Maintenance
"Don't even think about going anywhere else. Hayeong — you're mine."
"......I won't. I'll never go...... I'm yours forever, Shinwoo......"
When Ju Hayeong lifted her face, it was a mess of tears, but the rapture in her eyes made it perfectly plain what she wanted. I stroked her cheek, then slowly tilted my head, and she met my lips as if she had been waiting for them.
"Haah......"
"......Not aching for it anymore?"
"......I ache even more...... Even while I'm touching you I want to keep touching you, and even after we kiss I want to go on...... And......"
Her lips parted as if she meant to whisper something more, then she bit them shut. I knew what she was holding back. Her body was squirming like she couldn't bear not having me right then. But she seemed to think that saying it aloud, in a mood like this, would only make me dislike her.
"I want to, too."
"......Ah......"
"But we ought to know how to savor this kind of longing, too. We're adults, aren't we?"
"......I know. It's just, right now I'm...... too happy. I don't know what I'm supposed to do......"
"Just stay like this. You looking at me and being happy — it's too cute."
"......Honey......"
She came into my arms, and the bouquet crumpled a little between us. Hayeong startled and pulled back out of the embrace.
"Hey. You almost hurt my feelings."
"I-I'm sorry. What do I do, it's creased......"
"I wasn't talking about the bouquet."
I watched her fuss over the flowers, on the verge of tears all over again, and scratched my cheek. Make her cry any more and her nose would stuff up. When I quietly took the hand that was tidying the bouquet, she finally looked at me.
"You should be looking at me. Not at those flowers."
"......Sorry...... It's creased......"
"It's all right. Those flowers already did their whole job earlier, looking the way you love."
"No. It isn't like that......"
She gathered the bouquet tight against her with one arm and murmured.
"They're the first flowers you ever gave me......"
"I'll do it again next time. I like that you like them — I do. But you're making me feel as if I shouldn't have given them."
"......Yeah......"
She sank into my arms. I rested my chin lightly on the crown of her head and stroked her back, and only then did I feel the eyes on us from all around. My gaze met a woman who had been staring blankly; she flinched and covered her face. If anyone ought to be hiding, it was me.
"......Shall we head back, then?"
"......Yeah......"
I took the hand she was gripping so tightly, and we walked on slowly. The stares of the people around us were familiar by now. I wasn't embarrassed, and I wasn't ashamed. I had to put in at least this much effort. Set beside the world I used to know, it was a gift so plain it barely counted as the basics.
"......"
"You like it that much?"
She nodded without a word, her eyes fixed on the bouquet. I liked seeing her happy as a child. She liked it so much that I felt good myself, and yet.
"Still, I'd rather you looked at me."
"S-sorry...... I still can't believe it, that's why......"
"Do you like those flowers more than me?"
"No. Really, no...... Huh?"
She caught my hand in a rush, and only then lifted her head to look at me. I smiled gently and drew her in deep against me.
"Ah......"
"I mean it. I'll do it again next time. Don't forget we're still on our date."
"O-okay...... I'm sorry...... I'm just so...... right now......"
"I understand."
"Always...... I only ever make mistakes with you......"
"What mistakes. Is this about earlier?"
"......Yeah......"
"I keep telling you it's fine. Even after I held you like that, you still don't believe me?"
"......No......"
The end of the date had turned a little strange, but so what. Nothing ever went exactly the way I expected. And since she liked it this much, it wasn't a failure. I wasn't sure. Watching her look that sorry, I scratched my cheek, wondering whether I ought to find Hayeong some way to repay me, the way I had with Rahi.
"......Honey."
"Feeling a little better now?"
"......Yeah. Um......"
"Yes."
"......Isn't there something you want......?"
"I'm doing it right now. The date."
She looked ready to cry again. I quietly wiped her tears, and she shook her head and asked once more.
"It sounds so lovely, but I...... I want to do something for you, too......"
"Hmm. I don't know. I'm plenty satisfied as it is."
"......Isn't there anything you need?"
"......I think I already said enough while we were talking about that watch."
"Even so...... Let me do something for you. Anything...... Okay......?"
I looked at her for a moment, then glanced down at the watch. It rattled a little, but not enough to be uncomfortable, which was why I had worn it out. About ten minutes were left, and nothing I could do with that much time came to mind. Better, then, to give Hayeong a Monday worth waiting for.
"Galbi-jjim."
"......Huh?"
"Make me galbi-jjim next time, then. Braised short ribs."
"......That's all?"
"How is that 'all'? I've got no talent at all for Korean cooking. And I want to eat a meal you made."
"Okay...... I'll pack you a lunch. From now on I'll keep packing them......"
"That would be perfect. I was getting sick of delivery. Now I've got Monday to look forward to."
"......sniff."
"Why are you crying?"
"......Because I'm so grateful...... I'm so grateful I met you......"
"And who are you thanking that hard?"
"I don't know......"
A small laugh escaped me, and I stroked her hair. The cafe was already right in front of us, but I knew perfectly well what her slowing steps meant.
"You can hold out, can't you?"
"......Yeah. Today, I'm so happy."
"I'll come by on the weekend if I have the time, but I've got a fair number of things lined up."
"It's okay. You're the one going out of your way to worry about me, too...... Isn't it hard......?"
"I'm doing this because I want to."
We reached the cafe. I stopped, gazed at her, and went on.
"Not in the least. I was really happy, too, seeing how much you seemed to like it."
"......Honey......"
"Our beginning was an unusual one, but I don't think of you as a toy."
"I know. Your hands, your eyes — all of it is gentle, thoughtful...... I know very well that you see me as someone precious......"
"So if it gets too hard, tell me. Don't just endure it. I'll try, too......"
She shook her head from side to side, swallowed, and looked up at me.
"It isn't hard. If I can just go on like this...... If I can just look at you, that's enough."
"......Hang in there through the weekend. All right?"
"Yeah. You too...... You have to make sure you eat. You'll really ruin your health......"
"A minute ago you were saying you wanted to."
"......Th-that was then......"
"I know. I want to right now, too. I want to pin you down."
"......Ah......"
She looked genuinely moved by pin you down. I scratched my cheek and quietly pressed a kiss to her lips.
"I'll get going, then."
"......Yeah."
"Go on inside."
But she shook her head, wiped the tears gathering again with one finger, and spoke.
"I want to watch you leave."
"......All right. I'll go first, then."
"Yeah. Be careful."
I turned, and still I could feel her gaze on my back. She hadn't even opened the cafe door. She only stood there watching me, and it tugged at me. Next week I ought to hold her in a bed, not at the cafe. Today's Hayeong had been far too lovely. And besides.
Galbi-jjim. That's going to be good.
How long had it been since I'd had braised short ribs? My mouth watered before I could help it. The delivery kind never quite tasted right.
The moment I got home I set to work. I gathered the sheets dried in the washer, Rahi's underwear, my own, and set them on the drying rack for the time being. In the bedroom I pressed a hand to the mattress, but it still had a long way to go. Drying all the way through to the inside was no easy thing. Even so, the weather was dry, and judging by how much it had already dried, I figured I only had to leave it alone until tomorrow.
Let's see.
First I needed to change. It was only a little past four, early enough, but I had to stop by the car dealership before they closed. The loose band rattling faintly on my wrist bothered me. I ought to have it adjusted on the way. Only then did I remember I had left the box at the cafe. Well, I could pick it up later. Cashing out the installment savings didn't feel especially wasteful, but it was true that putting down a lump sum all at once made me hesitate.
If they say signing the contract is enough, I'll just sign and come back.
I finished changing. It was an important errand, so I took out a new pair of slacks and a shirt. The size was a little small, but true to favorite trousers that boasted of being one-size, they didn't nag at me. Under a coat they might even look all right. Somehow my style had drifted from a slouchy, oversized fit toward something more fitted, and the change felt strange.
So......
It had been a while, and I thought I might tidy my hair, so I picked up my phone to book the salon I used to go to — and stopped. I looked in the mirror again.
......When did I last cut my hair?
Long before this world changed. Right. It had to be well over a month. I looked in the mirror again, but the hairstyle hadn't changed at all. I knew the line of my beard had gotten cleaner, and the beard itself did grow a little. But the hair — why.
......You're not the kind that gets cut and then just stops growing, are you?
For an instant the fear every man would understand washed over me, and then I shook my head and threw it off. It wouldn't be. Not even now. All at once a haircut felt like something to be careful about. I had been about to make the appointment, and instead I just closed the phone. A trim, nothing more. If it looked like it would take a long time, I would go somewhere else. I wasn't getting a perm or a dye anyway. Stop by the salon, look at a few cars, and be out around six. Then I could find the flowers and head straight to Ewha.
I'd better keep moving.
I clicked my tongue once and left the house at once. Come to think of it, it had been a long time since I had been to that salon. The designer there had always been meticulous with me. I was the sort who found a trip to the salon a bit of a chore.
They're really liking it.
On my way out I opened Band to check the post I had put up. There were plenty of comments — that the watch suited me, that they were grateful I had worn it, that they were so thankful I had posted a photo to prove I had it on. Honestly, this Band stirred my curiosity more than Instagram did. Instagram had a quality that never quite reached me, but the people here were kind in every comment.
Instagram's more or less the same, though.
Today's Instagram could wait until after the salon. Then a jewelry shop along the street right beside me caught my eye. I would get the band adjusted there before I went on.
"Welcome."
The moment I stepped inside, something bright and lovely caught my eye. The pleasant middle-aged woman who owned the place offered me a greeting; I returned it and drew closer.
"Hello. Could I ask you to adjust a watch band?"
"Of course. Hand it here."
"Yes."
I took the watch off and gave it to her. She drew my wrist over, checked the band, and spoke with a smile.
"Received it as a gift, I take it."
"Yes. You can tell?"
"Well, I've been at this a long time. People who love jewelry have a certain feel about them. You're not one for anything too flashy, are you?"
"No. I don't really go in for anything that fussy...... Sorry to say that to you."
"Sorry for what. You strike me as a rare sort of man, these days."
"Is that one very expensive?"
"About eight million won, as I recall."
Crazy.
I nearly swore right in front of her. It was a famous brand, so I had vaguely figured it for somewhere around two-point-three million, and instead the weight of it filled my chest. Next time I would have to refuse.
"It's expensive enough to make me nervous."
"Don't trouble yourself over that. If it's a gift, wearing it well is a joy for the watch, and for the person who gave it to you."
"I hope so."
"It suits you. Whoever chose it has good taste. Wait just a moment."
"Yes."
She brought out a rubber mallet and an assortment of tools and began taking the band down, link by link. I watched her work, then found myself glancing around the shop.