The Method
Is this really all right?
"What do you want to name Hyunji's little brother or sister?"
"......Pardon?"
"Oh. Afraid I might be past it? Don't worry. I'm still going strong. This body can get pregnant whenever it likes."
She'd gotten the jump on me. Experience really was impossible to beat—she'd seen straight through what I intended. Watching her carry on as if nothing were unusual, refusing to admit I held the lead and bringing up children instead, I could tell this wasn't going to be easy. Then again, given how long she'd endured that strange man, of course she would notice, and there was no chance she'd quietly hand me the reins. Well, this wasn't bad either. Feeling like equals, in ordinary moments, had its own charm.
"How about a name with Hyun in it? Hyuna? What do you think of Hyuna?"
"It might be a boy."
"Then shall we go with Hyunsung? Lee Hyunsung, Lee Hyuna. I think those sound nice."
"Aren't you getting a little ahead of yourself?"
"You're the one who said we should see where this goes. I've held back as long as I can. Twenty years is enough, isn't it? I'm not the sort who lets a chance slip by."
Lee Hyesun closed her hand tight around mine, and the heat in her eyes left me speechless for a moment.
"I never thought I'd come to set my heart on the same man as my own daughter. But I don't want to hold back anymore."
"......Don't worry. I expect you'll be more than satisfied."
I was confident, of course. Even now, if I put my mind to it, I was sure I could draw Hyesun down into orgasm. The heat haze was there, too. But if I did that, I'd be no different from a beast. I meant to understand the situation first, then comfort the wounds she'd carried and hold her. That was also how I would shake off the guilt I felt toward Hyunji. She swallowed, as if my gaze had stolen the words from her, and I met the heat in her eyes and quietly savored it until, carefully, she parted her lips.
"......And, listen. You don't have to worry."
"About what?"
"......I still have it."
"Have what?"
"My hymen. It isn't a reconstruction. It's real. It's mine."
"......Ah."
Right—so that was actually possible? I'd just been told something I'd never heard of in my life, and my thoughts hadn't managed to follow it through. So it really could be. Not that any of it changed Hyesun's worth in the slightest. From the look in her eyes, she had worried over it a great deal.
"I'm not worried. That sort of thing doesn't matter."
"......Men pick that apart so much."
"What matters is how much you want me."
I stroked her hand and whispered it again.
"I told you. It's the heart that counts. The look in your eyes when you want me is more than enough."
"......Really. Every word you say lands right in my heart. What am I going to do with you?"
"What else? We should actually watch the performance now."
"......Right. We ought to watch our daughter. Mm."
That our caught me off guard—was I included in it?—and for a moment I had nothing to say. Then the music swelled into something lavish, and ballerinas in pure white costumes filed onto the stage in formation. They entered from the very back, though, nearly impossible to make out, and it took me a long while to find her.
"There she is."
"......She is. Our Hyunji is so beautiful."
"She really is. She was gorgeous in the waiting room earlier, too."
"If I'd come just a little earlier, I could have seen her myself."
"I took plenty of photos. I'll send them to you."
"Really? I'd love that."
We exchanged numbers, and as I sent the photos the talk ran on—this one's pretty, oh, that one too—then into the costumes, until it slipped naturally into bouquets. It felt like a conversation between a couple with a child, and before I knew it my head was swimming. Nothing had been resolved yet. There was no help for it. I would have to ask outright.
"Do you think Hyunji will accept this?"
"......? You've been fretting over Hyunji this whole time, right in the middle of our conversation. Why?"
"Isn't it obvious? I met Hyunji first, and you're her mother."
"And why should that matter? Are you saying I'm not a woman, too?"
I could feel the thread of the conversation missing between us. Surely this couldn't really be all right.
"......So you're saying there's no problem at all if I'm with you?"
"Of course not. I do feel a little sorry toward our daughter. But what can I do? It's Hyunji's fault for having a capable, beautiful mother."
She had a touch of self-regard, but looking so much like Hyunji, it only came off as cute. I'd already felt how beautiful this world was, and I'd known it was a paradise—but now I thought I might actually fall in love. There was only one last thing to confirm.
"Then let me ask again."
I looked quietly at Hyesun's face and slowly opened my mouth.
"Hyunji comes first. You come after."
"......Ah. So it was about rank. Hmm. But, listen."
"Yes."
"No matter that they met you before I did, I can't see those girls playing the senior in front of me."
She had a point. Across the whole of my life, short as it was, hers was the strongest personality I had ever met. The women of this world were forever busy blushing and growing shy at every word I spoke. Hyesun, after we'd touched, was no different—but in conversation that carried no sexual charge, I felt myself being pushed back hard. She was older than I was, and she was Hyunji's mother. Now that we were becoming a man and a woman, that would change. Still, the first button had been fastened that way, so I would have to take care in fastening it again. And I knew perfectly well that fastening it again would take nothing more. It was hardly a problem.
"......I understand what you mean. Still, there's one thing I think I need to say."
"I know what you're going to say. Don't crush the girls with money and make them miserable?"
"That's putting it a bit strongly, but it's close. I really hate that."
"I have no intention of doing it. But it won't go the way you think."
Hyesun smiled softly. She stroked my hand, taking in my face, and then slowly parted her lips.
"I know your intentions are admirable. Lovable, even. But you have a tendency to take women's pride far too lightly."
"Not all of them, perhaps, but I think I understand. It's just......"
"Meeting you, and learning what a woman's happiness is—that's a wonderful thing. You know that yourself. But you also need to know there are eyes that envy them. And once people realize they're enjoying that happiness without even doing what everyone else does, how do you think the people around them will see it?"
It wasn't that I failed to grasp what she meant. This was a world whose relationships between women I didn't understand, and when no fitting reply came to me, I kept my mouth shut. The conversation we were having was something Hyesun might well have found strange—and yet she only smiled softly, as if satisfied with me. I still felt no need to change my mind.
"That's why it won't go the way you imagine. And when it comes to money, I know better than you do."
I gazed at her as she went on, slowly stroking my hand, and she continued.
"If I merely had a decent amount, rank might settle by money, the way you think. But when one person has an overwhelming amount, that never happens. You'll probably have to worry in a different direction."
"......What do you mean?"
"Once ordinary girls get a taste of the Support Corporation's money, do you really think they can keep from losing their everyday lives?"
I thought I understood. Was she talking about purpose, will, dreams—that sort of thing? But I was confident there. Money was simple enough: I only had to use as little of it as I could. A purpose in life? I could give them one. I'd already done it twice, with the cafe and the gym, and my confidence was beginning to settle. If they had no dream, I would help them find one, and if there was something they wanted to do, I would help them do it—even if I had to use what masculinity meant in this world.
"......That could happen. But all I have to do is keep it in check."
"And if they say they want to join the corporation together?"
"I'd stop them. I think it's better if each of them manages her own assets separately."
"If it actually went the way you say, that would be fine. But what you're saying only stirs up more anxiety. You look like someone who could brush it all off and leave at any moment."
I thought I knew what she meant. But that was something I could answer by giving them more to trust. Especially if I became more forward about pregnancy. I'd held back because some resistance still remained in me. I was trying to change my own mind about that, too.
"......Then I ought to give them more reason to believe in me."
"And the more you do, the less they'll want to leave your side. The deeper they fall for you, the more they'll want to take part. Setting the size of the sum aside, investing together is the will to stay beside you as equals with the other women, no matter what."
A dead end, then? But that was a conversation we could have when we got there. I had no intention of stubbornly insisting Hyesun was absolutely wrong.
"It seems like something we can think about when the time comes."
"That's true. But I'm saying this because I'm worried about you."
She stroked my hand and whispered, her face full of worry.
"......I'm afraid you'll wear yourself out."
"......Thank you. I understand what you mean. But this isn't emotional labor for me, so I'm fine."
"If that's true, I'm very glad...... I wish you were more selfish."
"Don't worry. I'm selfish enough already."
As I went on stroking her hand, a faint blush rose in Hyesun's face. I smiled at her again and whispered.
"I'm grateful you're worried. But you don't need to worry so much about the other women."
"Hm?"
I didn't believe Rahi and the others would have their daily lives fall apart the way Hyesun said. If anything, I had seen them grow livelier, more determined, since meeting me. Ju Hayeong's smile today, especially, had only confirmed it. I believed in them.
"I trust my women. And lately, that sort of thing is all I've been doing."
"Mm. The cafe, the gym. I've been hearing all about it."
"......Reports from Gyeowool?"
"No? I've never told Gyeowool to file reports. I won't in the future, either. Our Gyeowool is no ordinary girl—and not because she's like a daughter to me. If she says something is so, you can take it as so."
"Then how do you know?"
"I created that Band group. That's how."
"......What?"
"......I'm the chair. I sent a staff member to the meetup, of course."
For a moment I was so dumbfounded I let out an empty laugh and looked at her, but Hyesun only preened and went on.
"I don't know how you sniffed it out so precisely and joined my Band. Were we fated, after all?"
"......Then the watch, too?"
"That wasn't my idea. The girls were so moved when they heard you said you wouldn't take the money. Seeing that, I was sure it was you. And suggesting we show our thanks with a gift wasn't my idea either—they decided it among themselves. Their hearts were so sweet that I sent a little more along. They're all such cute girls. I said it ought to be a Rolex at the very least, but they were right that it would be too much. Well. If you feel shortchanged, shall I get you another? Do you like watches?"
"No. That was the first watch I'd ever worn."
I'd meant I didn't need that sort of thing, but Hyesun looked at me with pity, her fingers squirming in my palm. No—I hadn't been poor. I'd been ordinary. Accessories just felt like a nuisance.
"......Don't worry about anything from now on. Noona has it all."
Looking at me as if I were adorable, Hyesun tickled my chin with her fingers. I hadn't expected to hear those words said to me in person, but... well. It didn't feel bad. I could understand well enough why she wanted the upper hand. Maybe I would let her enjoy this much.
"Hm? Why so still? You feel what I'm doing, don't you."
"You seem to be enjoying yourself. I like seeing you like what you like. Only for a little while, of course."
"What do you mean?"
A short laugh escaped me, and I quietly met her eyes. A small flame was kindling there. I whispered.
"......And what would that be? I'm looking forward to it."
A smile rose on Hyesun's face in the same moment as mine. How to put it—declaring a contest for the upper hand this openly was strange in itself, but it had been a long time since I'd had a challenger, and I was enjoying it too. And I wasn't joking. I really was confident. In bed, at least. I could yield her the days, even if not the nights. She didn't seem to have caught on in the slightest. We'd talked enough. The line of ballerinas where Hyunji stood was wrapping the stage, drawing slowly forward.