Chapter 15
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Translator: Wjin
Chapter: 15
Chapter Title: Thank You, I'm Sorry, and I Love You...
-----------------------------------------------------------------
Numerous maids shuttling dishes back and forth.
Mountains of delicacies piled high on the table.
The orchestra's performance, setting the perfect mood for the evening banquet.
Everything was flawless—perfect beyond perfection.
Except for the protagonists of the evening...
'Father...'
Johann's gaze lingered on the man seated at the head of the table, meticulously slicing his veal steak into small bites and bringing them to his mouth.
His name was Hayden. The current head of House Crimford and one of the king's most favored nobles from the royalist faction.
To the old Johann, he had been a stern, cold father worthy of resentment, forever distant...
'Mother...'
Johann's eyes shifted to the middle-aged woman sitting across from him.
She still retained the beauty of her youth, and with her kind heart and esteemed reputation, she was beloved among the common folk—Johann's mother, Annette.
As he watched the two of them, a surge of tears welled up in Johann's eyes, and he fought desperately to hold them back.
The sight of these ordinary parents overlapped with the image of his mom and dad, who had protected him until their very last breaths.
'You have to survive, Johann!'
'I love you, my son...'
Back then, the foolish wastrel who thought all his parents' love had been stolen by his brother and that he was out of their favor finally realized their true feelings on that day—the day he lost his most precious people.
'Now it's my turn to protect them. Even if it costs my life, I will...'
Finally, Johann's gaze turned to the person he had hated most, loved most, and been most grateful to.
'Brother!'
Johann's pupils trembled as his eyes sank heavily.
Howard Crimford.
To the young Johann, words like prodigy and genius seemed invented solely for his brother.
Proficient in both letters and martial arts, grasping ten lessons from one teaching, handsome to boot, with upright values and a warm heart...
'I envied my brother, who had everything from birth. So I tried to become like him. But I couldn't even step out of his shadow. The more I struggled to catch up, the more my self-loathing and inferiority grew...'
At some point, admiration and love twisted into resentment and hatred beyond measure.
The family's attention, the stares from those around him—it all seemed directed at his brother. And the more it did, the more it felt like the world looked down on him, treating him as worthless. He couldn't bear it.
'What an idiot I was. Wasting that precious time on such petty delusions.'
One day, Howard was assassinated without a whisper. Only then, at his brother's grave, could Johann break free from his illusions.
He hadn't wanted to become his brother—he had just wanted to be a younger brother acknowledged by him...
But realizing that was too late. There was no turning back.
Or so he thought. Until this very moment...
'I want to run over right now and apologize.'
Say he missed him, that he was sorry, beg forgiveness while embracing his family and sobbing his heart out.
The words "I love you more than life itself" nearly burst from his throat; he swallowed them desperately.
Johann scanned the surroundings. Among all these maids and servants, who was from the Empire's Shadows? No one knew who might be watching or from where.
Until everything was laid bare in the light, he had to remain the wastrel Johann.
"What are you doing just standing there gawking like an idiot? Mind your manners."
"Sit down, Johann. The long journey must have been exhausting. Good work."
His father's curt command and his mother's gentle comfort stirred Johann's heart into turmoil.
Johann sat silently in his seat and began to eat.
...
In the heavy atmosphere, not a single sound could be heard.
Despite so many people moving about, the skilled maids transported the dishes without even the slightest clink.
It must have been rigorous training, but to Johann, it felt stifling. As if someone had muted the sound just in this room. Uncomfortable.
Yet speaking first would be suspicious. It wasn't like the old Johann. Normally, he would finish eating faster than anyone and retreat to his room without a word.
So, choking back tears, he prepared to speed through his meal—when a familiar voice pierced his eardrums.
"You've lost a lot of weight, Johann. Doesn't look like starvation did it. Now that you're slimmer, you look better than this brother of yours. You take after Mother's portrait from her younger days. Hahaha!"
'Brother...!'
Instead of "Thank you," "I've been working hard," or "I've missed you," thorns spilled from Johann's mouth.
"I didn't lose it to please you, brother. A fat body has its limits when it comes to bedding women. Slimming down definitely made the nights more fun."
...
Silence fell instantly.
It was absolutely not something to say at a family dinner, but it was exactly the kind of thing Johann would say.
Yet Howard brushed it off without a care, conveying his true feelings.
"Whatever your reason for losing weight, it doesn't matter. You look much healthier and better than before. Just moderate those nighttime activities. They say exhausted vitality leads to an early grave."
"Then I'd better go harder. Everyone here would be thrilled if I dropped dead."
Johann's own words hurt so much he thought he might cry. Why hadn't he realized back then how painful they were?
"Johann!"
At that moment, Hayden's sharp rebuke rang out, and Johann set down his fork and knife, rising from his seat.
"I've lost my appetite. Thanks for the meal."
With that, he left the table and headed to the bathroom, where he sobbed quietly, over and over.
"Young Master..."
"Haa..."
Seeing Johann return with puffy eyes, Joanna and Willard couldn't hide their worry. They weren't the type to miss why his eyes were swollen.
"You've been through a lot, Young Master."
"I don't know what you're hiding, Young Master, but why not just come clean to your family and ask for their help? House Crimford is a great house! Isn't there anything in this kingdom they couldn't handle if they stepped in?"
Willard offered sincere comfort, while Joanna voiced her frustration openly.
Johann gave a bitter smile in response.
"If I could, I would have. But with my current credibility, they'd just call me crazy. And even if they believed me, the house's power alone would be like throwing an egg at a rock. No— it might even make things more dangerous."
"Just what are you..."
It's facing the world alone. Never easy, but the comfort from people like Willard and Joanna was help enough.
Knock knock knock.
A knock sounded just then. Johann lay on the bed and sent Joanna to answer, to hide his swollen eyes.
"Who is it?"
"It's Rona, a maid. I have a message for Young Master Johann from Madam."
'A message from Madam?'
Madam was the respectful term for Johann's mother, Annette.
Joanna received the message from Rona and approached Johann.
"What did Mother say?"
"She said the clan party hosted by Young Master Howard in a week is coming up, so you must attend."
'Ah, right...'
The words "clan party" stirred a buried memory from the past.
"But Young Master, what's a clan party?"
"Clan refers to the vassals who pledge loyalty to our earl house at its center, like Viscount Domos. A clan party is like a gathering where those vassals mingle. Usually hosted by the head of the house, but if brother's hosting..."
"It could be seen as a networking event for the next-generation heirs."
Johann nodded at Willard's guess. Then Joanna asked,
"Why insist you attend such an event? Of course, the current you should go, but the old you might've been better off skipping it."
"Yeah. I'm wondering that too."
He said that, but Johann knew the reason.
'To think I'd see that guy here again...'
"Haa..."
Johann recalled a face he'd long forgotten. The tumultuous memories had blurred it, but even that brought forth a heavy sigh.
One week later.
Johann used the excuse of feeling unwell to stay in his room as much as possible.
To get exiled back to the annex again, he needed to cause a major incident, but sober now, he lacked the will to torment the maids and servants like before.
He didn't want to, either.
'But to create a pretext for returning to the annex, I do need to flip things upside down big once.'
Johann set that D-day for today.
The clan party.
"Come on, hurry with the finishing touches!"
"Honored guests are arriving!"
As servants bustled to complete preparations, the setting sun laid out a red carpet across the sky to welcome the guests.
Just as stars began twinkling overhead, people in colorful dresses and tuxedos started entering the venue on the ground below.
Soon, the annex-turned-party-hall buzzed with invited guests.
"My goodness... all these people are nobles..."
Joanna felt like she'd seen more nobles here than in a lifetime.
As Johann's personal maid, she wasn't as frantically busy as the others and could leisurely observe the nobles like this.
"Oh? Young Master Sazan is here too."
"Yeah."
Gone was his usual coltish energy; Sazan looked uncomfortable and subdued, with Garet in a dress beside him.
'She must've come to keep an eye on Sazan. Still, that dress suits her well.'
A snicker escaped him.
True to their status as next-gen noble heirs, the young nobles darted about, diligently building connections.
Joanna noticed it too.
"The nobles seem busier than the servants."
"Makes sense. They're not here just to eat and drink—they're showing off their influence as future heads and forging bonds with other heirs."
"But they avoid coming near you, Young Master."
"Infamy has its perks. Frown a bit and set the mood, and they steer clear on their own."
Johann sat to the right of the currently empty host's seat.
Even much changed in appearance, his position alone made it easy to guess he was Johann.
"Besides, their real target isn't me—it's my brother. No point risking a bite from a nasty mutt like me."
Being the earl house's second son was an awkward position. Especially with an outstanding firstborn heir like Howard.
In such cases, the second son's role was practically set.
'A link between houses through political marriage...'
And it seemed the other end of that link had just arrived at the party venue.