Confession
"I had no idea you already knew, Mr. Shinwoo. I should have watched my tongue."
"It's all right. I'll forget it right now. Put it out of your mind."
"Thank you. And these days it isn't as if the National Intelligence Service comes calling. They switched to after-the-fact oversight a long time ago."
"Seriously, oppa, is there anything you don't know?"
"……And why do you look so proud about it?"
"Hehe."
Hyunji pulled my arm into a hug and smiled so sweetly that a laugh slipped out of me too. Even so.
"Shouldn't you be starting to take an interest in this yourself?"
"……I forgot all about it the moment I met you, oppa."
"Oh, would you listen to that."
"……You said we'd have lots of sons and daughters……."
"That's right. I'm never sending you, so just trust me."
"Okay."
Between her and Bae Jihyun, I was starting to feel like some kind of military-exemption broker. I shoved the thought aside as hard as I could. Hyunji was smiling that shy little smile, so I slipped my arm free of her hands and drew it around her shoulders, holding her close—though I didn't pull too hard, afraid her slender waist might catch on the center armrest. There was no world in which I sent this sweet girl to a place that brutal. If you could get out of the military legally, you got out. I wasn't taking arguments.
"If you can get out of it, you should. Not the most comfortable thing to say in front of a special forces veteran."
"Not at all. I think the same. If there's a legitimate basis, it's only natural."
"Keep acting up and I'll ship you off myself."
"Ah, oppaaa……."
"Scared?"
"O-of course I am……. How am I supposed to last a year and a half without seeing you……."
"……That was it?"
"Yes……. I really can't live without you anymore……."
"Same here. I don't even want to think about it."
"……I'm glad……. I thought it was just me……."
"As if. I can't even imagine a life without you either."
"……Oppa……."
I stroked the cheek of Hyunji, who was gazing up at me in a daze, then tilted my head at the scenery sliding past the window. This was a road I'd passed before. Were we heading into Seoul?
"Are we going home?"
"Ah, no. I think we're almost there."
"Mm. Five more minutes."
"Where are we going, that it has to be such a secret?"
"You'll see. I-I'm a little nervous……."
I watched her draw a steadying breath, then lifted my gaze before she could catch how fondly I was looking at her. If I'd decided to play dumb, I had to see it through to the end. Still, I was curious too. What kind of place was waiting for us? I felt Han Gyeo-wool's gentle eyes on us, and when I gave her a small nod, she blinked and nodded back.
"……We've arrived."
"Hoo."
"What on earth has you this nervous? Should I be nervous too?"
"Ah, no. Th-then……. Unni, I'm counting on you."
"I'll head inside."
"Okay."
My eyes caught on the scene reflected in the windshield. In the middle of a forest thick with trees, a square gate faced in modern marble had been raised, like the main entrance of a newly built apartment complex. Something had been written across it, but we'd passed too quickly for me to read it. As we drew up to what looked like a guard post, Han Gyeo-wool rolled the window down.
"You received word from the secretary's office, I trust?"
"Ah, yes. Please come right in."
"Don't follow us. I'll show them in myself."
"Yes. If you need anything, contact us at once."
"Understood."
The two women who had been speaking with Han Gyeo-wool from inside the guard post hurriedly lifted the barrier. Once we had slipped through, she brought the car to a quiet stop.
"I'll wait here."
"Okay. Oppa, let's take a little walk."
"Sure."
Hyunji drew one more breath, opened the door, and stepped out. I was about to do the same when my eyes met Han Gyeo-wool's.
"……I'll stay here."
"All right. I'll hear her out and be back."
"Please don't be too surprised. I'd be grateful if you thought only of Hyunji's feelings."
"I heard the gist of it from Hyesun, so playing dumb is getting difficult."
I tossed the line off lightly, then climbed out of the car. A breeze swept toward Hyunji where she stood in the middle of the road. Her dress fluttered, and she tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear, and for a moment I simply stood there, struck dumb.
"Oppa?"
"Mm. You were just too pretty for a second."
"……Thank you. You praise me like that so often I'm starting to believe you mean it."
"I do."
I went to her and quietly took her hand. She held mine just as quietly and smiled.
"Then let's take a light walk this way."
"Okay."
I breathed in a forest scent I hadn't smelled in a long time, took in the green that had grown lush before I'd noticed, and fell into step beside her.
"Where is this?"
"Mount Cheonggye. I only found out about it recently myself, but I think it's nice. What about you?"
"Yeah. The weather's good too. I'm glad we came out."
"I'm glad."
"And you're here."
We hadn't walked hand in hand for long before the road ran out and the forest with it. It had been dim among the trees, and the sunlight beyond made whatever lay ahead hard to see. Just as I started to squint, Hyunji stopped.
"……Oppa."
"Mm."
"There's something I want to tell you."
"I'm listening."
Tension, a small thrill, and a warm smile rose together on the face looking up at me. I watched them quietly, and she went on.
"……Ever since I met you, oppa, every single day has been happy. So happy it makes me realize how dry and brittle my life was before—so much that I can hardly believe I ever lived that way."
"Same for me. I keep wondering why we only met now."
"……I know. You always look at me like I'm precious, and you touch me so warmly……. Even a child……."
Her face clouded for a moment. I said nothing, only watched, and soon she smiled softly and answered.
"……I'm truly sorry about that. But I understand your heart now……. I won't let anything like it happen again."
"Mm. I believe you. And I hope you'll believe me too."
"I do. Very much."
She swallowed and searched for her next words. I waited.
"So I thought about what I could do for you. And……. Oppa, do you know what a support corporation is?"
I did, but pretending otherwise seemed like the polite thing here, so I quietly shook my head. Hyunji smiled at me and went on.
"……It's a corporation that supports a Multimale. You can think of it as a kind of support structure."
Everything that followed was something I already knew. I listened in silence while Hyunji laid it out, soft and factual, and when she finished I answered.
"I think I can guess what you're trying to say."
"……I want to set up a support corporation for you, oppa."
I studied her thoroughly nervous face, then asked.
"And if I refuse?"
"……I'd rather you didn't. But it isn't only my selfishness."
"Hm. Then?"
"I don't know how many more women you'll meet from here on. I believe you'll treat every one of them just the same, but I don't know those women. And when a lot of people gather, money becomes necessary."
"Yeah. I've been feeling that myself lately."
"……I don't want you holding back or making yourself small. And I want the people beside you to respect you while they're there."
"And that's what a support corporation is. Is that it?"
"Yes. And after yesterday……. After what happened."
A desolate look crossed her face, and my chest tightened. It couldn't be helped. She probably wouldn't forget that sense of loss for a long time.
"……I never want you to feel like that again. Not ever. If anything, I thought I'd chosen well. I'm confident I can make sure nothing like this happens from now on. And not just me……. I don't want the others to have to feel this awful either……."
I understood what she meant. I hadn't thought that far myself, and I already knew how little I understood about pregnancy. Bleak as it sounded, all of it came down to cost. For a moment the words stuck, and a low sound escaped me.
"Mm."
"I don't know what you'll choose to do from here, but I want to help with whatever you want, and I want to keep walking beside you. Can't I……?"
She looked at me as if pleading, and the whisper left the corners of her eyes a little wet. I held that gaze, then whispered back.
"What about you?"
"Yes?"
"What do you want?"
"……."
"You said you wanted to study abroad."
"……I'm not going."
"Why?"
"Without you, even a week—no. Even a single day……. It's getting harder and harder to bear."
"……Really? If you'd give up a dream because of me, doesn't that mean I'm getting in the way of your life?"
"No. It isn't giving up. Absolutely not."
She caught my hand in a rush, her grip tight with strength. She looked as if my words had frightened her, but my eyes stayed on the pleading in hers.
"It was a dream, but I have a different one now. Eating beside you, sleeping beside you……. Having a child. That's my dream now……. And this is for that dream."
"……You mean it?"
"Yes. Anyway……. I never had that much talent. I already had a feeling I'd end up helping with Mom's business someday. So it isn't your fault at all……. And."
She swallowed once. The eyes fixed on me held a resolve that felt almost like a vow.
It was nearly a proposal. I looked into her eyes without a word and felt the bond I had been trying not to feel come pouring in with her heart, collapsing the last wall inside me all at once.
So that was it. I'd only ever said she was my woman. She hadn't been. Not really.
Or maybe I was only now coming to trust her completely. As expected, I was all talk and nothing much besides. I could feel it plainly: the timid, wary little vessel I was—no bigger than a soy-sauce dish—hadn't changed at all. Something that had been tickling in my chest spread all at once. I looked at Hyunji in silence and only now understood that this girl, slender and seemingly fragile, had truly become my other half. She kept the silence with me, then slowly reached out and stroked my cheek with the greatest care.
"I just want the oppa who treasures me like this, who loves me, to be happier."
"……All right."
I nodded as I answered, and the brilliant smile that came back stole my breath. It was a pure, innocent smile, so straight in its feeling that guilt rose in me—the sense that I had no right to receive eyes like these. I was nothing. A vulgar man who only chased women. Did I deserve a look like that?
"You mean it?"
"Yeah. But make me one promise."
"What kind……?"
"Whenever it is. If you want to dance ballet again, don't hold it in. Tell me right away. Got it?"
"……Yes. Oppa."
"I want you to be happy too. I mean it."
As if those words themselves made her happy, she smiled and came into my arms. I held her quietly, and she whispered.
"That won't happen. Right now I'm too happy because of you."
The spring wind passing over us seemed to envy us, and the leaves it brushed sounded like whistling. Hyunji's warmth reached all through my body, and her heartbeat trembled against me as if it might burst. On that wave of feeling, I almost fell into the illusion that I was becoming one with her, little by little.
"……So there's something I prepared."
"What is it?"
Our eyes met as she looked up at me with that shy smile. Then, as if reluctant, she slipped from my arms and led me by the hand.
"Will you come this way?"
"Mm."
I matched her slow steps. The moment we left the path dense with trees, the world opened into brightness, and a sound of wonder escaped me before I could stop it.
"Oh. It's beautiful."
"Right?"
What appeared between the forest paths was a small village. Luxury villas—no. Closer to townhouses, or a pension resort. Two-story houses clustered cozily along the mountain road and up the rising slope, and the spaces between them came with gardens of their own, pretty enough to belong in a foreign drama. The balance between the man-made and the natural fit better than I had expected, and it rested the eyes.