How the Rank 0 Chef Survives 088: Cult Confessions and Holy Orders
As always, the snack bar bustles with crowds. Students line up like fluffy chicks. The natural order they've formed is beautiful. Beautiful, and shining with a brilliant glow. This order brings me peace. Utility made visible is this gorgeous. It pierces the pitch-black darkness. A smile naturally creeps onto my lips.
“What can I get you?”
“Two tteokbokki!”
The snack bar work goes smoothly. It's become routine before I knew it. Humanity's adaptability is truly terrifying.
“Hura-nim!”
At that moment, my lips droop, and the smile lingering at the corners evaporates.
“Hura-nim! Hura-nim! How are you so strong and cool?”
The work at the snack bar has become routine, but everything else? I just can't get used to it.
“I saw the videos so late—can you believe it!”
For example, this chick chirping nonstop beside me.
“I've been reflecting on it. But I made up for it by watching both videos more than ten times each. Good job, right? Good job?”
“...No.”
“But Hura-nim. Are you really staying out of the rankings on purpose? You're so cool~!”
“...Here's your two tteokbokki.”
I force a smile. My lips twitch.
“But, but. Is Baek Bal Baek Jung really your subordinate? How did you meet?”
“......”
Blood trickles from one ear, or so it feels.
“...Student Chaera.”
“Yes?”
She looks up with a beaming smile. Her round glasses are cute, but the eyes behind them are somehow scary. Like something's missing—or overflowing in excess.
“You don't have to come every day.”
“Nooo! It's fine!”
“...I'm not fine.”
“Use casual speech with me, Hura-nim!”
“...No.”
“Then can I drop formalities too?”
“No.”
“Then I'll call you oppa. Hura oppa! Hehe.”
“......”
I press my throbbing temple hard. God, why this trial?
“Ahh...”
I let out a deep sigh.
“So, what’s the Tteokbokki Cult up to these days?”
I ask, figuring I might as well get something out of this. I picked up this poison cup for that purpose anyway.
...Though I didn't expect it to be this toxic.
The Tteokbokki Cult has been quiet lately. Quiet in a scary way. Like they're plotting something weird again. No news is good news, they say—but with these guys, it's the opposite.
“Oh, we had an executive meeting recently.”
“Executive meeting?”
“Yes. About letting Blood Axe Thrower escape.”
...What?
My hand stops stirring the tteokbokki.
“Come to think of it, Hura-nim, how did you know it was us? Was there another spy besides me?”
My head snaps around like lightning. I glare at her, eyes flashing.
“What?”
“Pardon?”
“You let Blood Axe Thrower escape?”
“...Huh?”
She's bewildered.
“You guys. Were you really trying to kill me?”
“N-no! It's a misunderstanding!”
Ichaera waves her hands frantically in denial.
“You let him escape, didn't you?”
“W-we didn't know you'd be around!”
“Then why let him go?”
“We were going to catch him.”
“Why?”
“Because...”
Suddenly, her glasses flash menacingly.
“That motherfucker messed with you, Hura-nim.”
“......”
I swallow hard without thinking.
...Is this a student or a gangster?
But I steel myself and scold her. A student should act like one.
“Hey, Student Chaera.”
“Yes?”
“Whether I kill him or not is my business. Why are you getting involved?”
“Ah... We just...”
“Why do something I didn't ask? Huh?”
“S-sorryyy...”
She hunches over, head bowed low. She looks like a normal student like this. But when her glasses flash like earlier, it sends chills down my spine—not just once or twice.
“Tsk. So, what was the meeting about?”
I hand out tteokbokki to customers as I ask.
“Ah, since you seemed to misunderstand, Hura-nim. It was a meeting to clear it up.”
They hold meetings for the weirdest things. Why not discuss how many times I'll use the bathroom tomorrow?
“So, what was the conclusion?”
Her face lights up.
“Ah, good news! The Tteokbokki Cult is starting a Nutube channel!”
“......?”
Brief confusion.
“How is that good news? No—how did you even conclude that?”
“Hear me out.”
“I am.”
“Blood Axe Thrower respawns in 24 hours, right?”
“Yeah.”
“No rankers this time, so no one waiting.”
“Right?”
“So we'll snag him quick and torture—er, punish him.”
“?”
“Film it and upload to the Nutube channel.”
“......?”
“Proving the Tteokbokki Cult isn't in cahoots with Blood Axe Thrower.”
“......”
“What do you think? Hehehe... Fun, right?”
“...No.”
Her glasses glint with an eerie light again. Scary, scary... The laugh of a clear villain.
A few question marks popped up midway, but they just complicated my head, so I let it slide.
“You're making a channel just for that one video?”
“No, killing two birds with one stone.”
Ichaera beams.
“It's actually a great excuse to start the channel. The main content will be videos spreading Hura-nim's greatness.”
“...Pardon?”
Did I hear wrong?
“Uwahu... Finally, I can legally fan—er, nothing.”
She mutters something sinister, then brushes it off.
“......”
Don't even try to understand. The Tteokbokki Cult is a madhouse to begin with.
“What do you think? What do you think?”
Ichaera asks, eyes sparkling.
“...Whose idea was that?”
“Why? Gonna praise me? Actually, it was—”
“No. I don't even want to know.”
I cut her off.
“Whoever came up with it, it's pathetic.”
“...Pardon?”
“Don't you have anything better to do?”
“Ah...”
Her shoulders slump, face falling pitifully. Tsk. It was her idea.
I glance at the clock while stirring tteokbokki.
“Shouldn't you be going? Lunch break's almost over.”
“...Yeees...”
She gathers her uniform vest.
“Drive safe.”
“Yeees...”
I bid her farewell and greet the next customer.
“What can I get you?”
This one isn't a student—no uniform. Light athletic wear, hat pulled low. A woman.
“Ahem. One tteokbokki, please.”
“Hm?”
Her voice sounds familiar.
“...Seo Ji-hyun?”
She slowly lifts her face. Under the long hat brim, her tiny face peeks out.
“Ah, hi.”
Somehow embarrassed, she greets me awkwardly.
The sacred hall of the divine. The holy temple. Pristine white inner walls, spotless as if proclaiming God's will. Warm sunlight filters through the colorful mosaic windows. Amid the overflowing holy aura, one man stands bathed in the light.
Archbishop Vincenzo clasps his hands devoutly before the multitude of believers.
“A divine revelation has come.”
He accepts the sacred halo enveloping him as grace and continues.
“The northwestern extremity of the continent. Where sand hardens into rock. The lion-like boulder near the village. There, meet the one who sells memories.”
The believers murmur at the cryptic revelation.
-Northwestern extremity? Isn't that the Dead Lands with the Black Earth?
-But sand hardening into rock... Sounds like the desert before that.
-Lion-like boulder? What does that mean?
-One who sells memories... No clue.
Then, someone raises their hand boldly.
“Archbishop Vincenzo. I'll go.”
“Ooh...!”
The believers turn with admiring gazes. A middle-aged priest in robes, muscles bulging threateningly beneath. Yet his gray-haired face is gentle, mismatched with his build.
Archbishop Vincenzo regards him warmly.
“Crying Priest. Do you understand what Yupinel says?”
The graying middle-aged man smiles softly and nods.
“Yes. I think I know what God means.”
Vincenzo clasps his hands and bows slightly.
“Very well. No one more trustworthy than you.”
“An honor.”
Vincenzo spreads his arms, bestowing a blessing of light.
“Priest who serves God's will from the lowest places. Go to the ends of the earth and manifest His intent.”
Bathed in holy light, the priest merely clasps his hands in prayer.
“All according to God's will.”
The believers bow toward him, hands clasped.
“All according to God's will.”
Rank 9, 'Crying Priest'. The one who serves God from the lowest rung. Iron fist against those defying divine providence. Merciless inquisitor of the Holy Yupinel Church.
A faint smile graces his lips.
“According to God's will.”
“One tteokbokki.”
“...A thousand won.”
I take the bill and scoop tteokbokki into a cup.
“You actually found this place.”
“Just passing by.”
Ji-hyun pokes around the shop curiously, as if amazed.
“So this is where you work...”
I hand her the tteokbokki as she mutters to herself.
“Here's your tteokbokki.”
“Yeees.”
Ji-hyun takes it and steps aside for the next customer, then calls to me.
“Hey, Lee Hura.”
“What, customer?”
“When do you get off?”
Suddenly, something pops up beside me like a mole.
“Why ask?!”
Ichaera, who hadn't left, jumps up yelling.
“Eek!”
Ji-hyun startles. From her view, a face burst out from behind the empty counter.
“Why are you asking!”
Ichaera shouts.
Recovering, Ji-hyun narrows her eyes at Ichaera.
“Who are you?”
“Who are you!”
“Me? Hura's friend.”
“Hura oppa's friend?”
“...'Oppa'?”
Szzzzzt—sparks fly as their gazes clash.
“......”
Why are they causing a scene at my workplace?
I press my throbbing temples and greet the next customer with a forced smile.
“Yes~ What can I get you?”
“Uh, um... One tteokbokki.”
The middle-school-looking kid glances nervously at the two glaring fiercely and orders.
“Sh-shouldn't we stop them?”
“Who?”
“Those scary ladies.”
“Ah. Don't mind. They're just greeting warmly.”
“...That?”
“Yep.”
“Ah, okaaay...”
Beside us, friendly greetings continue.
“Oppa? Oppa? Did you just say oppa?”
“Ohoho. Ears going already? Say it again?”
“Hey. I know Hura has no little sister. Who are you?”
“Oh my. What's it to you? Mind your business, lady.”
“...Lady? Wanna die?”
“Oppa and I have a super secret relationship. Can't tell even if I wanted~”
“Come out here. Won't come?”
“Why should I? Why?”
“......”
I squeeze my eyes shut. Can't hear. Can't hear.
“Here's your tteokbokki. Enjoy.”
“Yeees...”
My forced smile twitches at the corners.