day. Of course they were probably taken before then. There weren’t many overly exposing shots or ones that crossed the line, but… the attitude itself that seemed to say he didn’t care even if he was reported—that madness that looked like he was prepared to go to prison—was utterly terrifying.
“Hik…”
While I stood there frozen, trembling, the loud ringing of the doorbell startled me so badly I couldn’t even scream. I answered the call immediately.
“…On Twitter… there are photos of me…”
“The manager… I found an account…”
“…Yes.”
…The only neighbor I knew was the one living downstairs.
“…Yes.”
“Yes…”
After ending the call with the director, who was too busy to come over, I broke out in a cold sweat. I checked that no one was outside the front door, then grabbed my shaking legs and went downstairs. Without even knocking, I unlocked the passcode to the unit below and stepped inside.
“Haeun, what’s with you so early—… What the hell?”
…Just my luck. Neither my sister nor Hinami were there. Only that man, living alone in someone else’s house registered under my name.