Chapter 152
Chapter 152
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Translator: Ryuma
Chapter: 152
Chapter Title: A Knight's Burdensome Past
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I won. Against every single knight aspirant who came to take the exam.
But before Evan could even bask in the joy, his mood plunged straight into the abyss.
'V-Vice Captain! I can do it! P-Please, give me a chance!'
'Evan, be quiet.'
'Please! I won't tarnish your reputation!'
'I said be quiet!'
'......!'
Was he ashamed to be acquainted with a mere commoner like me? I shouldn't have acted like I knew him like that. What if I'd put the Vice Captain in a tough spot?
No, maybe he found out I'd spent that 50 gold in the wrong place and was furious.
In the end, perhaps taking pity on my situation, the Vice Captain accepted me as a formal knight, but wanting to keep his distance, he changed how he addressed me and his tone.
Evan, too, made sure not to burden the Vice Captain anymore and kept his distance as much as possible.
When he realized that knights weren't the righteous folk he'd imagined, he was a bit disappointed, but it comforted him to know there were people like the Vice Captain.
Even when filthy water was dumped on his head from above, or his meal tray was overturned leaving him hungry, or when packs of idiots ganged up on him..., it was all fine. Because he paid them back double.
'Hmph, cowards who can't even face me one-on-one......'
But when he received news of his mother's passing, it wasn't fine.
'Ah......'
'I'm sorry, Evan. She hadn't been well for a while, but your mother didn't want you told.'
The kind lady who'd moved in nearby said that and handed him a letter.
Unfolding the crumpled, tear-stained paper revealed shaky, faded writing where the strength had ebbed away.
-Evan, don't worry about the little things. Do what you want to do. I'm sorry I couldn't be a proper mother to you.
His strength drained away. Turning his head slightly, the little thing came into view. Lying on the bed, only capable of crying, sleeping, and eating—that thing.
'Evan, I'll look into childcare facilities for you. How could you raise a child? It's the natural thing, so no need to feel guilty.'
'......'
Evan couldn't immediately say no. The little one was a burden to him. He'd become a knight somehow, endured this far— he couldn't just give up now.
That night, Evan tried alcohol for the first time. Beer, like his father used to drink. But it tasted awful and only burned his stomach, so he hurled the mug away.
Clunk. The contents spilled out, soaking the floor. The little one's cries grew louder.
The shrill wail pierced his ears like a needle, making Evan snap irritably and approach the source. Tears were streaming from eyes already swollen tight.
'Do I really need to send it to an orphanage? Without medicine, it'll die soon anyway.'
Then maybe it was better to kill it now. Spare it even a day less of pain.
Evan placed his rough hand against the little one to compare sizes. Its face was so small it fit entirely in one palm. Carefully laying his hand on its slender neck, he felt the warmth of its body heat.
And in that moment, everything went quiet.
The crying little one looked up at him with puffy, barely opening eyes. Something fierce gleamed in those tiny slits.
'Ah......'
So that's why his father covered the eyes of beasts before slitting their throats.
In that instant, a brief question from the past surged up, churning his mind.
'Why do you want to become a knight?'
What had he answered to that?
'I want to be someone who protects.'
Even when warned it wouldn't be easy, he'd confidently said it was fine. He'd vowed to protect his mother and Aril too.
He couldn't breathe.
He'd failed to protect his mother, and if he couldn't protect the remaining Aril either, then what the hell was he trying to protect by playing knight?
'...Aril.'
'O-Oppa...!'
Evan hurriedly scooped up Aril, who giggled with teardrops dangling from her eyes. Her face was hot from crying.
But selfishly, that warmth felt so good he hugged her tighter. Her tiny arms wrapped around his neck in return.
'Aril, big brother will protect you.'
But right now, he had nothing he could do immediately. He'd have to earn the money himself, so he needed to hire someone to look after Aril.
Should he ask his mentor— no, now the Captain, formerly the Vice Captain—for help?
He didn't want to burden him anymore.
But he had no choice. The Captain might call him shameless, but that man wouldn't just look the other way.
Knock knock.
At that moment, a knock sounded at the door.
Evan glanced at the pitch-black night outside—no moon yet—and narrowed his eyes.
'Who is it?'
'Is this the home of Sir Evan?'
'...Yes, it is.'
'Her Majesty the Queen sent me.'
'...Please, come in.'
Evan let the stranger into his home while holding Aril. No candle was lit, making it improper to receive a guest, but he couldn't leave someone sent by the Queen outside.
'...I'm sorry. I have nothing to offer.'
Evan quickly fetched a candlestick and lit it. Aril, nestled in his arms, waved her hands at the flickering flame. No more crying—seemed like she wouldn't be in pain tonight.
'It's fine. I won't be long, so don't trouble yourself.'
'What brings you here at this hour...?'
'Her Majesty takes great interest in you, Sir Evan. Showing such incredible skill at your young age, it's only natural.'
'...What are you trying to say?'
'So we also received word of your mother's passing. Ah, first, may the deceased rest in peace.'
The man said that, removed his hat, and gave a brief bow.
'...Thank you.'
'This is a consolation gift from Her Majesty. It's modest, but please use it for funeral expenses.'
'......'
Evan couldn't even politely refuse. Money was what he needed most right now.
He hesitated a moment before taking the coin pouch. The man smiled faintly and continued.
'I didn't know you had such a young sibling. Ah, of course, you're still young yourself, Sir Evan......'
The man glanced at Aril in his arms and gave a small hand wave. Startled by the stranger's greeting, Aril turned away and burrowed into Evan's chest.
'Sir Evan, it must be tough looking after your sibling... Shall I speak well of it to Her Majesty?'
'...What do you mean?'
'So you can focus on your knightly duties. Her Majesty thinks highly of you, so she'd gladly help.'
'But......'
Evan thought of the Queen with her red eyes and red hair. Unlike those vivid colors, she had a very gentle demeanor.
In the first place, if His Highness hadn't been there at the knight exam, he might have been rejected on the spot. His mentor didn't seem inclined to pass him.
'Sir Evan, what are you pondering so deeply? You don't think caring for one child would burden Her Majesty, do you?'
'......'
'No need to decide now. Ah, I'll be staying at a nearby inn for a week, so see to the deceased first and think it over slowly.'
The man left those words and a paper with an address scribbled on it.
'Ah, I had no idea Sir Evan had such circumstances. I'm the one who should apologize for not knowing sooner.'
'N-No, no. I lack the face to show.'
'We'll take your sibling to the ducal house and care for them with utmost devotion, so don't worry too much.'
'...Th-Thank... you.'
'No need to worry about medicine costs either. We'll look into that supposedly incurable illness your sibling has.'
'Truly, truly, thank you.'
Evan bowed deeply in gratitude. Crimson eyes curved softly as they looked at him.
Her Majesty truly was a warm sovereign who cared even for those beneath her, he thought.
As he carefully took the offered hand and brought it to his forehead, unlike their first meeting, he felt a slight thrill at having properly shown respect this time.
"Damn it all!"
Bang!Crash!
The crystal glass filled with fine liquor shattered against the table.
He was furious.
At his past self—naive, stupid, foolish, obtuse, and dim-witted.
"...You alright?"
The innkeeper approached cautiously, offering a handkerchief. Despite the commotion and broken glass, such kindness—this owner seemed a bit foolish too.
Or maybe his expression was just that messed up.
Evan apologized, compensated for the broken glass, and left the tavern.
The red sun reminiscent of crimson eyes had vanished, leaving the sky filled with nothing but darkness. No moon, no stars.
Evan meant to pull his collar tight against the chill biting his skin but left it be. Walking was bothersome enough; raising his hand was worse.
The cold wind seemed to stir the alcohol in his veins.
How long had he walked? Doubting if he was even heading back to the palace properly, the corridor came into view.
'When... did I get back?'
And he spotted something small and black. A white tail poked out from under the robe.
"Wildcat... need to catch it."
Kill it... have to kill it. Or else Aril...
At his mutterings, the small thing paused briefly before resuming its steps.
Evan followed. Everything around was so dark that only the protruding white tail stood out starkly.
His mind was hazy. His vision narrowed until only that small thing remained.
'But why is it staggering like that?'
Watching it wobble along, he wondered if it was already half-dead from the hunt.
It'd be better if it just fled.
Run away, far. Somewhere I can't reach.
Evan repeated that inwardly, then realized the staggering one was himself, not it. He looked down at his feet.
Thud.
In that instant, he lost his balance and fell. It didn't hurt. He'd thought it was cold, but it wasn't.
Just... no sensation at all.
Then the small thing stopped and stared right at him. No, he couldn't see its face, but it felt that way. Seeing it like it was waiting for him made emotions surge.
"Why... why are you waiting...?"
"......"
"Just... just go......"
"......"
"Go. Just... leave. Disappear."
"......"
"Please......"
Instead of leaving, the small thing approached and pulled back its hood and mask. Its enigmatic eyes stood out more than the snow-white hair.
Staring into them dulled his mind further.
If I kill you...
"...Will you resent me?"
As he muttered, something loomed before him. Nothing was visible.
"This is but an illusion, so do as you will."
"...Ill-usion...?"
"Yes."
If it's an illusion, killing it won't kill it. It won't die even if killed.
He closed his eyes and opened them; the scene had changed.
Where was this? A bedroom?
"This is a nightmare."
I see. A nightmare. This was all a dream.
This dire situation he was in, the wildcat that might die by his hand.
The small beasts that died by his hand, the prince weeping while hugging a beast's corpse, the escort knights whose mana hearts he nearly shattered... all of it...
It would have been nice if it were just a dream.
"I want... to wake from this dream."
He didn't want to dream like this anymore.
"Fulfill your will."
"...But......"
"Evan."
His name made his heart lurch and sink. But it soon settled.
'This really is a dream.'
The wildcat wouldn't call his name.
"You can do it. Everything will be undone."
...I can do it, huh? Is it okay to try? Try and regret, then undo it?
His hand rose.
By now, the thing's face was blackened like it had been painted over, so no need to cover its eyes.
If those enigmatic eyes had reflected his hideous face, he'd surely have stopped again.
Crunch.
The merciless sound shattered the dream.