Outside
"Ah…… I-I knew it……."
"……Knew it?"
"Ah! I-I mean……."
I had been quietly watching Rahi's ears, flushed so red they looked ready to burst, when she swallowed hard and started to speak.
"……It's just, Hyunji said…… she felt really, really good."
"……You two talk about that kind of thing?"
"Yes……. Hyunji said it felt good for her too, and that you…… that you really liked it today, so……."
"……That part's true."
With Hyunji it had only been about one knuckle of a pinky. I closed my hand gently over Rahi's breast, and she flinched, let out a sigh, and whispered.
"……If you want to use my body…… e-even back there…… would be……."
The words set a fire in my chest, and I swallowed before I knew I was doing it. Even so, I couldn't just throw myself at her in a rush of heat. She was young, yes, so once or twice probably wouldn't be the end of the world. The problem was the recovery.
Even at the size I used to be, she'd need a week.
Anal with no preparation at all was awful just to imagine. No condom, and no gel in the house—it would hurt like hell. Lotion or Vaseline would only get us so far.
And besides. I'm still…….
If my head had been clear, I might have figured out some way to make it work. It wasn't. Excitement was one thing; the fact that I was already calculating how to soothe myself instead told me I'd lost. That small hesitation I could feel in myself made it plain I still hadn't fully gotten over that.
……And here I thought I was past it.
Something as small as what I'd done with Hyunji was fine. The moment I pictured actually going in, the old ugly memories came flooding back. I couldn't take Rahi from behind like this. All she'd remember afterward was the pain.
"……Is this for me? Or……."
"Ahn……. Shinwoo……."
"Is it something you want, Rahi?"
"……Nnh, ahn……."
She answered my hand at once as it stroked over her chest. Her body was sensitive to begin with, more so after the climax earlier, and her period would only be making it worse. When I caressed the firm swell of her breast she writhed, starting to savor the touch, and whispered.
"……I want to……."
"Really?"
"……Yes. Hahn……. Hnn?!"
It happened the instant my hand brushed the taut cleft of her backside. Just as I thought. Her voice shook. And her body had gone a little rigid—not from pleasure, but from fear. I said nothing and kept the hand that had been stroking her breast moving.
"Hahn……. You're warm……. Haa……. It feels good……."
"Rahi."
"Y-yes……. Hahn……. Nnh……."
"I'll just take the feeling behind it."
"Ah……."
"Later. When you're pregnant, or when you truly want it there—we'll do it then."
She'd washed, but I was sure she'd only been careful with the outside. That isn't how you actually prepare. It didn't have to be a full internal cleanse, but an enema was nonnegotiable. Still, that one sentence had already filled me with joy. I meant to take proper care of her today.
"……Shinwoo. Nnh……."
"We're not in any hurry, are we? We'll be together from here on out. Right?"
"……Yes……. Hahn……."
"Be honest with me. Are you scared?"
"……Hhh, a-a little……. Ahn……."
Scaring her would have been the easier route, but it would only become an obstacle later. I kept stroking her breast and whispered.
"When you really, truly want it. That's when we'll do it."
"……But still…… what about you……."
"I'm happy enough just knowing you've started to enjoy my hands."
"Ahhnn……."
"And even if you don't say it…… I'll take care of the rest myself."
"Haa……. O-okay……. Nn……."
I watched her swallow and squirm under the hand gliding softly along her groin. There are plenty of ways to enjoy yourself without going in. If it hadn't been her period I might have teased her while we played, but I hadn't forgotten that carelessness now could turn into hurt feelings later, with no telling when. And anal was something you had to stretch toward slowly. There would be its own pleasure in that process, and in watching the fear fade little by little.
……Hyunji too. Maybe I should get things ready ahead of time. And I need to start letting go of this, bit by bit.
It wasn't as if I didn't want it. I wondered what Rahi would feel like back there. But I had my own schedule coming up, and if Rahi—who had only just changed jobs—had her condition wrecked for a week, we'd both be in trouble.
"……I'll do it the way you said……. Haah……."
"Yeah. I want to, too. Thank you for understanding."
"I-I'm the one who should be grateful……. I can feel it…… how you're being careful with me……. Ahn……. All of it……. Haa……."
"It's not much of a trade, but."
"Haah! Nnh……."
"I'll keep touching you until you tell me to stop."
"……Ah……. Sh-Shinwoo! Haaaahn!"
Rahi, held in my arms, curled in on herself all at once and began to tremble. This time my whisper alone seemed to have tipped her into a small, quiet orgasm.
"At this rate you might pass out again."
"……Haa, ahn……. I-I'll hold on……."
"Yeah?"
"Ahn……. Your hands, Shinwoo. I'll feel…… all of them……."
"Then I'd better pay closer attention."
"Ahhnn……."
From then on, under the playing of my hands, Rahi spilled moans without rest and climbed to orgasm again and again, and with every repeated caress her breasts began to soften until they were almost pliant. Somewhere in the middle, neither of us first, we fell asleep.
A squirming in my arms drew my hand, without my meaning it to, into a squeeze around the softness already filling my palm.
"Hahn……."
"……You awake?"
"……Yes."
I felt her shiver, felt the smooth line of her back against me, and only then realized I had been asleep. My hand moved on its own, as if it had become a machine. I noticed, and still I didn't stop kneading, caught on that addictive give.
"Haa……."
"……They've loosened up completely now."
"B-because you keep touching me like that……."
"They don't hurt anymore, though?"
"……Ah. They really don't……."
"Should I stop, then?"
"……Please keep going……. Thank you……."
"Thank me for what."
"……I didn't know you were doing it to loosen them……."
The tissue that had been knotted hard had all come undone, and the feel of Rahi's breast shifting shape this way and that in my grip was nearly back to what it had been. Her voice was a little husky. I held her quietly against me. The scent of her skin in the morning, the softness of her breast—it left me feeling clear and light.
"Did you sleep well, Shinwoo……?"
"……Hearing you put it like that makes me feel like I'm being fed."
"N-no, that's not……. Th-then, did you sleep okay……?"
She corrected herself at once, and I rubbed my cheek against the back of her head. Cute.
"I fell asleep before I knew it."
"Me too……. It felt like sleeping on a cloud."
"It was that good?"
"……It always is."
"If it wasn't enough, want me to do more?"
"I-I'd actually die……."
"Hmm. I seem to recall someone saying she'd hold on, last night."
"Hahn……. Seriously. H-how do you know me this well……?"
"I want to see your face."
Rahi, who had been squirming under my hand, wriggled around and turned toward me. Sleep and pleasure had left her face soft and hazy. I looked into her eyes for a moment, then pressed a light kiss to her forehead. Feeling her gaze on me, I glanced at the clock on the wall. It wasn't even seven yet.
"You have to get to the gym, don't you?"
"……Yes. B-but there's still time……."
"Good. Let's stay like this a little longer."
"……Okay."
Rahi, who had been watching me, smiled quietly and burrowed into my arms. My arm would get a little uncomfortable, but that hardly mattered.
"Are you all right, Shinwoo……?"
The little guy offering his morning greetings was nuzzling between Rahi's thighs.
"Men are like this in the morning. And your body feels good, so it's worse."
"……Do you like my body that much……?"
"No reason I wouldn't. Why?"
For a second I wondered if her period had pulled her mood down, but one look at the shy smile on her face and I understood. She just wanted to hear me say it. I stroked her cheek and, for the Rahi feeling my hand, whispered exactly what she wanted.
"I like your body. Ask me anytime. I'll answer."
"……Thank you. You have no idea…… how happy I've been lately……."
"Me too."
"……Should I…… with my mouth……?"
She flushed as she whispered it, and I stroked her cheek. A morning blowjob wasn't a bad offer, but until her period was over I meant to keep watching. Just because she looked fine didn't mean I could relax. There was no telling when it might catch up with her.
"More importantly."
"Yes?"
"Shouldn't you change that? You're soaked through."
"……Ah!"
Of course, more than half of it was probably the slick she'd spilled climbing to orgasm all night. At my words her eyes went round and she hurriedly reached down beneath herself. Then she bit her lip, dropped her gaze, and rushed to slip out of my arms.
"I-I'll be right back!"
"Shower too. Take your time."
Rahi sat up, gave me a quick once-over, then checked the sheet. A small sigh of relief, a bit of squirming, and she was off the bed, grabbing a pouch on her way to the bathroom.
"Haaam."
I got up as well and yawned. I wasn't actually sleepy. I left the bed for the kitchen, took the mug from the table, gave it a rough rinse, and brewed a cup of coffee. With the sound of her shower running as background music, I poured a share for Rahi too and sat down at the table.
Let's see…….
I took a sip and scrolled through my phone. I'd never been much for smartphones to begin with, and it struck me all over again how little time I'd had for this lately. Once it had been work. Now it was women. So this was what they meant by the feel of a different age.
The response is better than I expected.
Even on the days I hadn't gone in, Ju Hayeong had been diligently posting—cafe photos, a few of the pictures of me she'd shown me, all of it stitched into posts. I still couldn't quite believe the like counts came with a k on them, but it was true, so I had to accept it. The post I'd put up myself was much the same. There were comments asking why I hadn't shown yesterday, and others saying they'd seen me once and wanted to see me again, hearts stuck on the end.
Yeah. This might actually work.
I'd decide after following Rahi to the gym today and seeing it for myself. I put up one more post from the photos I'd been taking here and there, then opened my messages, where the notifications had piled up. I'd forgotten the phone was still on silent from Bae Jihyun's stream, and only now realized dozens of messages from Hyunji had stacked up.
I should send one first today.
She probably wasn't up yet. I started typing, then lifted the phone and opened the camera. I tidied my hair well enough, took a single photo, and sent it to Hyunji. I checked Bae Jihyun's message saying the money had gone through, sent a reply, and then opened the one from Ju Hayeong underneath.
Cute.
A few photos of Toto and a few of coffee were floating in the chat. Toto was cute, but I could also guess why Ju Hayeong had sent pictures like these, so I let out a small laugh and typed a reply. Photos like this were nice, but I was curious about something else.
"Shinwoo."
Rahi came out of the bathroom and carefully approached where I sat on the floor with my phone, settling down beside me. She sat neatly to one side, her face soft and fresh, looking at me with affection plain in her eyes.
"Kiss me."
"All right."
I caught the nape of her neck, drew her in, and kissed her, and the taste of mint toothpaste met me. Rahi smiled shyly and fiddled with my cheek.
"Shinwoo."
"Mm?"
"There's something I've been wanting to do……."
"What is it? Tell me."
She looked at me, face reddening, and hesitated, unable to go on.
"What is it? Now that I think about it, the last time you said you wanted something first was the highball, wasn't it?"
"Ah! Seriously……."
"What? You were cute then."
"……P-please forget that……."
"Don't want to. If you hadn't said it, we probably wouldn't even be like this."
"……A-anyway……."
She flushed and avoided my eyes. I drew her quietly into my arms and whispered.
"So. What do you want to do, my little bear?"
"……Little bear……."
She said it like a protest, but the Rahi who hid her face against me in embarrassment didn't look as if she minded at all.