The MILF Pitch
"Really? My god. Sister-in-law, you ought to know how blessed you are. Our hyung is a genuinely good man, you know? The only problem was that he never wanted to date."
"......I know. Very well."
Changsu slipping straight into sister-in-law was pure Changsu, shameless as ever. What undid me was Rahi. She flushed at his words, laid a hand over the center of her chest, and murmured, and even I could see she was the very picture of a woman in love. It made me so self-conscious I scratched at my cheek.
"......You slept together. You did."
He muttered it with his eyes half-lidded, looking from one of us to the other, and Rahi's face went red enough to burst. I took her hand without a shred of shame and answered him.
"......Ah."
"Yeah. So get along from here on."
"Don't worry. That aside—what is this strange gym?"
"I'll go change, then."
"Ah, sure. Go wash up."
"......Yes."
Rahi looked at me quietly, smiled, and let go of my hand as if she hated to. Then she headed slowly down the corridor beside the office. I watched her go, pleased with myself, until Changsu turned a worried look on me and asked.
"......What got into you all of a sudden?"
"She's pretty. Cute. And kind, on top of that."
"No, I mean—you turned down every girl who used to chase you, hyung-nim."
What on earth had he been hearing? I stared at him blankly and shook my head.
"......That never happened."
"Unbelievable. Fine, back in school you can blame that bitch, but you shut out the whole club and everyone at the company."
I wanted to shout that I had never done any such thing. If anything, I'd been the one getting rejected. Not once had anyone made the first move on me. I knew the world had changed and that the past had shifted a little with it, but this was too unfair—the same species of grievance as my military service, soaked in blood, sweat, and tears, vanishing like foam.
"......Think about it. It never happened."
"I can't believe this. Please show up to the next club meetup. Everyone's looking for you and I'm dying of exhaustion. Even Professor is about ready to say she's hurt."
"......Let her be hurt. And stop calling that kid Professor. It's confusing."
"Come on. You like her too."
"She's sharp, sure, but her social skills are terrible."
"That part's true. Heh heh. Oh—did you know she already passed her doctoral thesis?"
"Already? I knew she was brilliant, but still."
Come to think of it, there had been a truly beautiful girl in the club back then, the one everyone called Professor. Rigid, inflexible, she'd grated against me more than a little. Life had been too busy to spare her a thought. Old stories could wait.
"Why? If you miss her, want me to get in touch? Say hyung wants to see her and she'll answer right away."
"......Quiet. Anyway, that's not what matters."
"Ah, right. Something's off about this gym, though?"
"Why?"
"The building's brand new, but the equipment is ancient. This Smith machine, too. It's got to be forty years old. You couldn't buy one if you tried. Maybe in America."
I watched him make a fuss over some strange piece of equipment that looked like a pull-up bar, then asked.
"Is it really that amazing?"
"Of course. That bench press, too. The whole place is eighties. Ironheads would lose their minds."
"Isn't the newest model better?"
"That too, but taste comes in all kinds. And when you're lifting iron, how much does the machine even matter? Gear isn't nothing, but the feeling matters. Willpower. Satisfaction. Strength. Power."
"Don't strength and power overlap?"
"Anyway. The retro thing is nice. No squeaks, either, so it's been looked after."
"Want to talk while we run? You quit halfway."
"Sure."
We had been running, but the tail end had been little more than a walk, so I still had energy to spare. I stepped onto a treadmill beside Changsu, and we started talking as we moved at an easy pace. As the story unfolded, the mischief drained out of him. He simply listened.
"......This is serious, isn't it?"
"Yeah. Run nothing but a fitness floor and you're pissing on a frozen foot—warm for a second, then worse off. Those term-discount memberships are far too cheap. All they buy you is a few more months."
"If you want the income to hold steady, what you really have to save is the kickboxing. Run it like a taekwondo school...... I like it. The longer you watch the kids, the more you can charge."
"Right. What do you think of about a hundred and fifteen a month?"
"That's cheap. If they add hours, you charge more. Forty an hour ought to do it, plus a snack fee. Looking at the apartments around here, these people have money—one-ninety, no. Two-thirty would still be fine."
"Isn't that too expensive?"
"Hyung-nim. Even when I was in school, a place that kept kids into the evening was getting one-fifty. And that was years ago."
"Then adults at one-fifteen, kids at one-fifty, extras on top."
"Charge the adults one-fifty too. Someone will absolutely show up later screaming discrimination."
Changsu had actually been through a dojang, so he'd know better than I did. I nodded. You could always discount the fees later. Better to start high.
"Let's do that. You remember the curriculum? I don't."
"I do. It's nothing special. The point is just to wear the kids out. Teach them a little manners."
"......That's kind of ruthless."
"......Hyung. Don't underestimate a child's stamina. Just picture a pack of border collies."
"It's not that bad. Don't exaggerate just because I don't know."
"Well, well. To think there's a man this ignorant of how terrifying children are. I pity you."
"Anyway. Want to do it with me?"
At that, Changsu sank into thought. Fair enough. I was essentially telling him to change careers on the spot, and a résumé like his could walk into a mid-sized IT company without trying. He was a full two years younger than me, too. Which meant, I realized, he was the same age as Bae Jihyun.
If he truly doesn't want to, there's nothing I can do. In the end, is this the only way?
Of course I had a card. A famous variety producer had a line for it: if the money won't move them, appeal to the dream. In this particular case, I would have to appeal to the fantasy.
"You said you like moms, right? Late forties and up, and she's got to have a kid or you don't get hard— I mean. You're not drawn to them."
"You remembered. That's right. Is hyung-nim finally taking an interest in the charms of a MILF?"
"......I guess I'm not quite... at your level yet. Twenties and thirties suit me better."
I barely swallowed the word pervert, but Changsu didn't notice a thing. He stared blankly past the treadmill and started muttering.
"MILFs. I'm telling you, MILFs are the best. That warm, soft embrace is just unreal. Ah, there's no way to explain something this good."
"You don't have to. I've heard your hymns to MILFs until I'm sick of— I mean. I've heard them plenty. And this neighborhood. You saw it too. You can't keep a place here on an ordinary income. Word is, every one of those moms is a professional. Perfect, isn't it? The white coats you love. A lawyer's badge. A women's suit. A document case. Hmm?"
"......Professional... MILFs......"
"What do they wear to work? A skirt to the knee, not a single wrinkle in it. Thirty-denier stockings you can see skin through. Low-heeled designer shoes. Hmm? And who knows. Maybe horn-rimmed glasses on top of that?"
"Work clothes... a work outfit and horn-rims...... gulp......"
"And when they get off and come for their kids, what then? A gray missy look that lays every line of the body bare, don't you think? The kind of grown-woman style young girls can't pull off even when they copy it. Picture it. Picture that gray missy dress going dark with sweat, right in front of your eyes. Hmm? You know what I mean."
I nudged his forearm with my elbow, needling him. This world might have diverged from the last one, so I was taking extra care with the line I was selling. For better or worse, he'd gone blank and wordless. He was nearly mine. A little more pressure. Changsu stared ahead at the treadmill, swallowed hard, and answered.
"Gulp...... So, so you're saying I can meet the clients?"
"Of course. Is dating a crime?"
"No."
"Are we— no. Are you committing some sin?"
"Course not."
"Then what's the problem? Think about it. Really think. This whole wide gym, full of MILFs looking at you. Eyes starving for you. That ripe scent and that sweet breath, all of it turned your way."
"......Gulp."
"In the showers. In the locker room. And over there—you called that a Smith machine, right? Behind it. Hmm?"
I never said the verb. Common sense said it would be impossible once the place filled up, but that was Changsu's problem now.
"......At the, at the gym......"
"Yeah. And...... those moms. How long has it been since they tasted a man? Touch them and they might just split, like a ripe persimmon gone soft. Imagine that sweet flesh winding around your tongue. Around your body."
Of course, anyone with the money to live in a neighborhood like this might simply solve the problem with cash. Still, no woman in that line of work was in Changsu's league. Somewhere in the middle of my own pitch, the feel of Ju Hayeong's hips and breasts came back to me unbidden, and my throat went a little dry. I was going in to work tomorrow anyway. I found I missed her.
"Hy, hyung-nim......"
"And a kid? So what if one happens. The children would love it. 'Whoa, our instructor made us a little sibling.' All smiles, perfectly happy. Don't you think?"
That seemed to be the finishing blow. For a moment I could have sworn the word resolve was carved across Changsu's face.
"When do I start?"
"Right now?"
"Yes, boss."
"Good. There's no pay, though."
"......I don't need any. On the vision and the dream the boss has shown me, I, Lee Changsu, twenty-eight years old, will stake my ambition."
The grim oath of his expression nearly dragged a sigh out of me. I had done this to him, and the guilt prickled. I had no intention, of course, of working him for free forever.
"......All right. Let's do it properly. Once things are running, talk salary with the director. Just help me out a little."
"Yes, boss."
"Talk like you usually do, you punk."
"Okay. Hehe. So hyung-nim does know MILFs. You understand them pretty well, don't you?"
"......Are they that good?"
"Yes. Stick with hyung and the good crumbs always fall. Ah, I'm really looking forward to this, you know?"
"......Fine. I won't stick my nose into every little thing. Just don't create any headaches. You know what I mean?"
"Of course. I'm not a Multimale or anything."
Come to think of it, I hadn't told Changsu. Of course I meant to. It was already out in the open, and there was no reason to hide it from him too.
"Oh. And besides Trainer Rahi, there's someone else I'm seeing."
His legs tangled, and he nearly went down on the treadmill. I caught him in a hurry.
"What?"
"Why are you that shocked? The multiple-partner male registration. I already filed it."
"......For real?"
"Yeah. You want to? I hear it's required if you're seeing more than one. There's support, too."
"Ah, no. At the same time, I just can't...... Switching from one to the next, maybe, but......"
He was staring at me as if I were far stranger than I'd expected. His tastes seemed close to what they'd been before, so I'd wondered whether he might be a Multimale himself. Apparently not.
"You can actually do that? After I go once, I don't even feel like it for days...... It doesn't even stand up."
Before I knew it, my eyes had started toward his lower half, and I hauled them back by force. No need to dirty my vision. I only just managed to swallow the pity that tried to rise at the news that it wouldn't stand.
"......Turns out I can."
"......Incredible. So hyung-nim's been holding that urge in all this time? Unreal. I'm respecting you all over again. Wait—even back in school? You were looking out for the girls around you. And at the company, so you wouldn't stir things up. My god. Hyung, you're seriously amazing. Were you thinking of becoming a monk?"
"......Well. Maybe I just had a talent for that side of things...... I was confident I could hold out."
Of course, the word that belonged in front of holding out was forced. He seemed to have gotten the wrong idea. Under that reverent look I turned my eyes away without quite meaning to. I hadn't lied. It just didn't feel like a misunderstanding I needed to correct.